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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.      Home login  
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 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 76
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Have not looked at very many men's profiles
but,
of the few women's who bother to type more than a sentence or two,
I've noticed a lot of CAPS LOCK..................I DON'T WANT THIS & I DON'T WANT THAT, ETC. ETC. types
and,
DON'T CONTACT ME IF........................................ types.

Seems logical to me that older people, just by virtue of having been on the planet longer, have likely experienced more (or certainly very likely had the opportunity to experience more) disappointment, resentment, bitterness, etc., so, it would NOT surprise me if more 50 year-old women were perceived as being negative, than 24 year-old women.

I don't mind a little negativity, sarcasm, "realism" in a woman. I actually prefer it, (ESPECIALLY if she can spin it with humor). I find the "Susie Sunshine" types to (often) be fake, and usually annoying. Similarly, I am annoyed by men & women who goofily go through life like grinning idiots. If you're annoyed that the waiter brought you the wrong food or that the mechanic didn't fix your car properly, I like a woman who expresses her dissatisfaction (without being an @$$hole about it), as opposed to the, "Oh, no big deal." types. I do not want to be around women who carrying red peppers of rage inside of them, but I also don't want to be around the grinning idiot/$usie $unshine types either.

I do not consider that as, "being negative". I consider it, "being real."
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 77
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/12/2014 1:31:48 PM

Happily there ARE some notable exceptions but it has just struck me - it's almost self-sabotage.


"Almost"?
It IS self-sabotage in many cases.

My favorite line of dialogue from "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" episode of The Twilight Zone, where one alien spaceman says to another, regarding Earthlings/humans:

"They seek out their most dangerous enemy, and it's themselves."

There are some legitimate complaints, and then there is complaining just for the sake of complaining.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 78
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/12/2014 5:07:01 PM
Since I'm not totally certain about how many men were pushed into being single, and in their 50's, this is just speculation. We sure wern't expecting to be back into the dating pool. How we managed to find dates in our 20's doesn't work now. Add into the mix that we have to message women by the dozen in order to find a reply or two. (if we're lucky) Many of us get thrown under the bus, and we have no clue as to why. Sometimes, we vent at the few that would accept us. It's a major mistake, and we shouldn't have done it. It slipped out, call it a senior moment. It's also, a "We want out!" statement, and we're trying to convince you that we're not going to continue shopping for dates, if you think we are worthy of your attencion. It wasn't the best way to do it. But some of us dumb guys just don't know how to get that point acrossed.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 79
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/13/2014 10:36:36 AM
Hey now! I am a giant bubble of positivity.............................. POP .......... dammit.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 80
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/13/2014 11:22:07 AM

How we managed to find dates in our 20's doesn't work now.

YES! Someone who gets it.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 81
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/13/2014 6:50:36 PM
Some define negativity as anyone who does not buy into the same lies and BS that they do,a general negative attitude is not attractive but take the time to find out what the individual is negative about instead of just expecting people regardless of their experiences to not learn anything from those experiences.....the definition of that is stupid.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 82
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/13/2014 8:50:21 PM
After three years of guessing, I'd like to think I got something.
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 83
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/14/2014 5:22:09 PM
what the hell are you asking them for? What the heck do those men know?
They're a bunch of idiots!!!!!

(Do you mean negative like that?)

Or
Do you mean...
I don't want any cheating, lying, gambling drunks so if you're one of those, don't bother sending
your chicken scratched message!

When maybe it should be-
I'm curious as to the answers the men will thoughtfully write.

Or maybe -
I really would like an honest, hard working, and smart gentleman. If you're one of those, please send a note!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 84
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/16/2014 5:31:15 PM

A few of us have figured out that lying only complicates the difficulty of dating. Attempting to convey that to any woman, is even more difficult to do. Most women, from my experences, assume that men are lying to them from the start, to some extent. Knowing that gives some of us the "why bother?" attitude. We put our effort into something that would get us somewhere, and write off women as a bad deal, and learn to cope with the single life.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 85
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/16/2014 5:58:20 PM
I know I am very negative about dating, very pessimistic, which is why I stopped. In my 40's I've found dating to be a miserable experience..depressing, dissapointing, confusing and exhausting. Because of this I realize I am in no condition to invite anyone into my life anymore, so I gave up and stop trying.

No one should be subject to my lack of trust and cynicism.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 86
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/16/2014 9:40:52 PM

No one should be subject to my lack of trust and cynicism.


Not even those who agree with it?
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 87
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/16/2014 11:00:46 PM
Ha! OK, I'll cut those guys some slack. :D
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 88
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 7/17/2014 8:40:24 PM
I learned a lot of things on my way to 500....

Whoever that dude is that's writing a Dating 101 book for guys? The title?

BREAKING MOM

No sexual hidden meaning there either.
 Sahasrara
Joined: 10/7/2011
Msg: 89
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/9/2014 9:15:05 AM
I make it a point to only date women as negative, jaded, cynical, bitter and pessimistic as myself. The algebraic logic is, 2 negatives make a positive. Our mutual negativity cancels each other's out. How's that working out for me, you ask? Not so great to be honest, but at least I can blame my failed relationships on her negativity, not mine. :)
 abroncs
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 90
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/9/2014 4:07:49 PM
t
"that negativity affects a women to enjoy free sex". Please explain because I think that is a bit of a ridiculous statement.


This is easy. Negativity makes a woman enjoy free sex. If the sex was not free, the woman would be pissed off and not enjoy it.

There is another way to look at it. Women enjoy free sex that's a given. But to be affected, at the same time, needs the woman to be first positive, then get affected to be negative. This is so clear to me.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 91
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/20/2014 2:37:54 PM
You will attract exactly what your state of mind is. If you think negatively, negative things will follow you and perpetuate themselves upon you. If you think positively, positive things will start to happen to you.

Call it Karma, coincidence, b u ll sh it. But that is always the case. Also, negative thinking causes stress and all those negative emotions that destroy your body, lower your immune system and promulgate free radicals.

So let's say you don't have d ick, to think positive about, that everything is indeed s hi t.
Well, start with compassion. Start by giving thanks for all the good things around you. If you don't know what to be thankful for, be thankful that you can read this piece of sh it that I am putting to paper. Be thankful that you have a computer. Be thankful of at least ten other things that many other people do not have. Start there.

Second, smile and give something of you to others. It may be time. It may be advice. It doesn't matter, give.

Third, smile. Smile and accept that even if you are a piece of tu rd. You are your best piece of t urd. And that there's someone out there in this whole fvcking world that appreciates you, just the way you are. Smile about that.

Then start dreaming of the little things that you can change, that you can have that are positive. It may be your attitude about something. Look at what is good about that something, not what is bad. Start looking at the positives in others instead of the negatives. Start appreciating this people including their flaws. Love them for their flaws.

Before you know it, you will discover that you can be a positive person. And positive things will happen to you. Sometimes, even your wildest dreams will come true. Try it, you'll be surprised of what is going to happen.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 92
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/20/2014 7:25:19 PM
You will attract exactly what your state of mind is. If you think negatively, negative things will follow you and perpetuate themselves upon you. If you think positively, positive things will start to happen to you.

Oh brother! My ex used to shovel what you are selling at her horse barn. Let's see... what has happened to me when I started to buy into this way of thinking (since settling for the not so attractive, but nice girl next door worked out so well for me, I thought maybe she and others such as you might have something)? Well, I started thinking positively and

(1) my father died from bone and lung cancer
(2) my organization at work ran out of budget and was absorbed by another with a boss from hell
(3) lost my job as a result of (2)
(4) economy started going to hell, so unemployment was long term and benefits ran out
(5) depression set in due to (2), (3), and (4)
(6) wife threatens divorce due to (2), (3), (4), and (5) - tells me that the important things are her and the kids (then goes out and has an affair).
(7) got a 12 month contract job with Intel - contract ends; boss at Intel wants to hire me, but hiring freeze is in effect (I was positive that he would get an exception from the higher-ups - nope)
(8) wife files for divorce.

Wow, what an avalanche of positive things. I was so happy and positive I was ready to shoot myself!

Call it Karma, coincidence, b u ll sh it. But that is always the case. Also, negative thinking causes stress and all those negative emotions that destroy your body, lower your immune system and promulgate free radicals.

I'm going to have to go with BS - yeah, that's accurate. That is always the case, huh? And as for stress and negative emotions lowering your immune system? Please explain how one so depressed that he receives disability, who has gone through a great deal of stress, and who many here consider the most negative person on the site, has an immune system so strong that it is attacking his own body? Oops, better add (9) developed not one, but two extremely rare autoimmune diseases.

Start by giving thanks for all the good things around you.

There was a line on Drew Carey that I found particularly funny and true: "Time for me to count my blessings. Okay, I'm done."

Actually, I am very thankful for my long-time friend and his father. My friend is the only reason I answered "Yes" when the doctor at the hospital asked me if I wanted to be revived should I have a coronary event.

Before you know it, you will discover that you can be a positive person. And positive things will happen to you. Sometimes, even your wildest dreams will come true. Try it, you'll be surprised of what is going to happen.

I need to get my shovel - wait, the ex got that in the divorce.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 93
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 10:59:58 AM
OP, I'd say I am more positive now than I was when I was younger. From what I see on ladies profiles it looks to me the older ladies seem more positive too. Or, at least more sure of what they want, and don't want. Sometimes that sounds negative, but I look at it as a list of preferences. What a person wants, and does'nt want in a mate may sound negative to someone who does'nt meet those criteria. However, it does save time in the long run and narrows down the field of "applicants".

Personally, I prefer to be positive in my life and outlook. Mixed in with a dose of reality. Brutal honesty is great, as long as the brutality of it is'nt emphasized all the time. If you get no answer to your emails, move on. The waters here are vast and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Of that , I am fairly positive....
 Halthyguy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 94
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 11:17:51 AM
In response to msgs 94 and 95

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj60OAh7O5U

LOL
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 95
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 12:47:43 PM
""Wow, what an avalanche of positive things. I was so happy and positive I was ready to shoot myself!""

Oh good grief, many of us have a list of more than 8 issues. How many folks, in the U.S. especially, lost jobs or homes or went through divorces in the last 10 years or so due to the economy or other reasons. Or had deaths of partners, children or parents and other tragic losses. Many. And most of these folks kept on truckin' without the need to constantly whine and b!tch about their lot in life. As my brother calls it, the "Nabob's of Negativity" get people down. The vast majority of us have a ton of empathy but after awhile....it's time to let go - if not for yourself, for those around you.

I grieved for a year, maybe less. Some choose to wear it like a battle scar or a Purple Heart from a battle and these people are toxic. I chose life and positive thoughts, positive actions and surrounding myself with positive people. After awhile I have no empathy, no sympathy and no time for those that rag on and on and wallow in the "poor me" pond of self pity whether it's for what happened in the past or if it's for not finding a new partner online or in real life. How can you look forward to the future if you are mired in the past?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 96
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 1:29:40 PM

After awhile I have no empathy, no sympathy and no time for those that rag on and on and wallow in the "poor me" pond of self pity whether it's for what happened in the past or if it's for not finding a new partner online or in real life.


And I have no time for those that spout the positivity protocol as if they were dictators demanding that you comply; that their's is the only solution in the world. I merely provided an example that was a counterpoint to what was posted.

And it is great that you got over your divorce (or death of SO) in a year or less. But to me, that says it didn't mean everything to you like mine did to me; mine was something I will never have again.


How can you look forward to the future if you are mired in the past?


Who said that I look forward to the future? I dread it, for I know what it holds - positively! And I am right far more often than I am wrong; I often wish that weren't true.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 97
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 1:36:12 PM
6) wife threatens divorce due to (2), (3), (4), and (5) - tells me that the important things are her and the kids (then goes out and has an affair).
(7) got a 12 month contract job with Intel - contract ends; boss at Intel wants to hire me, but hiring freeze is in effect (I was positive that he would get an exception from the higher-ups - nope)
(8) wife files for divorce.


Unfortunately, you've proved my point. There's nothing positive about your thoughts. People that have been in relationships and then have an affair, is the symptom of something deeper going on inside.

Look dude. You are not the only one who's life has gone through hell. Many of us were hurt deeply by the economy. By crazy partners. I was in the same boat as you. But I looked for something positive to latch my emotions instead of being bitter about the past.

Instead you could have said to yourself. "Lucky me, that I was offered a job at Intel. If it happened once, it can happen again. If not Intel, the next semiconductor company." So you keep hammering.

I was at one time drowning in my own desperation, a bipolar girlfriend that sucked me dry financially, emotionally and spiritually when she had breast cancer. I also got very sick and my immune system was so low it did not have the capacity to create white cells, so I could die from the common cold. I had tests done.

After her cancer, she cheated on me and we ended up splitting. Then I began the quest of positive thinking and there's plenty of material that you can read to understand. And what happened. Everything turned around. Work, financially, emotionally and physically. My doctor could not explain how my immune system went back to working right again. How? Positive thinking.

But you see, you claim to think positive, yet everything you said above is nothing but one bitter rant of regret, anger, frustration and every negative emotion that is out there.

Do I have everything that I want? Not at all. I have a novel that has been rejected by many agents. But do I complaint. No. It means edit more. Send it more. Work more.

So count your blessings. You ARE good enough for Intel to want you. YOu got rid of a wife that cheated on you. You probably still have a couple of kids that may adore you.

Unfortunately until you honestly take a more positive look at life. Not for a ss ho les like me, but for YOU and only you. You will maintain the course that you have. Only one person can procure change, and that is YOU.


And it is great that you got over your divorce (or death of SO) in a year or less. But to me, that says it didn't mean everything to you like mine did to me; mine was something I will never have again.


So it only means something if you drown on your own sorrows? Why drown in the past? It's so sad that you dread the future.

I personally look forward to the future and what it brings.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 98
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 2:15:51 PM
I agree with the above except for the cookie part. Living a negative and woeful existence...all self imposed, does not warrant a cookie or a pat on the back or any sort of reward. Many folks have been through worse.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 99
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:31:31 AM
Men, in general, do you find older women are more negative than younger?
This allows you to quote a previous post.
I can't be considered an expert to answer this question. Simply because no woman ever has answered my inquiries on POF. and I'm sixty.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 100
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:16:09 AM

I was at one time drowning in my own desperation, a bipolar girlfriend that sucked me dry financially, emotionally and spiritually when she had breast cancer. I also got very sick and my immune system was so low it did not have the capacity to create white cells, so I could die from the common cold. I had tests done.

After her cancer, she cheated on me and we ended up splitting. Then I began the quest of positive thinking and there's plenty of material that you can read to understand. And what happened. Everything turned around. Work, financially, emotionally and physically. My doctor could not explain how my immune system went back to working right again. How? Positive thinking.


Your GF had breast cancer, did she also have to take oral chemo? It occurred to me that she could have slipped you some of her chemo drugs. That would explain everything you described, including your recovery.
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