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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.      Home login  
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 tickle_me_pank
Joined: 9/6/2012
Msg: 99
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
(1) through (8); (9)

What's your point, that life is unfair? People get sick and die all the time, lose jobs, have bosses that suck, get divorced, end up in wheelchairs, eat and poo through rubber hoses, grow 200 pound testicles, or are born with two heads. There will always someone out there who has it worse than you do, and yet somehow most people, most of the time, still find ways to be happy and even thrive despite their misfortunes. The Jews survived Auschwitz, but woe is you?? Zzzzz

So if being positive is a deliberate choice that's ultimately independent of one's material circumstances, then so is being negative. Nobody is demanding that you do anything, but you don't get a prize for being wretched.

At least you seem to get a lot of satisfaction out of being gloomy; so there's something. Go have a cookie.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 100
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 8/21/2014 2:15:51 PM
I agree with the above except for the cookie part. Living a negative and woeful existence...all self imposed, does not warrant a cookie or a pat on the back or any sort of reward. Many folks have been through worse.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 101
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:31:31 AM
Men, in general, do you find older women are more negative than younger?
This allows you to quote a previous post.
I can't be considered an expert to answer this question. Simply because no woman ever has answered my inquiries on POF. and I'm sixty.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 102
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:16:09 AM

I was at one time drowning in my own desperation, a bipolar girlfriend that sucked me dry financially, emotionally and spiritually when she had breast cancer. I also got very sick and my immune system was so low it did not have the capacity to create white cells, so I could die from the common cold. I had tests done.

After her cancer, she cheated on me and we ended up splitting. Then I began the quest of positive thinking and there's plenty of material that you can read to understand. And what happened. Everything turned around. Work, financially, emotionally and physically. My doctor could not explain how my immune system went back to working right again. How? Positive thinking.


Your GF had breast cancer, did she also have to take oral chemo? It occurred to me that she could have slipped you some of her chemo drugs. That would explain everything you described, including your recovery.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 103
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:29:12 AM

Your GF had breast cancer, did she also have to take oral chemo? It occurred to me that she could have slipped you some of her chemo drugs. That would explain everything you described, including your recovery.


Nah, they didn't give her anything oral. The chemical used is so lethal that if it touches your skin it will eat it right then. That is why they insert portals so the chemical goes into a subcutaneous receptor and then pours strait into the flow of the aorta.

Everything that was going on with me was the product of stress. Not only her, but work. I remember going to these nasty meetings in the morning and I felt like by blood was boiling with the stress and intensity.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 104
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:44:17 AM

Everything that was going on with me was the product of stress. Not only her, but work. I remember going to these nasty meetings in the morning and I felt like by blood was boiling with the stress and intensity.


No doubt stress and depression, as well as lack of sleep, will cause a lower immune system, it's well documented.

Glad you recovered.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 105
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:27:56 AM

There was a line on Drew Carey that I found particularly funny and true: "Time for me to count my blessings. Okay, I'm done."

Actually, I am very thankful for my long-time friend and his father. My friend is the only reason I answered "Yes" when the doctor at the hospital asked me if I wanted to be revived should I have a coronary event.


But Joe, how do you feel right now? Hopefully there's things that make you happy, or satisfied? Do you have some hobbies? Are you active in some clubs? For example, if you like woodworking, are you a member of a local club?

We all can't have perfect lives. But we can have friends, make friends, and look forward to some activities. It might be playing bridge, for all I know.

I don't agree to 'giving thanks for the good things around you'. Maybe once in a while, but move on. No need to rationalize why you're not feeling good. Better to take action. Do something. Make something happen in your life. Even small things. Us ladies know how, we go shopping, sometimes just window shopping. It gets our minds into a different frame of mind. Go to an art museum. Go to the coast and watch the ocean. Go take a walk in a State park. Ask a friend to go to a movie. Keep your mind busy in doing something.

Joe, what do you look forward to?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 106
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 11:46:47 AM
BeckyHT:

But Joe, how do you feel right now?

Crack, pfffffttt (that's you opening up a can of worms). I will try and give you an abbreviated rundown, but that will be tough. In the past two years, I have been hospitalized five times (okay, one is upcoming in a couple of weeks to fix a grapefruit sized hernia), and I have been diagnosed with 4 autoimmune diseases (3 are extremely rare, one of which created an unstoppable mass growing in my right eye socket). I am on disability for severe depression and anxiety disorder, and my physical strength took a sudden downturn 2 or 3 years ago (although this could be from being sedentary for nearly 8 years).

I have no relationships, not even a date, since the ex moved out on April of 2006 (the 4 year anniversary of my father's death to the day), and nearly all of our friends (who were long-time friends with both of us prior to marriage) went to her side and even spied for her (she wanted more child support). I had one friend (been good friends since junior high) who stuck by me (along with his father) only because he had gone through the same crap (falsely accused) and recognized the pattern. I see him maybe once or twice a week, but some weeks not at all (yes, I know he has a life too). Aside from seeing him and doctors, I sit alone in my 55+ condo and watch Netflix because I just can't find the desire or energy to do much else (I went golfing on Sunday, and after sleeping nearly 10 hours Sunday night, I got up and had breakfast, watch a crappy Netflix show for 1.5 hours, then went back to bed and slept another 6 to 8 hours; I thought I would be up all night, but slept another 9 hours); my adult daughter won't speak to me (two father's days and a birthday with no peep from her, so I chose not to wish her a happy birthday and, as usual, I am the evil b@stard). If I die from natural causes while here at home, it will likely be weeks before they find the body. My buddy and I joke about who needs to die first, because the other one will be the only person at the funeral.

So how do I feel right now? The same way I feel the other 363 days of each and ever year for the past 8 years (and allotting one full day for feeling happy may be generous) - alone, depressed, and wondering why I have even tried to find things to do (like golf and skiing) for the past 8 plus years in a desperate attempt to find some comfort in this miserable existence. And WHY am I seeing doctors to prolong it?????



We all can't have perfect lives. But we can have friends, make friends, and look forward to some activities. It might be playing bridge, for all I know.


Better to take action. Do something. Make something happen in your life. Even small things. Us ladies know how, we go shopping, sometimes just window shopping. It gets our minds into a different frame of mind. Go to an art museum. Go to the coast and watch the ocean. Go take a walk in a State park. Ask a friend to go to a movie. Keep your mind busy in doing something.


Like my son with Aspergers, I have difficulty making new friends (actually, he is better at it than I am, although many of his so-called friends merely put up with him). New friends that I have made since college? One - my buddy's fiance. Sure, there have been acquaintances, but nobody has stayed in touch. As for activities, I got my project car in January of 2011 thinking it would bring some happiness into my life; 3.5 years later (a mentally healthy person could have finished in less than one year), it remains about 60 percent complete in a garage surrounded by the clutter that I have failed to get ready for a garage sale for two straight summers. So a supposedly fun activity has turned into a chore. The last two winters, I went back to snow skiing, but was met with roadblocks again - my physical strength had diminished by so much that I could no longer ski the nearly 18 runs per day, but instead found myself limited to 3 to 6 runs per day (with lots of rest breaks on each run). Last year, my season pass was a mistake as I did not make enough trips to make it worth what I paid (it would have been cheaper to buy daily tickets). I am hoping that this year will be better now that I (not the doctor) cured the edema in my feet (which made putting on a ski boot nearly impossible).

Getting back into golf with my buddy is the latest activity that I actually look forward to, even though I know that I am going to be extremely sore the next day or two. There are glimmers of my old golf game (I used to be pretty darn good), but my consistency and stamina are greatly lacking (i.e. on Sunday, I shot a 47 on the front 9 and a 61 on the back). I don't know how many years my buddy and I have left in playing as he just found out he has arthritis in his back.

It also seems to me that the things I have tried to help get myself back into some kind of shape (gym, walking, golfing) do nothing more than make me weaker. I have not lost weight (except when I get hospitalized). On Sunday, my back got so sore on the last few holes, I could barely stand; thank goodness the Seahawks were playing and the course was nearly empty so that I wasn't holding up the people behind me.

I have a problem with movies in public - if there are any scenes depicting a spouse/SO professing their love to a dying partner, or a daughter telling her daddy that she loves him, then you will find me trying like hell to hide the tears gushing from my eyes. And this can be any movie or TV show; you don't feel like a complete idiot until you are crying in a movie like Ice Age (an animated comedy).



Joe, what do you look forward to?

The first thing that came to mind as an answer to this question? The end (and while this may sound humorous, it is really not). Let me put it slightly differently - it would be nice to get my project car finished before Spring of 2015 (not holding my breath for that one), or if I can get back to at least 10 to 12 ski runs per day. Golfing is my best hope right now, but it is even doubtful and the expense will drain me financially (and I already expect that if SSA ever does get around to my continuing disability review, I will lose my benefits because I am not seeing any mental health professionals).

Sorry for the long reply, but it could have been much longer.


PS: If those are your eyes in your profile photo - NICE!
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 107
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 9/23/2014 12:32:08 PM
I don't think many of us are as healthy mentally or physically as we were in our 20's or 30's.

The majority of folks on the over 45 thread have been divorced, many more than once. They've all been dumped one way or another either once or twice or more. Many have illnesses whether age related, hereditary, depression, plus things like cancer or a stroke, etc. Many have children they see while many have children they haven't seen in some time. The majority have lost touch with friends either to changing lifestyles or marriage breakups or job losses or changing locations. We've had those we love die, we've buried family and friends. Many have of us have had grief counselling, marriage counselling, talked to the mental health profession regarding dealing with depression, illness, loss, etc.

Many of us trying to date have had the rush of anticipation followed by the agony of rejection. It's ain't easy. None of it has been easy for all of us. We've all hit a wall at some time or other in our 45+ years of existence. It's the downs that make our ups more enjoyable.

What I have found in real life and especially online; some change, adapt and embrace their changing life. Others wallow in the past and where it like a badge of honour. To those type of people - get some professional help. I have always chosen to live. It's not like there aren't the odd days where I'd just like to sleep for 24 hours and not deal with some bullsh!t, but those days are few and far between. I normally can't wait to see the sunrise. Some folks have a reason to live while other make excuses why they can't.

Attitude. It's all attitude.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 108
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Sarcasm is negative
Posted: 10/22/2014 5:30:46 AM
I am not sure we change so much with age. some of us are wiser.

Sarcasm is similar to negativity and its quite hurtful.

I met a nice man my age but his gentle sarcasm is increasing to not so gentle, verging on mean, bullying.

I looked up the word: sarcasm from the greek "to tear at the flesh".

humm--- it Fits
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 109
Sarcasm is negative
Posted: 10/22/2014 12:41:56 PM

I met a nice man my age but his gentle sarcasm is increasing to not so gentle, verging on mean, bullying.

I looked up the word: sarcasm from the greek "to tear at the flesh".


Sarcasm can be very destructive and very manipulative. The problem is that since they have the excuse "Jeesssh, chill out, I was just joking," as their main excuse. They feel they can say anything. Yet when you point those truths at them and tell them that they hurt, they don't want to believe it.

I also believe that we are treated the way we allow people to treat us.

One example is my brother. Like my dad, the doctor, the scientist, both were over critical and also use sarcasm as humor. They are also correcting you. In the end it's a form of power and control. My brother speaks perfect English, while I have a thick accent. So he started to correct me. So I told him never to fvcking correct me again. The f word included. I explained that I like my accent, I do not want to change it and that I feel is a power trip. From then on he cut it off and we got along just fine.

So I think Professora, that unfortunately you need to tell this man that you do not value his sarcasm, and to please stop unless he wants to find himself applying that sarcasm to someone else. Don't tell him that it's right or wrong, but simply that it bothers you.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 110
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 10/22/2014 9:41:48 PM
Wish I had met a witty, charming, funny flirtatious man when I bothered with online dating, but sadly, no. It was hard to even get conversation out of most of them. Needless to say there was never any follow up from me and then they wondered why. I think they are still online looking..... I wonder why lol!!

I also agree that the veiled barb or sarcastic put down that the perpetrator tries to pass off as a joke doesnt work as we know that they meant it to some degree. It is the please dont hate me even though I am being hateful....ploy.
 1Serpico
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 111
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 10/31/2014 6:34:01 AM
"Nope. If anything, in general, I find that all people get more selective as they learn what they like. That can come across as being negative I suppose."

You nailed it there, one grows and learns from the past, so stating facts is not negative, nor sharing the experiences one had.
I find women are more and by far negative at all ages, perhaps the reason is; women have a mental picture for a photo they saw on the Initial msg. then they read profile and get dissatisfied from the profile of the sender.
Proving this is easy; Deleted messages even before reading anything.. and worse is Blocked for sending a Complement. Yikes.
Speaking of that, not many even read Profiles that are longer than few lines, and am sure of that part.
Great points there.. igorfrankensteen..
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 112
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 11/3/2014 4:28:36 PM

Men, in general, do you find older women are more negative than younger?

On POF it appears to be exponential.
In real life however, there does not seem to be any correlation.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 113
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 11/5/2014 6:57:07 PM
People will say you are negative when you don't believe what they believe,ignore what they ignore or give attention to what they give attention to..life is not as simple as positive/negative,this or that,black and white.

What gets me are people who will tell you to let something that doesn't bother them roll off your back,but if something bothers them its the end of the world and you had better know it....these people simply don't care about anyone but themselves but would never admit it.....that would be...negative.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 114
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 1/2/2015 2:46:15 PM
Well said, String. They are called "narcissists."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 115
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 1/2/2015 3:07:26 PM

Well said, String. They are called "narcissists."


Or, they could be called "religious."
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