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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Who says she can have more children?

I have 4 myself, and I get plenty of replies. I also indicate that I am not looking for a man to take care of my children and myself. Personally, that turns me off when a guy wants to come to my rescue.

And your children should come first. If a man cannot accept that or also put those children first, then you would be better off alone. The less drama you have with your ex or exes, the more likely a man will not be scared off. If there is no ex in the picture, then you have to find a man willing and compassionate enough to love your children like a father would. But I would leave your kids out of it until you get to know a guy.
 letitbemeforever
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 42
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:18:50 PM
I am also a single mom to 4 kids. I must say, I have had a lot of guys run as soon as I mention how many kids I have. I'm like 'aww man, but I'm awesome!' lol...I just look at it this way...if they run, then they are not a family guy (or ready for one). I respect that though...to each their own, ya know?
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 43
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:22:00 PM
^^^Or it could mean it is just not their preference. Has nothing to do if they are a "family guy" or not. The more kids you have the less likely you do not want more. They much rather have children of their own blood line.
 letitbemeforever
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 44
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:23:18 PM
Hence why I said 'I respect that'...to each their own.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 45
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:27:47 PM
LOL...well we have two polar opposites...single mother with 4 kids...and employed...single mother with 4 kids and again a student...both early 30's...one seemingly financially capable on her own merit...the other would have to be living off something?

One I would run...or would have run with great speed...the other...a little trepidation or concern in respect to how things would work....

But then I have always paid my own way in life...and just foolishly expect the same of others...while it seems some feel an entitlement to have society or others pay for their right to have control over their body.....they just lack the sometimes the integrity to fulfill their own financial responsiblity?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 46
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:34:27 PM
Tealwood:

What is wrong with wanting to increase your employability and earning power?

I went back to school after I left my ex so that I could provide a better life for my daughter. It wasn't a walk in the park. It meant years of hard work and sacrifice, but it's better than raising her in poverty.

Personally, I would be more concerned about someone who doesn't want to better themselves but would rather spend the rest of their lives earning minimum wage.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 47
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential partners?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:27:09 PM
Ontario

seen so many supposed intentions to go to school and better themselves...and then when asking what and where they are going...one see's little to no real potential for actually accomplishing what they see for themselves....

but then one ask why would somone allow or enable themselves to be in a position of not having an education or more importantly not having the very real potential of financial self sufficiency before starting a family?...LOL and no doubt the whoops..I had an accident....never seemed to strike me...but then I was very carefull as the last thing I ever wanted was an albatross around my neck....or is that an anchor? Dead weight???


The numbers or percentages are valid...they have been duplicated in consecutive census reports?

I admire you for improving yourself...but I would suggest you would then not be the norm...or even 50% of what single mothers do....and notice I did not say capable....as capable I believe them to be...I just suggest they have for too long been given a free pass as they allow single mothers to fail...as they say poor you.....your not able to succeed because of the requirements of single parenting...and after 10 yrs...I suggest it really is not that difficult a job.....far easier than supporting and working at the marriage.
 JustMe1229
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 48
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:50:43 PM
I have been reading through a couple of the single parent forums. I was kinda bored once my kids were in bed. I became discouraged reading through some of the stereo types, but that is the world we live in. I signed on to POF about a week ago for some of the similar reasons other people have that I have come in contact with, and come to find out it may not be for me. Reading this forum really just surprised me to how many sterotypes are placed on single parents. Especially young ones. There are alot of single parents, dating parents, married parents, young parents and old parents who fall into the same stereo types that most so-called single moms fall into. I had to amazing kids, unfortanately my so-called perfect marriage wasn't great because he cheated. It honestly hurt at first and I chose to be single. Two years to figure out what makes me happy and what I want. I am told constantly I am more mature for my age and I am a great mother blah blah blah. I have an amazing job and finishing up my last 12 credits to achieve my Bachelors Degree. I raise two amazing children, who unfortunately my ex walked away from. Yes I do it on my own and I am still successful. I own my own home and never had government assistance. So there goes the stereo types. Yet, I know a couple (late 30's) with three kids who can't keep jobs, lives off the state, and moves to whoever will board them. In the end and after all my rambling the stereo types might keep us from meeting someone special, whether it be romantic or friendship. Being a parent is one of the best things that has happened to me, and also one of my largest accomplishments. To the single parents don't dwell on the negative, life is too short and what is meant to be will happen. Actually that goes for everyone. I am happier now than ever, and that in turn allowed me to believe I am ready to date again and hope to meet someone just as happy and successful in life, young or old, parent or not... Open our hearts and minds and happiness just flows :) If you read all this, sorry just had to get it out there, and once I started I couldn't stop!
 whatsl0ve
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 49
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:08:36 PM
who really cares ladies?

the way i look at it is this....

anyone can love their own kids.

my children mean i now have to find someone with a big heart.

if someone loves you they will love your children as an extension of you.

love is a part of life. if it hasn't come yet it will. don't be discouraged. k?????
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 51
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:31:07 PM
^^agreed!!!!!!!!!!!
 JustMe1229
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 52
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:55:48 PM
I agree when just starting to date and such the kids are much to the other partner. But if something was to come of it than, even though they are not biological children to a potential partner, they should mean more than "kids on the street" as you put it. I have had no problem really dating with kids. I have only been in one serious relationship since my seperation in where my kids actually met him. He was great with the kids with limits of not taking a parental role. Unfortanately his career took him to far to make the relationship work, and my career and success is not ready to relocate. Yes there is a limit to how many kids a couple can afford, but if I am open minded to have another kid if I met someone without kids, than that shouldn't be a problem. I raise and spoil mine with my income alone, so if I was to meet someone with no kids and was to settle down I couldn't see me not potentially having another kid. And yes they are my kids.. and I give them everything from the love they need to the clothes toys vacations etc. If I was to get serious with someone they wouldnt need to accept them as ours but eventually any true man (or woman walking into the similar situation) would fall into place with the life without hesitation, it would just happen naturally. And if that doesn't happen than the relationship isn't meant to be. That is the tricky part about dating.. whether it is that one has kids, or one isn't willing to re-locate, or one has pets, etc... there are always some differences and in some cases they are too big to see through for a successful romance and other times the differences are just what is needed to create a fairy tale (with the bumps of real life).
 JustMe1229
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 53
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:59:09 PM
I so agree.... happiness changes once you are a mom.. and even simply as we get older... life is great, only if we make it that way.. embrace it, even as a single adult.. when we are happy with ourselves, our lives and the things we have in it, everything else falls in place..
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 55
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 10:47:57 AM

for 9 yr i paid tax so now at the time of needn help im taking it!


First of all, much of the taxes you pay into get paid back to you via Tax Returns are for. Second of all, there are plenty of us that have been paying into the govt for just as long if not longer, so don't sit there and act like you're entitled to something.
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 57
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:44:54 PM
^^^ Agreed with her. Girl, these men up here on this particular forum are hilarious. Why on earth would a man not interested in someone with children click on the "single parents" forum? I expected to find something totally different when I clicked that link. I should say I have met PLENTY of men that are eager to form long lasting relationships with women who do or do not have children. And good men, too (friends of mine). I guess if I were a man, I would think more like I dont want to be dying when I am old wondering if I let the one woman I thought so much of go because she had children. When you look at it in the big picture, its not a big deal. ANd if a man says he doesnt want to be with you because you have children, then good. At least you know he must not be what you want. So, move on. Next. To yummymummy, change the way you see yourself. You have to have confidence :) And you have to also see yourself as a woman before a mom. The rest will all fall into place. My dad took off for 5 years when my parents divorced leaving my mom with 3 girls to take care of. She met my stepdad, who is 7 years younger and was quite a cutie and a catch, and they are happily married still...and my mom had another daughter with him. But there were other men interested in her as well. She didnt just "get lucky." Hang in there. Thats the point. Just alter your perspective a bit. :)
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 58
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:48:03 PM
And mrcs..or whatever your name is. You look confused just judging by your profile pic. You are probably unhappy and trying to make these women you are being so rude to more self conscious. I am surprised the attempt was somewhat successful it appears. If I were to see you out, Id never even notice you. Just sayin'.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 59
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:16:25 PM
January80:

Ignore those guys.

Most of them are just bullies who get off on putting other people down.

A certain subset are just upset that having children with a woman is no longer a guarantee that she will stay with a man regardless of how he treats her.

I also suspect that at least a couple of them are upset that they couldn't find a woman willing to bear their children and bullying single mothers is their way of getting even!

Being a single parent has its blessings and challenges. We are raising the next generation and there is no job that is more important than that.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 62
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:00:32 PM

And mrcs..or whatever your name is. You look confused just judging by your profile pic.

I like how you take a facial expression in 1 of my several profile pics and try to use it to psychoanalyze me. I'm sure Freud would be proud.


You are probably unhappy and trying to make these women you are being so rude to more self conscious.

So how is that career in armchair therapy going for you?

I'm not exactly why you're jumping down -my- throat just because I'm not sugar-coating everything with sunshine and rainbows while sitting in the "girl-power" camp.

1. The more kids you have, the harder it's going to be to date and/or find an LTR.

2. This thread shouldn't have even been started. When there are already 5+ other threads that are about the same topic. Having 4 kids isn't some kind of special scenario. Or perhaps there should be threads dedicated to 1-kid, 2-kids, and 3-kids parents as well.

Just sayin'.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 65
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 6:36:17 AM
Ontario


A certain subset are just upset that having children with a woman is no longer a guarantee that she will stay with a man regardless of how he treats her.


You do love going back to this tired old premise....please do a little research into the studies that indicate the poor attitude or lousy behavior goes both ways...and in fact domestic violence goes just about equally between genders….I have known a few wives who were pretty lousy in the manner they treated their husbands…or ex husbands…you really do need to exit the platform the poor woman syndrome…we are always the victims!

The question that is then posed is why some are unable to understand that having 4 children hinders the potential dating pool...and even more critical is being unemployed...and having 4 children...even smaller dating pool as any suitable prudent responsible individual would wonder...ask....who then is supporting the woman and her children? Or is the future going to be walking into a ready made family....having to support the woman and her children who are not working......not to mention the probable reality of children he may already have?

But then some have this sense of entitlement that they are owed a lifestyle....they are owed happiness and just because they have children from a previous relationship...perhaps one where the previous guy is not supporting her while she does not work...she is entitled to still finding someone to pay her bills...and the bills of her children...LOL...sorry,,,take her out and pay for dating her...and giving her happiness...


Being a single parent has its blessings and challenges. We are raising the next generation and there is no job that is more important than that.


Being a single parent....is not without challenges…... and is a rewarding experience...and one where one is able to raise the next generation... illustrate or demonstrate how to use and work the system by not working...or working part time and having others pay for what you are unable to produce yourself...or by demonstrating how one raises themselves above the issues and problems and demonstrates self reliance and independence as they manage without feeling of entitlement that are owed something they do earn themselves.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 66
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:01:00 AM


1. The more kids you have, the harder it's going to be to date and/or find an LTR.


You are entitled to your opinion however your statements are not exactly founded. It's your preference. Whilst I accept we all have them you do NOT need to make others feel bad for their circumstances with pre judgements.


Please explain to me how having 4 kids is just as "easy" if not easier than having 1. Simple time and money alone says that I doubt you can find anything plausible. Hell, the general tone from this forum alone is that having 4 kids makes things tougher.




This thread shouldn't have even been started. When there are already 5+ other threads that are about the same topic. Having 4 kids isn't some kind of special scenario. Or perhaps there should be threads dedicated to 1-kid, 2-kids, and 3-kids parents as well.


Your opinion. The lady recognised that having 4 children (the 4 was the operative word) asked for opinions. Constructive criticism is a great thing.

Please explain to me how 4 children is such a "special" case that it warrants it's own thread over the ones that speak of the general challenges of being a single parent. The general tone of this thread really isn't much different than any of the other threads other than "you will have a smaller dating pool because you have more kids."
 0gental1
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 69
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:47:44 PM
kids period can scare a guy off i have 3 kids and guess what I work full time no state help not even medical I rent and i pay child care its a struggle, but I love myself and love my kids. so if a man cant see your kids were there before him then he moves on :) and your kids stay also prove to yourself you got it all under control forget the rest a good one will come
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 70
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:29:20 PM

kids period can scare a guy off i have 3 kids and guess what I work full time no state help not even medical I rent and i pay child care its a struggle, but I love myself and love my kids. so if a man cant see your kids were there before him then he moves on :) and your kids stay also prove to yourself you got it all under control forget the rest a good one will come


Now Ogental 1....yopur a woman I could respect...no sense of entitlement or life owing you something.....and way...way ...way to young....or Lizzie will be out saying I was trying to hit on you.

I am sure one day some guy will see the qualities and the integrity you seemingly have...a refreshing change from the out of work...or once again student single mother type....

One could never suggest all woman are without integrity of self determination.

My compliments ogental...but where did the handle come from?
 0gental1
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 71
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/13/2012 10:19:51 PM
the handle came from myself, mostly not having my own mother as a child. Not having a pity party over mylife, rather its some tears I shed with the struggle as being a mom or, the fact I dont have an active social life, nor dating one. I am different and many men parent or not get scared how much I am home bound with my work and children. I just dont understadn parents these days. :)
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 72
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/18/2012 7:53:21 PM
Freud was an idiot who based everyones intentions on sexual needs and desires. So, what does Freud have to do with anything at all? Im just saying, MRCS, that if youwant to offer the woman some constructive critisism then by all means, do so. Otherwise, dont generalize people. Men hate when women do that. And money should not be an issue. My ex husband more than supports his children finiancially and if I wanted to eventually remarry and have another baby, I would be sure to do so with a man who can also afford to share the obligation of financial responsibility of HIS child with me. No man should have to support children than arent his. And if he falls inlove with a woman who has a fatherless child/ren, then thats his choice. I have seen people do this successfully, too. Your opinion is just an opinion. Nothing more. Not everyone sees single mothers in such a desperate light. And who ever I decide to be with will be lucky, even though I do have children. But really, the bigger issue here is that you give Freud any credit at all. Ha.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 73
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:34:59 AM

Freud was an idiot who based everyones intentions on sexual needs and desires. So, what does Freud have to do with anything at all?

Considering that he is the father of psychology, I would say that he had much more credibility in the history books than you ever will. Perhaps his theories weren't perfect, but he got the ball rolling. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought all of the pioneers of any given field of study were idiots. I'm really baffled as to why you should a random sidebar comment was worth such attention.


Otherwise, dont generalize people.

I generalize all I want. We are speaking generally in the general sense of things. There is a broad audience with a broad spectrum of understanding, which includes broads like you.
If you want to psychoanalyze each and every single mother of 4 out there and see what their dating success is like, then be my guest. I, however, will not be so unrealistic.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 74
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:44:07 PM
I haven't posted on any of the POF forums in quite awhile, but I had to respond to this.

First off, children are not robots. They all have very different and often obnoxious personalities. They are often jealous of mom's new beau, so they start problems. If I were a man on the dating scene, the idea of taking on 4 children would scare the sh*t out of me.

And secondly, any one who thinks that a step-father will contribute nothing toward the children financially, is delusional. His income will go to support the home the kids live in, buy the food they eat, clothing they wear, vacations they take and on and on.

I wish some of these single moms would get over themselves!!
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