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 VVixen4
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 75
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have 4 children, stated in my profile.. because I don't want to get interested in a man and him find out i have 4 kids and chunk up the deuces at me! I have had no problems getting messages or date offers. I agree with the 1st reply, I think you should re arange that profile hun.. Men are looking to date YOU.. who are YOU.. you are more than a mother, right?
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 76
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/21/2012 8:07:41 PM
Why are you stating how many kids in your profile? Just say yes you have kids and leave it as that?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 78
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/22/2012 8:26:53 AM
^^^I have to agree with m church.

Being upfront about how many children you have gives people who would have a problem with it to deselect themselves, thus saving you and them considerable time.
 gothicgirl86
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 79
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/22/2012 3:33:50 PM
I've read the respones one here and it burns me up when men say " I won't date a woman with four kids because I'll be an instant step-dad"." That's such crap because I say in my profile I have four kids and I add if you don't like it move on. Men like that are afraid they won't get any attention and you will actually put your kids before them. You'll find someone who doesn't care how many kids you have.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 81
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/23/2012 2:46:45 PM

First off, children are not robots. They all have very different and often obnoxious personalities.


You know ALL children? Interesting.


I wish some of these single moms would get over themselves!!


Never!
 Ash029
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 82
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/21/2012 1:37:02 PM
I think it depends how many kids the other person has. Personally, I wont date anyone with more than one kid. Thats my preference.
 Prophetsaid
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 83
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/21/2012 5:18:59 PM
It wouldnt bother the guys you should really want. If a guys scared off by kids, he might not be the type of guy you would want in your or your kids lives..
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 84
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/22/2012 6:34:53 AM
I'm raising two daughters on my own. If a woman had 4 kids, That would put us at an instant Brady Bunch if things went well. Honestly, I'm not looking for that and steer away from a woman that has more than two children.

Does having 4 kids limit your dating options? Yes. It does. Are there guys out there that won't mind and willing to take the challenge? Yes. There are. You don't need every guy. Just the right guy.

And for Jeep Girl who keeps saying to keep it under wraps and then tell them later. It's better to scare off the guys that are going to be scared off at the beginning. Save everyone effort. Find the guys that are a good match.

As for the Poster that says "I have 4 kids and any mate of mine would be a companion and have nothing to do with the parenting. I'm the Mother and they have a Father". Well, good for you when you're single, but if you're married to the guy, I don't see how that works. He's living in your house and your 'companion' but doesn't have anything to do with the kids? I have younger kids and yours are older teenagers. I commend you for the attitude while you're single. I just don't see how a guy fits into that scenario.
 back4more70
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 85
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/22/2012 11:21:16 PM
Holy cow, I am a single dad with four kids. And no luck in the dating world. It is starting to make sense.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 86
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:38:14 AM
4? I'm already running for the hills if there's 2. lol

I have to say, the sheer number of single mothers with 2 or more kids on POF is very bewildering to me. Are you telling me that your marriage or relationship wasn't already deteriorating before the 3rd or 4th child? I think sometimes people just keep having kids to ignore all the other problems.

I don't think (for me, personally) that I could seriously date someone with more than 1 child and they would also have to be open to having another one (with me).
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 88
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 11/27/2012 1:33:42 PM

You have waited until 37 to have children, and yet you want to judge those that had them earlier harshly?

tick, tick tick -- it seems that your biological clock is ticking,
if you can find it in sync with one of the women who forgot to have children, you are in a win/win...


As Bobby Brown once sang, "That's my prerogative, I'll do what I want to do..."

It's not the part about having so many children that I was judging, but about the state of so many failed marriages with all these children. I do think, to a degree, the children become a short-term distraction from the problems within the marriage.

Eh, I'm not in freak out mode yet about having kids, and really, I don't have much desire to have more than just one. Which is why a single mother around the same age with only one child could be a good match for me. Anything more than that is just a dynamic that I have no interest in right now and that's my prerogative. If I never have a biological child, then I guess at some point, I could take on more of a stepfather role which I suppose could happen eventually as the odds of meeting a completely childless woman become slimmer with age.
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 91
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/6/2012 2:55:01 PM
Just wanted to say, as a single mum of five myself (yes shock horror 5) wanted to let you know that even if it does put off men, theres always someone special out there.


What is with you ladies showing resentment because a guy doesn't want to date you because you have multiple kids?

Alot of men want to have kids of thier own and know that a women with multiple kids do not want anymore. Look at you for example, "prefer not to say". Hmm, wonder if that means no?


but i bet you i got more drive, personality and goals then any 28 year old single female!


We live in a society/ economy in which it behooves you to delay having children until you get a secondary education and procure a career. When I see a woman that had multiple children under 25, that tells me that this person does not have goals or take priorities seriously. I don't care if you were married or not.

Satistics show that 2nd marriages have a 50% divorce rate and that's generally after the kids are grown. Personally I see that percentage higher in which it goes higher and higher in proportion to the amount of children a woman has and how much hardship she had in that time. ( a woman with one child generally doesnt reach 40 and think she "missed something" and wants to run wild). I would not take that chance to sacrifie my remaining prime years to raise someone elses kids only for her to leave me when the kids are grown. Selfish you say? Look at this way, would you make a bet with a 50/50 chance to add 15 years of your life, or loosing that bet to lose 15 years of your life?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 93
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/6/2012 3:11:22 PM
I'd like to see Moms of kids. Their 'Mom' experiences have taught them how to do a lot of things; they know how to keep things clean, somewhat organized, can usually cook, and are wise to many of the answers to the darndest things kids may ask.

The key element that 'Puts Off' any perspective dater is Mom's time management ability. Too many Moms - especially those with multiple kids - end up NOT 'managing' time so much as they are managing 'space' and concentrating on how to get tasks done or getting kids from point A to point B. Their kids' deadlines become their lifes' obsession, and they completely lose track of how to have time set aside for themselves.

If can just manage to STOP being 'Mom' for ONE hour a week - and turn off your cell phone and just BE in the dating moment - you're already way ahead of the game. Many Moms already have 'adult' time set aside - but they fill it up with 'Ladies Night Out' and Tupperware parties and Wine tastings and etc... etc... etc... -- that's NOT dating time! You have to allocate 'Dating Time' as a separate thing. If you don't have a date by Friday afternoon, THEN sure, go out and use 'Dating Time' to have fun with the ladies.

The point is setting aside time you CAN be an emotionally available adult on a date, and not 'Mom' on standby alert. Nice guys that are not selfish will accept your availability for what it is - as long as you can stay consistent and committed to the time you've allowed, they should be able to trust that you WILL be there for a date.
 buterfly41978
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 94
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/6/2012 4:09:09 PM
I am a single mom of two kids. I support them on my own, with no help from state or government. I get a very small amount of child support. If I met someone who had four kids and could support his kids in the same manner as I do mine (no help) then it would not be an issue.
 Siks6
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 97
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/7/2012 4:47:36 AM
^^^Exactly what I was thinking m_church.

Single moms are so unrealistic when it comes to relationships and their children. I guess that's another reason on the huge list as to why most of them are still single. Lmao

*Shake my damn head*
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 98
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/7/2012 3:27:14 PM

^^^Exactly what I was thinking m_church.

Single moms are so unrealistic when it comes to relationships and their children. I guess that's another reason on the huge list as to why most of them are still single. Lmao

*Shake my damn head


LOL....I always had to amuse myself with the single mothers back in university at 27---35....and wondered why and who would be funding their bills.....or the single mother with a child...who talked about how much more expensive it was to live with a child...than what it would be if she was single.....how she did not have enough to eat after she fed her child...or could not pay to fix her car...or buy gifts...yet suggested having someone share...."SHARE" expenses would enable or allow a vacation to Australia.....single mothers with children just have this different perspective of what sharing is.....
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 99
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:13:29 AM
QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 12
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 512 PM
I never had a problem dating with 1, & later on 2, but i truly dont know if i would have had issues had i had 4 kids. Some men may have a limit on how many kids they are willing to take on if they are dating single Mothers. Some men may love the large family thing.


Large family yes his own. No way I would date guys with that many. I work hard to have nice shit. And I would like to keep it that way. I'm normal and I would never had more than 2 at the most
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 102
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/12/2012 12:58:10 PM

Okay, so if you're serious with a guy and you end up living together, are you going to pay the bulk of all costs for housing, utilities, food etc... that is in proportion to you having 4 kids and the guy not having any....
For example, you and a guy go out to dinner. Is he paying for you and him, and you pay for the kids meals?
How about the extra cost for a larger house because you need a 4 or 5 bedroom house perhaps, when with no kids, you might only need a one or two bedroom...
How about the cost for a larger vehicle, say a van, because you have to be able to fit in 4 kids, as opposed to a small car for 2?
The kids will use the lion's share of food and water and electricity... Will you split those costs 50/50 or in proportion to how much you and the kids use...?


Admittedly, I haven't read the full thread but this jumped out at me.

I too am a sole parent who doesn't get child support. Sure, I have my court order but I don't get it and I've never received it. So with that understood, just who do you think is paying my family's bills? I am. Single mothers aren't living in boxes under the railway bridge waiting to be rescued!

Yes - if I got into a relationship I would have no issue in paying for the bulk of housing, utilities, food etc because my children lived in the house. I pay 100% of it now so it's less than I am currently paying out.

What is the need for a house larger than the one we are currently living in and financing alone? Do you require a bedroom to yourself? If so, you're in luck because I also have a guest room so you can sit and count your coffers. Do you think I can't get my family in the vehicle I own and make one of the kids jog along behind us?

Your statements have no logic because you are basing them on the need to go out and buy a new home or car when we already have these things! I would be perfectly fine with paying for 3/4 of the bills if someone was that extreme based on the two I have at home, but how would you feel as the first left home if I said I only wanted to pay 2/3 of the bills or once they both leave in expecting you to pay 50/50 then which is only logical based on your argument!

Maybe those so concerned about this should lay out their financial concerns for the beginning but be careful what you wish for. Some of us single mothers work our arses off, have homes nicer than yours, no debt, and pay all their bills. Or is the concern only applicable when your financial situation is better than ours and no longer relevant when the situation is reversed?
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 104
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:28:30 PM

Ummm ok... first off, you're assuming there will be no more kids...
You are perfectly correct. As you have been fast to point out elsewhere in your post, I was talking about MY situation, MY willingness to split bills based on MY children living in the home, and as such damn right I am more than assuming no more kids because that is MY choice and I would only be in the situation we are discussing, with someone who was like-minded on that subject. At 42, you can bet I won't be having any more children and the need for assumption is mute as that's a fact. *I* can't post on what other single women are willing or able to finance which is why I comment on me.

So, my points stand for my situation if I meet a man who doesn't have children. And should I meet someone with one child, we are still good, because I have 5 seats in my car. A spare seat which is awesome with that spare room, eh?

Of course, if I meet someone who has more than 1 child, your entire post becomes mute as then my dependents and I won't be the majority and therefore, the questions about me (or a single mother) being willing to pick up the majority of the bills based on head count of my responsible, is also redundant in terms of the point you were aiming to make. Hardly seems appropriate to ask if single Moms are willing to finance the need for a larger vehicle or home when both adults are bringing the same number of dependents in. I would suggest in that situation, I would work with him as a team for a mutually acceptable solution. Go figure! Team work in a couple. Who knew.


Then too, as a guy in Canada, if you get involved with a woman who has kids and her kids end up with you as a "perceived father figure" we can get stuck paying support for the the kids if we end up splitting up. Even if the woman herself doesn't seek out support from the guy(and realistically, most women wouldn't but it does happen), if she falls on hard times and has to go on social assistance (welfare), will prosecute the guy for support...
So taking on a relationship involving 4 kids the guy could be on the hook for paying support for ("both" lol) those four kids...
That situation isn't gender specific. That legislation relates to a parent who has stood in the place of the boilogical parent and therefore, a single mother, (me) who dates a single father with two children, is equally as likely to pay the same should they split, if her income was the largest. In fact, as I work from home, theoretically, in that situation, *I* could also be on the hook for child care fees for his children following a split, as it's a cost he would incur due to us splitting up which he wouldn't have had during any time we were together.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 105
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/12/2012 6:37:35 PM

I too am a sole parent who doesn't get child support. Sure, I have my court order but I don't get it and I've never received it. So with that understood, just who do you think is paying my family's bills? I am. Single mothers aren't living in boxes under the railway bridge waiting to be rescued!


Yet the numbers of single mothers living in poverty is higher than single custodial fathers....and the numbers of single mothers not working full time is soooo much higher than single custodial fathers.....so who is paying the bills?.....Or who will be paying the bills when they find a new relationship?



I would be perfectly fine with paying for 3/4 of the bills if someone was that extreme based on the two I have at home,


Extreme? So you are not a big one on paying ones fair share? but then some people do have a differing view of what they define as fair?

Now I always figure the cost of the home was set...be it you have just yourself or you have 2--3--4 children. So in a relationship with children the housing costs should be shared 50/50!

But that argument then suggests the housing costs for children should be carried by each parent themselves!



Some of us single mothers work our arses off, have homes nicer than yours, no debt, and pay all their bills. Or is the concern only applicable when your financial situation is better than ours and no longer relevant when the situation is reversed?


Hey....same rules applied both sides...same expectations applied both ways....a lady who had a proffesional career...had very well paid child support paid on top of her own salary....saw me paying all the bills...still paying a mortgage and would be for many years as the ex cleaned me out....suggested I would not be able to travel at the level she had grown accustomed to....she was 5 star....and I was slumming it at 4 star all inclusive resorts...her idea of being dressed up and attending a dinner party was a little rich for me....and I would not have her financial freedom for many years...as her kids were done school...and mine have not finished and one not yet started...and she was 5 years my junior....and I am perfectly fine with that!

So why would I want to become saddled with a single mother who is not even able to pay her own bills as she does not feel the responsiblity to be employed full time....50/50...or a single parent who struggles to manage the household as they have too many children?

Why?.....I was a high school drop out...I made my bed and out grew the situation! I suggest the statements do hold some logic if you stood on the other side of the table. I have seen more than a few who suggest a level of entitlement just because they suggest their role of custodial parent gives then special considerations....
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 107
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/13/2012 6:08:00 AM

So, basically, you admit that since you're two kids shy of the topic here, you're points are somewhat moot?


Look, I'm in a relationship with a woman with 3 kids... and one of my own still living with me... (the other is over 30 and in her own relationship and not relevant here ...)
At one point we were, Her 3 kids, 1 of mine, 2 other kids who needed a home and we took them in... ( plus 3 cats and four dogs... LOL)
So in reality here, I probably have a better idea of the day to day of living with 4 kids is about...


So my view is moot based on my having two children but your point is valid based on you having one living with you. That's very interesting.

Day to day living with someone else's kids - meh, we are on a comparible level. My business is open 10 hours a day and is about working with children. As I write this, I have a one year old, a two year old, a three year old and two four year olds in my house. There is normally another two year old but he's not here today. There are others but these are just those who are here of a daily basis. Add to that, I specialize in children who have been emotionally, physically and/or sexually abused and although that's not a requisite for the services I offer and therefore doesn't apply to all of my clients, there can be additional challenges to consider with these youngsters. You can't just organize an educational trip using public transport when you have a child who is terrified of adults who fit a certain physical description, or if the lights suddenly going out due to a power cut will send one into blind panic.

So two teens, 6 pre-schoolers, and a cat and I think my view is just as valid as yours when you consider you are highly unlikely to spend 50 hours a week with your partner's 3 children.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 110
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/13/2012 6:33:04 PM

You're in the hot seat..
You are clearly the only person here who had dated someone who has children. You are clearly the only person who has any valid experience on this matter. I can't for one minute think why I might have something relevant to add because your experiences are obviously fair superior to anyone else's having dated a constant steam of single mother's with varying numbers of children who may or may not be parents themselves now and who sometimes you see. I'm so grateful that we have someone like you who can remind us that you are an expert and that everyone else has no idea what they are talking about because they've gone through life with zero experiences along the way. Or certainly experiences which pale in comparison to yours.
I am sure all those children who many not be children anymore but who had you in their lives due to your relationships with their mother(s) will be equally as grateful for your opinion on everything and will be glad that you just dismiss their views as having zero relevance to anything. It will make them feel very special. It must be a huge relief for them to know you are there with all the answers to everything. I'll let Google know it is now redundant as we have Google v2 right here.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 112
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/14/2012 3:07:06 AM

Well, so, you've made an attempt at sarcasm... I'm impressed....
Don't be because it just confirms your inability to follow a conversation which required not just speaking and expressing your view but also listening to the other person.
 WolfSpirit29
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 113
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/14/2012 10:50:14 AM
Not in my book it doesn't. I actually applaud those people who can and do raise more than 1 child. 1 child is a handfull! :) Kudos to those that can and do raise more than 1!!! Male OR female!
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 116
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/15/2012 9:49:57 AM
The OP left POF site!!!!

but for sake of argument, just like some women state on their profile "my children will always come first", (which goes without saying and it is a statement that should never be written on a profile- cuz it's off putting) here the OP does not even have to flaunt it in a man's face, it becomes obvious that she will have very little time for him, as her time will be most likely devoted to her 4 chipmunks!

Plus like many other people mentioned, if a man already have children, (or want children of his own) what is the dysfunctional family dynamics when it becomes time to merge step siblings together....??? The woman's kids tell the man : "you're not my "real" father you can't make me do that... and his own children have to be witness of this BS...which in turns creates another series of parent child lack of respect dynamics.... Of course some people have succeeded merging families together... but when one WOMAN says that her children will always come first, then this woman most likely will never accept another man giving instruction to her OWN kids. As an example, when a man posted in pof forum that he was on a repeat date with a woman he dated for a while, and nicely asked his date's child that was running in the rows of seat at a baseball game stadium to sit down for his safety, the mother scolded the "shoot" out of him for attempting to discipline her own child! WOW talk about the kids taking OVER that woman's life....

As I have said before, I do not want to know that I, as an adult, will always come 2nd after the children, or even worst, come 3rd, or 4th after the cats and dogs!

Some women have their maternal instinct take over disciplinary common sense for the benefit (or should I say the detriment) of her own children!

oh BTW, for fear of sounding sexist, my scenario above, can also extrapolate to "wishy-washy" men that do not enforce discipline... it works both ways...but I can only speak from my perspective as a man dating women, and simply avoiding women with 3-4 children.
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