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 SHart1983
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 120
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
My first time posting on a forum, and I'll admitt I've not read every post but I have found some of the things said to be really quite nasty and unfair, all I can say as a devoted dad of three wonderful children who unfortunately don't live with me is this, children are not a problem for me my last partner had three and I adore them all and have stayed in contact, I love my children and will spend as much time with them as is possible but you still have to make time for the other person in the relationship. What's important is a connection with the other person and an understanding that the children come as part of the package, you should never expect to be number 1 but instead be privileged to be part of their lives. I have absolutely no problem with dating women with children no matter how many they have. Maybe some women just go for the wrong guys but then we all know nice guys finish last.
 Sweet41182
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 122
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/19/2012 4:16:28 PM
Mike with all those numbers after your name... YOU need to grow up JUST because a mother puts that her kids come first DOES not mean that she wouldn't have time for any one else !!! It simply means that if her children need her then she will stop everything and be there for them, and if the guy can't handle that then they aren't worth the time or space!
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 123
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/24/2012 11:45:16 AM
Reality, is online dating is about as shallow as it gets. People are window shopping for the perfect partner (realists, for the *ideal* partner, but point is--very few are willing to settle). Dating a woman with 4 kids to a man, is the equivalent level of *settling*, as a woman dating a guy who's got no career ambition, and is satisfied with making minimum wage for life.

I'm not bashing single mothers (as it takes a strong woman to raise kids on her own), but am bringing forth the reality--most guys will skip over that profile, like it was radioactive.

It would be like me advertising I work as an entry level cook, at McDonalds for 20 years, and absolutely *love* my job and the difference I make in the world through Happy Meals.

Regardless of how you word it. I work a dead end job, and make pennies for salary (the only thing most women will see--my profile will start to feel radioactive, too). Most women will reject that, as much as most men will reject a woman with 4 kids.

If you live in a westernized society, the reality of it, is you live in a society where now most young professionals wait until their early to mid 30's to *start* having kids. Many of which now having 2 or less, in terms of ideal numbers.

Calling someone shallow when you're not observing those very facts, is like going to a god fearing country, and stating you're against children and god, and being beside yourself at the rejection you then get.

Is the rejection deserved? Absolutely not, but when you observe facts, you shouldn't be surprised--especially so, on a dating website, which is the epitome of shallow.
 MissyShelle
Joined: 11/24/2012
Msg: 124
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/24/2012 1:49:07 PM
I've found it really depends on the man. As far as dating goes, having children has not hindered me. However, for long-term potential, it has some. What helps more now is that my daughters are older so I am not in the midst of caring for little ones. My oldest leaves in a year and a half for college and w/i 4 years, all of my daughters will be done with school and out of the house.
 jOjO4rmSB
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 125
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/26/2012 5:04:27 PM
i totally agree
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 127
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/27/2012 9:33:25 AM
Queenlizbeth post 121 in defense of m-church


...but you seem to have ample time to post...and do so often. .... Just my observation in reviewing your history.

calling him a mooch, then telling him that he seems to have ample time to post..... yet YOU have AMPLE time to REVIEW his history.. and automatically deduct that he has "lots of time to post often???". How about you? did you look in the mirror recently? is this why you have posted no pictures on your profile? or is it because you scare yourself with your own double standards statements??

calling the kettle black?? Don't forget... when you point the finger at someone, there are 3 other fingers pointing at you!!! Maybe you are the mooch?? no??

Sweet41182 post 125

Mike with all those numbers after your name... YOU need to grow up JUST because a mother puts that her kids come first DOES not mean that she wouldn't have time for any one else !!! It simply means that if her children need her then she will stop everything and be there for them, and if the guy can't handle that then they aren't worth the time or space!


Darling, you missed the point... I do have kids also, 50% custody, and I do not have the urge to announce to the world that "they will ALWAYS come 1st"! - IT IS A GIVEN. - When a woman feels the need to say that in her profile, it means that SHE will be using her kids, as EXCUSES, to flake on the men or get out of binds that she does no longer want to go to, or men she does not want to see anymore...INSTEAD OF BEING TRUTHFUL, and telling the man that she is not interested anymore. There are certain people when you meet them, that exude "whining, drama, problems" and saying that your children will always come first.... is simply a warning sign! be fore warned!

So why should I grow up, because I have "numbers" after my name?? ... when "Sweet41182" doe also have "numbers" after it???? again just like for Queenlizbeth above, when you point the finger at someone, there are 3 other fingers pointing at you!!! maybe you are the one that needs to grow up, and NOT need to flaunt the obvious to all of us.. We know that kids are important to all parents..... Duh!

oops my last statement seriously proves that I need to grow up... only a child would say "duh" and Homer Simpson says "doh".... you really had me figured out right from the start! Sarcasm is such a beautiful thang!
 TrueSue76
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 128
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/27/2012 5:38:30 PM
i am a mom of two kids and havent been on here for very long. but i have to say i kind of feel the same way. yes i do only have two kids but do feel the pain of going it alone. I do not live on state or get any kind of child support, i work fulltime, i own my home and my own car. so just because we are single parents doesnt make us helpless. in fact i think it makes us stronger.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 129
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/27/2012 8:27:44 PM
The lady I am most interested in has 5 children, 4 still at home. There are men who are not scared off by it.
 divialick
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 131
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/28/2012 3:21:33 PM
wow I can relate to this.As I to have 4 children and one is very young.It's so very hard to find a man who can deal with the fact that I have them.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 134
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 12/30/2012 6:26:38 AM
There are men who are not scared off by it.


I don't think it's a fear for most.

Your children should be a blessing, and nothing less. The amount of kids you have, will be either a blessing to a guy, or an extreme inconvenience. Wouldn't you want to be with a guy who saw your kids as as much of the blessing in your life, as you do?

The latter scenario, would have the guy resenting you over time. It's the same scenario as a man being disabled. I'm sure they're great guys, but women would often only see the limitations of the arrangement.

Same difference with someone having 4 kids. The limitations are impossible to ignore, as they would be blatant.

I think a guy *knowing* this, and still dating you, is settling big time. Settling always turns to resent over time, and then misery.

It's not fear essentially, but rather someone knowing the arrangement is not for them.

People need to realize that 4 children or more, is quite a bit to ask of someone, to take on as a responsibility.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 135
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/12/2013 7:36:53 AM
(import_from_uk) Your statements have no logic because you are basing them on the need to go out and buy a new home or car when we already have these things!

SOME of you (single mothers) have those things. Very few people, male or female, buy houses, cars, etc., larger than their current needs.
 xdav3x
Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 136
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/23/2013 2:29:43 AM
I don't mind a woman with kids however I want to be important as well even if they come first. I can see getting discouraged over time if I wasn't. I grew up with two brothers under a single mom. she would go on dates but wouldn't just bring anyone home to meet us unless they had been dating for a while. except the awkward thing was she def wasn't having anymore kids so neither was he. shes been with her bf now for 15 yrs and hes been through it all with us so it does happen.
 mrbear123
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 137
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/23/2013 4:34:19 AM
Doesn't bother me. But I'm bias cause I got 2 kids. If they don't like u cause u got kids then they are not after the real thing!!
 Deltah3avy
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 141
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:15:35 PM
That many kids to most guys will throw up red flags. It looks like a setup for a trap.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 142
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/24/2013 3:18:41 PM
Actually it depends on the situation. Are the kids like Brady kids or like Bundy kids? It really does matter.
 Lucky...13
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 143
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/24/2013 9:11:44 PM
OP. KUDOS to you for being forthright and disclosing that you have 4 children in your profile. I admire honesty
 jed456
Joined: 4/26/2005
Msg: 145
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:58:09 PM
To the op I have no children so a lady having kids unless there over 18 is a turn off since I have no children and don't want any. However im sure there are guys out there who could care less . I do commend you for being honest I do not want to get to know a lady and be suprised with an instant family.
 Looking4hmmm
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 150
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/1/2013 7:49:25 PM
Don't worry about men who are not interested in you because you have children. You would not want them anyway. While you are obviously supporting your children on your own now you will I am sure find the right person who loves you for you and your children and maybe he will have his own too. No one ever knows what shoes they will be in one day being a single mother. I would never accept anyone in my life who would not care for children. My ex is a great supporting father thank God, but I still would not want anyone around my children that did like them. Don't look to hard he will find you. Someone else did and let you get away remember that! Confidence!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 151
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:18:18 AM

(sapphiregirl75) I am a mother of 4 kids and honestly they have NOTHING to do with my dating life.


That's the same as saying, "Air has NOTHING to do with my respiration!" Please, don't insult our intelligence by spewing out patently untrue statements. As a mother of 4, your dating strategy is different than that of a childless woman.
 Jack81020
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 152
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2013 1:16:49 PM
It does a ill. From different stand points. Financially, emotionally, experience wise. I'm not saying it won't happen. But they stare at your profile a ill longer before they decide to say something to you.
 Lnlyfather
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 154
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/3/2013 5:23:00 AM
I too an a single parent of 4. I am having the same issue. Alot of men and women do not want top deal with the baggage of children let alone4 kids. I an a attractive and successful man and i have the hardest time keeping women intrested the minute they hear that i have custody if my kids. So i wishyou luck. If you ever want to chat though my profile is lnlyfather.i can't relate so if you ever nred to talk.
 AtheistScholar
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 155
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/4/2013 7:35:59 AM
Almost a quarter of the adult population are single parents, that's more than enough to not lose hope.

I specifically set out to find single day's only on POF, and I preferred custodial Fathers. I met with seven! (Only two remain in the nest).

With all the jerks, liars, players, users and head cases out in the world simply being a good person will get you a date, even if you are freaking old mother Hubbard...
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 160
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:07:09 PM
LOL...yes...I understand the load of crap you serve when you use single Mother's and manipulate them


How is he using them? What do you think dating is? Having time together, going to dinners/ entertainment venues and......yes having sex. It seems you are assuming, which would I agree, that the dating process is only a begining stage of a long term relationship. Your basically implying women give up the goods so the guy is enticed to move in so he will be in a "saddled" situation. As in she would not have had sex with said person if she didn't think she could snag him. If a guy moves in with a women with four kids ( remember the OP is not working and on "ENTILEMENTS") he obviously will have to contribute across the board ( money, time, stress, health, retirement age). Is he being used?

The OP is asking if men will be "put-off" by her having four kids. The reocurring theme on here is that single moms/dads can't find "good/decent" mates. Implying that they can find interested people but not good ones. The OP is 29 with FOUR kids, which we could assume are all under 10 and not leaving the nest anytime soon. Good guys her age are in a good/ decent position because they delayed having kids to focus on thier careers and what not. They cook thier own meals, do thier own laundry, shopping ect. Basically they can only get 3 things from a woman;

1. Reproduction
2. Love/ Companionship
3. Steady Sex

1.Now the OP and every women that said she had 4 kids on this thread all had "No" for wanting more kids. Seems alot of women even with one or two kids do not want anymore. Having 4 and not wanting more is understandable, although the reason is irrelevant and no is all that matters. Now we are down to two.

2. How much companionship can you have when you have 4 young kids? 24/7? TV's on in every room, someones always awake someones always getting up. I dated a women that had 2 kids (7,2). On the weekends the 7 year old was wanting to stay up till 12 and then the 2 year old would wake up at 7, romantic huh?

Love making in bed for hours on rainy Sundays? 4 day 3 nights trips to the Caribbean? Nope. See I thought thats what people do when in a relationship. Maybe I saw too many Sandal's commercials. Now we're down to one.

3. Speaks for itself!
 MamaNuRseRn
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 161
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/8/2013 4:24:19 PM
Exactly.... very well said.... it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I also have 4 kids and newly single. I let people know up front that I have 4 kids and they are my life but there is always room for someone special!
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 163
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 3/8/2013 4:02:33 AM
The message you are replying to:
Posted By: jed456 on 1/26/2013 309 PM
Subject: Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Message: To the op I have no children so a lady having kids unless there over 18 is a turn off since I have no children and don't want any. However im sure there are guys out there who could care less . I do commend you for being honest I do not want to get to know a lady and be suprised with an instant family.


Or a person who doesn't have any and would like to have a couple of their own like me well four of urs is alredy way to many as far as I'm concerned but then 6? Where we would house them all and feed and do u have a car then fits 8 my fits only 4 do u even want to have more. How abou person that alredy has two or three of their own same story so if a guy has that many I would say no. Personally I don't date ppl with kids bc I want 2 of my own n for ppl plus a big dog I alredy have is plenty in one household
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