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 AUTHOR
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 54
Upgrading membership and its effects on datingPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Bottom line, is the upgrade worth it?


If you truly enjoy paying for rejection, then, yes, the upgrade is worth it.

If you prefer to get your rejection for free, then no, it's not worth it.

Carry on.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 55
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 11:28:38 AM
I agree with fullmoonguy because that would have been my answer.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 56
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 12:22:44 PM
If you truly enjoy paying for rejection, then, yes, the upgrade is worth it.

^^
Unless he wants to be notified asap that someone looked at his profile or he has mail so he can prime his arrow and shoot them down to use and vilify however he sees fit.
The "victims" see the yellow spot and assume he is ..........serious!
And falls for it
um, ya.... it happens :/

I suppose the upgrade is then worth it for him
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 57
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 12:35:44 PM
I had considered "upgrading" until I read about the problematic billing issues. I don't think an upgraded membership is going to give me an edge in what an improved profile, better photos, and more iniated conversations will do for me, that I can easily do with my free membership.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 58
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 12:47:36 PM

I got upgraded because I can actually see when someone else is online and it's quite interesting when you think you're working on a relationship with someone and they are spending hours on the site


This is one of the many reasons why I’m not interested in online dating, and would prefer to meet men in real life who aren’t attached to some kind of device all day and night. Why waste time with creepers who are auditioning my replacement(s) while “dating” me and pretending to give a sh!t.. Nope. Not for me.

Foxymba, I don’t normally spy on profiles in the forums, but I peeked at yours and you look like a lovely, accomplished woman who shouldn’t need POF to find nice men to date. :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 2:32:58 PM
There have been a number of threads about “upgraded membership”, and I have probably injected my 2 cents worth at least a half dozen times.

One single item makes the cost worth while to me:



Have they messaged you? Not yet
Have you messaged them? Not yet

Last Viewed You User has not viewed your profile yet
 GnosisMan
Joined: 5/4/2014
Msg: 60
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 7:55:11 PM
"However, I must admit that two women posting the same opinion that "upgrading makes you look more desperate" is enough to make me hold off for the time being"

We, as men, have a much bigger problem, Katatonia. So big that I believe it makes all the problems we have on online personals, tiny in comparison. This site and others are not going to informs us of the success rate of their sites.
Mainly because they count on this secret to maximize profits by concocting new tricks -like upgrades- to make you believe you will do better than those who don't pay up. Since we are all in the dark as to the actual effectiveness of online personals, what makes matters worse is the present state of mind of women -which the online personals are not able to address. You might want to read about it in the excerpts I placed in my profile describing some of the findings from Lori Gottlieb's book, "The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough". No doubt, men have their respective problems too. But the issue right now is women and what they are not aware of. Mind you, it was out of frustration that I created my profile since I see no solution to this cultural epidemic. It's become so normalized, that I often see some women resigning themselves to the forums because they gave up finding a lasting mate.

Note: if anyone disagrees with what is in my profile, and you want to let me know, fine. But just be respectful. There is no need to be on the defensive, insult, or come across in a negative argumentative way. Thanks.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 61
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/12/2015 8:28:28 PM

Note: if anyone disagrees with what is in my profile, and you want to let me know, fine. But just be respectful. There is no need to be on the defensive, insult, or come across in a negative argumentative way. Thanks.

Your profile is the typical "nice guy rant". There's a long thread on that; you'll feel at home there.

Upgrading membership and its effects on dating

Never had a problem with billing on my upgraded membership. I loved it but ... well, I have my own reasons for discontinuing it. It was definitely worth it for me. I received far more messages than without the upgrade.
 GnosisMan
Joined: 5/4/2014
Msg: 62
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 6:04:07 AM
Your profile is the typical "nice guy rant". There's a long thread on that; you'll feel at home there.

Is there anything else you would like to add besides saying I'm a nice guy ranting? Does the concerns in my profile mean anything to you? If so, to what degree? in what other way could you have found out about Lori Gottlieb if I had not said anything about her? I'd really like to know what your thoughts are ABOUT Gottlieb's findings and if it has any relevance in your life instead of finding fault with the messenger. It's not MY problem, it's a problem that women must face if they really want a lasting mate and no amount of upgrades is going to help. Everyone is so caught up with all manner of upgrades, profiles, pictures, -and who knows what else- that they lose sight of real purpose of being in an online personal. I don't know about you, but I only have so many years left in my life and I don't want to end up alone in old age.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 63
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 7:15:56 AM
@GM...
Sorry..you are ranting and it is not anything new on these forums.
The author is just a woman...selling a book and knowing her market.
She knows that men don't want to look at themselves for any blaming in the "shift" of womens thinking and especially the "online" dating market....same as the books on telling men...How to become Pick Up Artists ....and let's not forget the latest rage...of the MGTOW men....being defiant and trying to point out....WE are to blame.....is just nonsense.



I don't know about you, but I only have so many years left in my life and I don't want to end up alone in old age

Then I would suggest a change in "your" attitude for on line to be successful for you.
YOU can only control "you"....quit trying to control women....it's not going to happen.
You will catch more bees(women) with honey.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 65
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 7:33:09 AM
Is there anything else you would like to add besides saying I'm a nice guy ranting? Does the concerns in my profile mean anything to you? If so, to what degree? in what other way could you have found out about Lori Gottlieb if I had not said anything about her? I'd really like to know what your thoughts are ABOUT Gottlieb's findings and if it has any relevance in your life instead of finding fault with the messenger. It's not MY problem, it's a problem that women must face if they really want a lasting mate and no amount of upgrades is going to help. Everyone is so caught up with all manner of upgrades, profiles, pictures, -and who knows what else- that they lose sight of real purpose of being in an online personal. I don't know about you, but I only have so many years left in my life and I don't want to end up alone in old age.

A lot of people are unhappy here. I had a bad experience with a guy and was a bit hostile in responding to my messages here for quite a while. I'd given up on the male gender or maybe I'd given up on myself and the male gender. Sometimes we get disillusioned and need some time to heal. I did my healing right here. I've never had a shortage of correspondents (some women, too) and enough of those people were honest with me about my attitude that I'm sure it shortened the time I need to "get right".

Gottlieb is partly right imo. I run into a lot of men looking for a "replacement" gf, live-in, wife, whatever. I've had a long correspondence with a man I eventually met who literally used the word "replace" when lamenting that it has taken too long for him to replace his ex-wife. This man was smart and witty, but I knew the afternoon I spent with him that I was just one in a long list of "replacement" candidates. There is research out there confirming Gottlieb.

Women are more likely to zero in on one guy and take more time moving on if that particular relationship doesn't work out. We're more "selective" in that way.

Don't forget how visual men are. Think about the women who may be experiencing some of the same difficulties you seem to have in dating/meeting someone, but I don't think there's one thread here, a "nice gal" thread, with women whining about it.

jmo Good luck

Oh, on topic: I loved the upgrade, the extended profiles info, the "last on line" date and time, knowing when and how often they viewed my profile, a lot more views and mail (as I've said). A time or two my profile was deleted when I had a paid account. I always found a full refund on my credit card statement the following month. (Don't know how that works but that was my experience). I think the folks who are having issues with billing are not managing their subscriptions. It's very easy.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 66
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 7:45:12 AM
Holy...This is from his profile...then he wonders why he has no luck?


To all you women who are F SERIOUS about a relationship: YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! either you read Lori's Gottlieb's book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" and face REALITY or continue living in la la land..men may be deceiving, but the person you least expect -the one in the mirror- can be far worse. It's so sad and very discouraging -even to the best of men- that women at midlife are as clueless about Lori's observations as the young. So next time you hear or see men marrying foreign women, now you know why.

Shakes head....
On topic....No upgrades are not going to help you get a date....lol.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 67
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 7:52:34 AM

Have you messaged them? Not yet


Free version for the hoi polloi:

When you find an interesting profile and want to be sure you haven't already messaged that person, click on Inbox, click Contact History, change the age range to just that person's age, and click the button to show the results. If that person is already there, don't message them again. If not there, you just have to hit the back button a few times to get back to the profile. Takes less than a minute on a real computer.

The only way you'll message someone again is if they created a new account, in which case the paid feature wouldn't work either.
 GnosisMan
Joined: 5/4/2014
Msg: 68
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 12:56:09 PM
Fire_and_Ice4_You

So you say I'm trying to control women and that my profile will not get me a date and that I'm being defiant and that I'm blaming women. Considering what I wrote, I was not expecting anyone to reply to me-much less get a date. Mainly becuase you just confirmed the premise of what I said in that women on the personals share your sentiment. They have little or no regard for introspection, for truth, and find fault with anyone who questions things because it puts into question your culturally conditioned beliefs. And to claim that the author has absolutely nothing to offer is a serious mistake. You said in your profile that "I feel, it's very important to be an honest person" I agree, but if we can't be honest with ourselves, how can we possibly be with others? How can we possibly free ourselves from that which is holding us back? No doubt, men too have their issues and rest assured I have no qualms knowing what they are. In fact, I want to know every stupid thing men do to themselves and to women. Why? because I don't want to be like them. Because I'm sick and tired of the drama, the conditioned responses, and stereotyped perception men have of women. I don't want to love more, I want to love better.

CuriousInDB could not have said it any better regarding the problems we face in online dating and I thank her for it because it's exactly how I feel with the way things are -hence my profile. Says she,

"A lot of people are unhappy here. I had a bad experience with a guy and was a bit hostile in responding to my messages here for quite a while. I'd given up on the male gender or maybe I'd given up on myself and the male gender. Sometimes we get disillusioned and need some time to heal"

Again, thank you CuriousInDB for your thoughts. It's hard not to avoid feeling despair when this whole dating thing fails you and not knowing why- even though you changed your profile and photos countless times over the years.
Fire_and_Ice4_You ,
you say that my profile is a rant, but CuriousInDB gave me the word I needed to
describe it: disillusioned. Anyway, it looks like I need some healing too and I'll end this post since I'm already way off topic.




 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 69
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:09:52 PM
Whether upgraded or free POF membership, my feeling is a happy, upbeat, and cheerful profile leads to more dates.
Back when I was utilizing this website for dates, my social calendar was full. I was dating many (paradoxically) because I wished to be dating only one person. An individual must attend many "first meetings" in order to know where to focus.

A critical component to this is not the "level" of POF membership, yet the overall spirit of the profile. Good luck.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 70
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/14/2015 6:27:25 AM

So you say I'm trying to control women and that my profile will not get me a date and that I'm being defiant and that I'm blaming women

I believe you are when you're telling us to read a book and "we" need to change "our" minds.

Considering what I wrote, I was not expecting anyone to reply to me-much less get a date.

Unfortunately....You will now always be remembered by this profile of women in your area....shot yourself in the foot...even if you change it.

They have little or no regard for introspection, for truth, and find fault with anyone who questions things because it puts into question your culturally conditioned beliefs.

Point is....Your truth or introspection....isn't everyone elses....some men and women have no problems meeting/dating
And to claim that the author has absolutely nothing to offer is a serious mistake.

Sorry....I don't ever need someone to tell me...about myself and feelings and choices in my life...

You said in your profile that "I feel, it's very important to be an honest person" I agree, but if we can't be honest with ourselves, how can we possibly be with others?

I am honest with myself....that's the whole point. Why and who can anyone tell me who I can/should date or want? Just ludicrous...imo.

How can we possibly free ourselves from that which is holding us back?

I don't feel I am being held back at all! Quite happy actually...

No doubt, men too have their issues and rest assured I have no qualms knowing what they are. In fact, I want to know every stupid thing men do to themselves and to women. Why? because I don't want to be like them.

Hate to break it to you....Big Fail on this account..

Because I'm sick and tired of the drama, the conditioned responses, and stereotyped perception men have of women. I don't want to love more, I want to love better

Then be a better man...don't follow in the steps of a "bitter, mean spirited man"...looking to put blame on someone else for your lack of dates. Sometimes on line dating is not meant for everyone...it takes a tough skin and yes....no one likes rejection..it happens to all of us.
It's in how we deal with "all" circumstances in life...that make "us" who we are

Whether upgraded or free POF membership, my feeling is a happy, upbeat, and cheerful profile leads to more dates.
A critical component to this is not the "level" of POF membership, yet the overall spirit of the profile. Good luck

A man who gets it!!
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 71
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/14/2015 6:36:05 AM
Upgrade = stalker.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 72
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/14/2015 7:31:53 AM
When I see an upgraded membership, I automatically think desperate, 8 pictures weren't enough to sell themselves, let's try 16...
If I'm gonna spend money to find a mate, I'd rather do it on a site where the women are serious about it, and not just hanging out for years for attention and gratification.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 73
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/14/2015 3:40:27 PM
Tend to agree the upgraded memberships shows that they are not getting the dates they want and think that paying more for more pics etc will get them those dates. Does come off as a bit desperate and when I see the rare woman who does this, I have to wonder about her also. From what I gather, the upgrade wont make any difference and turn a profile suddenly into a magical popular one.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 74
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/14/2015 10:47:21 PM
Upgrade and prepare to be amazed and how useless it is.

If you hit the gym like 3-4 days out of the week and junk like that, worked on your self confidence you'd be doing yourself a solid.

Otherwise, paying for upgraded service is like paying for a useless ploy to sap money from you.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/15/2015 10:42:54 AM

Ainen
Free version for the hoi polloi:

When you find an interesting profile and want to be sure you haven't already messaged that person, click on Inbox, click Contact History, change the age range to just that person's age, and click the button to show the results. If that person is already there, don't message them again. If not there, you just have to hit the back button a few times to get back to the profile. Takes less than a minute on a real computer.

The only way you'll message someone again is if they created a new account, in which case the paid feature wouldn't work either.

Yes, that will work. Yes, I am aware of it, and have used it in the past before I “upgraded”. But over the course of a year, I will look at thousands and thousands of profiles, before sending out hundreds of initial messages. Looking at 1000 profiles, if I save 30 seconds on each one by being upgraded, that amounts to 500 minutes, or a little more than 8 hours of my time. I don’t know about you, but 8 hours of my time is worth a LOT more than the cost of an upgraded membership.

When I visit a profile, one of the very first things I look at is the previous contact information. This keeps me from wasting time. If I have already messaged her, and she never replied, then there is absolutely no point in reading the rest of the profile.

Now if you are in a position where you have much more free time than spare money, the above equation would not apply to you.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 1/15/2015 12:33:41 PM
Upgraded, now I get 1000's of daily e-mails from interested females instead 1 a year, my house is now full of women fawning over me.... Wakes up with two latex lovers...
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 7/19/2016 8:49:45 PM
What is this "it" that everyone is worthing about?!?!?
 StumbledBkn
Joined: 7/13/2016
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 7/20/2016 4:14:11 AM
POF has changed quite a bit since this thread started and they now charge for features that used to be free. I predict they'll continue down that path because every time they began charging for someone's formerly free favorite feature, they either lose that free member (which is no big deal) or they force that member to upgrade. So if they DO continue their current trend, we'll all be forced to upgrade at some point (or leave).

Personally, I've been here since 2008 and haven't upgraded yet but I probably will soon. Originally, I signed up to date. But have been here for the last 4-5 years for the Forums only. And during that time, POF began charging males to attach a photo to a message to a female. Their justification for the change was laughable, but that's besides the point. It didn't affect me until I received a message from a lady on the other side of the planet, who had a question about one of my forum posts. And she had attached a photo. So I wrote back, answered her question, and apologized for not being allowed to attach a photo in return. Frankly, I was embarrassed and felt badly about it. Fortunately, she was aware of the rule (I've since run across women who thought I was lying) and she took a chance on me by giving me her outside email address so I could send a photo. Which proves to me that the rule change had nothing to do with safety of female members. But again, that's besides the point.

My circumstances have recently changed and it looks like I'll now be here for the forums AND for dating. And getting a photo to a lady that asks for one is going to be a pain in the butt. POF knows that, and it's the real reason they made the rule change in the first place.

So I'll probably be upgrading soon. And for only one feature. A feature that females get for free. Does that make me look desperate? Maybe. But I see it just as paying for an even playing field.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 79
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 7/20/2016 9:56:28 AM
I like the upgrade.

Helps me weed out the girls that play the never respond for at least 24 hours game.

If they've read my response, and wait 24 hours to to respond, and do that twice?

They're blocked.

But hey, I can afford to be analytical in a pond with millions of fishies :)

Also, as Ohenry mentioned above, the detailed contact information is valuable.

You'd be surprised how many times a new pic is really someone else you've chatted with awhile back.

In other words...a dead end.
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