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 AUTHOR
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 35
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
^^^



If you're very brave, strong, and fortunate, the real "you" will win…
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 36
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:11:52 AM
I'm with ya OP. Honestly, the older I get, the more I open my eyes and the more I know myself, the more I just disregard the majority. Hamsters, lemmings, or sheeple. Call them what ya want, most people don't give me any warm and fuzzies anymore.

Has nothing to do with my testosterone levels or being "depressed"(where did that come from????),but more of how I am looking at the world and it's "people". I don't like what I'm seeing anymore. And when I don't like sumttin, it's pretty easy to "not care".

With that, even when I actually do "care", my thoughts and beliefs will NOT change other people's thinking. I understand it, accept it and in turn, "save my breath". My actions now have improved my health, have made me a much happier and content person, and I get to laugh a lot more (OUT LOUD) at people.

All in all, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. You are in the minority(which I consider a good thing nowadays) with your thinking. Question yourself all you want,but don't be "unhappy" with the answers you come up with. You are living YOUR life,not others. YOU are seeing and feeling what YOU are for a reason. I honestly KNOW that my choices are few and far between to finding another. I could change(as could you) to "fit" or "pick" a little differently but, I will ask others, why would "I" do that????? I would than be wasting TWO people's time.
 OutofControlMan
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 44
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 1:00:43 PM
as a non-expert, this sounds like symptoms of depression. do you also not want to deal much with friends, co-workers, people in general? like to withdraw?

as I recall someone describing it: "I still have the desire, I just don't want to deal with (or can't handle dealing with) all the surrounding BS " .schmoozing, dating, etc.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 47
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 2:14:24 PM

Just nothing.
Is that something that's common, and is that a sign of a problem? Are there any other people who seem to feel, I don't know what it is... fed up, or just NOT interested in other people? Your thoughts.



I am this way as well, and honestly I don't think it's a sign of a problem. We all can't be the same. I don't think to highly of people in general, men or women. I think that's probably the thing I should look at but I don't want a cure or whatever it is, it's supposed to be this way for now.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 48
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History
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:57:14 PM
Wow that was quick - a cure to your ennui - therapy - nope - hormones -nope

Funinsun32 - absolutely!

It was delightful to see this shift! Good for you!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 4:11:49 PM
^^^^What does not being real interested in dating or going through the motions to date have to do with empathy or narcissism? I don't see the connection.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 50
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 4:26:50 PM
he would be a fool to not take advantage of this cure!
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 51
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 4:56:45 PM
@ import from uk....For what it was worth...everything you said resonated with me...lol
That's how I have been feeling lately!

@Capn America...Sounds like you got some good advice and for what it is worth.
I recently just had this talk with a guy friend...a little older than you, mind you.
We just chalked it up to...needing to take a break from the game....hard to explain..you're not po'd or anything...just.....don't care.

Good Luck to ya!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 52
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:10:37 PM

^^^^What does not being real interested in dating or going through the motions to date have to do with empathy or narcissism? I don't see the connection.


Much easier to just "label" someone,,,NEGATIVELY, because an individual sees what most cannot. Honestly. So far the OP is depressed, lacks empathy(I have a real hard time myself with stupid people and what they do to THEMSELVES and then ask me to feel sorry for them), is narcissistic (another beaut that people NOW seem to love to use),low testosterone,etc.

Why hasn't anybody suggested the OP is just plain intelligent and observant????? I do see some have pointed out things,like the cookie cutter image that a lot out there FOLLOW. Don't forget OP, the MAJORITY do NOT like people that don't do as they say, don't do what they "wish" for, don't do what they would like ya to. Thus the labels. Some of these posts are actually evidence you are not so far off on your thinking.

Carry on, as if you really needed me to give you my approval.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 53
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History
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:26:07 PM
So mental and medical professionals are out, but you think Joe-Jane Blow on a message board are the way to find answers to your question? Alrighty then.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 54
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/8/2012 4:07:13 AM
^^^I agree he used that description, but it doesn't sound like anything based on his overall posts but just plain lack of interest in dating in particular. He did mention he isn't this way with friends, family, or in other situations - so to me that would rule out lack of empathy or Narcissism as that would include pretty much anyone he deals with, even those he's not trying to date.
 MishaBay
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 56
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/8/2012 1:03:18 PM
I find flaws in her. She irritates, or grates, or annoys me. I find reasons for her to be stupid, to like dumb stuff. Just, you know, find reasons, immediately. Complete and utter lack of any kind of interest.

What we see in others is a direct reflection of what we unconsciously see within ourselves. I would suggest you set forth a plan to really appreciate and love yourself. What you see in others is what you are holding in yourself. You can't love another person until you learn to love yourself. If you judge others, you are judging yourself. You can't see it in another unless you have it yourself. It's all smoke and mirrors. Start asking yourself why they annoy you, ask yourself why someone annoys you, and then seriously look inside yourself to see if you are also holding that irritation. It's all an inside job....we can't love others until we love ourselves.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 57
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/8/2012 1:58:14 PM
According to a few people who have studied psychology...the more sensitive we are...the more educated we become-and the more we learn about the attrocities that people can bestow onto others..the more likely we are to self protect. Some will call it being jaded...but I dont see it that way. I think acknowledging that bad things can happen is healthy, and self preserving. The key is...one day,. you have to realise these bad things are out there, they may happen to you...but while you are here on this planet, you will not let it stop you from living to the fullest, and finding someone to love, who loves you back. It is a feeling that either comes over you naturally at some point, or it may take a bit of work to get there.

RO

You just have not met a special lady that you feel compelled to 'gel' with yet.
 Agnostiker
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 58
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/8/2012 2:50:48 PM
To the OP:

I can relate to you. My guess, from my personal exeperience, would be a case of dysthimia.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 61
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:18:43 AM
Flat 'affect' (look it up) IS a mental health issue. It can be caused by various issues... medical problems, hormonal problems, SAD, depression.... psychological defense mechanisms (which are not conscious) etc...

I don't know why you would be against finding some sort of answer for this?... therapy, or even a good check-up and diagnoses, is the smart thing to do - flat affect can take so much joy out of life that one can become suicidal after time. OR you could develop an addiction to a substance and or person as a way to self-medicate. We are optimally supposed to have certain chemicals in our brains.. dopamine, serotonin - that make us 'feel'.. it's natures way of motivating us and keeping us healthy.

You don't get happiness (or emotion) from another person - but you can experience it with another. Expecting to meet the 'right one' that will fire up your feel good chemicals in your brain is stupid and it's also expecting an awful lot out of another person, frankly it's self-serving and selfish..

Seriously, suck it up and accept that there may be a bigger issue here - get a medical evaluation and take responsibility for yourself.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 62
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/9/2012 10:04:19 AM
Disagree

If he can't feel anything with the women he is dating there could be some defense mechanisms getting in the way

(we all protect ourselves - sometimes consciously, sometimes not) Self knowledge can't hurt.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 63
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:35:24 PM
Have you damaged yourself, or have you been damaged?
Doing too many drugs, being around chemicals, being bombarded with shallow b.s. Too much Televalim, not getting exercise, they all can affect how you (don't) feel about others.
If it's not a chemical imbalance then it's probably a case of being jaded. If jaded, you'll have to do some critical thinking to "get over it" and learn to trust again.
If you act mean, and using this meanness to hurt others, you do have a problem and should get help. Innocent people do not deserve to be treated badly and being mean does not help you or the world in general.
I'm hoping you've just been experiencing an assemblage point shift and are now just re-accessing your real desires. If you are going through this, don't be too concerned, it'll take time to rid the old to make way for the new.
There is an ancient Chinese proverb about how if you want have a hot cup of tea, you'll have to empty out the old, cold tea, otherwise no matter how hot the tea you add to your cup , if you still have cold tea in your cup...the most you can expect is lukewarm tea.
Maybe it's time to empty your cup?
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 65
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/14/2012 7:51:32 PM
maybe u should look to play for the other 'team'...lol...sorry..thats all i got..
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 68
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:54:38 PM
yeah you read my mind. my entire life I have never really been attracted to men, and what I mean by that is, the relationship/male thing has never been a big priority for me. while my friends were marvelling at a hot guy's backside I would be marvelling over the scenery. I used to be so indifferent and apathetic that I am sure people wondered if I had a pulse. but over the past couple years things have changed, and while I will never fit in and be like the rest of the population, I now desire things and can understand what people are talking about when they speak of, say, marriage.

It's because I found things to be excited about on purpose, things to appreciate. It sounds weird, but I developed more of a connexion with people that way. and an actual desire for a partnership (what!?) ha. you're feeling something because your emotions are guiding you. If your emotions are boredom or apathy, then you might need to look at what it is you really want and start getting excited about life. then before you know it, someone fabulous will come along to get excited about it with you :)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 71
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/3/2012 10:24:45 AM

Is that something that's common, and is that a sign of a problem? Are there any other people who seem to feel, I don't know what it is... fed up, or just NOT interested in other people? Your thoughts.

I personally feel apathetic about people all the time. Being a chronic people-watcher is amusing to me, but as for "feeling" something about those I don't know? Nah, doesn't much interest me. Not because someone isn't interesting looking, or because they don't do things I find interest in, I just learned a long long while ago that watching people versus being involved with them is a better route for me. I have deep-seated feelings for those in my life (BF, family, friends, clients, etc.) but I feel no real need to add to the circle I'm so fond. I like my little circle just as it is. (I still do like to watch others, however. Just prefer to do it from a distance.)

Old news, lady. I already figured out what my problem was; I just don't care to date right now, and am disapointed in people. A bunch of stuff disapoints me with people, for example, when they tell you to go seek professionnal help, and are surprised when they refuse. I mean, I KNOW what you mean; for some people its necessary. Here in Quebec, we got some guy who OBVIOUSLY should have had some help, who went nuts, killed his 70 y old mother and his two nieces, ages 10 and under. THAT is something that you need help for.
However...I dont have much faith in professionnal help, unless its medical; I think shrinks have NO IDEA what they're talking about, more than let's say your average, roughly well educated person. For having studied a bit of psychology in college, and to have visited and talked to quite a few shrinks in my life, my opinion, for better or for worse, is that their schmuks. Still waiting for the one that will change it lol.

Well OP? Clearly you've not met the right "shrink" for you. And no offense, but studying a wee bit of psychology in college doesn't equate to what a mental health care professional does, in fact, know. These are not miracle workers. These are people who are tools for others. It's like finding an appropriate BF/GF, if the "fit" isn't right? You're not gonna get a thing out of therapy. On the other hand? If you were to find someone who gets your distaste in other human beings, you just might get enough information/insight to realize that you and only you can change how you view others. Other people don't disappoint us, we allow ourselves to be disappointed in others. Maybe the problem is that you expect too much from other people and not enough from yourself? (Just an idea.)

And I dont see "my condition" as a disaease, or something that even needs curing, at least right now. Someone on here told me when you meet the right one, you'll know, and you'll feel it. My point ot this thread was, I dont feel it; not that I dont feel ANYTHING towards ANYONE. Just towards women I'm interested in being involved with, thats it. Its just disinterest. I forgot to take into account one basic fact; maybe there's just NOTHING interesting in them, for me LOL.

Not a thing wrong with how you feel about women at the moment. I was single 12 years before I met someone I had found interesting enough to be interested in. Oh, I dated, did the short-term-relationship stuff. But never really felt much more than, "Ehhh, he's OK." or worse? "**shrugs** He seems datable, but....." I don't think there is a mandate somewhere that requires us to be interested in the opposite sex. It either happens or it doesn't. I'd not worry about having a condition/disorder/ailment, etc. You're just not interested. So be it. JMO
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 74
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:08:32 AM
I feel the same way towards men.. I still have sexual desire but I dont want to go through the hassle of meet/greet bulls*t - Poster Christy said what I would say... basically, sick and tired of the runaround to end up with egg on my face and it all being a complete waste of time and emotion.

(Desire is still there though..)
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 75
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:26:59 AM
I know what you mean Op, I'm the same way myself. Always have been. It's why casual dating just does NOT work for me. Most times I would seriously rather be at home reading a book.

Waiting until I'm actually excited to meet someone works best. I don't always feel excited thereafter, but that's life. When I do feel something, I tend to hang on a bit longer than I probably should though. Because I know how damned rare it is.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 76
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/4/2012 8:14:20 PM
I am like this when I'm "healing" after bad breakup or something....which is why I usually try to wait until I'm completely healed....I was telling one of my friends the other day that Brad Pitt could walk by and I would not get excited, but I honestly think this is because Im not healed from a prior relationship yet... ...very sure of this.....I'm emotionally suppressed person so is not often someone awakesn my sense in me in the dating field...

totally relate to "SHAKTI" above....it is sooooo rare for me too....

Also when you get this way sometimes it is time to take a dating break....reaccess...
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 77
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:46:32 AM
we all go through that semi depressed slump, it will go away with time. You are tired and bored of the same game , a new wman does not excite you as much as it did.

Emotionally you want to feel and want to feel more. You want to feel love inside and have someone feel love towards you.

Sex does not cut it anymore, it is part of maturing, you feel spomething is missing and you want more of something you do not know about what.

It is a phase , like eating chinese fast food everyday.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 80
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 6/5/2012 11:56:48 AM
never happened to me..maybe ur gay?
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