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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
Prove it!Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

No one seems to be addressing my comment on why it seems ok for us to go behind someone's back and stalk their facebook, do searches via the internet, ect but not be more direct about verifying a potential mate?

When you voluntarily give someone enough information to do that sort of search, you gave them permission to search. If you ask someone for information and the person says no, you don't have that option. That seems fairly simple and obvious. Learn to control the information you give out to people either on purpose or by carelessness and no one can search facebook or google or whatever, either.

So from what I am reading here, I am better off hiding my method of verification versus just asking the man in person?

You're better off meeting in public and not giving out enough personal information to identify you until you're comfortable inviting someone where you live. Once you give out enough information to identify you, you might as well invite someone to where you live, since the guys who only come when you invite them won't be a problem and the guys who would be a problem won't care if you invite them. I really can't see why all of this isn't common sense.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 27
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Posted: 2/10/2012 11:55:17 AM

When I meet them in a public place, I guess I am saying I suspect them to be mass murderers? Well, yeah, its called safety


Squeaky Fromme met Charles Manson at a bus stop.

You can meet a mass murderer anywhere.

Although the odds are statistically against it.

 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 28
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Posted: 2/10/2012 11:59:58 AM
But why would you care if he is honest about his identity or not, if your only after sex?!?!?

That doesn't make any sense at all
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 29
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Posted: 2/10/2012 12:00:04 PM

No one seems to be addressing my comment on why it seems ok for us to go behind someone's back and stalk their facebook, do searches via the internet, ect but not be more direct about verifying a potential mate?


Then I will address it.

I don't think it is OK to do any of that UNLESS you have been given a specific reason for doing it....namely caught someone in a lie or fabrication or conflicting information.

 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 30
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Posted: 2/10/2012 12:05:45 PM

The above mentioned guy who wouldn't send proof had other reasons I later discovered for not honoring my request.


Really…like what? If he wasn’t who he said he was, how’d you know who he was? And why did you pursue him after he refused to “honor” your request?

I resent your implication that refusing to play your game means a man has something to hide. To me it says he’s smart and refuses to be manipulated. I’d have zero respect for any man who would hand over his personal info like that. He doesn’t know who YOU are either, ya know.

An ID proves nothing. Neither does a background check. Common sense will keep you a heck of a lot safer than some bogus information saying the dude’s okay, or simply verifying a name he gave you.


Also, I am not jumping into bed with this man, but yes I see potential at some point. Which would mean..... we have to be alone. Sorry, I gotta know for sure at some point he is who he says he is.


This is nuts. If you don’t trust him, don’t sleep with him!


i think insted, you should pat them down t.s.a style, wand them, than finger print them, then go for coffee :)


What a great first date idea.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 31
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Posted: 2/10/2012 12:28:33 PM
Ok, first things first.... I am not just after sex and even if I were, I prefer it to be with an honest man that I do share some sort of connection with. I think this man is being honest BUT how many women and men thought the exact same thing, only to discover they were completely duped? Sorry, it does happen, even to the smartest of people. It isn't about lacking common sense or being stupid.

Abelia, this isn't really about me and my personal info. To be honest, I have never felt the need to be completely secretive about ME. And unfortunately once a man I am talking to know's a few key things about me, they can find me with about 20 seconds on google. I am aware of this, and the only way I can see to avoid this is to lie about what I do for a living or kindly request they respect that I won't tell them what I do. That would go over REAL well I am sure.

Travel, I like to discover a liar before wasting to much time. I am a cut to the chase kind of gal. Life it so short. Once I know someone is a liar, why would I bother stalking them on facebook? I can just elimatate them from my life and move on.

Understand I have NEVER said that this one little step means the man is perfectly honest and can be trusted. It is just ONE aspect of learning about a persons honesty.

Fleuron, I don't think if a man disagrees with my request that he is lying but the one mentioned, his intentions became immediately clear after his refusal and then when he realized that I was not going to be manipluated into coming to his home for our first meeting. If I gave the impression that I continued to pursue him, I apoligize, as I sure did not.

And I won't sleep with current man until I can trust him. Hence wanting to verify who he is as a first step. We will hopefully continue to see each other on occassion and see how things progress.

In general I am not getting why someone showing me their id, and they are more then welcome to cover the address, is such a big deal. Being as I have only asked one person to do this (in person) and he was ok with it. The second was asked via the internet and he declined. He was a game player, manipulator and became very nasty when I told him I wouldn't talk to him anymore.

I presented this situation on the forum to get feedback and will now think about whether or not I will ask for id ever again.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 32
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Posted: 2/10/2012 12:49:43 PM
OP, we all want to discover liars sooner rather than later. Develop your interpersonal and communication skills…don’t rely on an ID to determine trustworthiness, you may end up disappointed or worse.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 33
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Posted: 2/10/2012 1:00:24 PM
I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 34
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Posted: 2/10/2012 1:47:15 PM
Fleuron, I would not be relying on one 'thing' to gauge someone's honestly. As I wrote earlier:

"Understand I have NEVER said that this one little step means the man is perfectly honest and can be trusted. It is just ONE aspect of learning about a persons honesty."

Rum, you first! LOL

Ragdoll, what exactly can one do from seeing someone's ID? Again.... I don't expect someone to show their address..... picture and name. You aren't the only one to scream identity fraud! Maybe I am missing something because I don't see what evil can occur from seeing for a brief moment those two things.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 35
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Posted: 2/10/2012 1:52:28 PM
this isn't really about me and my personal info.

Well, it is, since you said you were ine with a quid pro quo exchange of information and normally, people will take things more seriously once they stand to lose out from their own actions.

And unfortunately once a man I am talking to know's a few key things about me, they can find me with about 20 seconds on google.

Which is why you ought to develop a habit of not giving out personal information that could identify you. I don't even have to think about it. I just don't give out that kind of information out of habit.

That would go over REAL well I am sure.

I've always considered myself socially inept, but apparently I'm slicker than I gave my self credit for being. This is nt difficult. If you're intentionally vague, you can satisfy a normal person's curiosity to the extent that a person with any manners would get the hint that you don't want to give details and to ask more would be prying. This is especially easy for women since most men don't place any importance on what a woman does for a living.

And I won't sleep with current man until I can trust him. Hence wanting to verify who he is as a first step.

I'd think life would be simpler if you just didn't give out information in the first place so you didn't have to think about all of this stuff.

In general I am not getting why someone showing me their id, and they are more then welcome to cover the address, is such a big deal.

I thought I explained this. If I know your last name, I can get all the information about you that I might want to get, for whatever reason. I may not need that much. A birthdate and your first name might be enough. Once you provide that information, you can't change your mind and unprovide it.

what exactly can one do from seeing someone's ID?

Find out who you are and then obtain everything there is to know about you from public records, the names of your relatives, a list of former addresses asnd possibly even your credit history.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 36
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Posted: 2/10/2012 2:01:35 PM
So a guy with bad manners will keep asking about my career? Because I have tried to avoid just what I 'do' and have men continue to ask. One to the point that he basically stopped talking to me. My guess is that my avoidance to answer that question leads them to believe that I am unemployed or on welfare.

Since you keep directing this back at someone finding out about me, maybe you can suggest just how I can avoid the combo of what I do for a living and my name and the city I live in.

If I am at the point where I might ask this current man for ID, I will be 100% comfortable showing up my ID. Just FYI. He actually already knows enough to pursue a serious search.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 37
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Posted: 2/10/2012 2:08:14 PM
To add: current man and I have met in person two times now. I have never asked his last name nor has he asked mine. Apparently he is a bit cautious also due to a slight stalking thing where he must have told a women who he worked for and after 2 dates, she 'fell in love' and began calling his work. Not a good thing for his professional life.

Between his cautiousness and my paranoid attitude, we will never know anything about each other. But heck, we still have great chats!
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 38
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Posted: 2/10/2012 2:29:22 PM

In general I am not getting why someone showing me their id, and they are more then welcome to cover the address, is such a big deal.


I would be more concerned with anyone getting my license number or ss#, both of which are on my license. And, quite frankly, I'd be quite offended if someone asked me to "prove who I am".
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 39
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Posted: 2/10/2012 2:47:39 PM

Since you keep directing this back at someone finding out about me, maybe you can suggest just how I can avoid the combo of what I do for a living and my name and the city I live in.

Since a city generally has at least a few peope in it, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Buy a prepaid phone and activate it anonymously. If someone asks what you do for a living, be vague. If you were the ceo of fprd, you could say that you work in management in the automotive industry, for example. If someone is too nosey before they have any reason to know that stuff, write him off.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 40
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Posted: 2/11/2012 10:48:56 AM
Obviously no one likes this idea.
You keep saying what could you gain from their ID. In which I need to turn that around on you and ask what are YOU gaining from their ID. It just proves their name... and thats assuming the ID is legit.
Now I do understand your caution.. but it comes off badly. You need to come up with a better way of presenting this. I dont know what that would be tho.
 MyScreennameRox
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 41
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Posted: 2/11/2012 9:59:46 PM
I had a gal ask for my last name under the guise of putting me in her phone contacts. So I tell her. Then she asks if I had a Facebook. I said yes, and she changed the subject.

The next day she's wanting to know why she couldn't find me on facebook. I tell her because I have a display name, I don't use my personal name. I went on to say that if she had ASKED if she could add me, I'd have happily told her my display name or email so she could do so. I didn't talk to her after that.

By the way, that is precisely why I use a display name rather than my personal name in order to filter out the sneaks like her.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 42
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Posted: 2/12/2012 8:43:17 AM
You all will be happy to know I had a meet up with a man (first meet up) and I did not ID him. LOL

We had a great time, met for coffee.... talked and talked till we decided to go eat dinner. In all we spent 5 hours between the two places. At one point he mentioned his last name but I didn't 'catch' it and didn't ask for him to repeat himself.

Time will tell......


Thanks for all the feedback. Even the not so nice.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 43
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Posted: 2/13/2012 3:50:42 PM
Thanks Boarder. :)
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 44
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Posted: 2/15/2012 12:12:43 PM
Aparently being asked for ID is not so rare after all. The second time I met up with the man I am with today he pulled out his ID just to prove he was who he said he was and to prove he was gainfully employed where he said he was. It was not necessary and I didn't think I was giving off a mis-trusting vibe but based on this thread I am guessing he's been asked before and just wanted to beat me to it?? lol
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 45
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Posted: 2/15/2012 2:31:42 PM
I think that asking someone for ID is creepy.... I wouldnt blame a guy for getting upset or just not liking you after that. Its weird to the point of creapy.What is your point in doing this??
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 46
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Posted: 2/18/2012 7:20:28 AM
I'd have no problem showing my ID to a woman who I was interested in seeing again after a first date.

I wouldn't take it personally as most who posted on this thread would seem to do, I get that most people lie about their ages, and their status and all that, in fact I'd be impressed at her being so thorough and cautious.
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 47
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Posted: 2/18/2012 8:43:55 AM
I wouldn't mind. As far as being used for fraud, most states have a copy of your license or ID in an online database that isn't terribly hard to access. If you have visited a nightclub that has asked to see your ID in the last 5 years, odds are your ID was swiped, which creates an instant scan that is attached with the name generated by the strip. They keep this as a database in case you get kicked out, or try to walk out on your tab.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 48
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Posted: 2/18/2012 9:10:11 AM

Arlo_Troutman:
Your world may be populated with liars...


Arlo despite our vastly differing opinions, I'm still convinced that we both live in the same world.
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 49
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Posted: 2/18/2012 1:09:53 PM
Sure, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 50
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Posted: 3/1/2012 9:43:15 AM
All these replies were very eye opening.

I have taken into consideration all the opinions. After all, that WAS the point to this thread.

One man I went out with did throw his last name out in the conversation. Man 2, we had 3 meetings and still nothing from him. I have NOT asked for any ID's. Man 2 has such an odd story BUT there are never any holes in it. He is the one who mentioned a past female basically stalking his job after 2 meetings. I believe he is being cautious in regards to me. Seriously who has time to stalk much less the energy?!?!

So what do you all think of me asking man 2 for ID at this point? That would happen on meeting number 4?

BTW, all these meetings have gone great. Many hours spent in public, chatting, drinking, eating. Actually the last meet up, we met at my work so he knows WAY more about me in that regards then I know of him.

And I am not overly distrusting. What I am is realistic.
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