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Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Fell Hard Too Fast Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
We hit it off with out marathon phone conversations and before you know it he's talking about love. How he never felt such a connection before, his plans for the future, etc.
He is a very nice person but so needy. I realized I had to do something to cut this thing off.

Now I feel badly about it. He was a truly nice guy but I have to believe

Yes, many of us have to believe that we have the control of everything about our life and our relationships...

What you have described is someone who hasn't learned the game of playing hard enough to get, to keep you intrigued about him and a possible future...
He seems to have let his emotions take over after one encounter with you...

Only YOU can prevent your future relationships.. By always discounting those like him that seem to give up their side of the balancing power game way too early...

Another example of why Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most..
It REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself... S
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 4
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:03:11 PM
You can turn back if he's that into you. If you believe you can't, why is that?
You made it clear he was freaking you out, did he not slow things down? If he did, maybe another chance is in order. If he didn't give you time and space but just gave up and started name calling or came up some other controlling trip, then you made the right decision. More info might help us decide if you're "nuts". lol.
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 5
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:30:21 PM
Hate to say this: Whoever falls *in* love record fast will fall *out* of love equally fast.

You are only nuts if you think you've just pushed a seemingly nice catch away. Chances are you just dodge a bullet. Congratz!
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 6
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:04:33 PM
I believe you did the right thing. You feel bad about it because you know his heart was in the right place, but you can't will a romantic attraction for him when he's doing things that shut it down.

Hopefully some positive comes of all this and he realizes what he did, correctly places the blame on himself, and takes some corrective action to improve himself and become a more attractive man.

I think we've all done similar things in our lives at one point or another. Falling for someone too fast that is. I know I have. Some of us learn from it, some of us don't and continue to blame everyone else for our own failures.
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 8
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:11:45 AM
Naw you are not nuts. Love is a tricky game. But he did move too fast. Way too fast. But it can be hard to just dump someone because they fell too soon.

You did what you had to do and it was a reasonable move. Best of luck.
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 9
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:36:22 AM
Now I feel badly about it. Am I nuts?

Why, because he's a "nice guy" and you didn't want to disappoint him? Or because you feel like you've lost something you should have otherwise been able to have were he not batshit crazy? Those other people are just guessing, but I need a more thorough explanation of your feelings and motivations before I can officially diagnose you as nuts.

The second time he came over he brought shaving cream, razors, deodorant, etc. Wanted his own drawer.

OMG I would have drop-kicked him off the front porch.
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 10
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:20:48 AM
This guy is a needy wuss. If you were to continue seeing him, you would have to get used to that suffocating feeling.
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:44:47 AM
re: msg 24: I don't think he's nuts; just homeless. I remember all to well the array of "boyfriends" wanting to live with my mother. Unbelievable. Makes one ask; what have these men been doing with themselves for 60 some yrs?
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 12
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:01:13 AM
This was doomed from the beginning.
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 13
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:39:53 AM
Tall...I kinda agree...

What you have described is someone who hasn't learned the game of playing hard enough to get, to keep you intrigued about him and a possible future...
He seems to have let his emotions take over after one encounter with you...

Although, I don't want to look at it as a game....In my experience there were many of these type of needy men...talking about "what we could or would do next summer" unattractive to me.
No second dates with those type.

Now that I think of it...I was always more attracted to the ones that came across more sure of themselves and definitely not needy.
I would much appreciate a man who seems to be as selective as I...make sense?

IMO....Too needy! I don't like to second chance but I have learned to listen to my gut...
BTW...Tall...what is the 1st challenge in life?
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:41:56 AM
So he, right away, shows you freakishly bizarre behavior and you think he's a nice guy that you might not have treated well? Keep looking behind you, he might still be there and you might still be his prey. The whole thing is nuts, he was either looking for a free ride or he's nuts. Why you are not thinking restraining order is beyond me.

Seriously, I'm guessing you have shown yourself to be comfortable to well off and attractive and available and he thought, woohoo! she can take care of me and we can live her lifestyle together. He doesn't know you, so of course he doesn't love you, and I'm guessing you aren't the first woman he's tried this with.
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 15
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 9:10:15 AM
What a gambit of responses! Interesting topic for sure and even more interesting all the different takes on it. I'll be thinking more on this one! ;-)
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 16
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:22:57 AM

Am I nuts?

Had this happen to me twice before. Once a little over a year ago. A guy I went out with twice bought me some expensive Christmas gifts and my daughter. Had his mom friend me on facebook, and was overall very needy and questioned any guy who commented on my facebook. He even thru out I could come live with him when I was laid off for a brief stint. Of course that was an easy no, not to mention the fact that he lived about an hr and a half from me. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and go out with him another time and to talk to him to back off, but that would last a few days. He started right back up and was just overall too much too fast. I had to cut all ties off from him. Had to even threaten an RO on him because he wouldnt quit emailing and calling. He even made a feke profile on here with crappy wording just to bait me. (met him off here).

Also am going thru something similar but not as bad. Been talking to this guy for a few months and because of schedules and timing (mainly on my part), we hadnt had a chance to go out for the first time til last weekend. Before that, he was texting me at work asking where I thought this was going. Then proceeded to tell me that he isnt talking and interested in only me and wants to date me exclusively (before we had even met). Ok, nice guy, maybe infatuation, whatever. Went out, had a nice night. The next day he proceeds to confess his feelings and wants an exclusive thing with me. IIIIII dont even kn ow where Im at at this moment. Although I could see something in the future progressing, I would like to take my time and get to know him and date him. However, he isnt wired that way, so, I dont see it working out.

In my world, wtih the mistakes Ive made along my dating years, and what Ive experienced and seen: they start fast, they end fast. Fall hard quickly, end hard quickly.
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 17
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:56:47 AM

Hard to believe that anyone can actually love you? Only in this retarded country (the US) showing affection and expressing love is perceived as being 'needy' and looking at 'nice and kind' as a flaw.

dude. you dont get it. she just met him less than a month ago. its not that she has a hard time with someone who can express it. its the amount of TIME, that shows red flags.

To cut it short - yes, you are nuts just like any random **** in this ****ing country. Enjoy being slapped around by some ***hole and treated like shit by your next guy. Could be me.

you got issues man. this sounds like a threat.

sidenote: you dont like this country (im from CA as well), then get the F out and quit bashing how bad you think it is. this isnt about how poorly you think the country is run.
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 18
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:50:20 PM
Thank you. I feel better, but haven't read the rest of the posts yet.

Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 19
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:59:37 PM
God, I never thought I should "take him back". And yes, I did tell him things were moving much too fast, but it just didn't register with him. And yes again, he had his own apartment and a decent job (not some derelict). I just felt so boxed in, especially when at one point I was talking about spending time with friends and he said "Well, you have a boyfriend now".

I am neither needy nor mean spirited. And, for the record, he is 56 and get this, had an 18 yr. relationship with a woman he never lived with. OK, Sigmund, how 'bout that?
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 21
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:55:13 AM
he likely wants to settle down and has been awaiting for the perfect scenerio, he just needed to be told he was moving way to fast and he was scaring you off is all.

One should not have to provide this level of instruction and guidance to a man in his 50s.

I don't think OP left out anything we really needed to know.
I was done at "showing up with my crap and expecting my own drawer."
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 22
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:35:19 AM
I would say that he probably was so damn lonely that he misinterpreted things. Maybe next time make your feelings known from the getgo. I know I could probably have done the same thing had it not been for all of the rejection both on here and in the real world that has left me with a tough exterior.
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 23
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:33:23 AM
I just had a man text me that he was in love and i never met him! creeps me out when people act so needy. I had on many occasions have men talk about future, family, kids , meeting their mom all on the first date nd that sent me running for the hills
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 24
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:55:50 PM
dude screwed up-understandable
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 25
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:58:45 PM
I've sent a first text on POF -I think I love you--it was humor--a compliment to the ladies appearance
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:10:11 PM
The guy sounds like one of those creepy people who stalk their favorite Hollywood star, hang around their residence and are convinced the star they're stalking is in love with them and attempt to convince the star to marry him/her. Maybe the 18 year relationship with a woman he never lived with was the kind I described. I wouldn't trust someone like that. Too many red flags.
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 27
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:38:59 PM
I agree with those who think you need to take some responsibility here. This board is filled with some of the most cynical, distrustful people on the planet. Lots of people have fallen in love with their husbands/wives within the first few's not so uncommon... they just happen to still be married and not be on a posting board of singles. And when you have phone/online conversations ahead of time then there's more being shared by the first date then what you do for a living...the success stories from this site can be the testimonials that it indeed can happen!

The defining factor is both need to feel the same way and be willing to embrace the opportunity for it to work. Love has different forms and for a child vs love for a family member vs love for a new friend vs love for an old friend, etc...all possible but very different loves and that can grow or be discarded at different rates depending on the other person.

So if you had marathon phone sessions and had him over to your place where he felt the need for "stuff" then you were giving the impression of a strong connection in your actions, even if your words were the opposite. You weren't just meeting for coffee.

I think the comment about you not having to spend time with your friends because you have a boyfriend now was way too much and a red flag for sure but he most likely was just hoping you might find it romantic and want to choose him over them since the relationship was new. Requesting a drawer was odd too but also a good time to have a discussion about what "taking it slow" meant to you. Lots of people say that and then turn around and have sex with that person the same night and are all lovey dovey. Talk about a mind f*ck to someone falling hard.

Heck I had a fall fast and hard experience recently...we texted all day and late into the night for a week, met at his request, great connection (by his account as well), he pretty much spent 2 weeks living at my house since we both happened to have some time off (and left stuff here), shared lots of personal info that you usually wouldn't share unless you were together a while...then he played the "I need to take things slow" a few times but didn't really say what that meant (fine with me, I didn't want him to move in or anything) and then he does the disappearing act and when he finally gets in touch with me he makes it out like I was too needy and was over reacting to being upset with him because the relationship was so short. WTF! I sure wasn't asking for him to come back...but I did feel I deserved an answer to what happened. In hindsight I dodged a bullet, I think there were probably more lies then perhaps I needed to have that list of red flags posted back on page 2 though lol (but I and my married friends haven't met anyone without some of those so you never know). Bottom line is, his actions didn't match his words and I got sucked in thinking someone was on the same page and got hurt in the could have been prevented with some maturity and clear communication about expectations, boundaries and wants. I would have kept my walls up too. I did fall in love with him fast...but not enough I couldn't walk away from that mind game crap...but if it had been a 2 year relationship, the love might have been more so that I might have felt it worth fighting for.

I think your guy might have dodged a bullet just as much as well and I hope he can see that soon. He deserves someone who doesn't give mixed signals early on and is open to running with a good opportunity. We're not getting younger and when you know what you want and think you found it then there's nothing wrong with hoping it will work out and giving it your all.

And if they are intruding on your space...fix it by spending more time at theirs so you can drop their stuff back off:)

Finally if his last long term relationship didn't result in him moving in then perhaps he didn't feel the same connection with her as he did with you like he said and didn't lead her on by taking it to the next level and she was ok with a companion too. That's normal and nice...normal is rather subjective.
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 28
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:44:40 PM
always go with your gut love takes time some rush and you cant make yourself love someone so its hard to crush someone but in the long run your happiness matters. So you did good. he will need to work on trying to go slow until then you do for you :) good luck!
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 29
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Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:51:11 PM
If he loved you as he claimed he did (I tend to doubt the whole love at first site and those that claim to love someone when they don't even know them yet, but I guess I have enough of a romantic side to consider that just because its never happened to me doesn't mean that its not possible) he would have heard you when you said he needed to slow down and should have been willing to give you the time and space you needed. I don't think it was so much that he didn't "hear" you as that he completely discounted your feelings. Your feelings didn't matter as much as his did. That isn't how you treat someone you love.
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