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 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
one first meet and greet ... we met at a designated place downtown on Main Street and walked several blocks to an antique section of town ... went in and out of several antique stores ... THAT was a great first date!

we never went beyond that first date because of other reasons but that scene would be my optimal first date ... we found ourselves laughing about so many things ... "my grandmother had one of these!" ... "ooohhh ... look at THAT!" ... sorts of things ...

I much prefer ACTIVITY dates to the stiff, more formal interview types ... we probably learned more important things about each other thru this activity than interviewing anyway!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 27
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:25:01 AM
What fun is an interview and then people want to know why there is no chemistry...leave the questions at home...the meets that have gone the best for me have been where we didn't talk about who or what we were but just hung out and had fun...

If a man starts to grill me on a meet Im leaving ...wtf all that should be done before you agree to meet.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 28
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:59:04 AM

What fun is an interview and then people want to know why there is no chemistry...leave the questions at home...the meets that have gone the best for me have been where we didn't talk about who or what we were but just hung out and had fun...

If a man starts to grill me on a meet Im leaving ...wtf all that should be done before you agree to meet.


Obviously, determining chemistry is one the main things about a first date, but I think it can also be fun and interesting to learn about the other person. It doesn't have to be an "interview" or a "grilling". If you and I were on a date, and we were getting to know one another, and I asked you a question about yourself, you might think WTF and walk out, but when you walked out, I would think WTF.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 29
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:14:47 PM
What fun is an interview and then people want to know why there is no chemistry...leave the questions at home...the meets that have gone the best for me have been where we didn't talk about who or what we were but just hung out and had fun...


...Most of the questions that I have had were more than likely answered prior to the first meet, otherwise I wouldn't be there.

Also, I failed to mention something in my previous post. Depending upon my/our connection through e-mails/phone....although I have had a number of coffee dates....most of my first meets have included sharing a meal. I don't know about anyone else but I figure if we're meeting after work or whatever...we both have to eat. Must as well get to know one another over dinner and a drink. And I "always" suggest we go dutch. That way there is no confusion when the bill arrives.
*Note*....never order spagetti or noodles



...mae
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 30
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:20:18 PM

Obviously, determining chemistry is one the main things about a first date, but I think it can also be fun and interesting to learn about the other person. It doesn't have to be an "interview" or a "grilling". If you and I were on a date, and we were getting to know one another, and I asked you a question about yourself, you might think WTF and walk out, but when you walked out, I would think WTF.


If you ask me A question..Im not walking out..but if you are grilling me about who my second grade teacher is...Im gone... Getting to know someone doesn't have to include things like interview questions...which are mostly PAST related vs FUTURE or so it has been when someone tried to do that to me...

Isn't it more important the interact we have at that moment vs trying to pre-screen out someone cause we feel they might not be worthy...

See I look at it that if we didn't meet online, lets say we met out somewhere ...and we agreed to a date and then on the date you this whole agenda of qualifications that most people on here put each other thru when none of it really matters. People are trying to find a reason not to like someone vs liking them...they want to make sure they are worthy vs allowing whatever feelings they might be able to have for that person to just grow.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 31
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 1:00:13 PM
i live in greater los angeles. one tactic i liked was to meet during the day at the piers or boardwalks, outdoors by an obvious landmark. then we'd have options rather than the one coffeeshop choice, which is to buy a cup of coffee and sit at a table. we could walk (my favorite for stimulating conversation), or sit on a bench and peoplewatch, or go get the ubiquitous coffee.

this sort of thing would work at most any outdoor mall or plaza reasonably touristy venue, but of course is dependent on the weather.

one first meet, the gal suggested we meet in a specialty grocery store. why not? we had great fun yakking, looking at unusual food items from around the world and whatnot, while she shopped for stuff for a barbecue she was putting together.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 32
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 1:03:38 PM

If you ask me A question..Im not walking out..but if you are grilling me about who my second grade teacher is...Im gone... Getting to know someone doesn't have to include things like interview questions...which are mostly PAST related vs FUTURE or so it has been when someone tried to do that to me...

Isn't it more important the interact we have at that moment vs trying to pre-screen out someone cause we feel they might not be worthy...

See I look at it that if we didn't meet online, lets say we met out somewhere ...and we agreed to a date and then on the date you this whole agenda of qualifications that most people on here put each other thru when none of it really matters. People are trying to find a reason not to like someone vs liking them...they want to make sure they are worthy vs allowing whatever feelings they might be able to have for that person to just grow.

I think we may be saying the same thing for the most part. I agree that a date should not feel like an interview, and should not be about scrutinizing the other person's past to determine if they are worthy of our time and attention. I also agree that a date should be fun, and should be an opportunity to explore feelings and attraction.

I do think that learning about someone, in an easy going and comfortable manner, can offer valuable insights about that person. I mean, relationships are not built just on fun and chemistry. Before I make an emotional and physical investment with someone, I'd like to know that we have at least somewhat similar values, and at least a somewhat similar outlook on life. I'm not judging them, but just making sure we are compatible. I think that's reasonable.
 fall_blossom
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 33
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 1:59:45 PM

I prefer to meet outside the coffee shop in the parking lot and either go for coffee and a walk or go our separate ways if he does not turn out to be anything like his profile pics... and it has happened many times.
How do you go your separate ways and how quickly?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 34
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 2:05:58 PM
What fun is an interview and then people want to know why there is no chemistry


Exactly !

"I'm going in for a root canal today, I don't know why I never enjoy those."

 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 35
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 2:24:12 PM
For the majority of the meet and greets that I participate in, there is no "interviewing". What I have found to happen most often is that I sit back and just listen. I seldom ask any questions nor do I interject. Most men (in my case) are more than willing to flap their gums and wag their tongues about how wunnerful they are. Heck, the last meet and greet I was on lasted for one hour and at the end of that hour, the man hadn't even bothered to ask me what my name was. I'll be "Tink" to him in his mind forever. It's also quite amazing and amusing what comes out of people's mouths when they are just too busy yakking and don't give any really thought to what they are actually saying.
 FloridaLady46
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 36
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 2:51:28 PM

It would have been awkward if I had gone with my initial idea to have a private lunch in the middle of a hotel ballroom, and have the chef come out and explain each course as it was delivered by our own team of tuxedo clad servers. I thought that would have been a very unique first date, and being in the hotel business, I could have pulled it off. Scares me to think how uncomfortable that would have been. That was early on in my online dating experience (last month-hah), but after that I vowed to keep first dates simple.


But the scenario you described above, ashburnguy99, would be a fabulous date later on for someone who you do have chemistry with! It is awesome when your date goes the extra mile and plans a special time for you. Keep up the creativity!
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 37
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 2:57:24 PM
I've met very few men like that, Tink ... there was one who insisted we meet on a corner in front of a Taco Bell who wanted to talk forever ...

it was about 106 or so in the shade so I suggested we go into Taco Bell where the air conditioner was on ... he said he wouldn't go to a Taco Bell for a first date ... I was melting ... suggested we walk a block to an ice cream shop with air conditioning ... we did but he complained, insisting he wasn't much of a walker ... that man was a good talker!

I think he probably still thinks I'm Molly ... oh! HE was the one who called me "stupid" because I didn't know the quality of the soil at a particular intersection!!!

maybe I've been dating too long and should just give it up ...
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 38
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:01:30 PM

HE was the one who called me "stupid" because I didn't know the quality of the soil at a particular intersection!!!


I guess you should be very happy that you did not find out about the quality of the soil underneath his house.

 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 39
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:19:53 PM

What fun is an interview and then people want to know why there is no chemistry.


I don't consider it an interview. You definitely want to find out if there is physical chemistry, but also if you have personality chemistry. My last coffee date was spent talking a lot about sports...fine with me. If you read my profile you will see that is one of my passions. We talked about the differences in where we both used to live, me NY, him Wyoming and where we both live now, Ohio. We both learned a lot, it was fun and not an interview in the least. Two hours, great conversation .. pretty good for a first meeting.

You have to be open minded. Instead of an interview look at it more for what it is. The chance to meet and get to know someone new. Could be nothing, could be a new friend, could be the love of your life.
 Sweet_Laughter
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 40
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:21:04 PM
I don't do coffee dates either. Usually I pick a nicer place that we can sit and have a drink and talk. If things go well it's easy to grab something to eat and extend the time, if not one drink and you're out of there. Might be that I only do coffee in the morning but somehow meeting for a drink seems a bit classier.
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 41
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:28:39 PM
^^^ Yes, I have done drinks more often than coffee. I would always give the option of a drink or a cup of coffee. Some people are opposed to sitting in a bar. Funny thing is the successful meets were always at a bar, the unsuccessful ones were for coffee...things that make you go hmmmm.
 tlcme1964
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 42
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:31:21 PM
Meet & greets are meant to see if chemistry exists in person. The interesting action comes afterwards. Sounds more like your looking for an activity partner rather than romance. Not nice leading others on as well as yourself.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 43
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:10:32 PM
OP: Go buy your own coffee "to go." Have him buy his own coffee "to go." Meet at a park or whatever public, neutral, "I feel safe" place upon which you can both agree. Meet. Drink. When the coffee's gone, get up and leave, or set a date, or get a motel. Whatever's appropriate. If "Timmie's" (never heard of them) makes you tense, well, damn... DON'T GO THERE. Hellfire and Shinola, they don't have "to go" cups where you live? Use the brain God gave you, engineer the situation for success instead of anxiety, and drive on.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 44
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:08:57 PM
A girl wanted to play me at putt putt once.

It was fun.

And she was good too.

beat me two out of three.
(I think she left me win the one.)

So I lost the bet I made with her.
and had to take her to dinner to pay up..
:-)
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 45
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:13:07 PM
Hey OP. I met a guy for "coffee". he ordered water. Free water. Then I noticed a car following me after the "coffee date". So I turned around and drove into a shopping center and hung out in Walmart's for a while. Scary, but I knew it was the "date". You can never be too careful out there.
Sorry. this isnt a success date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 46
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 6:22:32 AM
^^^Unless you're trying to say that coffee meets are the only place a guy will follow you from, which we all know isn't true - what's your point here? That a guy someday might want water and not coffee? If this was your one and only coffee date, it's kind of far fetched to think the next 5 guys will do the same, no?
 wtyl
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 47
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 7:45:36 AM
RE: This topic and so many others

The 'search' for that click (aka chemistry) just starts to sound like such a chore.

I get it but, if you start reading people's descriptions of 'coffee dates' that they go into with the mentality - I want out of this ASAP if the stars don't align.

yikes? Isn't this supposed to be somewhat enjoyable?

Is it not possible to share a bit more time with someone (I'm also of the 'it's nice to sit down over a meal' attitude. I definitely will always offer up front to pay my half, because I can see why men would get frustrated with the 'will date for food' woman) and just enjoy their company, learning about them, sharing a laugh or a good story about any old thing even if they don't end up being 'the one' (or maybe more accurately 'someone I want to sleep with').

I have tried to keep expectations realistic. Not letting the 'prior to meeting' time period not drag on too long, but maybe long enough to at least get a sense that unless this person is COMPLETELY different than what they have put forth with messages, pictures and conversation then I expect to at least enjoy their company for a couple hours no matter how it turns out in the long run. And I hope they don't walk away from a couple hours with me thinking 'wow, what a total waste of time' as well.

I will admit I've rarely done the coffee get together vs having a meal. Most guys have just suggested that and it has felt more natural to me, less like 'instant judgement ahead'....

Just my 2 cents.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 48
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 8:20:16 AM

But the scenario you described above, ashburnguy99, would be a fabulous date later on for someone who you do have chemistry with! It is awesome when your date goes the extra mile and plans a special time for you. Keep up the creativity!


LOL. I'm keeping that one in my back pocket for now.

This made me think. First dates with people you meet online, and first dates with people you meet IRL are totally different animals. If you meet someone online, no matter how much you talk, text or e-mail, you really don't know if you have that chemistry until you meet for the first date. I'm much less inclined to make a big investment of time and energy into online first dates. On the other hand, if you have already met someone IRL (say at work, or at a party, or through friends) then you have probably already determined that the initial chemistry is there before you decide to ask that person out on a date. If it wasn't, then you wouldn't ask them out! In that case, I might try to make the first date memorable (but still hold back the ballroom lunch!).
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 49
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 8:53:33 AM
I don't like the premise of the quick Coffee Dates because the way they're described by quite a few in here is that, and I'm going to be crude here, they're just a quick determination of "f**kability", and if fireworks don't go off or you don't feel an immediate desire to do them on the floor before the coffee gets served, then the decision that there's "no chemistry" is made, and it's On To The Next And Thank God I Didn't Waste Any Money On Them!

Of course, the exception to this is if they have totally misrepresented themselves physically, because they have already disqualified themselves as being dishonest.

At least if they're asking questions, they're interested in learning about YOU instead of gauging the reactivity of the bulge in their pants.

I know some disagree with me, but I still feel that chemistry can develop over time (by "time", I mean an hour, a couple hours, a second or third date....) if you have mutual interests and find yourselves in a good conversation over what subjects you both love to discuss. Sometimes just a great good-night kiss can make you reconsider how much chemistry you're not feeling. This HAS happened to me in several instances, though they didn't last for other reasons. Maybe it won't happen for you, but then you know you at least gave it more than a fleeting, instant chance.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 50
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:48:23 AM
^^^I do agree with you that chemistry can develop. I don't agree that attraction can.

Chemistry keeps getting tossed around to mean "attraction" and it's not. Whether your pheromones are affected, whether you want to see them naked - that's attraction.

Whether you can get along, get each other, have the same sense of humor, etc. is chemistry. You both either get along well or it's awkward - so YES, over time two people can develop chemistry.

I stand by knowing if I am attracted right away, and knowing if that's not there, there's not much else that will happen beyond friendship.
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