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 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 51
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Ive been on many coffee dates and my experience has been.....

1. I get stood up

2. In spite of talking at length with someone if I am so lucky to get a "coffee date" I get the "I think you are a great person, educated, hard-working, kind, caring, - place any adjective here - but I don't see anything other than friends" speech....right along with "but we can be terrific friends - go to movies, dinner, etc and I'll call you next week" crap......funny how I never hear from them....except for a few months down the road with them calling wanting to know "how I am doing" - which translates into "My options and prospects have dried up and your number just happened to come up to I thought I would see if you are with someone". - but that is for yet another thread.

sooooo as a result of all that..... I just won't even do a coffee date anymore.....heck, let's just say I won't even consider dating.......at all.......stick a fork in it and call it done.......
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 52
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/11/2012 4:47:40 PM

1. I get stood up

2. In spite of talking at length with someone if I am so lucky to get a "coffee date" I get the "I think you are a great person, educated, hard-working, kind, caring, - place any adjective here - but I don't see anything other than friends" speech....right along with "but we can be terrific friends - go to movies, dinner, etc and I'll call you next week" crap......funny how I never hear from them....except for a few months down the road with them calling wanting to know "how I am doing" - which translates into "My options and prospects have dried up and your number just happened to come up to I thought I would see if you are with someone". - but that is for yet another thread.

sooooo as a result of all that..... I just won't even do a coffee date anymore.....heck, let's just say I won't even consider dating.......at all.......stick a fork in it and call it done.......

Don't give up just yet. Listen to what other people are saying. Talk/text/email chemistry is a very poor predictor of IRL chemistry and attraction. We have all been on first dates that we felt were promising going in, only to find out that we didn't click with our date, or they didn't click with us. Finding the person that you connect with can be elusive, but certainly not impossible. Most everyone who has been at this for a while has been on MANY first dates that did not lead to anything, but they also have at least a few success stories.

Concerning the "I don't see us being anything other than friends" speech, just take it at face value, and move on. I have yet to see how a first date where 2 people do not connect on an emotional and/or physical level, turns into a friendship, but I've been told that it happens. As to the calls that come in a month or two down the road, if it's someone that you remembered as being a fun and enjoyable first date, then go for it. What have you got to lose, as long as you manage your expectations. Perhaps you made an impression on them, but they just needed to see what else was out there before they realized that you were the one that they wanted to go out with again.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 53
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/12/2012 4:49:28 AM

Concerning the "I don't see us being anything other than friends" speech, just take it at face value, and move on. I have yet to see how a first date where 2 people do not connect on an emotional and/or physical level, turns into a friendship, but I've been told that it happens. As to the calls that come in a month or two down the road, if it's someone that you remembered as being a fun and enjoyable first date, then go for it. What have you got to lose, as long as you manage your expectations. Perhaps you made an impression on them, but they just needed to see what else was out there before they realized that you were the one that they wanted to go out with again


Thanks for the feedback, but I am of the thought if they can't figure it out after a time of talking on the phone, and then the "meet and greet" they never will......and I am certainly NOT going to wait by the phone only to be anyone's last resort because THEIR options and prospects dried up.

I have NO expectations out here. Problem is, in this instant gratification society, if we don't feel the "instant spark" or the proverbial "love at first site" garbage, then we are out the door faster than you can blink.

Remember, never ever make someone a priority who only views you as an option.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 54
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:20:50 AM

Problem is, in this instant gratification society, if we don't feel the "instant spark" or the proverbial "love at first site" garbage, then we are out the door faster than you can blink.


I don't think it is has anything to do with our instant gratification society. I think it is a phenomenon that is unique to online dating. There are so many choices, literally hundreds, maybe thousands of men and women using online dating sites in your local area (depending on where you live and how far out you are expanding your search). With all the choices, it creates the illusion that we can all be extremely picky, regardless of whether we are a man or a woman, young or old, attractive or plain, skinny or fat, rich or poor, deep or shallow, high energy or low energy, etc, etc, etc. If we don’t feel that instant spark on a first date, there is a tendency to be dismissive, and move along to see if the next person is the one that can do it for us.

I have found that when you meet someone organically (not online), especially if you are not really looking, this is much less of an issue. You are not “evaluating” your partner (or potential partner) in terms of how he or she might compare to the next person, but rather you are just getting to know them for who they are….them. In a perfect world, that is how we would meet all of our partners, but it’s not a perfect world, which is why online dating exists.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 55
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/12/2012 12:06:30 PM
Sniper said:

engineer the situation for success instead of anxiety

and I realized that I must do that already, because I don't get anxious about dates or meets.
It's a chance to meet someone you didn't know before. They may turn out to be the love of your life - they may turn out to be no one you'd ever like to see again - but how do you know unless you meet them?

Personally, I've never minded that first dates are somewhat like interviews - because interviews are somewhat like first dates. Whether it's an interview or a date/meet-and-greet, both participants are (presumably) trying to put their best foot forward, find out if there's mutual compatibility, and get to know the other person well enough to determine if there may be a "fit". Just as in dating, you often have to go on a lot of job interviews to determine which employer you can see yourself working for (and for the employer, you have to interview a lot of candidates to pick the best potential hires). The more often you do these things, the better the chances that your instincts and "picker" will become more keenly tuned to weed out the candidates who aren't a good fit.

It's also a lot like business networking - they may not be right for you, but you might know someone who's right for them, or vice versa.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 56
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Better than the alternative...
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:08:52 PM
A coffee meet and greet is exactly that.
If you enjoy each others company then continue to lunch or whatever and /or arrange another time to meet up for a 'date'.

I will say that some of the men seem to treat the 'meet and greet' as an alternative to paying a professional.

I am sure some women do the same.
Just not me.

I will say that after a run of unsucessful meet and greet coffees it can get tiresome.
Although they can make for funny stories for your married girlfriends.

But I would never do, nor would I recommend what a girlfriend of mine did....

She had her first meet at the mans house!!!!!

Lucky it went well.
I did ask her if she was sold into slavery to let me know the price.

A coffee meet and greet can be over in 15 mins if really necessary and still be polite. You can put up with almost anything for 15 mins.
Other activities can be much harder to cut short.

I always offer to pay my half, and do pay 90+ % of the time.

As they say..... you have to drink coffee with a lot of frogs.......????
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 57
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Better than the alternative...
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:14:51 PM
Don't like the coffee meet and greets because usually the lighting is bad .... and everyone can figure why you are there . Also coffee or any other caffeine drinks ramps me up too much making it even more nerve racking than it already is. Whew!
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 58
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:35:29 PM
Im with you bro. I find it to be a waste of time. The girls seem to be afraid of us tho. Because they are all dating the same guy! I still don't want to be him!!

I posed the same question in a sort yeaterday and said these are the things I do, I don't like the coffe dates, and what are your suggestions. It was in a line that only is allowed to have 21 answers. The ASK a GIRL thread.. I got two productive answer and the rest were critiques and negative comments and the thread deleted before it reached 21. Most of the Negatives were even from guys aparently having an identity crisis or attempting to be understood as sensitive or somehow funny!

I'll be kind and share the 2 with you.Walk in the park. Or volunteer for something. Im not a walk in the park guy unless I can hold your hand. I do like volunteering my time to important things. So find a cause! At least somebody will benefit :)

and you are spot on that if you are having activity its more than likely to stir further activity. The odds are on our side. There is hope for us!
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 59
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:42:25 PM
Interesting enough during this time i hit the meet me on two attractive girls. One indicated she loved deep sea fishing and was due for a trip. The other stressed she really really liked coffee.

They both responded and stated I had a wonderful personlity! Maybe there isnt anything wrong with my approach..

So I said to the one wanting a fishing trip to come on down! That conversation drifted off and she never really answered anything I said. It was her first POF day.. Overstimulated...

Second. The coffee drinker I noted listed bikes in her interests. But her profile stressed over and over the coffee. It was even her ideal date. So I proposed a bike ride stopping along the way for coffee. DATE!!!

Go figure..
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:43:41 PM
Msg 57 - exactly. I don't get nervous for meets and I don't care if it's like an interview. This is someone I haven't met before, there will be some awkwardness at first. I don't see why that's such a big deal. I don't expect to hit it off and I'm generally more interested in the coffee and learning about a person while I drink it, so it's odd to me that others would be nervous or expect it to be a whirlwind of romance. Kind of not realistic.

I'll stop for coffee in my travels anyway, so I'll invite someone to join me - then get there early and sit and read, and I don't care what people in the coffee place think I'm there for. How silly. Most people don't pay that much attention to what others are doing, but even if they did - I can't really be that interesting unless the person paying attention is extremely bored.
 40_4_Ever
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 61
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:05:14 PM
Success on coffee dates? rarely, but no more or less than any other type of meeting.
As many have suggested it's a good way to meet in a low pressure environment and find out if:
a) there is an "attraction" to the person you are meeting.
b) it they are entertaining, personable, easy to talk to . . . or do you have to do all the work and drag every sentence or comment about them and what they are looking for?
c) it's a simple, low cost meeting (whether sitting in a coffee shop or walking with a travel cup) but some ladies I have found like to suggest dinner and drinks at their favourite nice restaurant for a first meeting, yet never suggest to split a $100+ bill. If they warrant a second date I have no problem going to nice place for dinner or lunch on me, but picking up a big tab just to meet someone you know is never going to work out before you even finish your appetizer, just doesn't make any sense.
So coffee is safe, fairly quick if it needs to be, and a casual environment for conversation.
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 62
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:05:17 PM
Girls rule boys drool. sometimes.

I can look at any of you girls profiles and find redeeming qualities. I can meet any of you and have a conversation. If I see you list something you enjoy I assume that means with regularity. If I ask you to do one of those things it puts me in my best light and we all have a good time!

Unfortunately you see a lot of people say they enjoy jumping out of airplanes or riding rollercoasters and you meet them and all they really do is have coffee and critique people!

admit it! it is all visual. If Im jumpin from a plane tho I could care less what you look like!! Im thinking wtf am i doing this for!

My life is too short!!
 AguyInWDM
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 63
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Better than the alternative...
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:23:01 PM
I'm kind of surprised someone hasn't already brought this up. I'm a morning coffee drinker but over lunch? After work? No thanks, nervous enough already.

And then there is the alcohol question. I drank too much post divorce and thus gave it up; entirely. Meeting for "drinks" is not what I am into right now but begs the question: Alcohol on the first meet - Relaxing or Clouds judgement? Loosens the inhibitions - good/bad? Leads to excess because of nervousness ? Thoughts ????
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 64
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Better than the alternative...
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:34:06 PM
^^^Every coffee and lunch place I have ever been to had more than just coffee. Order something else.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 65
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:37:55 AM
I like the safety of coffee dates in terms of cost and time--and they are casual. I don't get stressed about them. It is neat to go out and get to know a little about someone, whether it works out or not. I don't have high expectations. I try to chat a little with the person ahead of time so that there is less likely to be an unpleasant surprise. One guy I met seemed to be quite antisocial and made an offensive remark so I quickly left after 15-20 mins. To me they are all successful because they help up weed each other out.

What I notice about some men who have been deceptive in their photos is that they have 'jowls', puffiness in their cheeks and neck, which suggests to me that their photo was taken 10-15 years ago. I would likely date a guy with jowls if his brain and personality turned me on, but not one who felt he had to pretend he was younger.

I notice that the men who have had a strong influence upon me in my life have not necessarily been 'lookers,' but I liked how their brain worked.
 flygal1118
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 66
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:03:38 AM
I agree. Whenever a guy suggest coffee, it really turns me off. Not to mention a place like starbucks and people you don't know are within earshot and know what's going on. Just so uncomfortable. I alway suggest a drink ...happy hour also. However the last time I suggested that, the guy suggested I must be a "party girl" and he is not "into that." His suggestion was a walk along the boardwalk....( it's 20 degrees outside)...I then concluded that his resistance to meeting for a drink was a red flag that he probably cannot be around alcohol....probably a former alcoholic. And I always pay my own way on that first meeting, whether it is just a drink or dinner as well. We are all there to meet for the same reason, and would never want someone to say..."well she met me for the free dinner." And unfortunately I have girlfriends who will meet guys just for that reason. One in particular, I don't think has gone food shopping in a year!! lol ( I think I may even have on my profiel...no starbucks...or least I did at one time anyway.)
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 67
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 7:52:05 AM
Gosh, OP left before I had a chance to post.

I don't care for coffee meets either, have done them and the atmosphere (for me), is usually too cold and unyielding. Hate that "it's an interview for a job" feeling.
Much prefer a small bistro or even a Cheers like place that is warm and friendly. To me, that's more conducive to a private conversation between two who have just met for the first time. Meals should not be expected.

What I would say to the OP if he were still here: Meet some place that is friendly and have no expectations other than to have fun getting acquainted. Then if the attraction and chemistry is there, it will happen... or not.

 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 68
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 1:45:03 PM
So Charlie.....you are saying you need to be put in the mood and that mood will be decided by atmosphere.....is that about right????.......

I do not mind coffee meets and greets to see if there is any attraction, and possible chemistry, and if so, coffee might be turned into a walk, or even putt putt golf...lol Now, you know that you have a ringer when you are asked to play some pool for dinner and/or drinks, and they have their own cue stick and zippered cover.....

cd...........
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 69
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 2:17:56 PM

c_deacon:
Now, you know that you have a ringer when you are asked to play some pool for dinner and/or drinks, and they have their own cue stick and zippered cover.....



Zippered cover, hell. Back in the day, I had a hardwood case, hand made, to hold my cue. Cost quite a bit more than the average cue stick, just for the case.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 70
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:38:53 PM
We used their clunky bent clubs along with their
lopsided odd colored balls.

Yup.
I was totally hustled.
The lil vixen was/is a very skilled golfer.
and JUST had to show off.
but that's OK.
Tis the cleverest way I ever worked in a second date.
:-P
 4ever4real
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 71
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:58:16 PM
i think those kinds of meets suck. you are there in a small space, with so many other people sitting crammed next to ya and trying to have any conversation is very awkward. i'd rather meet outside at a sidewalk cafe, and then walk the blvd. talking, walking, checking each other out. i know with in 15 mins if i am going to like the guy or not. if i know i'd check the no box i end it quick!
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 72
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:04:28 PM
Quote: So Charlie.....you are saying you need to be put in the mood and that mood will be decided by atmosphere.....is that about right????....... end quote.

Well... yeah! I detest coffee shops that have no atmosphere with the plastic chairs and tables that are not a whole lot different than being in a Walmart type coffee shop. I hate it.


However, c deacon, I would meet you in a coffee shop and while I may not bring my zippered cue stick for a pool game, I do know how to beat the windmill on putt-putt golf and could take you on a bet any time.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 73
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:40:00 PM
Not all coffee shops are that way, and there are many with nice outdoor patios, large indoor rooms with coffee tables, nice chairs and places to work on computers, read, and yes.....do a meet and greet.....

Now, to challenge me to a game of golf or pool, is like asking me to ride on the back of your bike......and we know that just will not happen as long as I have mine......

So, meet as you need to, but remember the key part of this......it is to meet and not just chat!

cd......
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 74
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/21/2012 5:52:02 AM
I've never had any success on coffee date meets. For me to have a shot at getting lucky on a first meet there has to be liquor involved.
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 75
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/21/2012 6:35:34 AM
Went on a coffee meet yesterday... another interview! Nice guy BUT no attraction what-so-ever!

No never had success on coffee meets...

oh..and his pic was 10 yrs old! I hate that!!!
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