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 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 126
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Most first dates / meetings go nowhere. But even if / when there wasn't enough attraction / interest for another date, in general I had a better time doing something more exciting (such as watching a part of a game at a sports bar, festivals, mini golf, Dave & Busters etc.) instead of going to Starbucks. To each their own.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 127
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 1:13:32 PM
^^ it isn't the "coffee" that is the issue for these women....
it is the fact the man isn't spending the bucks to buy them a nice dinner and PROVE how interested he is in them that is their issue!!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 128
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 1:17:42 PM

Most first dates / meetings go nowhere. But even if / when there wasn't enough attraction / interest for another date, in general I had a better time doing something more exciting (such as watching a part of a game at a sports bar, festivals, mini golf, Dave & Busters etc.) instead of going to Starbucks. To each their own

Definitely to each their own.
I would detest a sports bar or D&Bs, probably the festival as well. All with too much noise and too many people.
Heck, visiting a cemetery would be more interesting to me. I'd almost rather have a root canal.
Mini golf would be enjoyable.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 129
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 2:04:40 PM

it isn't the "coffee" that is the issue for these women....
it is the fact the man isn't spending the bucks to buy them a nice dinner and PROVE how interested he is in them that is their issue!!

I'm not opposed to dinner on a first date / meeting. But it would be at a casual restaurant where each person can finish his/her meal within 45-60 minutes. I would have no problem taking a woman to an expensive upscale restaurant when we are in a serious relationship.


Definitely to each their own.
I would detest a sports bar or D&Bs, probably the festival as well. All with too much noise and too many people.
Heck, visiting a cemetery would be more interesting to me. I'd almost rather have a root canal.
Mini golf would be enjoyable.

That's why I would often suggest multiple activities and a woman can pick the one she likes the best. I don't expect a woman to enjoy the exact same things that I would enjoy doing on a date. But women I went out were usually okay with at least 1 of the activities I suggested.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 130
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 2:13:59 PM
^^^
Suggesting multiple activities sounds like a great idea.
Just remember that you have to pick something both people enjoy - otherwise there isn't much hope if, for the long-term, you hate everything she prefers and vice versa.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 131
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:32:14 PM

We are talking about a 1st meet between ordinary everyday people...


Indeed. Too many people on here and every other dating site gets hooked up on the belief that every meetup has to be a 'meetcute' like scenario or like a scene out of a TV show like Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc...

I think a 'coffee date' is probably one of the best ways to initially meet someone as you are going to know within 5 minutes or less if you feel any sort of connection. I only say that having never been on a coffee date and when I was trying to actively date a few years ago I had so many bad experiences I gave up and really haven't feel the interest or need to 'pursue' meetups for the express purpose of triggering potential romantic interest.

I suppose if a person does agree to meet up then there already is an intention of triggering romantic attraction otherwise the meetup wouldn't happen in the first place. ;-) Does that sound fair? I've spent a good 1/4 of my life or more living along so the concept of continuing that doesn't scare me - so perhaps that's where I get the realistic understanding of dating being mostly a game of smoke and mirrors and nothing at all like it's painted to be on TV, etc.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 132
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/23/2018 8:53:32 AM

Suggesting multiple activities sounds like a great idea.
Just remember that you have to pick something both people enjoy - otherwise there isn't much hope if, for the long-term, you hate everything she prefers and vice versa.

Of course. Not finding common ground about what do to on a date probably simply means 2 people aren't compatible and they should stop seeing each other.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 133
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/23/2018 12:39:10 PM

Posted By: zonavar69 on 6/22/2018 814 PM
Subject: Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Message:
We are talking about a 1st meet between ordinary everyday people...

Indeed. Too many people on here and every other dating site gets hooked up on the belief that every meetup has to be a 'meetcute' like scenario or like a scene out of a TV show like Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc...

I think a 'coffee date' is probably one of the best ways to initially meet someone as you are going to know within 5 minutes or less if you feel any sort of connection.


Exactly,it is the easiest way to get through the 1st 3 steps of intimacy:

1. Eye to Body. A glance reveals much about a person — sex, size, shape, age, personality, and status. The importance people place on these criteria determines whether or not they will be attracted to each other.

2. Eye to Eye. When the man and woman who are strangers to each other exchange glances, their most natural reaction is to look away, usually with embarrassment. If their eyes meet again, they may smile, which signals that they might like to become better acquainted.

3. Voice to Voice. Their initial conversations are trivial and include questions like “What is your name?” or “What do you do for a living?” During this long stage the two people learn much about each other’s opinions, pastimes, activities, habits, hobbies, likes and dislikes. If they’re compatible, they become friends.

http://www.erichstauffer.com/pop-culture/dr-james-dobsons-twelve-steps-of-intimacy
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 134
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:48:46 AM
A date should be interesting. Going for coffee isn't interesting. When I say yes to a date, it's because I already felt at least a minimal connection. I've never been asked to go on a coffee date. I've never done a coffee date and never will. Men that want to go for coffee are perhaps cheap, boring, poor, users and/or lack interest. When I see a guy write under first date that it's not important where you go, I'm not interested. It can only go downhill from there. If he thinks his mere presence is enough, he could be any of the aforementioned, to include full of himself.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 135
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 4:44:58 AM
"Coffee is cheap. Drinks are an audition. Lunch is an interview. Dinner means business...the business of romance."

Patti Stanger



A date should be interesting. Going for coffee isn't interesting. When I say yes to a date, it's because I already felt at least a minimal connection. I've never been asked to go on a coffee date. I've never done a coffee date and never will. Men that want to go for coffee are perhaps cheap, boring, poor, users and/or lack interest. When I see a guy write under first date that it's not important where you go, I'm not interested. It can only go downhill from there. If he thinks his mere presence is enough, he could be any of the aforementioned, to include full of himself.


Correct.
Men & women who don't grasp this end up: alone, used or are a user.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 136
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 5:51:33 AM

Men & women who don't grasp this end up: alone, used or are a user.

and yet there are thousands of couples out there that have met this way and are in great relationships.....
Why is it so hard to grasp that people meet up in a variety of ways....some work, some don't.
But this crap that any one that meets up for the first time for coffee is going to end up alone or is a user (or will be used) , or any of the other derogatory attributes being thrown around, is just plain stupid.
A man can buy a woman a $200 dinner and still be an azzhole!!
Where one meets doesn't change "who" a person is!!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 137
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 6:33:25 AM

Where one meets doesn't change "who" a person is!!

LOL, I read ya loud and clear, MsMicki!

WHERE...……….. I met a man for the first time, never ever played a part in my initial reaction to him. Whether he spent 100 bucks or nothing on me, did not affect my gut opinion of him.


His personal appearance, his voice, his words, his actions...…………….Spoke loud and clear. I judged him, by his "works", not his wallet OR the coffee!


I come from rural America, farmers, blue collar, apple orchards/corn fields/soybeans. Cookouts / county fairs / family gatherings.
Folks, who enjoy our mornin' coffee, out on the patio, with or without "a meeting".


Jaysus, all this sweatin' over "coffee"!
 tofuisgood
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 138
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 6:35:12 AM
The coffee date works for me. As Newyorker58 guesses , I am cheap and boring. A coffee shop is a safe place for meeting and getting rejected. I appreciate the coffee house setting for encouraging conversation that I can attend to, concentrate on and clearly hear. I know from past experience that my date feels better knowing where the emergency exits are.

Even rejected, I had coffee and learned a lot about the thoughts, history and experiences of my date. Thanks to this thread, I am better informed about how women view a coffee meet up.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 139
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 6:43:31 AM
The type of date doesn't change who a person is, but it can indicate who they are. Of course it may not always apply, because men see other men doing this and think it's the way to go. Who meets a guy while they're out and about and gets asked to go for coffee? This is an OLD phenomenon, and not a good one. The men themselves say, it's not a date. So they're telling you coffee is not a date. Believe them. I'm not going to meet anyone that doesn't have a higher degree of interest. That's how I see it.

Tofu, I have seen men state in their profiles that they're affording you an emergency exit, that only makes me wonder what is wrong with them that they think someone would need to do that. By no means am I suggesting, though, that a man has to spend a lot of money, just come up with something more interesting and perhaps interactive to do.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 140
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 6:58:52 AM

The men themselves say, it's not a date. So they're telling you coffee is not a date. Believe them. I'm not going to meet anyone that doesn't have a higher degree of interest. That's how I see it.

Tofu, I have seen men state in their profiles that they're affording you an emergency exit, that only makes me wonder what is wrong with them that they think someone would need to do that. By no means am I suggesting, though, that a man has to spend a lot of money, just come up with something more interesting and perhaps interactive to do.


The majority of men on OLD are "tire kickers"

Oh they will shell out $$ if they think the woman is "hot"--but they themselves are not Brad Pitt. Or if they feel there will be a "happy ending"!

If a man keeps having to have emergency exits as NY says, what does that say about him?

Tells me he cannot get a woman IRL, not even for coffee.

I think coffee can be acceptable if extended into a real date, not always needing to be pricey, but something interesting.

But as I type this...if a woman has some discretionary income she likes to use on entertainment, why would she want to involve herself w/ a man who can't do the same?

I think POF attracts a certain socio-economic group & if a woman is serious about a man who has some discretionary income, go the highest cost pay site, when I was single & did OLD in it's heyday, the best dates I had were from PAY sites.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 141
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 7:37:19 AM

.........….go the highest cost pay site, when I was single & did OLD in it's heyday, the best dates I had were from PAY sites.



LOL, Not my experience at all. The most expensive dinner date, per his insistence, was approx. 100 bucks. A man on POF.

Another man, who is a millionaire, from POF.

The "Paid for sites" did not offer better dates or show more money. I used 5-6 "paid for sites". BF was on a "Paid for site" for a better opportunity to find a woman, sharing a passion for a biker lifestyle. I received his first message, from that site.


A person's experience in OLD is relative to, the site used, a persons age, a lifestyle, AND the country/state/town/ rural area, where they live. WHERE, one lives, is key to an outcome, success or not.


( Hey, my coffee cup is empty! Damn it!!)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 142
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 7:41:26 AM
BA, I was considering a paid site if I felt I wanted to rely on OLD for dates. I'm not relying on OLD since divorcing, but I may consider it at a later date. I guess it will be a learning experience to see if anything is different with those sites. I have a feeling guys I may like are not doing OLD or don't actively use it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 143
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:07:06 AM

Men that want to go for coffee are perhaps cheap, boring, poor, users and/or lack interest.


I don't like the coffee dates either. But I wouldn't assume these things about men and women that have coffee dates. If both people agree to it, then that's business. My problem is with people that insist the first date has to be coffee {or insert whatever activity] even though they know the other person doesn't like it. That can be a sign of someone being too demanding and not being able to compromise.

The larger point is the first date / meeting should be an inexpensive casual activity that both people like or can at least tolerate. If / when there is mutual interest and it develops into a more serious relationship, then I can go out on more expensive dates with a woman.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 144
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:11:16 AM
I think people are confusing the concept of 'meeting' with 'dating'.

Meeting - to be introduced, to become acquainted with
Dating - a social appointment in order to develop a romantic relationship

I won't get romantic someone I haven't met.
(Not even blind dates arranged by my mother or best friend.)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 145
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:24:28 AM
If a person doesn't use due diligence prior to the date to know the person, maybe they consider it a meet and greet, but I do not. Nothing screams "low expectations" like saying let's do coffee.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:48:42 AM
Due diligence would only tell me the person is solvent, educated to what degree, and not an ax-murderer.

It doesn't tell me if I like the person enough to want to spend time, money, and energy in dating them with the inclination of socializing sufficiently to form a romantic relationship.


Nothing screams "low expectations" like saying let's do coffee.

Perhaps that's where we differ. I try to have no expectations.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 147
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 9:58:06 AM

I think people are confusing the concept of 'meeting' with 'dating'.

In my viewpoint, it's about intent. The purpose of the first meeting with someone from OLD is determining any possible romantic interest. Thus I would consider it as a date. It's just often a casual one. Different situation than 2 people getting together in a completely platonic setting.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 148
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 10:42:52 AM
I don't have expectations like a giddy teenager, but I think they're reasonable enough to think that both parties would have a good time on a first date. So far, it has worked out for me that way and who I dated. I went out for several months with each POF person I met.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 149
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 11:09:55 AM
My first "date" with women I met through OLD were at:

a thrift store (1 time)
lunch(1 time)
a bike ride(1 time)
dinner(1 time)
a bar (2 times)
a movie(3 times)
a rock concerts(6 times)
a coffee shop(14 times)the last time was when I met my girlfriend.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 150
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/24/2018 11:14:09 AM
CBGB, what made you determine whether it would be coffee or those other activities?
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