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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you tell someone no?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 spartanx
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 26
How do you tell someone no?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
just dont reply to their messages...thats what i do...
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 27
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:53:44 PM

Mazr, thats a very good way to do it. Thanks for that tip. Also, DudeistPriest thats what I though so I did end it. I randomly saw that she looked at my profile again and so I clicked on hers and noticed that she decided to bash me in her info. Now she didn't say my name, but without a doubt it was about me. So I was just curious of the best way to let someone know you aren't interested anymore and would like to end it without coming off rude.


I would normally say just tell her nicely that you don't feel you are a match, but if she is already bashing you my guess would be that she figured that out already. By sending her another email or text you might actually make things worse. I would block her and don't waste your time looking at her profile. Seems to me you are being a nice guy so don't worry. Good luck!
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 28
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:46:38 AM
"OK, first off, your only ASSUMING she was going to ask you for money. Did she? It doesn't sound like she did.......so yes, YOUR AN ASS........learn to quit making assumptions about people and take some time FACE TO FACE to actually know them!"

@loverflower- If a guy messaged you about how lonely and horny he is and how he hadn't had sex in sooo long, what would your assumption be?
It's not this young mans fault that the girl comes across as a needy ****. Even if it's not money she's looking for then it's an over abundance of attention. Either way she blew not him.
 Colemin8r
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 29
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:07:27 AM

Whats the best way to end it without being cruel?

Tell them in plain English "No, it's over". Don't sugar coat it or downplay the seriousness of what is about to happen. It's not nice and certainly unpleasant, but it's not cruel.

Cruel is leading a person on without a clue or giving them false hope in that the relationship can continue in another way, when all it is really doing is postponing the inevitable. Simply cutting off communication is just as bad, if not worse, because the victim has no idea what has happened and becomes even more self conscious.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 30
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:11:08 AM

@loverflower- If a guy messaged you about how lonely and horny he is and how he hadn't had sex in sooo long, what would your assumption be?
It's not this young mans fault that the girl comes across as a needy ****. Even if it's not money she's looking for then it's an over abundance of attention. Either way she blew not him.


It's not a secret there are probably a few people here that are looking for money. It's also not a secret that there are people here just looking for sex.

FOR ME, talking about sex in the beginning stages of getting to know someone is a huge turn off. That's not about assuming anything.......it's just a turn off for me......TO ME the concentration should be on getting to know one another and seeing if there is anything there..........NOT sex..............but you have only to read a few threads in this forum to know that "getting to know one another" hardly ever happens anymore...........

Point is the OP is whining about the "what if's" when he knows he's not interested in this girl.......maybe the gal did come across as needy......but, if your not
interested why keep contacting her? Why keep wondering about all the "what ifs?"
Just MOVE ON and forget that gal and don't contact her...............
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 31
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:14:18 AM
Seriously.

Have you not heard the most popular compaint on this site?!?!? After 4-5 emails, the girl is GONE...

The great thing about your situation is, time is on your side! You don't even need to break it off, just give it a few emails and away she will go...
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 32
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:26:45 AM
I don't know why people have such a tough time telling it all... in a loving way? The people I know who are honest and upfront with a heavy dose of understanding and compassion are the ones I have the upmost respect and admiration for?

Hence I do my best to emulate that behavior myself and follow other Christlike examples.

I'd tell the girl " Ya know I like you a lot, but this [behavior] is very unsettling to me and I can't see a future with you because of it?"

You could even soften what you are about to say by giving an example of what it is like to stay positive in a world that is completely self absorbed in instant gratification... and that you find it essential to try and surround yourself with positive, encouraging and happy people... and avoid the alternatives?

I'd also say be a man and do it in person. Possibly... this girl who is so perfect in other ways to you??? will see the err in her ways and will set a new course? Lord knows I've had many a course changes in half a century myself! lol

I'm sure you are way too smart than to think that you are going to find perfection. haha

Best wishes!
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 33
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:36:23 AM

Whats the best way to end it without being cruel?


Where is the fun in that?

Have you had breakup with a girl that did not involve her calling you a whole bunch of really nice names?

Call her up and say, "Listen chubby, I don't like you. You make me sick to my stomach. You ruined my life, and your vagina smells on dead beaver. And no, your 2.5 tons of makeup does not fool anyone. Yeah, the hell with you, but have a nice day."

She will

A) Realize you are not worth a tear of regret and move on quickly
B) Get her feelings hurt - in which case you need to be a bigger ***hole so she realizes A)
C) Want you even more

That's what I call a win-win scenario!

The joke a side, you can't control her feelings. She might get hurt regardless of how you break it to her... so go the cruel way
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 34
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:40:25 AM
It was non stop texts about how she hates her situation, she wants to move, she cant find a job, she cant afford this, she cant do that. Almost every single text. So I just chose to drop the conversation. Deleted her number===============================OP I think with all that complainig she was probably giving you hints about money. lol
 xlmagboy
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 35
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:43:56 AM
I would complain to her that you don't like her complaining.
 kclady42
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 36
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:27:41 AM
Just say sorry no chemistry but the best of luck to you and leave it at that. if she goes postal just walk away
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 37
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:27:37 AM
Tell her the truth
you are young, and can not deal with her issues, she might just learn something from the truth!
do it in a nice way, take the blame

your generation is, well not very mature, when I was your age, generally I would just be honest,people my age, played games in grade/high school
 ThatGuy1082
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 38
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:36:43 AM
How bout NO... NO works. Then again there's NO. And then there's NO. Not gonna do it. Stand up Dude. Just be like Nancy Reagan and say NO.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 39
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/1/2017 8:31:53 AM
"Every conversation turned to self pity and how bad her life is. I'm sorry, but I can't stand when people complain non stop. I won't talk to someone who always has a negative attitude and whines. So whats the best way to end talking to them in the most polite manner?"



This is how you should have handled it :


Cutting her off in mid sentence " Holy crap ! If I listen to any more I'm going to cut my OWN wrists ! Sorry, but you are too much of a Debbie Downer for me , I'm gonna have to say goodbye and gooooooooood luck ! "


This will not only get you out of it but might actually cause her to realize her own negative behavior and improve herself

Win/win
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 40
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/1/2017 9:16:53 AM
I'm one of those awkward people who would be freaked out if a stranger I'd just met sat moaning about their life. The grumpier they got the harder I'd find it to stifle my laughter. I'm going to hell.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 41
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/1/2017 5:11:20 PM
I personally just let the person know I appreciate their time, or them letting me get to know them. However, I let them know they're not my type and that I did not feel chemistry. I don't think I owe them the "exact" reasoning for walking away.

99% of the time, they're appreciative of your honesty, vs leading them on.

I had a couple cases, where it turned into confrontations. Once, inside a Starbucks, where the woman demanded to know why I wasn't feeling her (I told her I needed to go, 5 minutes in, as had enough -- quickest I've ever ended a date).

She was a total cow, from the start. Rude, obnoxious, cussing like a sailor. She was also insanely loud and disrespectful. She insulted me at any opportunity she'd get, waiting for a reaction or dirty look, only to then state she was kidding. I mean she tried kissing me first thing, and then forcefully grabbed my head, and told me not to diss her. It was downhill from there (I unfortunately stood my ground, on the basis I don't kiss that early). Even the cashier was looking at me in horror, for the nightmare date I was likely about to have.

Type of girl you make a one night stand, but keep it on the low, so nobody--not even your friends find out you slept with them (that's how embarrassing they are to be around).

I find volunteering the exact pin point reason, is just adding insult to injury. Most, will probably be okay with just knowing you weren't feeling chemistry.

For this particular woman, I was dead blunt (she cornered me, as if she was willing to get into a yelling match, to get what she wanted--I don't yell, but was getting quite frustrated).

To me, only instance you should be blunt, is when they can't take no as an answer.

Otherwise, keep it short and sweet.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 42
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/1/2017 5:21:07 PM
Lol, this post is 5 years old. Just for discussion, I don't explain anything. I just quit talking to them. They'll put it together and figure it out themselves.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 43
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 7:13:18 AM

If it has just been a couple of messages or texts over a very short period of time, I think the ghosting tactic is acceptable.

If you have both invested more time and effort and certainly if you have actually met, you need to tell the person, it is cowrdly to do otherwise. It feels horrible and often the other person will not react well. But it means it is over quickly, and after the immediate reaction, both people can move on. If you have been on dates and the other person, just breaks contact, it leaves the other person in limbo, which I think is not fair.


For the most part, I agree. The disappearing act isn't a big deal after a few emails or texts. However if it got to the point where 2 people had at least discussed setting up a date / meeting and one person later changed his/her mind. That person should politely tell the other person that so the other person will know and can move on sooner.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 44
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 8:43:51 AM
Go to the bathroom and call your buddy

Tell him to call you in 5 minutes with an emergency

Explain to date that you're sorry but you must go now
 happylover2627
Joined: 5/20/2015
Msg: 45
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 10:23:49 AM
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 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 46
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 10:45:56 AM
tallmanenters and others who say tell her to get lost or ghost her are Spot On. A person like this is an emotional vampire and will suck the life out of you. She will dump her woes on you each and every day until you're drowning in her self-pity. Run as fast as you can. No excuse necessary. She's NOT your friend, she is a leech.

I know you can do it - already you've been rude to a number of posters on here who gave your very practical advice.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 47
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 2:48:19 PM
tell her you are over her negativity. It is simple. she may stop and think about it and lift her game for the next guy.
Has to be a reason she is on a dating site and you would not be the first guy to disappear. Or you could woos out and say you are not feeling the chemistry. Or you could be even more cowardly and just disappear.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 48
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 3:10:11 PM
There is never a nice way.
Some say it how it is...the truth.
Some wean themselves away.
Some can be ass-o's and be mean.

When some show you the other side to their happiness it's (for some) that feeling comfortable enough to show you every side of their life...good or bad.
Life is never a Disney movie.
 razors_edge55
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 49
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How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 3:24:13 PM
most of the time I just get silence ,,but me I say good luck ,,may all your dreams come true
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 50
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 3/2/2017 4:50:05 PM
I definitely agree with the simply not responding anymore, if its been a couple messages. You don't owe that person a thing. Even if they demanded it--I'd just block.

To me, my post is only eluding to having spent time with each other, in person. Only instance, where you not telling them you're no longer feeling them, makes you a bit of a d_ck.

Same type of person who'd do that, would dent your car in the parking lot, and leave. Worse yet, would text a breakup from a spouse they were married from.

The level of cowardice, is epic, is the point that I'm making.
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