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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?      Home login  
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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 41
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think your line early on in this post, that he's just a half brother shows how he was treated in your family and why he thinks he will be cut out.
Where exactly did I say my older brother was JUST a half brother? Please stop making things up.


I have 2 brothers and two sisters in my family. My older brother is only a half brother on my mothers side. My older brother was never adopted legally by my dad, honestly I guess he saw no reason for it and my brother was treated just like the rest of us growing up.
Here is what I wrote and obviously it was relevant to my story. In EVERY other post I wrote I called him my older brother to make my point nothing more. Nobody in my family view my older brother as a half brother we ALL just view him as our brother. There isn't ONE time while growing up that I can ever remember my dad introducing him to anybody that he wasn't introduces as "my son ***" so stop trying to make up imaginary stories.




I think you're in a unique position to make peace here. You understand your older brother's side; you personally don't gain one way or the other. I don't think you're helping your older brother by letting your dad's calls go to voice mail. Tell your older brother that the pain you're causing isn't worth it. You'll advocate for him, but not at the cost of shutting out your family.
I called my day yesterday and spoke to him for quite awhile catching up. neither one of us mentioned anything about the situation with my older brother we just talked about pretty much everything else.

After that conversation I called my younger brother and pretty much did the same thing. I am going to suggest the mediation thing that sweet polly made at some point when the topic comes up again. After I discuss it with my older brother and get him on board. I think the mediation should just be done between my dad and my older brother. As long as they both agree to it being binding then the rest of us kids will be perfectly ok with whatever results come out of that. We just want the damn thing settled one way or the other so we can move on. And this goes for my younger brother also once a final decision is made on the matter he too will just go along with it. It's the back and forth yapping by everybody with no decision being made that's causing all thing conflict.



I think there is something I need to clear up also. My older brother isn't concerned about my younger brother influencing my dad to change his will and drop my older brother out. I doubt very much if such a thing even crossed my older brothers mind because my younger brother would never do such a thing. But he is concerned about my younger brothers hair brained ideas that cost a lot of money to put in play. That I know is his only concern. If we could figure out a way to guarantee him that my dad will not be investing big sums of money into those then we would all be one big happy family again.

 OMG!WTF!
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 42
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Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 6:55:34 AM
He thinks that since my mom was his only true link to the family that he is entitled to a part of her estate because he isn't so sure about the future with him not being legally adopted by my dad and all.



But he is concerned about my younger brothers hair brained ideas that cost a lot of money to put in play. That I know is his only concern


Sorry, but the guy's a piece of work. Crying about how he's not adopted and his mommy's money should go to him because he's not part of the family. Then whining about being equally included as a part of the family when it's not convenient for him. Why would you support a guy who's willing to throw you and the rest of your family under the bus?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 43
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:02:36 AM
Ask your dad to consider officially, legally adopting your brother. It is never too late for some things. Adults can be adopted.
This is actually brilliant and I think it would solve the problem. When my older brother called me about my younger brothers latest hair brained idea I asked him if he had told my dad not to do it? at which point he said no he thought it was a better idea if I or one of my sisters stopped it. When my mom was alive my older brother had no issues with voicing his opinions about things concerning the family. With the death of my mom I think he somehow lost his voice.

If it's possible for my dad to legally adopt him, he will once again feel he has a voice in what goes on in the family. MrsPolly your a genius. Thank you so much.

I am off to call my dad and older brother to tell them the salution to our problem. Hopefully it's legally doable and we can put this behind us and move forward.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 44
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Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:12:38 AM
Talk to a notary, it might be possible to have each family member sign a statement agreeing that no matter what, your brother is entitled to a full sibling inheritance share. Sign it, get it witnessed by the notary, pass it on. If anyone doesn't sign it, then you'll know their agenda, and that a trip south may be necessary to makes sure his will reflects in legal terms the divide by 5 clause.
 moonwalkerman
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 45
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Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:05:27 AM
You know, I have seen a lot of nasty stuff, but your post tops them all. Even in nature, the vultures wait until their prey is dead before they pick the bones. How would you feel if your kids would start tearing themselves apart about YOUR money while you are still alive ? It is your father, for God's sake, and you all circle him like great white sharks while his heart is still beating. If I were him, I would move to Vegas and gamble everything away, so NONE of you would get ANYTHING. I have honestly only seen this kind of behavior on shows such as 'Dynasty', but it was not even close to what you are doing. What usually happens when people are like this, like you and your family, is that life pays you back. It is that simple.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 46
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:18:10 AM
The adoption idea... that is soooo sweet! Thats worth more than money!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 47
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 12:44:34 PM
I agree,....the adoption idea is very sweet..
indeed.
 OMG!WTF!
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 48
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Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 3:25:46 PM

with him not being legally adopted by my dad and all


I don't get the adoption idea at all. If you're in the will, you're in. I'm leaving 33% to the humane society and I don't have to adopt them to do it. If Dad does want him included equally with the rest, he can do that. If he doesn't, then even if he's adopted, he can still be excluded. It's a weird notion to assume that adopting equates to equal inheritance.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 49
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 3:26:44 PM
This post would make for a great movie. I hope some of my Hollywood writer friends are paying attention.
There are just a ton of family dynamics at play here, and I don't see "sweet" as relevant.
Perhaps if there were a family "peacemaker" a meeting could be held and these things discussed out in the open, but there's no guarantee that anyone would abide by those decisions, or be satisfied either.
I think if this was my family I would try to put together such a meeting. This calls for some real diplomacy and patience, and possibly some sacrifice as well.
OP, I've read a bunch of your stuff, I think you are a good and decent man - I wish you luck with this, there is no easy solution, but family is very important, it's worth the effort to bring your people together.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 50
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 6:41:32 PM

OP, I've read a bunch of your stuff, I think you are a good and decent man.

I agree with this 100%. I think your intentions are good but I'm not sure you have gone about things in the best way.

I really hope you can find a resolution as family is very important and life is much harder with those connections broken.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 51
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:52:18 PM
I wish you luck with this, there is no easy solution, but family is very important, it's worth the effort to bring your people together.
I spoke to my dad this morning about the idea of adoping my older brother. He said he would love to do it but didn't think that would solve our problem. I asked him to just call my older brother and suggest it and see how the idea goes over with him. I told my dad it would be better if my older brother thought the adoption idea was coming from my dad and not suggested by me.

Tonight I come home and the first voicemail I hear is from my older brother saying " Did you hear daddy wants to legally adopt me".

I then call my dad and he was still excited because the adoption idea went over very well with my older brother. My dad also called his lawyer who told him that adopting my older brother is just a formality since my dad was the only father my older brother knows since he raised him. All is required is some paper work and both their signatures. So it looks like the adoption idea was right on the mark. But I will know more after I talk to my older brother. I called him but got no answer.


If Dad does want him included equally with the rest, he can do that. If he doesn't, then even if he's adopted, he can still be excluded. It's a weird notion to assume that adopting equates to equal inheritance.
I have said already in this thread. My dad's will splits everything equally 5 ways between us 5 kids. All 5 of us have seen the will. Not that the will really matters because even if my dad left no will his assets would be split 5 ways when the time come. That's not even debatable with any of us kids. My older brother getting an equal share is not an issue and never will be an issue.



OP, I've read a bunch of your stuff, I think you are a good and decent man
Thank you so much, you're way too kind.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 52
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:03:47 PM
I'm glad you talked to your Dad, OP!!! That's awesome:) It sounds like the adoption was what your brother was wanting all along. I hope it gets smoothed out, and it seems like you are on the right path. Good luck!
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 53
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:24:56 PM

I think your intentions are good but I'm not sure you have gone about things in the best way.
I handled this situation very very badly. I closed myself off from my family and that was totally the wrong thing to do. But I can't change that now all I can do is learn from it and make adjustments so something like that never happens again.

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I don't make a habit of airing my family laundry in public but I had ran out of ideas and needed a fresh set of eyes looking at the problem. I truly appreciate all the input from the pof community you guys were very very helpful.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 54
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:26:59 PM
now this can have a sweet ending.
the adoption is not about the money.
its about the belonging.
how nice.
I hope everything works out no matter how your family does this.
best of luck OP
K
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 55
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Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/14/2012 1:17:35 AM
What a lovely man your father is to so willingly show his love to your brother through adoption.

It would be awesome if your family could get together to celebrate your brother's adoption. You're never too old to celebrate such an expression of love.

And to you specifically, I am so pleased that when you reached out for the input of others, you accepted what was genuinely offered, and chose to act on suggestions that made sense towards healing your family. Truly well done.

MrsF
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 56
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 2/14/2012 3:27:28 AM
I handled this situation very very badly.

It's not a situation where the best solution immediately springs to mind. You did what you thought was the best thing to do. It sounds like you have a fairly solid family and I'm glad you are sorting it out. When you're done, can you come over here and sort my sister out?

Good luck, fingers are all crossed for you.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 57
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 3/18/2012 11:32:52 AM
I gave my older brother my word that I would stand with him until this is resolved.


_It's one thing to give your word and quite another to watch a family fall apart. ...and to have it all happen after the passing of a loved one. I am so sorry for your loss. However, I'm so glad for you a solution has been made! I would hate to see you go through what I went through and end up alone. I was going to suggest it's time for you all to be in one room and talk it out. ... like a family.
Even though you stated, he is only a half brother (yes you did and don't get all tiffy like you did in an earlier post ) , the concern for him like a true brother is there and noticeable! Now, he is being adopted. Oh happy, happy day! *dances a jig.. in the chair*

But I would still suggest a reunion of some sorts? Perhaps a celebration of the adoption? This is as good a reason to party as ever
 mom4u81
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 58
Family issue weighting pretty heavy on my mind. how do I handle it?
Posted: 3/18/2012 11:44:45 PM
Wow, I thinks it's sad your mom died , but sadder you learn nothing of the loss . If your dad dies tonight, you'll feel like an ass for not talking to him over something so ... Dare I say it... Stupid..... sounds like your brothers a greedy a hole and u feel bad for him and ur losin out in the end
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