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Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 35
How can you know if someone is genuine? Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"So I'm guessing from all of the responses I'd be wasting my time with this guy?
It just felt so right when I was with him, it's such a pain that, that feeling doesnt last!"
Victoriah, YOU get to decide. With such a fragile sense of what you want for yourself, & how you want to feel, you are PREY for a lot of guys who just want to puff themselves up by making you all crazy.

Certain types of guys have been doing this forever, it's not exclusive to you.
Joined: 4/21/2011
Msg: 36
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:55:32 PM
Run the other way. This guy is only going to hurt you like he has all the numerous women before you. This guy is on a mission to hurt women. Look, you've already been hurt by him. He'll do it again to you and if not to you, then his next victim.
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 37
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 6:59:45 AM
With time. "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 40
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:16:45 AM
Oh my Dear....
As Shakespeare has said ... you wear your heart on your sleeve... the rest of the quote includes for the crows to pick at...

You are a beautiful young lass. The man is playing you and after reading your profile I think you are an "innocent". Your profile is absolutely lovely. I would adopt it if I were your age but because of how "lovely" it is.. you are a victim. Honestly, if you fancy a man.. and don't care.. sleep with him.. if not tell him to bugger off. Just remember... there is a fine line between emotional and physical.
In essence if you want to bang him... ok... If not, say so. It is up to you.. you are a beautiful young woman and you can demand whatever you desire.. Just keep it real and in tune with what you want. Remember.. you lay with a man it is your choice and your desire. Not theirs. Know who you lay with and most of all know yourself. It is YOUR decision.

In my opinion the man is an azz hat and is using you. Make your decision if you want to be used or not. Good luck Hon.

 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 42
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 12:10:36 PM

if you sleep with a guy on the first date he is not going to take you seriously.

it's more accurate to say, first date sex doesn't GUARANTEE that a man's goals will magically be transformed to match the woman's goals.

you are a victim.

nonsense, and such pats on the head do not help the op. there's no indication she was coerced in any way. her emotional instability and its consequences will never change until SHE takes responsibility for them.
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 43
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 1:31:50 PM
Do you really want his guy or are you just looking for something to counter your insecurities? I’m thinking this is having the opposite effect.

If you would like I will send you a message and tell you a very easy way to get your confidence up. Once you take care of that the sky is the limit.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 45
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 5:30:10 PM
So you have anxiety issues you must address or you will scare men away in the future too that you love.... do something about it...
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 46
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 11:21:15 PM
for me if a girl puts average or few extra pounds in profile thats a deal breaker shes gotta be petite, pretty, and smart,
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 49
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:35:01 AM
When I'm not really into anyone I feel really confident and happy in my skin, but when I meet someone, I really enjoy seeing them. But when they are gone all my insecurities come back and I feel bad and like I'm not good enough. I also get anxious in case they don't want to see me again etc.

So your original question is just a symptom of the real problem, which is the underlying insecurities. And it would make your confidence weak at best, otherwise you wouldn't decide to fall apart every time something doesn't go your way with some guy you just met. If you find a way to identify and resolve the insecurities you feel about being in a relationship or not being in a relationship with a man, you won't even need to ask these questions.

Bu when they are gone... I feel bad and like I'm not good enough

YOU DECIDED to feel bad and not good enough at some point, for some reason that we cannot discern. You said to yourself, "every time THIS happens, I will feel like THAT". Why did you decide to do that? (Something to think about; you don't have to answer.) But you had other choices, and it would have been so much EASIER and LESS STRESSFUL to decide something more useful and reasonable, like noticing how the kind of high-pressure behavior you like to engage in is counter-productive because gets you something completely the opposite of what you say you want. You can't blame the guy because you ran him off with your shotgun texting.

Is he just seeing if I can chill out and not get obsessive

Based on what you've described here, I'd have to say yes. Frankly I'm surprised you haven't sent him running for the hills after your first temper tantrum.

(I suffer from depression and have awful insecurities),

Depression is manageable and insecurities can be fixed. I think you should focus on those things first rather than having reactions about some guy biting your neck, because otherwise these things will forever be standing in your own way.
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 50
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:27:43 AM
I think once youre over 20 it only counts as a "stamp" if its on your inner thigh, but I'll have to check in the manual to make sure

Jeez, where to start......

It reads a bit like two frogs calling each other green tbh

He could be seeing if youre still mentally and emotionally unstable before trying to build any type of interaction with you, he might just see you as an adult choosing to spend time with him consentually when its mutually convenient and nothing more

Infact he might have REALLY liked you to begin with, saw how totally insane you are and then decided that anything more than hanging out with you on your saner days was the most he should allow himself

If you like him then meet, dont shag and actually talk like grown ups about whats already happened, where youre at now and what you both want, dont want (and expect) in the future and if thats workable then carry on, if not dont

Considering how you have behaved so far NOBODY can guess at why he is acting how he is, infact he probably isnt completely sure why hes putting his head back into the lionesses mouth when theres plenty of sane and emotionally stable women on the planet

So if you want to explore things with him do, if not dont. But I REALLY wouldnt suggest over thinking it right now
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 53
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:13:11 AM
^^^ Good for you, V! That's the spirit!! I think you'll figure it out. In the meantime, one thing you can try that I think will help, is putting more time between your having a bad feeling and acting on it.

Feel like sending that barrage of texts??? Ok but put it off until tomorrow, at least. Instead, sit down and write your thoughts out by hand, put them away for the evening, then come back tomorrow and read what you wrote.

I think in many cases you will read it again and say, OMG thank god I didn't fire that one off!!!!
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 54
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:14:09 AM
I wouldnt assume anything is "ruined", yeah you've been a bit OTT, but tbh, men are pretty much brought up to expect insane outbursts from women now and then anyway so just see how it goes

But if you genuinely want to see this person I'd suggest avoiding the "going back to your place" stuff so you can figure out if he does actually like you or thinks youre just having a consentual casual interaction

Maybe try and just interact as friends while youre having counselling and see how that works out

If not then I wouldnt worry about it, chances are if you have a success with the counselling you will find youre attracted to completely different types of men anyway and different types of men will be attracted to you

So chances are you might look back and wonder why you even fancied him in the first place in a few months time
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 55
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:18:47 AM

A lot of this is all my own feelings and would scare anyone away. So I'm going to work on that, in fact I've just beginning having counselling.

That's terrific!

No matter how a situation turns out, good or bad, if it helps you learn something about yourself, and makes you want to be a better person, than it was a worthwhile experience. Good luck.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 56
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:34:05 AM

We had a lovely first date, I ended up going back to his.

You tell that people are genuine by getting to know them before going back to "his." You can't establish the honesty and intent of anyone with whom you speak on the phone, exchange emails, and meet once or twice. Heck, you can't even judge after you know that person for weeks.

He didn't expect the onslaught of texts, etc., and you expected that one date meant more than it did.

Time--that's how you gauge genuineness.
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 58
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:52:59 AM

How can you know if someone is genuine?

You can't. The simple fact is, that all women lie. Some do it for sex, some do it for money, some do it just because they can, mostly for shits and giggles. Those are the worst ones, the ones that probably pulled the wings off flies for fun as little girls. But they all do it at some point.
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 59
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:04:39 AM
He could be playing you at this point but either way... the best thing you can do is chill and not freak.
Joined: 2/6/2012
Msg: 60
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:12:36 AM
If, that is the issue. Introducing that clause in a statement creates a hypothetical equation, no matter how close you may have become. No two people perceive life as a whole in the same manner, you may have strong beliefs that are shared but when you introduce If, you are playing with only your cards. Enjoy the experience you have gained, I agree with Hearto64, her comment of "Let them come to you" It's a tough game but we have a whole life time to enjoy it. Good luck, one last thing, when thinking about romance have a exit plan for when you add the If conditional clause to you thinking, or ask the person in question,in person.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 61
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:42:21 AM

But I got overwhelmed and after started texting loads and getting a bit obsessive.

This is a prime example why I refuse to follow step #368549 in the On-Line Dating for Dummies handbook-the bible for singles. You know that rule: After three methods of communication have already been used, go to a fourth: the non-stop, 24/7 never ending insane method of psycho texting for no real reason. Unlike everybody else, my whole purpose for living and breathing does not revolve around texts. It's hard to have a relationship with a computer/phone screen. At least they're not programmed to argue back.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 62
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:05:41 PM
He's using you, manipulating you, & he doesn't care if he hurts your feelings. This is why he blows you off. Why waste anymore time w/this guy?
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 63
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:07:16 PM

Hmmm, should I just be honest with him and tell him that I have insecurities and have started counselling... Or would that freak him out?

Honesty seems to be severely undervalued nowadays

Thing is this, if you do tell him he will either be ok with it and will know why you might be a bit OTT now and then which will make it easier to put up with. Or he wont.

But if he doesnt know why you go off the rails he is far more likely to refuse to tolerate it

So not being honest is far more likely to lead to a negative outcome, and being honest (as is usually the case) has a fare more likely chance of leading to a positive outcome one way or another
 Toothy Black Lion
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 64
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:19:58 PM
You check their certificate of authenticity
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 66
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:19:01 AM
Good luck with the counselling

And in future you could try dating ahmish folks or anyone else without a mobile
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 67
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:29:49 AM

I lost my control and sent a barrage of texts over the weekend. So I guess it just isn't meant to be.

Own that you thought if you had sex with him he would stick around and didn't!

If it was meant to be,you'll never know as you scared him off for good now.
Listen.I know how it feels to hope that IF you have sex with a man,he will magically want more than just sex.

Problem is,if they didn't want more from the start,having sex with them too soon gives them the excuse to bail."She probably does this on ALL her first dates!" Even if you don't.You are labeled as "too easy" and as much as some men want you to have sex with them,they also seem to want you to have "self respect" and say NO!
Oh...and they HATE when you try to hold them accountable for acting as though they wanted a relationship! That's why most of them run after the fact!

Not to mention,even without insecuritiy issues and depression,we tend to bond during and after sex as women and that's why we HAVE to be careful who we have sex with! Or toughen up when we take the risk and it doesnt' pan out!

See what comes up in therapy for you.BE 100% honest with yourself and learn how to not use your own body as a way to lure men into your life hoping they will be more!

If they are genuine...they will stick around and wait for sex until you feel as though they mean they want more with you!
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 68
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:27:57 AM
Genuine!...theres the question of the century! if you scare him off...write him is a crap shoot....sounds dumb but its the truth...enjoy dating .....the right one will sweep you....till then enjoy yourself!...
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 69
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:43:01 AM

Based on your post, it sounds to me like you went overboard with the texting. You came on too strong, maybe started acting possessive, and scared him away. He wasn't ready for it and didn't know what to say, so he said nothing and avoided you.

Bingo!! My assessment as well.
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