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 AUTHOR
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 7
New girlfriend acting distantPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Why did you set yourself up to fail ?

Relationships take work. Work from both people. She wasn't ready emotionally to date. From the very beginning you knew she had a lot on her plate. She needed to take the time to deal with all of that and it's unfair that she brought you into that situation. You also had a say and should have removed yourself before getting emotionally involved.

The big problem with being a friend and waiting patiently for someone who isn't ready, is that you are viewed as a friend - and once there, that status rarely upgrades to a relationship.
 Authorofhorror
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 8
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:29:09 AM
Communication is key in any relationship that you have... Without it, things fall apart, TRUST ME!
You seem like a genuine caring guy, which is rare these days.
Are you sure she's going to O.K to see her cousin?
Maybe she just has too much on her plate right now to respond with affection, as some people are like that when in distress. About the text, if it was hr ex, and she proceeds to be distant and grows further away, you might as well kiss her goodbye, unless you speak up!
Good luck bud, I hope it works out.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 9
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:44:05 AM
does her ex live in oklahoma as well?/
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 10
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:05:26 PM
Gawd!! What is wrong with men of the younger generation?

This isn't a relationship, it's a farce!! You have dated since november but only kissed her in the middle of february? Lord love a duck!!

"She told me not to put all my eggs in her basket"

She should have told you the truth, she would use you as an emotional crutch, and allow you to treat her great and take her out, but gawd forbid you kiss her or sleep with her!

When she returns ask her for your balls back, and dump her ass by the curb.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 11
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:07:29 PM

She told me not to put all my eggs in her basket, because she didn't know how long she would take to get through all of it.

Given that you've been hanging out since November without getting past where you'd normally be after a first date, you should take her at her word on that one.

She held my hand and kissed me for the first time that night, and it finally seemed like everything was going in the right direction, towards a relationship.

I think you're getting ahead of the game here. You kissed - after 4 months.

I want to ask her if something is bothering her, but I'm not sure if I should. Would that come across as paranoid?

It's not paranoid, because I'm sure something is bothering her. However , asking her that will bother her even more. She is not in a hurry to get involved with you and you're already acting like you're in a relationship. The best thing you could do at this point is stop calling her ortalkig to her unless she gets in touch with you. You should also look for dates with other women. If she ever comes around, it's going to be because she misses your company and right now, she has too much of it. The more you try to ``seal the deal,'' the less likely you'll be to seal it.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 12
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:12:29 PM
She's not even close to your girlfriend and never will be.
If you didn't make a move after four months, you're never going to get to second base with her. She's your buddy, pal, friend, and that's it.

Accept that or move with your life without her. You'll drive both of you crazy if you're not on the same page in this regard.
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 13
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:55:21 PM
She likes someone else and you are just a friend ..
 shygirl413
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 14
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:15:06 PM
You are in the friends zone... only.. why dont you ask her how she feels about you. Most people are glad to tell a person. My guess is she will say she liked you as a friend.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 16
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 1:42:43 PM
Okay, so your heart is broken
You sit around mopin'
Cryin' and cryin'
You say you`re even thinkin' about dyin'
Well, before you do anything rash, dig this
Everybody plays the fool sometime
There's no exception to the rule
Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
I ain't lyin', everybody plays the fool
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do
And there's no guarantee that the one you love
Is gonna love you
Oh-oh-oh, lovin' eyes they cannot see
A certain person could never be
Love runs deeper than any ocean
You can cloud your mind with emotion
Everybody plays the fool, sometime
There's no exception to the rule
Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
I want to tell ya
Everybody plays the fool
How can you help it when the music starts to play
And your ability to reason is swept away
Oh-oh-oh, heaven on earth is all you see
You're out of touch with reality
And now you cry but when you do
Next time around someone cries for you
Everybody plays the fool, sometime
They use your heart like a tool
Listen, baby, they never tell you so in school
I want to say it again
Everybody plays the fool
Listen to me, baby
Everybody plays the fool, sometime
(No exception) no exception to the rule
It may be factual, may be cruel, sometime
But everybody plays the fool
Listen, listen, baby
Everybody plays the fool
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 2:23:05 PM
Dude,

You have been in the "just friends" zone for quite a while and you didn't even notice. The reality is simple, you two are girlfriends. She does not desire you physically.

Her mind is still attached to her ex.

Now, for the good news.

You are not going to move from just friends to hot date. Realize what she is and move on. Be friends, but start looking and dating other women. What SHE is feeling for another guy, well, that is what she should be feeling for you.

Some other woman will.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 18
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 2:59:22 PM
Hmmmm, seeing one another since November and just kissed on Valentines day? ............

Like many have already said, this girl is just not into you and not over her ex. However, you need to TALK to her to find out what is going on, or else move on, instead of talking to a bunch of strangers on an internet dating site forum..................
 NomadLexi
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 22
view profile
History
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:09:25 PM
"We've been dating sice November, but finally kissed on VD"......say know more. Six words, SHE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU!
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 23
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:15:35 PM
"yes he is cheating"

How is he cheating? He didn't say and you don't know if he contacted or dated anyone from here. His profile was created in early October before they were seeing each other.

Further do you consider yourself in a relationship WITHOUT kissing someone?

You must be demented, or extremely obtuse about what a relationship is.

The problem clearly is, he SHOULD have dated some other woman, than this blood sucker.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:47:47 PM
OP should ask her to return the V-Day gifts. He gave it to her on the premise of being a boyfriend giving a gift to a girlfriend. But she friend zoned him from day one and let him get stringed along. If she any morals (which she doesn't), she should have said to him "Thanks, but don't you realize we're just buddies hanging out? You should save the gifts for someone you're dating". Instead, she took the gifts and gave him a complimentary kiss-probably like a mother would give her child for a good deed.

The creepy part is she was on this site advertizing for a partner, and the OP was the unlucky sucker to get reeled in by her. What's just as bad is the OP didn't pick up any clues when she was telling him to look elsewhere (don't put your eggs in one basket. OP thought it was a grocery shopping tip.) It looks like some college kids carried over their high school stupidity with them.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 25
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/17/2012 9:43:33 PM
Clearly you have no concept of the difference between dating and a relationship"

OK MssC, please explain to us your criteria of a relationship.

I always thought it entailed dating, affection and more than just seeing the other person to supply them with entertainment.(dinner, movies, etal)

You have reported me, fine. What have I said that lacks validity?

You can't have a relationship without having some form of relations, correct?

Casual dating, meaning just 'seeing' someone else, is NOT by most people on here's, idea of a relationship. Is it yours? Explain?

In another thread you mentioned "mutual respect", "mutual understanding".

How has she respected him? By allowing him to pay her way for dates, while she pines away for her ex? Does she mutual understand him, by leading him on, when he has no shot what so ever?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 26
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 5:20:35 AM
She doesn't deserve you...you've been nothing but attentive & patient...read the handwriting on the wall...

SWEETIE, DUMP HER

Make sure that next time, you choose a gal who is into you
 vinadelmar
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 27
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 5:39:43 AM
Dear Mr chivalrous87:
I don’t confess to know all about women but I have learn a few things in my life time. From your description about your new girl’s friend I think she is leading you on and playing with your feeling. Not wanting to commit and waiting to see if something better comes along. You should just see how she treats you, is she attentive to you? Is she caring? The pattern in there current relationship that you set up at the present time well is the way of the future. Women are much craftier then men and excellent liars and manipulators
It’s difficult to fiend a dissent woman these days.
Wish you best of luck and don’t let yourself be manipulated.
Take care.
 talltexblue
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
History
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 7:04:08 AM
Another rebound. I look at woman this way. Either she really likes you or she is still confused and unsure. I would slow down with all the emotions and focus on what and how you both do with activities you share and have an interest in. Taking long hikes on a nature trail or taking a small out of town trip together observing each others actions will give you a sense on where it is going. My ex-wife was just over a bad marriage where he hit her and drank too much. I came along as Mr. Nice guy and she had immediate interest. As we did things together I noticed she had headaches alot. I overlooked that part because my heart was in it. It would later prove to be the nail in the coffin. More headaches, bed early, me being alone more and detached because of physical symptoms. Do your homework before letting your heart lead you down the aisle. There are too Plenty of Fish in the sea. Go to the next one if there are doubts. Go with someone were you are truly friends first.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 29
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 7:33:40 AM
I would totally be out with whatever questions I had... and preferebly as they arise.

If you aren't open and honest with that, then you are going to be left in a world of wonder and paranoia forever.

I'd have even asked about the text that she made a big deal out of in front of you? What the heck was that about??? And then she's distant? No doubt I'd be getting some understanding!?
 Imported_labor
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 30
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:19:34 AM
Ask all the questions you want! It doesn't mean that you will get truthful answers to all your questions.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 31
view profile
History
New girlfriend acting distant
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:26:12 AM
This is very complex, even more so because both parties were not clear with their intentions from the start. Best advice I can give you is let it play out, and give her space. But don't rush to judgement or any conclusions yet.
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