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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 227
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?Page 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I learned it is easy to hide behind a computer and take pot shots at others. This shows immaturity and meanness.

There are also many kind and thoughtful individuals who care about helping others. This morning I awoke to two supportive messages from men who participate in the forums. It warmed my heart.

The forums are a fun and fascinating look into human nature, male/female differences, thinking patterns and personal challenges. I have learned from other people's experience and insights.

People who write with humor are a rare treat.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 228
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 2:55:18 AM

I wish I was being paid by Markus.

I've learned that I'm of average looks and shouldn't expect anything at all from a woman and really I should just ****ing settle and give up any kind of hope of meeting that special girl.


That's nonsense. You're young with a life full of life and lots of life ahead of you. Yes, I've ****ed at you, before; that doesn't mean that I think you deserve anything less for which you've truly worked hard.

I believe you'll meet somebody with whom you'll have a solid, loving and equitable relationship, with lots of sharing, intellectual stimulation and immense love.

all of my best to you.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 229
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 2:58:20 AM

There are also many kind and thoughtful individuals who care about helping others. This morning I awoke to two supportive messages from men who participate in the forums. It warmed my heart.


It's quite nice to receive unexpected and unsolicited support from people. It reacquaints us with our own humanity and confirms our resolve to be of assistance and service to others, even if it's just lending shoulders upon which somebody can cry during their hard time.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 230
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 5:08:12 AM


So women have trained them throughout the ages.


Which women? Can you send them my way? The women in my life never went by that handbook - because it's not perpetually 1953 around here.

Thank God.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 231
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:06:28 AM

I learned it is easy to hide behind a computer and take pot shots at others. This shows immaturity and meanness.


Not necessarily. Some just get tired of gender bashing coming from both men and women. Or constant comments about dates not measuring up. Or constant comments about men (or women) on here being losers and if they were "all that" they wouldn't need a dating site. It's the constant...... And the Marion the Librarian types that butter wouldn't melt in their perfect mouths and then they post too much information and get called on it.

The "immaturity and meanness" is also evident in constant postings about your dates and how they don't measure up in one for or another.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 232
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:25:57 AM
From the forums I mostly have learned to appreciate modern TV shows.

Like 2 1/2 men, Mom, any shows that have relationships in them. Now those shows take on a new meaning.

I hadn't really dated a lot, certainly not much in the last 20 years, now I am totally caught on modern dating. But it only helps me when watching movies and TV.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 233
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:40:28 AM

I guess the guys on Match are true gentlemen with hearts of gold.


I've learned that the same people are on many dating sites do I don't think finding them on Match is any better.

As for me, I've learned I'm not relationship material. I'm ok with that.
 reboot1010
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 234
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:08:09 AM
You don't necessarily lose it if you don't use it
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 235
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:12:15 AM
I've learned that my needs are vast yet simple at the same time.

I've learned that a couple trips a year to your native countries may make for more interesting dating stories and better connection, than dating in country were most people don't know how live life.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 236
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 12:10:11 PM
I learned that many people here do not want to change, learn, grow. They are more comfortable basking in their misery than get out of their comfort zone and do something new. Fear is still the biggest problem with men and women, fear of rejection, fear of being embarrassed, fear of ourselves.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 237
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 12:40:28 PM

That's nonsense. You're young with a life full of life and lots of life ahead of you. Yes, I've ****ed at you, before; that doesn't mean that I think you deserve anything less for which you've truly worked hard.


You've ****ed at me? When was this?


I believe you'll meet somebody with whom you'll have a solid, loving and equitable relationship, with lots of sharing, intellectual stimulation and immense love.

all of my best to you.


I was mainly joking for the most part my post stemmed from my "Profile review" I said that while I was getting messages from girls, I could probably get more if my profile was tweaked, I'm paraphrasing. Then someone which may or may not have been asked why did I expect that and that I was an average looking guy who would have to overhaul everything.

I wasn't offended, I found it amusing the worst thing in my eyes to be is simply average, nothing stands out.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 238
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 8:55:48 PM
More things I've leaned about dating from the Forum:

- When out on a date, and the woman asks how many people you slept with, don't divide your # by 2 -- divide your age by 2 and give her the # at that point in your life. If it's less than your # of LTRs, make it equal to the # of LTRs so it doesn't look conspicuously too low.

- Never use the phrase "stinky pinky" on a first date, especially when exchanging dating/relationship stories.

- Never ask for the waitress' number when on a 1st date. Only do so when the gal plays the friends-first game, but you can't complain if she runs off with the busboy.

- Always carry a secondary wallet. Fill the picture section with photos of random girls, with random addresses in your city written on the back of them in the white space. Have no credit cards in it, but keep your ID and only like $3 inside. If you're Clearly Not interested in a gal on the 1st date, you whip out That wallet and tell her how you keep a collection of all your ex girlfriends, and that you always remember where they live -- and you hope to add her in there some day as you find her Very Special. After leafing thru the pics and showing her your "past loves" one by one, admit that you weren't able to go out on more than 1 date with ALL of them, but you still consider them all ex-girlfriends. After the confused look on her face settles in -- suddenly act surprised that you only have $3, and she'll have to cover the bill. It's at this point you ask her what her address is, so you can mail her a check -- or by coins taped to cardboard if she prefers that. If/when she refuses, ask to at least take a picture of her with your phone.

- Don't ask them when the last time they had sex was. If you slip up asking that question out of habit, definitely don't ask if they video taped it. If you slip up asking That follow-up question out of habit, definitely don't ask to borrow it in order to make a copy while bragging about your dual-deck VCR which can do the job in no time.

There's a lot of no-nos that we can learn about ahead of time that we can learn from the forum, and many tips and tricks that we learn from the forums to protect ourselves from drama.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 239
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:18:22 PM
I have learned that this forum is just like many others in that there are cliques that enjoy trying to create drama by bashing people who are only offering their opinion because they have such sad lonely lives in the first place.

Aside from that,on the dating side of the site I have confirmed my suspicion from all these years that I am absolutely not attractive in the least to the opposite sex (exceptions are the desperate).
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 240
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:42:48 PM
I've learned quite a bit. In no specific order, just as I think of them-

Most all women are damaged goods. As much as they don't want to admit it, looks plays a big part in who they choose. They want a witty guy, that has prestigious sounding career. (So that they can impress friends/family on who wants them) In an 80/20 ranking, I'd say pretty close to 40% of them think they are in the 20% range. A fair number of them have self-esteem issues. That, unfortunately shows up by what size they are. But then, I believe both sexes suffer from that anyway.

Now, the "Real Women", or take me as I am crowd. Uhh, yeah, I should be wildly impressed with plain. Go crazy because you're a woman. Ahh, no.

The two line profile, or ask me. If you're too lazy to write one up with a little thought, you are what you write.

I realize that the married but cheating, players, sexploitaters, trolls, ect. have made it even harder for normal, good guys to get anywhere on OLD. And yes, I know that it would be better to go IRL. In my part of the country, I'm not overly fond of bars, or churches. Scratch those off the list, and pickin's get awfully slim.

I'm pretty convinced that I'll be flying solo. Reality bites, but I'll settle and make my way here, that to pin my hopes on finding the mythical lady. My odds of getting struck by lighting, riding a pogo stick are better.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 241
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:35:02 PM
You can take the plenty out of the fish, but then all you'd have left is of.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 242
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/21/2015 2:25:04 AM
I've learnt I'm going to be alone/single for a long time
 robert1652
Joined: 2/18/2015
Msg: 243
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/21/2015 8:18:42 PM
Today is probably my 3rd day of being here and was contemplating if to pay or not.

Sadly the answer is going to be a no for the time being.

Well I posted a photo but is a bit dated photo about 3 years old. My kids promised to get a photo during the week end for posting but meanwhile that one would do. I am not in the habit of taking photos of myself (selfies)

There were a few people in my area so I clicked on them a lot of them were OK but I suddenly found a few who have already blocked me and I don't even know these folks nor have I been on any dates with them ever before.

May be the name should be changed from Fish market is it? to Meat Market or Meet the Meat?

Is this a hostile place or I have been unlucky?

Any thing you post can be deleted says at the bottom.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 244
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/21/2015 11:53:02 PM
Message 272-thanks..

"Some unfortunately just come here to brag about how how unbelievably successful they are with women/men."

I consider them comedy relief. And broken records.

Once or twice..fine. Let us know how awesome you are.

But Every.Single.Post?

A joke.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 245
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 5:03:32 AM
purplerider
and of course you know most women. Looks do play a big part in who I would choose to be with, and I have always admitted it, as have many others on here. Do we want witty, with a career? Also true.

It is also true that men will respond to the pics and the stats and not give two figs for the profile and what is written there. Women, not so much. We know this and so some of do not put much effort in.

There must be other venues besides bars and churches that you can attend. And whilst you think most women are damaged, make disparaging remarks about their size, generalise the way you do, women will remain mythical to you I would suggest. .
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 246
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:58:23 AM
I'm in vancouver. Most profiles I see have the guy kayaking a couple hours up the lake followed by a 3 hour hike up the mountain and biking down and rounding up the day with a game of tennis or golf. Since I can't do those things I'm undatable to 90% of the online vancouver male population, hah. Still holding out for that 10%.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 247
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 10:19:29 AM

protect ourselves from drama.


If you feel a need to protect yourself during a date, you're dating the wrong girl.



I have confirmed my suspicion from all these years that I am absolutely not attractive in the least to the opposite sex (exceptions are the desperate).


Drives me nuts when people say things like this. Are you gardening for sympathy? An ego boast? What?!
Your mentality regarding yourself is attractive..........................not!
I know men and women that the general mass could consider far less attractive than you say you are and they would never speak of themselves like this. And you know what? They are freaking awesome people with great lives because of that.
Want to moan and groan about how unattractive you are than that's all you are about. That moan and groaning.
Is that really what you want your life to be reduced to?
That is why it drives me nuts. We only live once. Don't waste it ****ing.
Get over it




I've learnt I'm going to be alone/single for a long time


Another one that needs to get over it.. the whole mentality
Go visit the elderly who have truly been alone/single a long time and tell me if that is what you are prepared for. It's not even a joke. You are twenty *^%$! two !!!!!!!!!
Get a new hobby. Volunteer. Travel the world. Get out, away from the computer and live life.



[quoteOnce or twice..fine. Let us know how awesome you are.
But Every.Single.Post?
A joke.


*nods in full agreement*




I'm in vancouver. Most profiles I see have the guy kayaking a couple hours up the lake followed by a 3 hour hike up the mountain and biking down and rounding up the day with a game of tennis or golf. Since I can't do those things I'm undatable to 90% of the online vancouver male population, hah. Still holding out for that 10%.


I do believe the 10% would be the dirty pot bellied rednecks showing off their trucks and atvs??? lol
Somewhere in that pile, a middle ground, a man standing who is perfect for you because you are darling! :)
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 248
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 10:25:15 AM

I do believe the 10% would be the dirty pot bellied rednecks showing off their trucks and atvs??? lol
Somewhere in that pile, a middle ground, a man standing who is perfect for you because you are darling! :)


Pretty much. hah. But I'm going for a nice birthday lunch and fully plan to exercise my smiles at some gents.
And thank you :)
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 249
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 10:39:37 AM

Drives me nuts when people say things like this. Are you gardening for sympathy? An ego boast? What?!
Your mentality regarding yourself is attractive..........................not!
I know men and women that the general mass could consider far less attractive than you say you are and they would never speak of themselves like this. And you know what? They are freaking awesome people with great lives because of that.
Want to moan and groan about how unattractive you are than that's all you are about. That moan and groaning.
Is that really what you want your life to be reduced to?
That is why it drives me nuts. We only live once. Don't waste it ****ing.
Get over it


Why not. I've tried almost everything else under the forums. Though my profile nor first messages ever state it, just here in the forums because I get nothing from the other side. Apparently my life has been wasted. I put off relationships for the better part of it to get things in order (and fought wars) and figured out, that order never comes. Now years later after a failed relationship, my desires for my life are getting dashed more on razor rocks due to being considered too old. As stated in my profile (which you likely haven't read) I indicate a desire for children. From what I have seen, women my age don't want them. Either they put it off so long they are practically sterile now , consider it destruction of a monument, or the kids are already in the teens or out of the house with no desire to start over. And still, profile after profile of ladies that do want kids (prefer not to say I consider a no due to NOT being a negative) they are typically in early to mid 20s and consider me over the hill. Now 99.7% of the time I am ignored, and that is fine, but of the few messages I ever received (and replied to only to be ignored again only trying to make small talk) one stated I was 5 years younger than her dad (she is 25) and it would be weird. That is her problem though.... well and still sort of mine because I cannot turn back the clock. So with my age comes unattractiveness to ladies that indicate at least one shared desire. My profile is far from encompassing the entirety of myself so I truncated it to a much more digestible version. So if all I am is a profile rather than a human I am still considered unattractive because of the barren nature my inbox perpetually is in. I state it hoping for validation of the fact. And I say fact because, that this many ladies (1000+) I have contacted obviously can't be wrong. Since being ignored is an answer. But at least I try to find amusing ways of saying it most the time. The least you could do is cool your jets and laugh with me because I have no problems laughing at myself with the others.


I wasn't offended, I found it amusing the worst thing in my eyes to be is simply average, nothing stands out.


I try my best to disappear in crowds. Not a fan of standing out. The more I try to appear average the more I stand out.... sucks.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 250
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 10:49:47 AM
"I've learnt I'm going to be alone/single for a long time"

I've actually learned the same thing. However, all the same things apply as far as diversions..I DO travel the world, I DO work out, I DO have plenty of hobbies and am currently writing a book and just completed a new animation project. There's loads of stuff going on. But the reality of being alone and single hits many of us the same way. It is *extremely extremely difficult* to meet people in LA. Extremely. Men at this age in particular (I'm almost 50) are very very VERY hard to get a date with, very difficult. They are just not interested. Never in my wildest imagination did I think it would be this hard to even get a date five years back when I became single again. My expectations of dating, and of myself, have shifted radically.

Here's an example...I have a hiking group, which is a great way to meet and talk with new people as we are all together for at least two hours each time. Had a fellow named Tim who joined who would walk alongside me each time, so we got to talking about our families, our history, interests, etc. I liked him, found him attractive and he has a really great voice. And he was single.

Had a guy friend join me one week. He ended up chatting up one of the ladies in the group. At the end of the hike, he suggested to me that we go grab some dinner and meet his friend Bill there, and I noticed he went over to the lady he was chatting with and handed her his information, inviting her to the dinner and I thought good for him! He's being proactive! I really thought it was cool that he did that..so I thought, why not ask Tim to come too? So I gathered my guts and asked him if he'd like to come along. He agreed to come along.

So we met at the restaurant. I sat down next to Bill and left a seat available next to me for Tim. When Tim showed up, he passed by the seat next to me and sat down on the other side of Bill...which clearly indicated to me this was no way shape or form even to be considered a "date" as the guy didnt even make the effort to sit next to me so we could talk easier. The dinner was fun, and when Tim and I met at the car afterwards he just talked about going home and doing laundry.

Now of course, not everything has to end up being a romantic success, and I understand I need to really make more effort than just this, but I had to laugh on the way home, because so many of my experiences end up in this weird, awkward "no where land" where men just have no interest. Nothing happens, no effort, no nothing. This isnt the first time I had a guy stand around after a date and tell me he either was going to do laundry or go put together some furniture. WOOHOO! Glad to know I made SUCH an impression! Well, time to go assemble an Ikea couch!

Hahhaha! Makes me laugh just to type it out. Actually, my bud Larry told me later *his* "date" never looked him in the eye when she was talking to him, which I noticed. So we both struck out, maybe this isnt uncommon. God knows Los Angeles is a hard, hard place to keep anyone's interest.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 251
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/22/2015 11:06:45 AM
"I've learnt I'm going to be alone/single for a long time"

Well, this was posted originally by a 22 year old and in my opinion, holds no value coming from her.

Yes, some may be single or alone by choice, it's a choice. Walk your own walk.

The word is "learned" not "learnt".
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