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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 274
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?Page 14 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
^^^ I like being a tard in real life I'm a tart

P.S. Not much other than some are bitter and some slay me to tears with laughter.

I did learn...I like Pigs
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 275
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/10/2015 4:37:33 AM
@ purplerider1200
"Are you gardening for sympathy?"
No. Call it, looking at reality straight on, and accepting things the way they are. What do you expect us to do? Pick the first available, and go sashaying off into the sunset? Yeah, right. I'm not stepping in front of that train.

And I don't see you doing it.



^^^ Yes she been crying in her beer for many years here....& it sound like she already been run over by a train...

As her constant depressing posts, past relationships, dates, bad luck, etc, etc will attain too...

Many here have tried to give her hope & encouragement over the years, but to sadly to no avail... as she keep her little choo choo train going along... in her woes of the world she lives in.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 276
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/10/2015 5:43:11 PM

No. Call it, looking at reality straight on, and accepting things the way they are. What do you expect us to do? Pick the first available, and go sashaying off into the sunset?


According to that other guy, no one wants him anyway, so he won’t be picking or sashaying with anyone. Or you either apparently since it appears he’s your spokesman. Thus, the garnering sympathy comment.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 277
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/11/2015 11:44:52 AM

Most all women are damaged goods. As much as they don't want to admit it, looks plays a big part in who they choose. They want a witty guy, that has prestigious sounding career. (So that they can impress friends/family on who wants them) In an 80/20 ranking, I'd say pretty close to 40% of them think they are in the 20% range. A fair number of them have self-esteem issues. That, unfortunately shows up by what size they are. But then, I believe both sexes suffer from that anyway.


Well I've learned is that the majority of men, especially in these forums, think EXACTLY like this....

Whether or not this is actually accurate or has ANY basis in reality is debatable, but apparently they are CONVINCED of it's veracity!
Appears to me to be largely a case of "believe and you will find what you believe", but hey, far be it from me to stand in the way of someone's generalizations...

Frankly if this were REALLY true, then I suspect that the world population would be MUCH smaller...LOL

I wish all of the guys who believe this the BEST of luck finding a partner or a mate, because from the looks of things that WON'T be happening ANY time soon!!!
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 278
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/11/2015 9:03:57 PM

What do you expect us to do? Pick the first available, and go sashaying off into the sunset?


Apparently, that is exactly what they expect us to do. Sorry (not really) to disappoint.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 279
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/11/2015 9:14:46 PM

Well I've learned is that the majority of men, especially in these forums, think EXACTLY like this....

I've learned not to follow what people say in the Forums as the "comfort-zone" or litmus test to what's seen/felt as decent/okay in the dating scene. When virtually everyone's on the Same Page -- sure. But other than that, be weary.

A classic one is complaining about short messages sent to gals like "Hey, what's up?" In real life, although that's not the best opener of course, it's actually more accepted than an opinion poll of folks in the forums. Kinda obvious though as people in the forums are looking to read/write more than your average bear. Not good to go by just small one-liners for a Convo, of course, but for an opener? Many people are 100% fine with it, although something with a bit more is usually better.
 absurdbutpreferred
Joined: 12/15/2014
Msg: 280
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/11/2015 9:25:44 PM
I've learned the following;

College girls date for free movies, food, concert tickets etc.

Girls dig guys who ride bikes. Not motorcycles motorcycles. Hopefully this trend will end soon.

That is all.
 absurdbutpreferred
Joined: 12/15/2014
Msg: 281
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/11/2015 9:27:13 PM
I have also learned my phone is not compatible with the forums and that it likes to make me sound uneducated.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 282
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/13/2015 3:29:21 PM
@JoeBnD

Apparently, that is exactly what they expect us to do. Sorry (not really) to disappoint.


Sadly, but true Joe.....As its a fact why there are still more men here then women proves your point !

Whether it be on the Net or in IRL.....to date etc, etc... open to still inter mingle etc is the Key !

And why older men or men in general might want to seek younger women who are less then those who are carrying all the blanks.... & those younger who are that are more conducive to still enjoy dating etc.....

For those who have a we bit too much to accepting & handling or understanding .... then just listen...& then decide....
PS....enjoy those who still enjoy... & stay in just still spinning their wheels....etc bs’s ....good luck
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 283
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/13/2015 3:32:58 PM
This from @ Gwendolyn2010
Ditto.
The POF forums are a microcosm of the world--the biggest difference that I can see is that people who would usually keep their mouths shut "out there" will speak up "in here" because anonymity lends bravado.

I liken the forums to sitting on a park bench or inside a mall listening to dozens of people give their opinions on several topics that are stated hundreds of different ways: both the topics and opinions are limited in scope but are merely restated each go 'round."

The types of people whom I meet in real life are the same as in the forums: the bully, the coward (one who would not speak otherwise but lets go with everything held in for a period of time), the kind know-it-all, the unkind know-it-all, the timid, the empathetic, the strong, the weak, the braggart, the teacher, the student, the sympathetic, the one with the inferior complex who knows, the one with the inferior complex who tries to seem superior, the defensive, the offensive, the vain whose ego needs stroking, people in true pain . . . the list goes on.

There are cliques and there are outsiders. People form alliances and choose enemies.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 284
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/13/2015 6:46:39 PM

The POF forums are a microcosm of the world--the biggest difference that I can see is that people who would usually keep their mouths shut "out there" will speak up "in here" because anonymity lends bravado.

I liken the forums to sitting on a park bench or inside a mall listening to dozens of people give their opinions on several topics that are stated hundreds of different ways: both the topics and opinions are limited in scope but are merely restated each go 'round."

The types of people whom I meet in real life are the same as in the forums: the bully, the coward (one who would not speak otherwise but lets go with everything held in for a period of time), the kind know-it-all, the unkind know-it-all, the timid, the empathetic, the strong, the weak, the braggart, the teacher, the student, the sympathetic, the one with the inferior complex who knows, the one with the inferior complex who tries to seem superior, the defensive, the offensive, the vain whose ego needs stroking, people in true pain . . . the list goes on.

There are cliques and there are outsiders. People form alliances and choose enemies.


And this is different from ANY other group of people how, exactly????

Riiiiggghhhttt...then you have the 'analyzers' who are somehow just 'above it all'....lol
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 285
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 4:48:06 AM

Riiiiggghhhttt...then you have the 'analyzers' who are somehow just 'above it all'....lol


But Gwendolyn was right, Dee. I'm not saying you (or anyone else) is the reason for her thoughts, but she was right. You don't have to be "above it all" to see how some of the things posted here are pretty brutal.

You're right. It really isn't all that different from any other segment of society, but this place is definitely *not* the place to be for profound and sage dating advice either.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 286
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:43:45 AM
Well Never...
I kinda figure that it's a case of take what you want and leave the rest....

Works for me and I have gotten some interesting perspectives and good advice from many posters on here...Even the most 'brutal' have their 'good days'....;-)

The beauty of here, as opposed to other places such as work or school or even just out and about, is that you can just press a button and it all goes away....
Can't change others....but we can flip the off switch....
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 287
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:55:39 AM
^^^^All of which I can't argue with. Good points.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 288
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:30:36 AM
Well...and I had SUCH a good counter argument ready!!!!
Damn Never....NOW what do I do????!!!!!


LMAO

It's my mantra that I have to repeat to myself all the time....Whether here or IRL....

"Can't change anybody else.....so what CAN I do, to make this situation better for myself..."

Sometimes it's turning off the laptop, or reminding myself that annoying people really AREN'T giving ME a second thought, though they certainly have space in MY head, or just taking a DEEEEEEEEPPPPPP breath and focusing on lowering my blood pressure....and asking myself (reminding myself) 'How important is this REALLY in the big scheme of things?'....
Often just shutting my mouth and/or staying away from the keyboard as I count to 100 is the best solution....

I am also open to ANY suggestions for any other 'tricks and tips' that anyone else may have....;-)
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 289
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:34:42 AM
Dee

The beauty of here, as opposed to other places such as work or school or even just out and about, is that you can just press a button and it all goes away....
Can't change others....but we can flip the off switch

Agreed! This is a place you take it for what it is.

All I can say is thank goodness, I didn't know or read the forums when I first signed on the dating site with an open mind and met some wonderful people....lol.
If I had....I probably wouldn't have dated.

I like all the different personalities...even the ever "bitterbros".
I remember Gwendolyn....I wonder what she perceived her "character type" to be? I know, I had an opinion of her and no I'm not sharing.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 290
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:47:39 AM

All I can say is thank goodness, I didn't know or read the forums when I first signed on the dating site with an open mind and met some wonderful people....lol.


Wish I could say the same!!! lmao
I actually came on here FOR the forums and THEN filled out a profile in order to be able to post!! LOL

Had never even given online dating a second thought until I started connecting with people...

Yikes!!! What does that say about ME?!?!?!?! LMAO

(Rhetorical question BTW, NO need to 'answer'!!! I'm WELL aware of just what that says!!! lol)

Well, I always WAS into 'dangerous' things and thrill seeking....

Fast cars, fast motorcycles, fast horses, dangerous animals and hard core cons....so I guess I'm comfy here...

Because.....

HERE.....

There be DRAGONS!!!!!! LOL

Sometimes....and sometimes, just regular people trying to do their best each and every day, just like me, to make it through this insane, thrilling, crazy, often ridiculous but always interesting ...LIFE!..;-)
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 291
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 9:10:01 AM
I've learned that the only date I can find is the one on the calendar. BTW, today is PI day. A 100 year PI day as a matter of fact: 3.1415.......... Now there's a date to celebrate.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 292
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 9:15:22 AM
I learned that in our society's obsession with doing everything possible to avoid offending anyone, current dating life became a mix of delusion, hypocrisy, and ego. Everyone is quick to tell everyone else why they're single, why their dates aren't working out, while holding onto the claim that they're the exception. Person A tells person B that he's single because he's not being appealing enough to his target partner. But person A, he's only single because he's way too busy with work, or too old to go to literally anywhere that people socially gather. People demand certain physical characteristics, jobs, incomes, living situations, etc. that they can't even live up to themselves. But the one thing we can all count on is that not a single one of us are here because we needed the site. It's only to meet a different type of person than what you normally meet offline (willing). The thought that you came here because you needed help finding dates is clearly ridiculous.

I also learned humility. It forced me to realize that I'm not as perfect as I thought I was before I came here. I see where I kept messing up offline. I've built an understanding of exactly what kind of person tends to be attracted to me, and it's not the model who goes to clubs every night. Rarely, yes (EVERYONE has exceptions to what's common), but almost every time, not even close. I didn't do so bad offline because of my job or anything, I did so bad offline because of myself, something that it seems 99% of people here will NEVER admit to. I'm not above POF, I'm someone on it.

This is also where I first noticed how incapable of communication we're becoming. Mainly thanks to the ignored messages. Once you stop and think about it, don't our friends do the same thing when we text or call them? There was a time when people would always return a call, today, you can't really predict it. We avoid confrontation at all costs. Rather than tell our boss we quit, we just stop showing up to work. Relationships have been ended by vanishing rather than actually ending it.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 293
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 10:50:35 AM

The POF forums are a microcosm of the world--the biggest difference that I can see is that people who would usually keep their mouths shut "out there" will speak up "in here" because anonymity lends bravado.

I disagree. The POF forums can very well be a FALSE microcosm of the real world. It draws in, for the most part, a certain PART of the real world -- which has many variances due to age differences and such -- and it's a microcosm of THAT. Basically, people who've gone thru the trials & tribulations of dating/relationships/etc., and have very vocal issues about it. It's to be taken into THAT context, IMO.

Again, a classical situation where it does NOT fit the real world is message openers. In the forums, you'll get the Strong impression that a "Hey, how's it going?" message is going to bring inevitable failure to even the Bradgelinas of the world if they do so. It's incredibly silly, stupid, and OMG -- even they would have to write 800 people to get one response!

In reality, although not the most effective, it's not that bad. And what is just fine isn't that far from it -- again, as an opener to a stranger. But on the forums, it's a microcosm of those in the world who are a bit different IRL, most who are more into reading & writing in greater length. IRL, if someone who's hot and who has a great, fruitful profile that seems to match the person who they throw a fishing line out there by saying "Hey, how's it going?" -- it's going to get roughly the Same results as if they wrote 3 medium-length sentences -- and better results than if they wrote a big long paragraph. To forumites -- that's not true (flipping hair).
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 294
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:45:01 AM

In reality, although not the most effective, it's not that bad. And what is just fine isn't that far from it -- again, as an opener to a stranger. But on the forums, it's a microcosm of those in the world who are a bit different IRL, most who are more into reading & writing in greater length. IRL, if someone who's hot and who has a great, fruitful profile that seems to match the person who they throw a fishing line out there by saying "Hey, how's it going?" -- it's going to get roughly the Same results as if they wrote 3 medium-length sentences -- and better results than if they wrote a big long paragraph. To forumites -- that's not true (flipping hair).


@norwegianguy- you are absolutely correct! Back in the old days..the old moderator Cowboy used to always say it really didn't matter what the message said. He was right. I miss him :(

I use to do tests because I found a lot of the conventional wisdom from Markus(rolls eyes) a bit off from the on the ground real world outcomes. I understand a lot of blokes are afraid to experiment due to running out of gals to send messages to. Obviously where I live , one will never run out!So I was in a perfect situation to just experiment. And I wasn't dependent on the outcomes so it wasn't going to affect my dating or self esteem.

So my first 3 months I sent messages regardless of how many initiated with me 1st or date options I had. I sent messages. All types! It was kind of like gathering info to write a book !

IG and KJ were members back then so they might remember. I found out that if I just sent a wink";)" my response rate was less. BUT NOT anything more than 15%, maybe at most 20% less. But I could do my work in 1/4-1/3 the time.

I, of course, posted my results and of course the political correct crowd all took up arms! I t was too funny! Then another member on here, who actually had a dating blog from Pompano Florida did the same experiment. He was speechless. Not sure what his results were but he came online and said it worked good enough.

It was like the frackin sky was falling. Heated arguments started. I think a few people were banned because no matter what the data showed there were some members who claimed it was wrong. Others clearly told other newbies NOT to do it because THEY would never answer such messages. So I said the same thing you said...that forum posters are NOT a real representative of the online daters because they probably are more articulate or into written expression then the rest.

Of course if they think we are both wrong and that they are the same, well then that opens up the avenue that women are actually posting advice that isn't being practiced in reality ;). But I suspect the former, that they are honestly different, because we have lovely forum members who are very articulate and outspoken!(diplomacy in action :))
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 295
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 8/13/2015 5:26:25 AM

It was like the frackin sky was falling. Heated arguments started. I think a few people were banned because no matter what the data showed there were some members who claimed it was wrong. Others clearly told other newbies NOT to do it because THEY would never answer such messages. So I said the same thing you said...that forum posters are NOT a real representative of the online daters because they probably are more articulate or into written expression then the rest.

Of course if they think we are both wrong and that they are the same, well then that opens up the avenue that women are actually posting advice that isn't being practiced in reality ;). But I suspect the former, that they are honestly different, because we have lovely forum members who are very articulate and outspoken!(diplomacy in action :))


I think it's a little of both.

First, I have noticed that if the majority opinion on a topic favors one sort of reaction, then they are wrong and it's best to do the opposite. A minority usually disagrees. It's a pretty reliable indicator.

What I mean by a little of both, most advice is what we would theoretically do, but in practice we might well believe this time is different. And since we do have a lot more information about those we interact with in real life than a forum could ever have, then we can make better decisions.

For instance, I think I know the people I date better than a forum could ever know them. While I may ask an opinion to see if there is something I hadn't thought of, I keep this in mind, that in reality I have more information. You know, all that stuff that happens in real life face to face exchanges Vs emails.

I have a couple of real life examples.

1) I was in a long distance relationship while dating my wife, it had gone on for 18 months and I had spent about 3 months with her when I was in Thailand on 3 separate trips.

She would text, phone and Skype me at least twice a day, it was a little too much for me.

But then one day she fell off the map, her cell rang but no answer, no texts, no emails, like she was dead. The first couple of days I wasn't concerned, but then I got worried. After 3 weeks I was really thinking maybe I needed to think about dating someone else. But I got more desperate to get into contact, and reviewed all my texts and found her sisters phone number. She speaks very poor English, and it was hard to understand her . But my GF decided to go to the temple for a month to medicate on her future life with me. With no notice to me, and the monk said she couldn't have any contact with the outside world.

I never asked the forum their opinion, it would have been totally predictable that the majority would say I had been suckered and she found a better prospect. And at the time I though it remotely possible.

I still resent her leaving without telling me about it, but I totally believe her that that is what happened.

2) I did ask the forum about another question when I had a disagreement with my future wife. I had gotten her a Visa to enter the USA and stay here. BUT I wanted her to fly by herself to the USA, I didn't want to spend another $2,000 to fly there and hold her hand on the airplane. She have only flown twice in her life, both times with me to neighboring countries. The flight from Bangkok to the USA required a plane transfer at Japan, but otherwise it's pretty hard to make a mistake once you board the plane. I asked the forum their opinion on this, and I was really surprised at the responses.

For some reason, it got so heated a MOD stepped in to delete some posts and give a warning. And itwas like the "frackin sky was falling". Here is the thread.

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16077570.aspx
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 296
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 8/13/2015 1:56:36 PM

But my GF decided to go to the temple for a month to medicate on her future life with me.


Don't you mean "meditate"?

Or did she really need to "medicate"? (LOL)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 297
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 8/13/2015 2:12:50 PM
^^^ :):) Maybe both.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 298
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 8/13/2015 2:49:16 PM
I've learned I'm undateable.
Fortunately, I didn't learn that until AFTER I'd been on some dates in RL.

I learned that POF forums were not reliable.

I learned the depth of hatred that many men have for women in general;
particularly those who have an opinion more modern than 17th century Church thinking.
Then I learned about MGTOW and sock puppets.

I've learned that people are 'damaged', 'broken bottles' and 'low-hanging fruit',
but, I prefer to think of it merely as 'a bit dinged up from life'.

I've learned there are many things about some men that I don't like
but, for the most part, they aren't red flags or dealbreakers except hatred, belittlement, sarcasm.

I like life, I like men, I like the forums but a little discernment goes a long way.
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