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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 26
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?Page 2 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I find forms interesting.. in many ways. It validates things that happen as normal and not so normal. I also find wordy responses to be annoying. LOL.. and some are just coaching from the sidelines of life. But all in all it is a fun read.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 27
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:48:45 AM
I learned about TMI, that I share way too much information, and too soon. In the past people would mention that, but I always thought it was their problem. But too many on PoF have told me that in too quick a succession for me not to believe it

And THAT is a main benefit from reading these Forums...

"O, wad some Power the giftie gie us.. To see oursels as ithers see us!"... Burns

Epiphany for many, to see how some others/opp sex may truly perceive them..

Human nature is to default to believing what you wish to believe about yourself, your peers and complex issues about human relationships... Soo many people come here clutching their "confirmation bias" and some may have rude awakenings about the reality of why they are still single...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 28
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:49:42 AM
I am open minded, I listen to everyone. If you have a good argument, you may even change my mind. But there are those who make more sense, and I look for their posts and read them more carefully. The longer I am here, the more friends I make, and the more people whose opinion I learn to value.

What have I learned? Well, I didn't know about "meet-n-greets", or "coffee dates", before I came on the forums. And that was worth learning.

I learned there are a lot of people who are full of resentment and bitterness at the opposite sex. But there are also a lot of people who are open to finding someone special, so the search is worth continuing.

Let's see, what else have I learned? Women have very hard and fast opinions about the subject of sex, and when to first have sex. And you are never in a million years going to change their minds about that, so just look for the ones who are in agreement with your views on that subject. And do NOT participate in online debates about that subject, no one will be persuaded by your arguments, no matter how lucid and well thought out.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 29
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:06:11 AM
I've learned several things:

1. I'm actually not 5'7", I'm 5'11". (I learned this by being the same height as the men who said they were 5'11") I will let my doctor know his height measuring thing is off next time I'm in.
2. I've learned that just because someone asks a question, I don't have to answer it. I tend to be forthcoming, but sometimes after the fact I've really wondered why on earth someone felt free to ask me what they did, and why I went ahead and answered.
3. I learned that I don't like feeling like I'm being interviewed for the role of wife, when I'm just meeting someone to see if I am interested in going on a date with them.
4. I've learned that men on dating sites beleive in a 3 date rule. (so far, it does seem to be just the men?) I have not really learned whether they truly beleive in this, or whether it's more one of those things where someone starts a rumor in hopes it will come true.
5. I've learned that people can be very bitter and stereotypical, sometimes superficial-- just like in real life, but perhaps more openly online since there is the protection of a a screen name.
6. I've learned there are some really smart people who are generous in giving excellent advice-- and some folks who have very odd ideas.
7. I've learned it's easier to see when someone else is doing something dumb, and there's an obvious answer-- than when it's me doing something dumb that has an obvious answer. (again, just like real life).
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 30
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:07:19 AM
"For some reason, others think that they can change the world and attitude of women AND men by complaining about the issue in a thread."

That would be me probably!

A general comment not intended for anyone specific...

You will never see me complain about the attitude of anybody really. I was merely giving my observation of other as asked. Again and I don't know why but people Im complaining about dont attack me. Maybe because I am an optimist? Im really to busy clarifying my writing! To the old timers!! OMG!! You aren't even answering the questions asked! You pick apart the person! Because its popular? Not specifically in this post but two that i did yesterday. I was actually getting positive feedback before it was comandeered by an old timer analyzing me and not answering the question. I politely respond with much more tact and then WOW it disappears!!

People who come here looking for the real are subject to such finality in your VETERAN posts!! Because you group post!!! Because you know right? because you've been here so long? Its the same problem on most message boards. You guys need your own chatroom.. Knock it off!! Be productive!! Be an example!!

The Forum.. It loses its usefulness... When you do that! It could be somewhat intimidating to a real newbie..

A newbie I am not... I joined with ex at the same time years ago.. for fun.. I didn't see it as fun after a few posts. She posted for a few years and knows some of you and your stories personally and so do I by proxy. Still doing same shtuff.. She left and got married. Smart girl!

I'm here this weekend and never again. Because I mistakenly believe I can change the world? Nah...

Being a real "person of the world" This I know..

The world never changes until one person at a time changes! It usually happens when the lil guys believe they can. I also have faith in my brothers and sisters..

Im neither bitter nor deterred.. Im just saying.. I wish you all well. Bet I get deleted. Somebody is gonna read it first tho.. I just changed somebodies world. Hopefully yours! Thanks for this Forum!
 NolitaFairytale
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 31
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:28:24 AM
I learned not to take it so seriously.. don't pull all your eggs in one basket and assume the current guy you're talking to is going to be your soulmate.. but also don't go the other way and be too negative/unenthusiastic or you won't even have the motivation to put yourself out there on a meet.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 32
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:06:05 AM
Wow...Sure glad I am not one of you "veterans"...lol.
Sorry,couldn't resist.

I do have to say...the people who are more experienced in posting have taught me a thing or two.
They usually express their thoughts once and then leave it...something I do have to learn.
Others need to lighten up!

@nowinters...err.. RIPTIDE
Yeah...you most of all!!
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 33
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:14:08 AM
I've learned to not always be so open when meeting someone for the first time
I've learned to listen more and talk less
I've learned some people are just miserable and will never be happy
I've learned that many people do not know how to use spell check
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 34
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:40:25 AM
I'm actually not 5'7", I'm 5'11".
-------------------------------------------------------
What a con artist!!!!!!!!
Are you really???????
 lilbitofcountry
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 35
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:59:36 AM
Since on this site..

I have learnt not to caught in e-mail, messanging routine...just go have a first meet.
I am also 5'11... and need to get a new measuring tape..
Long term doesnt mean just that... apparently it also means intimate encounters... People lie...no brainer there ...
Some are to judgemental over spelling ..or text lingo.. come-on.. it just easier...
Sarcasim is not recieved well in messages...

And somedays I'd rather be...
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 36
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:12:06 AM
I've learned a lot from the two or three months that I've been posting regularly in here, most of them "general" things that have been mentioned already.

One specific thing that I have learned that really amazes me, though, is how supposedly "advanced" technology has seemed to cripple the younger generation (18 to 30-ish, maybe even a little older) in their ability to even begin, let along nurture, establish, and maintain healthy dating relationships.

It seems as though it's all about sending vague texts back and forth, and emails, neither one committing to anything, until finally, they venture in here with their "What does this mean? What should I do? Do they like me? How do I deal with rejection?" threads, over and over, again and again. Why did they never learn to just ask for a date, and how to deal with the rejection IF it actually happens? How to have real face-to-face conversations and get a sense of if and when someone is interested in them on a deeper level, reading and interpreting body language? Are basic conversational skills being lost because of the obsession with constant electronic connectivity and "txt spk"? We answer questions time and time again with suggestions of "just ask them out...name a place and time!" because that thought never occurred to them amidst all the anguish of trying to figure out what it all means.

Has social media created such a whirlwind of "You You You, it's all about YOU! What YOU did! How YOU feel! What YOU like!" that they have forgotten to have an interest in what OTHER people do, feel and like? Is it video games, played for hours at a stretch where the only interactions are face-to-characters on screen, via hand-held controller?

Don't mean to sound like I'm waving my cane around ranting about the young whippersnappers, lol. But this is something I've been thinking about lately: Is technology having a detrimental effect on the development of real, face-to-face social interactions in younger generations? Back in the day, we didn't have cell phones, so we had to talk to everyone, and we learned how to read people, how to converse, how to interpret body language, how to ask someone out on a date, how to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and move on if turned down or dumped. Now, the focus seems to be on when the next text message is coming in, and "What does this mean?/What should I do?" threads appear in here by the dozens.

Throwing it out for discussion....what say you all?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 37
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:33:44 AM
Back in the day, we didn't have cell phones, so we had to talk to everyone, and we learned how to read people, how to converse, how to interpret body language, how to ask someone out on a date, how to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and move on if turned down or dumped.

what she said

**************************************************************************
I have learned there are alot
of fccked up people in this world
and.......

Im still trying to figure out if I am one
of them.
NO! U R A SWEET LADY! :hugs:
*****************************************************************************

"The spoken word is silver, but silence is golden."
******************************************************************************
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
Friedrich Nietzsche
******************************************************************************
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius


 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 38
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:49:17 AM
I have learned that...
People are people.... and we've all got our baggage, issues, and quirks. (OK, more of a reminder than a lesson, but it's oh-so-easy to forget that...)

There are some people I look forward to hearing from because they consistently show wisdom (0ld hag is one of those... ), others who I sometimes butt heads with, and others who just are doing their own thing.

That I'm not really that good at the whole "dating thing" and that I can't quite figure out if I actually want to be good at the "dating thing." Maybe I'm not ready to actually date, maybe I'm not "relationship material." I dunno...
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 39
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:04:21 PM
I've learned women have the upper hand in dating and relationships and men are victims and pawns. I've learned women should be beautiful, independent, self-sufficient with a great job and their kids shouldn't come first if they have them and if they don't have kids there's something wrong with them. I've learned women should pay for half the dates and should have sex by the third date or they're wasting men's time. I've learned that if a woman expects the man to pay for anything she's a gold digger but post-adolescent women in third world countries who have no money and want to date 60 year olds with big bellies are non-materialistic. I've learned that men with huge bellies are average and women with an extra 10 pounds are delusional BBWs.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 40
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:14:10 PM
I've learned to appreciate the diversity and similarity of life experiences across gender, race, nationality, ethnicity, and political/religious persuasions.

And that I am not as inferior or superior, sane or insane, alone or crowded as I may have once believed.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 41
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:14:33 PM
I've learned :
-some people need to rely on constantly quoting famous people

- all women 10 lbs overweight are "BBW", but all men 100lbs overweight are "Athletic"

-men will never figure out women, and women will never figure out men

-people make dating & relationships more complicated than they need to be

-there are some very lonely, sad people in the world

-there is still a lot of love to be had and shared if only both sexes would get off their asses and go out on some dates

-when all else fails, I can read my posting history and be highly amused

-even tho some of you on here are as depressing as watching any of the "Animal Cops" series, I still have faith in humanity and people as a whole and I pretty much like all of you(some more than others, and some not at all but ya know...relatively speaking)




All of us do have our moments!

I forgot to list that as one of the things I have learned on these forums:
-Never take yourself too seriously and laugh at yourself at least occasionally!

[edit] That last comment was NOT directed at anyone, it was purely meant as self-reflected...
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 42
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:34:29 PM
lol...what I have learned from the forums...
There are loads of people out there who have pretend relationships between real relationships. These are FWB/FB & have multiple rules that are harder to understand than Morse Code and constantly evolving depending on the people involved.
Women should only have sex when they want to have sex so we don't want to feel like we were used, but if they don't do it on a man's timetable they will be accused of using sex as a weapon...GPS.
Most everything else I've learned is so negative that I don't even want to type it. It'll be a miracle if I ever date again.


I have learned there are alot
of fccked up people in this world
and.......

Im still trying to figure out if I am one
of them.

lol...this sums it up...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 43
view profile
History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:38:59 PM
Ouch!

SC67, if you ever do get that miracle, let me know... Because there are many days I wonder if it'll take a miracle to get me to date again too...

Just sayin'!
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 44
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 2:12:25 PM
"Have anyone found the forums to be helpful in understanding yourself or other people? Are people more or less honest than you expected?"

I've found the forums to be helpful to me in many ways. Many times when I feel stressful about something, like a very busy day at work, problems with my partner or my kids, I come here to read the forums then I forget about my problems for a while. Lol. When I read the forums, I see so many people out there having bigger problems than I do, so I don’t feel so bad. I talked to myself “well, my life could be better or it could be worse though too.” I console myself and I feel better.

After reading hundreds, thousands posts, I would say los of people show their true colours by the way they “talk” on here. In real life, at your workplace, with your neighbours, your friends, you cannot say so much vulgar words or you would not want to share your ultimate personal problems, such as family, relationship or sex, with someone. You would feel very vulnerable. But so many people on here say anything. So, more or less, I see people are honest to show their characters, except their age and body build probably.

After all, I like this POF site because it’s free and it has the forums for people come here to vent, to search whatever they think they might be able to find. How many free online dating sites are there?

If I were a writer, I would write a book about this site and would find a way to dominate Markus Frind so he could have an award or something. He has done a great job for so many lonely souls.

JMO.
 forums_gal
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 45
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 3:27:50 PM
Sometimes there is good advice on the forums. But based on many of the negative things I read on the forums, I can understand why many people here are single.
 What_He_Said
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 46
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 3:49:14 PM
I'm here for the forums, so my view is somewhat skewed.

Generally, my impression is that there are good people out there. Unfortunately, quite a few aren't. Different people, different expectations and certainly a wide range of results. But since a lot of communication is non verbal, people might have a tough time with it because of the medium until you meet.

Maybe that's why you see so many posts. Some silly answers to questions, but also quite a few helpful ones. I guess it's up to the individual to pick and choose. That's just the nature of the beast.

Yet, it is kinda scary to read about some seriously dysfunctional people in very tough situations. Unfortunately, some sobering food for thought in some instances.
 roylee42
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 47
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 3:50:04 PM
"I learned about TMI, that I share way too much information, and too soon."


Thanks for sharing that bit of information. In person this approach has always worked very well for me. Women have told me that what they liked about me most was how open and honest I am. I have always believed and still do that getting it out there saves both of us a lot of time. If it has the potential of being a problem in the future why not get it out now so I do not waste months of my time?

I can see where that might be a problem in this kind of environment though. They do not get to see what kins of person you are through all the other little things that being face to face provide. I think I'll just keep on doing it though regardless.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 48
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:00:40 PM

Have anyone found the forums to be helpful in understanding yourself or other people?


Absolutely!


Are people more or less honest than you expected?


Honest ... no.
You really have a select few that are.


Weirder that you expect?


I'd say 85% are whack jobs.
What do you expect on a free dating site.
 zookie57
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 49
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:14:19 PM

If I were a writer, I would write a book about this site and would find a way to dominate Markus Frind so he could have an award or something. He has done a great job for so many lonely souls.


And if I was a Dr. ,I would have say yes,as it bringing the lonely folks, upset,etc, who are in depression is real for many here, & if u are taking anti depressants its not works for u yet.

But,This site is good for those who are in need to connect till their mental health can re-connect too if possible in their later years of life.
So I would have to say it a good site for those who suffer & can find some relief here.

imo, stay active personally, & check to make sure your serotonin is ok too. A good family background,also is a good indicator in mental health in success in meeting someone too. jmo
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 50
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:36:42 PM
Just a correction to my last post (#57). I meant denominate, not dominate. Wrong word. Excuse me.
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