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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
What's Your Number?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Why not tell or ask?

I generally haven't asked because most people seem to think it's bad form. On the other hand, I'll tell someone who who asks me.

It's as though we are supposed to be ashamed of ourselves.

That's true and I'd much rather a woman be able to talk about that casually the same way she talked about where she's been on vacations, than feel like there's something wrong with having sex. The absolute worst case would be a woman who blames her sex life on being drunk and being ``used.''

If I do something I mean it and I don't have anything to hide.

Exactly. If one is going to regret doing something, it's better to not do it. On the other hand, if one does something, there's no point in regretting it.

Seems some people do.

Unfortunately, it's probably more than just some.

And what's the point of knowing anyway?

None, really, but there's no real point to knowing that you've gone to X on vacation twice or that you've gone skiing or anything else. However, there is a point to being comfortable enough with sex to discuss stuff l like that casually and not make a big deal about it. Generally, people only don't want to talk about things they feel there was something wrong with doing. People almost always want to talk about things they feel good about.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 27
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:10:50 AM

Because what happens in my bedroom happens between me and the person involved and I believe it to be best if it stays that way. It's really nobody else's business.


True, but I don't keep secrets or lie either.


And what's the point of knowing anyway? So he's been with, let's say, 24 girls before. I don't know, is it too many, too little, were they better than me, or worse maybe, had better boobs, more flexible hips, did they do things I wouldn't be up for, will I suprise him, disappoint him..? Why would I want to bother myself with all that? What's important is what's right here and right now. For whatever reason, he's not with those other women now, but with me and it's all I think I should care for. Whatever I don't know about, won't cost me my sleep.


I guess the difference with me is that I wouldn't feel threatened by the other women and wouldn't want a man who was threatened by the other men I was with.
Insecurity is a big turn off in my book,not to mention judgement,but honesty and acceptance get's me wet!
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 28
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:09:43 AM
Hmmmm...really dont think its anyones business how many ......specially if the relationship developes.....while Im not here for full out relationship....Ive met woman who say one thing and show another as men do too....In the dating game its important to not assume and also take people at face value...till they show different...everyone deserves a chance and EVERYONE can blow it too!....lol
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 29
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:13:10 AM
It's about the question being... unnecessary.

By the same token, just about any question would be unnecessary. Do I really need to know where you grew up to date you? Do I really need to know where you've lived before or any of that sort of thing?

I want to be able to talk about our sex openly, be able to tell and be told what's good, what's bad, what needs improving -- these things I find relevant and helping to build a good relation,

If this was any activity other than sex, the relevance would be obvious. If you were going skiing with someone and you asked what kind of skiing you'd done before, where you've skied, how many times you've skied, etc., you'd think nothing of it. In fact, if you could ski black diamonds with ease, you'd probably be proud of your ability and experience.

Am I insecure? Somewhere deep, I am. I'll go even farther and say that somewhere deep, we all are, it's more of how we express it on the outside.

Maybe so, but one can get over insecurities. Is being insecure a plus?

And I just don't see the point of such honesty as "Yeah, you're not bad, but my number nine, he gave me much better orgasms".

At least that would be more believable than the ubiquitous, ``You're the best,'' which must be recited by rote to every guy a woman has sex with. I'm also not sure what that has to do with being able to talk casually about former partners.

In the dating game its important to not assume and also take people at face value...till they show different...everyone deserves a chance and EVERYONE can blow it too!.

What does that have to do with discussing your previous partners?

------------------------

Am I doing this right or would you want me to do it differently?", but I will not ask "Am I doing it better than you ex?".

That's not the question being asked about here. The question the op asked was about the number of partners a person had. That's a factual question, that doesn't have any judgment attached.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 30
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 7:41:16 AM

Funny I have been married and asked more than I can count on one hand.



so basically, if/when you are in a long term relationship and lets say the guy asks you to marry him and you accept, it you are engaged....


do you only practice monogamy at the point where you say"I DO" ??
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 31
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:05:07 AM
Consider who you are with if the question even pops up???? If someone is asking that question, I am of the belief that there is a predosposition to jealuosy. SEE YA!!!
 fisherman40s
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 32
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:11:05 AM
very wise woman.... dont ask dont tell! does nothing but cause insecurity and doubt
i stoped asking when i was a teen i think its an imatuer question and i personaly dont want to know
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 33
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:18:29 AM
dont ask dont tell! does nothing but cause insecurity and doubt


Only for very insecure people.

Another reason some want to know is that high numbers are a deal breaker so omitting them might put the relationship in a false pretense sort of situation.
So admitting to your numbers is simply about your ability to be honest with someone who trusts you.My attitude is why lie or hide from reality.

I think it's delusional to think that someone past say,20 wouldn't have a sexual history.And really,what's the big deal if they do? I am not in some sort of competition for ghost lovers anymore than they are.



Consider who you are with if the question even pops up???? If someone is asking that question, I am of the belief that there is a predosposition to jealuosy. SEE YA!!!


The same would go someone who judged me for my # or for someone unwilling to be honest with me or ashamed of thier past sexual encounters.SEE YA!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 34
view profile
History
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:39:07 AM
I was thinking about this, and is it even a double standard?

After all both sexes not only accept there are differences between the genders, but both in various areas exploit them to their fullest extent, and one of which being women using sex in a variety of ways to attain things or as a means to try and neutralise competitors

So for it to be a true "double standard" it would need to be a man criticising another mans number or a woman criticising another womans number

We dont make men and women race each other in the 100 metres and THAT isnt classed as a double standard. We dont put women in the front lines. And we dont view women who dont want to raise their kids with the same blase attitudes that we do with men.

So why is it wrong to have different "acceptable" numbers for each gender with the amount of sexual partners they have had?

its a bit rich for women to, on the one hand claim they put a higher value on having sex then in the next complain that theres a double standard about such things

Pick one already lol

Answering the questions though


How many???


Its quite high, but in my defence most of it was clocked up between age 14 and 19 with only a few dozen added since the age of 19.


How many is too many??


Technically theres no such number. It can only really be decided by a potential partner and what THEY feel is too high, if its even important to them in the first place


And do you want to hear how many the woman you love really has slept with??


If they felt it was important I should know then I'd want to, if not then all I have ever been interested in knowing is that it wasnt a really low number like 10 or lower

Other than that I really dont care how high it is and have dated several women with a much higher count than me just due to sheer appetite and a few who were working, or previously had worked in the sex industry

The number has never bothered me. But sometimes the way the numbers have been amassed can be a negative though
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 35
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:40:57 AM

What's Your Number?


It's 514-....
Ooops, you ALMOST had me there, you little she-devil!
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 36
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 9:01:05 AM
Personally, I don't ask. Usually b my age it's safe to say we all have a past and that's where it should stay. I don't offer the info but if asked I don't lie. I still think there is a double standard and don't really care. I'm not on this planet to judge someone's past.
I have gone back, when single, and slept with an ex because it was familiar and to avoid a "new number". I do believe in being exclusive and have never cheated on anyone. If I am sleeping with someone then there is only that one.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 37
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History
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 9:02:57 AM
I'd be far more bothered about someone who had 6 kids by 6 different fathers even if they had only ever slept with 10 men in their entire life than I would by someone who had slept with 200 partners and had no kids

A number by itself is pretty meaningless really. but some aspects of how the numbers have been chalked up can be important whether high or low
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 38
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 12:56:10 PM
"37, my girlfriend sucked 37 d*cks!"

-"In a row?"
 RedElectric
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 39
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 1:05:36 PM
I am in the 25 range. No guy has been interested in my number, but I try to be choosey as to not have an astronomical number.

My good girl friend got herpes at 18 when her number was still kind of low, and a guy friend of mine just contracted hiv and he's only had a few partners, so the number doesn't matter, it's how safe you are each time.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 40
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 1:33:59 PM
well answering this question truefully would present a problem ...you see I started my sexual adventure at age 16 ..and when me and that girlfriend broke up.. I kinda got a bit wild .and then I kinda got a bit co-cky and then I started thinking I was some kinda player and boy did number mean something to me .. I kept list ..and counted every conquest ..and there were quiet a few of them ...around age 21 I fooled around and fell in love ... and suddenly this woman was not just a number ... but that didnt work out ..so I went back to dating and sleeping around ... but after that counting just didnt matter ..then I went through a relationship with a woman who was involved in an alternative Lifestyle and the number just kept adding up .. my numbers were mostly achieved one at a time except for a time in the 70s and a time in the 90s which they multiplied instead of adding up...so there is no way I could give a number..and be honest .. My number is way north of 100..which is too many but every one of them seemed the thing to do at the time
but as luck would have it I never caught anything ( I have been tested ).. and I hope that number is through growing
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 41
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What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 2:33:16 PM
So the norm is that for most....women will understate their sexual partners, and men will overstate them.....go figure.

Maybe it matters when you are 20 and thinking children, marriage, etc., but as one matures, the number of partners will increase unless you are in one committed relationship for a very long time. I see no reason to talk about numbers, and would rather know that the person I am interested in, is clean, healthy, and willing to prove and share it.....

All I ask for to start with, is open and honest communications that both are more than willing to experience with each other.

cd........
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 42
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:17:07 PM

"37, my girlfriend sucked 37 d*cks!"

-"In a row?"




classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 43
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:32:31 PM
I don't know my number.

I mean I dated plenty before I got married over 25 years ago.
And seem to be popular enuff after the divorce 8 years ago.
Never felt the need to use an abacus to figure it out.
so since I honestly don't know my number...
be bad form to ask her stats.

Plus...I figure hers were all just practice till she met me.
:-P
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 44
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History
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:52:08 PM


Plus...I figure hers were all just practice till she met me.


That says it all right there!
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 45
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:07:17 PM
My number is: 34798374827492748247287498757587345347598347534758375874359375353455345353534534535353534535378979873349028904823904824092840.
But....I'm a born again virgin now. So, now it's zero. =p
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 46
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:41:24 PM
Born again virgin does that mean it is going to hurt like the first time and be bad sex for the first year???
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 47
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:42:55 PM

Born again virgin does that mean it is going to hurt like the first time and be bad sex for the first year???


...and great for the guy?
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 48
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/20/2012 10:25:15 PM
lol haha Complex. That would be awful to experience that all over again =o
I was just kidding though =p =) I think some people thought I was serious, because I got many messages asking me about it. lol
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 49
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:00:59 AM
I'm the Wilt Chamberlain of monogamy. I've had sex at least 20,000 times (OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. I think Wilt did, too.), but with fewer than 10 women. None of whom I would be ashamed to be seen, or associated with. I trend toward having sex with women for whom I have interest in beyond sex. I prefer a woman who has the same outlook... And who developed that outlook early in life.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 50
What's Your Number?
Posted: 2/21/2012 3:16:57 AM

its a bit rich for women to, on the one hand claim they put a higher value on having sex then in the next complain that theres a double standard about such things
Hmm.. Good point, never thought about it like that...

I've never asked a guy his number unless he asked me first.. I'm not really interested. I have been asked and i was honest.. Had some wild years between 17 and 20, then again a couple of experimental years at 43-45, the rest of the time was in LTR/marriage and totally faithful. If he couldn't deal with that then we were history anyway... No point in lying...
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