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Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 46
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Am I being selfish??Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
For the record, I wouldn't think it selfish if she was talking about making a clean break to find someone she's more compatible with, which also gives him the opportunity to find the same.

What I think is selfish is her listing all the things she needs FROM HIM to be happy each day. In other words, even though he's dealing with a serious illness, she still has expectations of what HE should be doing to keep HER happy. When you love someone, you're supposed to be concerned for THEM, and wanting them to do what they need to be doing to get better, not whining about how unhappy you are because you are not getting enough attention from them.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 47
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:50:34 AM
Living w/a medical condition, especially living w/chronic pain that you have all day, every day, weighs you down, causes depression, anxiety & extreme stress. He may be experiencing horrible debilitating fatigue. So tired he can barely walk, it feels like he's walking under water, so tired he can't do normal activities like he used to. Fatigue will make you bedridden.
He can't deal w/your feelings of rejection b/c he's caught up in his own private painful hell. So he may not even be thinking about how your feeling or what his actions are doing to you, b/c of the mental & physical pain he's in every minute of the day.
I can't tell you if you should stay in this or go, but if there isn't a chance he can be cured, expect more of same. You may end up being supportive of him in a different role, that of dear friend, if it gets to the point where you can't tolerate this anymore, it's not your fault. If the relationship ends, that's not your fault either, Eventually this is going to wear you down, b/c your needs aren't being met. That doesn't make you selfish.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 48
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 2/26/2012 11:18:52 AM
He is not dying.... He still goes to work, I said he always was unwell, but lately is a bit more then usual.....

OP, this remark is SO insensitive! Just because he goes to work, so what! You make it look like he's faking or looking for attention or exagerating his condition. I'm very close to someone, who has very painful Sciatica. She makes it to work everyday, but is bedridden on the weekends. She has to work, she is the sole support to her family. The alternative is being homeless.
He needs ppl around him who are cut out to be care givers & can be supportive of him. OP, this is NOT about you!
I think you should make a clean brake from this relationship.
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 49
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 2/26/2012 7:57:26 PM
Well how embarrassing for him.
AND he doesn't feel well.
Remember that time you diarrhea and cramping and didnt feel so good?

And what is with measuring a relationship with texting!!!!
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 51
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Am I being selfish??
Posted: 3/8/2012 3:04:46 PM
I'm in agreement with Consigliori..

I know this disease well.. and believe me, you do not want to be around people during a flare-up.. However, if it makes you want to blow off the person you're in a relationship with, it's best to end it...
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 53
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 3/8/2012 6:01:27 PM
Posted By: windchymes on 2/23/2012 926 AM
Subject: Am I being selfish??

Message: Men and women are wired differently in their brains, better get used to that now.

When men get sick, they don't go crawling to a girlfriend for sympathy and coddling, because they think they're not being "manly". They tend more to internalize, deal with their own problems, and then present themselves when they're feeling more "like a man again".

My ex must have missed the memo on this! :)
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 54
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 3/8/2012 6:05:01 PM
Your not being selfish at all, if anything he is, and he is also being inconsiderate towards your feelings, Just come out and ask him what the hell is going on, maybe he feels something different than his health, maybe hes getting scared of the relationship going so fast, maybe maybe maybe, you'll never know unless you ask him.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 56
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Am I being selfish??
Posted: 3/9/2012 6:47:01 PM
If someone is that sick, so sick that they cannot even communicate, they should not be dating. I would say that makes them selfish, not the op.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 57
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:47:59 AM
This isn't a problem; simple and honest communication will fix this. good luck and I hope he feels better.

How come you never tell him how you feel and that him not telling you he misses you bothers you?

You are being selfish by not communicating and expecting him to read your mind; he's not houdini.

I always crack up that women will get mad at the guy because they feel the guy isn't doing what they wish he would do. COMMUNICATE!

You sound EXTREMELY selfish. You seem not to care about his feelings but you say, "I dont' want to look this way, or I dont want to look that way". You are more worried about how you look and you not getting what you want then solving the situation.

He has a terrible disease. It's awful; i have friends that have it. He has a ton on his mind; yet you get mad without talking to him because he isn't telling you how much he misses you? He probably also feels a little guilty being with you thinking he's a bother to you.

These aren't nasty comments. This is the truth. This isn't a problem; simple and honest communication will fix this. good luck and I hope he feels better.
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 59
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Am I being selfish??
Posted: 2/23/2017 12:07:33 PM

When men get sick, they don't go crawling to a girlfriend for sympathy and coddling, because they think they're not being "manly".

I don't think it's as generic as that at all. If a guy Or gal has IBS, they're not going to want to be settling in and cuddling with the other oh-so-readily. Being generally sick/unwell in general, it's not a "Gee, I'd love to, but, I wouldn't be manly!" -- I don't think there's any trend of that. It's more like "I'm sick, I don't want to get you sick and/or I look like a POS as I've been lying around and my place is a mess; I just want to get better and handle this first." That's not to say there's certain general sickness that makes one real tired, and sure, if the gal really wants to come over and giving him a "happy ending", he'll make room for that - lol.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 60
Am I being selfish??
Posted: 2/23/2017 2:58:26 PM
ida know, when i'm really sick, I just want to crawl someplace alone and be left there to die. :) I can understand the desire to be cared for, etc, but I've done caretaking for my parents etc and not sure i'd know how to accept it from someone else :)
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