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 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 76
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Relationships are a team. You are seeing though, some people use money or sex to control relationships.

Look at all the loser guys out there now; many women support them so they go with the flow. Most cheat but that's another topic.

A relationship is about respect; when one person is controlling everything and micromanaging, then it's dysfunctional.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 77
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History
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 2:37:59 AM
" I don't understand the concept at all. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, period. My personal approach is the ying/yang type. Somethings some women are better at, somethings I would be better at."


I believe in the ying yang approach, too. There is an ebb and flow and constant fluidity to a healthy partnership/relationship. It's too easy to complicate it with too much inflexibility/rigidity. Do not be afraid to compromise.
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 78
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:29:57 AM
Agreeing with MSG 95.

Im not passive, not dominant, never controlling, nor have any insecurities about my masculinity. I know that I could never be involved with anyone that was extremely domineering, controlling or disrespectful to me or others.

I dont get some men's unwillingness to release the whole "man is king" mindset. What about "woman is queen" ? Given the right situation, the right partner, wouldnt you want her empowered? Empowered women in relationships are a key component to the success of the relationship.

Im not seeking a FLR as is found after a routine internet search with all the spanking, discipline and other weird fetish (my judgement). Perhaps its intriguing to me to consider being involved with a woman that understands her own value, is empowered to make decisions beyond italian or chinese food (when I was married we always ate out where she wanted, I didnt care) and never ever felt like her dreams took a backseat to anyone, not even her husbands.

I happen to believe every successful relationship takes on the feel and texture of the woman. I dont believe men have the capacity to think in terms of relationship first, we arent wired that way, but I think men can be taught to think relationship first by the right woman. Just my feelings on the matter. So put away the belts, riding crops and wooden hair brushes, thats not where I am with this.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 79
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:57:45 AM
I'm organized, efficient, and frugal and have always managed the family budget. If you are good with money, then do the finances.

I also know a lot of women in the same situation and some who have controlled all the finances. To the extent that my grandfather would hand over his unopened pay packet to my grandmother each week and she would give him an allowance.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
This would be a hard sell second time around. Prepare for conflict. Every bachelor knows the first thing to go is your freedom, then your money. If I needed an investment counselor, I'd hire one. Oh, I did. They're professionals. These situations have only 2 outcomes, you're either going to become very wealthy, or very broke. Anybody with basic math skills can do a budget. You'd have to show me your investment skills to convince me to hand over my paycheck. Pull out that net worth statement and show me something tangible. If you have nothing to show, I'd be a dot on the horizon after you said this to me. Having a prospectus to evaluate before investing in a mutual fund is to view the history of the fund. You'd have to do more than show the ability to add and subtract.
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 80
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 5:20:36 AM
so ramperbill.......you trust her with your heart but not your money???
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 81
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 5:37:23 AM
Based on the input it sounds like the posters are great with money. If what they say is true they'd have to have boocu bucks. I didn't see anything in the post that implied that it was getting passed my way to show trust. Handing someone your unopened paycheck is pretty stupid, IMO. I don't see anything wrong with 2 people handling the finances. I also don't see anything wrong with seperating the finances when you don't agree with how they are being handled. If you are alienated from your own money, relationship over. I will not live like that. You press on though.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 82
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 6:47:46 AM
LOL Women have been "running" relationships for the last oh, 2000 years....The saying "behing every great man lies a great woman" didn't just invent itself, there has to be SOME truth to it.
That being said...no. At least, not in every case. I believe any relationship is more a team effort than someone actually running the other. Maybeweaker minded or willed people enjoy being "runned", I personnally donèt. I sadly had to "run" some of my previous relationships, and I hated the concept. Since I got two daughters to raise, I figure, why the HELL would I need a third one that's already adult?
And although I'll give credit where credit is due, women are "usually" better at finances, managing, etc, I most definately would NOT have given that kind of trust to at least 3 of my previous relationships. Because I'd be bankrupt, running for the governement, or dead. Most likely dead, because they would have ended up killing me to get the death money
But the concept in itself is probably not a bad idea. I'm sure sometimes it would be a great idea. Just not all the time
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 83
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 7:27:13 AM
Msg # 95. Correct! Relationships take an effort on both ends, and are SUPPOSED to be respectful but unfortunately many aren't. Some say relationships should be 50/50, but lets face it...they aren't. There will always be someone pulling more than the other.

Based off of the responses (particularly to mine,) it is evident that some of these people have been in those "slave-type" relationships where they were controlled, manipulated and abused.

As for why should men lead...oops. Did I not speak for myself? My bad for speaking for other women in terms of MLR. I have my reasons as to why I wouldn't mind MY guy being the male lead in our relationship, and I'll leave it at that.

Now I'll leave it up to the brilliant minds of the forumites to try to guess.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 84
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 7:37:19 AM

Sounds like a relationship that Wiccan or women into witchcraft create.


It is ironic that you should make this totally erroneous statement because during the witch craze, witches were accused of stealing men's penises. The fear of emasculation by "witchy" women has been ongoing for centuries.

Having been Wiccan and knowing a LOT of pagans and a lot about paganism, I can say that you need to know a bit more about a subject and the people who practice a way of life before you spout off.

The men who contact you MIGHT be pagan, but they might also be in the BDSM lifestyle, and that is practiced by various segments of the population--it is not confined to pagans.

Traditional Christianity has long stated that men are the head of the house and women should be subservient, but the world has changed.


Seriously, the men who want this sort of thing are just too passive and weakminded for me,' and if it came right down to it am I going to have to tell him to step up and protect his own me?


Would you care to restate this for clarity? What the heck does "protect his own me" mean? By the way, I have seen a lot of weak minded men (read that as "kinda stupid) step up to protect their "own."


I dont get some men's unwillingness to release the whole "man is king" mindset. What about "woman is queen" ?


Your statement shows the unwitting element of sexism in words we use. The “queen” is subservient to the “king.” It is why Elizabeth I never married and why the husbands of Victoria and Elizabeth II remained “consorts” and were not crowned “king.”


Every bachelor knows the first thing to go is your freedom, then your money. [. . .] You'd have to show me your investment skills to convince me to hand over my paycheck.


If we are going to indulge in stereotypical sexist scenarios, let’s consider this: Every single woman knows that the first thing a man wants is sex. When he gets it, he sometimes takes off or he takes your freedom and then your money. Even if you show me your investment skills, I am not handing over my paycheck because in the six years that I have been single, I have managed to buy a house (ok, the bank and I), pay off my car, and save more money than I ever did when in a partnership or marriage. I would not even suggest that you turn over YOUR paycheck to me.

In fact, let’s keep our finances separate.


As for why should men lead...oops. Did I not speak for myself?


I see that you have stopped making wide sweeping statements and defining your opinions as exactly that: YOUR opinions. Had you done so previously, you would have gotten fewer responses from the forumites.


Now I'll leave it up to the brilliant minds of the forumites to try to guess.


What you do is your business, but when you ask rhetorical questions or make rhetorical statements, you will get answers and comments. It's the nature of the forums, eh?
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 85
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 10:36:23 AM

My boyfriend and I are often asked what makes us work so well... we tell them... we do what makes "us" happy and "we treat each other with respect." There is no weakness or controlling the other person when you are thinking of your partner's needs, wants and desires.


So.....he IS your slave
LOL Just kidding
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 86
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:35:11 AM
Women have been leading relationships since the start of time...not every relationship, but this thread almost comes off as though this is something new...and I know it isnt new at all. My family is full of strong women (and men) who led relationships, ran homes and made the tough calls in life. It didnt matter if the person doing it had boobs or not, it just had to be done.

A good leader, will recognize when someone in the 'team' has better skills then they do in some areas, and deploy those skills for the overall betterment of the 'team'. I cannot think of any succesfull relationship, of any kind, where 1 was always responsible for every aspect, while the other was simply led by the nose at all times.

The best relationships I have seen are where the two involved, know thier own strong points, and where they struggle-and they are not too proud to state this, and ask for assistance, regardless of gender. I couldnt be truly happy in a 100% female led relationship, or a 100% male lead relationship. There are 2 souls involved, and they both need to take the lead once in awhile so as to share the burdens.
 CircleofStones
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 87
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:48:19 AM
I don't think its so much that the women lead the relationships, as it is now the men are kind of straight jacketed. If a man and a woman have a irreconcilible difference now, the man knows most, not ALL for the person who is going to bring up the least common denoninator, but MOST of the time or more often than not, the courts and "authorities" are going to favor the woman in a divorce or split up, many times even when the woman lies. Its just the way it is now. Every time guys, we have a problem with a woman, what's the advice. Leave. She gets mad, leave...she hits you, leave. Then we leave and what does everyone say. Oh, he left her...Men can't win anymore I'll tell you. If we go home to live with our parents because we got screwed in a marriage, now we're a "loser". The system is like skitzo on this subject. It maintains that its all for equality, but then different standards are held in the courts. Oh well. Whatever...ha ha
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 88
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:52:51 AM

Sorry the emotional irrational gender is biologically incapable of leadership most of the time.

Then why in the WORLD do we keep electing male Presidents?

Seriously-I believe in partnerships.

But-I'm going to make the observation that I see TONS of relationships that are actually female-led, because she lets the man THINK he's leading.
Cindy O
 CircleofStones
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 89
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:00:30 PM
At the end of the day, its the courts whose opinion counts, and from what I can tell from the statistics - 20 million fatherless homes, which if people are just people, men no better than women or vice versa, why the over proportion of MEN getting ejected from the family? Unless, guys, we are really mostly scum who don't care about our kids. I don't believe that for a moment. I think the system perpetuates it.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 90
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:01:10 PM

Sorry the emotional irrational gender is biologically incapable of leadership most of the time.


I don't know who said this but am copying it from Cindy's post. Was it meant as a joke? When Bill Clinton didn't have sex with that woman, he was being rational, right. When GWB was caught on tape looking like a deer in the headlights when informed that the Twin Towers had been struck, he was being a strong, emotionless leader, correct?

When J. Edgar Hoover was dressing up in women's clothes and eavesdropping on the phone conversations of famous people, we all know he was rational and his emotions played NO part in his obvious love of scandal and blackmail.


the courts and "authorities" are going to favor the woman in a divorce or split up, many times even when the woman lies.


This has been repeated ad nauseum, ad infinitum. I don't know why men continue to associate with women. All guys who feel this way should leave the feminine gender alone. Let us wallow along without you.
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 91
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:24:58 PM
Women don't want to win, they want a winner.. In relationships. And eventually, a man letting his woman "run" evverything.. She will lose respect for him. Boiling it down to nature, women respect hunters, go getters, etc.

There's a reason why men are ABLE to pimp, why kings have queens. They can be second. No such thing as queendom.

No such thing as a queen making a king, or how one of the posters put, a "consort",
And no such thing as a man getting pimped by his girl.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 92
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:26:14 PM
Honestly,
I couldnt have a female led household....but thats my personal choice.I choose to live my life where Im the man in the relationship,and I open doors,do the lawn,take out the trash,pay for dinner,and be chival to the woman.
As for another person,it could be great for them...thats whats great about being single...You get to discover who you really are as a person rather than what has been the stereotype.so if you want a female to run the house,good for you!who cares what anyone else thinks,they are not paying your bills,so your happiness is not in their best interest,its yours....and contrary to wht alot say on here,there are people ut there that mesh with your belief,its your job to find out who you are,then accept it,good or bad,then move forward.Myself,I could never ever ever be with a feminist type of woman.does that mean I hat them?no,I can be friends with anyone,and tend to as to keep diversity within myself.I just know that I would not mesh well with a feminist in any endevor other thn platonic.so its all about personal choice.
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 93
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:26:17 PM
But they'll be first if they have to be.
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 94
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 1:49:28 PM
My point exactly, brought up two men, err princes, nobodyy cares about. Clearly there is no king in front of their names.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 95
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 2:50:25 PM

Women don't want to win, they want a winner.. In relationships. And eventually, a man letting his woman "run" evverything.. She will lose respect for him. Boiling it down to nature, women respect hunters, go getters, etc.


This is rather convoluted thinking. I am a woman and I respect different people (including different men) for different aspects. When you speak of the woman not wanting to "win," you make the relationship into a contest or race! If the man feels that he has to be the "winner," then there is something wrong in the relationship.

Do not tell me or other women what we want and I won't tell you how dysfunctional your mode of thinking is.

There's a reason why men are ABLE to pimp, why kings have queens. They can be second. No such thing as queendom.

Tell that to both Queen Elizabeths and Queen Victoria.

And let me get this straight: a pimp is a man who has a stable of prostitutes whom he "rents" out to men--right? Men should pimp, eh?


No such thing as a queen making a king, or how one of the posters put, a "consort",


I was the one who mentioned "consort" and from your response, I see you have no idea what I meant. You have an appalling (but not surprising) lack of knowledge about history.


And no such thing as a man getting pimped by his girl.


Oh, so a relationship is akin to a pimp and his stable, huh? Good luck with THAT attitude!
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 96
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:03:20 PM
Like I said, for them to be king, they'd have to step over their women's positions, otherwise, they remain second. Now, do you think that queen's happy? Guarenteed, those two men are not happy being the queen's ****.
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 97
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:19:56 PM
I didn't make clear definition for you when I mean winner. What I meant was a succesful guy, a guy who "gets" people, places or things. A winner, whether he win's races, win's the hearts or minds of people or win's a car/house. The point is he's doing something that makes him valuable in society.

So yes, you do want a winner, because you certainly don't want the opposite, a loser.

And please, rationally and logically point out how disfunctional my thinking is, give me a reason to change my thinking. In fact, what reason do I even need to explain myself so you can disapprove of it?

Both queens have no kings above them. Knor will they ever. Hence they are first by necessity, not by choice.

I'm not saying pimping is a right thing, or just but it happens because of the natural power structure involved.

You can get mad at what I'm saying. That's cool, but don't get emotional about it, get logical, rational. Give me a pathway to show me why I'm wrong.

Naturally speaking. Women respect and want hunters, winners. Argue that.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 98
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:49:46 PM
Every bachelor knows the first thing to go is your freedom, then your money. [. . .] You'd have to show me your investment skills to convince me to hand over my paycheck.


If we are going to indulge in stereotypical sexist scenarios, let’s consider this: Every single woman knows that the first thing a man wants is sex. When he gets it, he sometimes takes off or he takes your freedom and then your money. Even if you show me your investment skills, I am not handing over my paycheck because in the six years that I have been single, I have managed to buy a house (ok, the bank and I), pay off my car, and save more money than I ever did when in a partnership or marriage. I would not even suggest that you turn over YOUR paycheck to me.

In fact, let’s keep our finances separate.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I apologize. If I implied that all women took men's money I was in error, I meant to say most. As far as a man wanting sex, I never realized that women didn't. I have ordered salt peter to get my urges in check. Curious though, are women sexless in all age groups, or just yours?

You saying "In fact, let's keep our finances separate." has really made my day. I'm hoping this is an offer on your part. I'm extremely interested. Tell me it is so!!!!!!
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 99
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 7:10:53 PM
Women don't want to win, they want a winner.. In relationships. And eventually, a man letting his woman "run" evverything.. She will lose respect for him. Boiling it down to nature, women respect hunters, go getters, etc.

There's a reason why men are ABLE to pimp, why kings have queens. They can be second. No such thing as queendom.

No such thing as a queen making a king, or how one of the posters put, a "consort",
And no such thing as a man getting pimped by his girl.
.........
Lets keep in mind that the ONLY reason men were able to keep women down for thousands of years was not based on lack of leadership, intelligence, or ability by women but by brute strength. That still exists in countries where women have no rights. In this country if you try to control a woman like that you will go to prison. Therefore, women are able to show what kinds of abilities and strengths they have in their families, businesses and politics. There will be a woman president in this country one day, make no doubt about that. Women are able to lead just as capably as men, given the opportunity. I don't disrespect a man who lets me lead in the areas where I excel, in fact if he didn't I would be offended. I grew up with 5 brothers and I was never made to feel like I couldn't do what men could do. And I will never be with a man who tried to control or subdue part of me that wants to contribute. I have skills and they should be taken advantage of. That being said, every relationship is individual and should be worked out among the partners. But, please don't presume to know what all women want. We are individuals and we want different things.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 100
FLR...Female-Led-Relationships.
Posted: 2/27/2012 8:04:30 PM

Like I said, for them to be king, they'd have to step over their women's positions, otherwise, they remain second. Now, do you think that queen's happy? Guarenteed, those two men are not happy being the queen's ****.


I still don't understand your point.


I didn't make clear definition for you when I mean winner. What I meant was a succesful guy, a guy who "gets" people, places or things. A winner, whether he win's races, win's the hearts or minds of people or win's a car/house. The point is he's doing something that makes him valuable in society.


So, the fact that I am an educator and am making MYSELF valuable to society doesn't mean jack poop because I am not a man? In order for me to be fulfilled, I need to find a man who is a "winner"?

It also appears that you relate material value to "winners." What about the guy who is serving soup down at the Victory Mission and is making himself valuable to the least desirables of society?


And please, rationally and logically point out how disfunctional my thinking is, give me a reason to change my thinking. In fact, what reason do I even need to explain myself so you can disapprove of it?


For one, you don't express yourself well and half the time, I don't understand your points.

Two, your thinking is dysfunctional because it belongs with the era of the dinosaurs. I am old and have seen female/male relationships change drastically in my lifetime: you sound like a holdover from the 50s.

Three, ask YOURSELF, not me, why you feel the need to rationalize to me what you say. I suppose you sense a superior presence and want to placate or please me.

Four, I don't care if you change your thinking. You are entitled to your opinion regardless of how antiquated and sexist it is.


Give me a pathway to show me why I'm wrong.


You made the claims: the burden of proof is on you to prove your points.


Naturally speaking. Women respect and want hunters, winners. Argue that.


As Thoreau said, most men lead lives of quiet desperation. The guy working at a factory is no more of a hunter/winner than his wife working at the same factory. "Naturally speaking," the gatherer was just as important to the tribe as was the hunter. Naturally speaking, the lioness does the hunting. Naturally speaking, the female alpha wolf rules the pack. Naturally speaking, the female black widow and praying mantis eats the male. Naturally speaking, matriarchal societies (including Native Americans) exist.

Not only that, cultural "hunters" replaced "hunting" hunters some time ago. I am a hunter in my own right. When I find a partner, I won't give up my hunting status to feed his ego, nor will he even think of asking me to do so because his ego will be large enough to understand a marriage or relationship is a partnership: I am not a child and he is not a child--neither of us need to be led like one. We will not be a king and a queen but humans sharing a life.
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