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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Well, asking about your job (especially when you have a vague 'other' listed) seems like a fairly normal question to me... "so what do you do for a living?" It can be something to talk about in conversation (face it, most working people spend 40hrs/week or more at their jobs, its a fairly large portion of their life). I mean, "do you like what you do? is it interesting? does it 'consume your life' or do you actually *have* enough free time to date?"

I have no problem with someone wanting to know what I do, it can be important - I work in IT, I'm on call every 8th week (I was last week), so after a really bad night, and the following 8hr day working, I might just 'crash and burn' early and not call (or miss your call)... not because I'm "ignoring you", but because I'm just wiped out and fell asleep after being up most of the night before.

And, face it, as to the "stay at home mom", a lot of guys don't want to be dating a woman who's living off her ex, or living off family/the state, who they're gonna wind up 'supporting'. They'd at least want to hear she's going to school, or working part time while her parents watch the kids, etc - doing *something* with her life, it shows motivation.

Asking about money, how much you make, is probably not something one would ask early on... its something you'll probably find/figure out over time anyways if you actually start dating.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:31:52 AM
I would guess manhoor-gold digger
 warminsterlass
Joined: 8/22/2010
Msg: 28
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:57:00 AM
i do tend to ask a guy if he works as i dont want to be the one who pays for everything all the time , i work weekends and i have a 2 yr old , why do i work coz i want to be able to afford to buy nice things and when she goes to school full time i will up my hours .

i dont often buy myself stuff but my daughter gets everything she could want or need

i also ask guys if they have debt , having a child i dont want to date someone who is riddled with debt .

if a guy is a student this puts me off , i dont like the life style at all .

this is me and it dont make me a gold digger at all . if people cant understand this its not my problem .

 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 29
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:21:10 PM
screw him OP. He's being rude asking you dem type of money questions. It's a first meet a not a marriage. Yes tell him take a walk.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 30
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/21/2012 9:46:06 PM
I think a fair bit of this could be:

1. Your profession is 'other' When I see something like this I question it personally and later on in messages ask what someone does for a living. It could be something exciting like rodeo clown.

2. Curiosity. People are interested in what other people do for a living. If in between jobs, then you are in between jobs.

3. Trying to ascertain that you are not destitute and a bludger.



I have asked a man (who I met in real life) who was on the Wallaby Track... (travelling around Australia) within about an hour of meeting what he did for money and how he supported himself as he was obviously not working nor did he want to work.

Was I a gold digger... no.
I was just curious.

Others did not ask him and presumed he was a dole bludger.... on welfare.
When the reality was he was on an extended (3 year) holiday from work and self funded from selling his house.


I have asked other people in the same situation, living on boats, etc again from curiosity. Have heard some interesting replies of how people support themselves.

This type of financial discrimination, if it is discrimination, as some people have stated, can go both ways. There are some men who do not want to date a woman who earns more then them, or a lot less.

Hmmm, I have never heard of a woman refusing to date a man who earns more than them though.

Perhaps we have a double standard here.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 31
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 3:44:43 AM
It is precautionary. Sure, it seems probing, but chances are he had a run-in with a parasite in the past, and he took it out on you with that message. As far as I go personally is asking what you do for work, and I tend to do that to make conversation about something other than sex.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 32
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 7:28:50 AM
I primarily date professionals (not of the oldest profession variety), so it's something I would ask if the entry under employment is vague. It's something I get asked often and I don't mind answering, so I don't really understand why a woman would object.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 33
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 9:06:42 AM
^^^^^
The above statement seems reasonable to me. No mention of job title or amount of income. I like it.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 34
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 10:52:17 AM
Jobs and income is only important to women usually. Men just want somebody cute.


Clearly, I do not fit your stereotype (or, to be correct, your stereotype does not fit me).


Imagine being a guy and having the pressure of being expected to raise a family and allow his wife to be a stay at home mom? Isnt he a Douche-Bag if he divorces her cuz she can't work? Yes?


He should have thought about that before he married her. So, yes, he's a complete douche for ditching his vows.


But it's ok if a woman discriminates against a guy for having a lack-luster career or getting laid off in a bad economy?


Where do people get this notion of discrimination in dating? Everything about choosing a partner with whom to become intimate IS discriminating. There are no legal protections when it comes to dating. You're allowed to choose based on whatever criteria you wish.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 35
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 5:02:30 PM
When people begin dating they will (hopefully) pick up on the intentions of the other before getting too serious, but asking so soon is, umm, peculiar. No, bizarre is a better word.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 36
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 7:45:35 PM

I think you fail to grasp the concept of what love is. People go through hard times. I would stand by my spouse under all circumstances. Expecting the same in return isn't unreasonable.


When you're looking at profiles online, it ain't love yet.
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 37
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/22/2012 8:49:59 PM
It's best to talk about each other salaries when engaged, Couples should go out and enjoy themselves for crying out loud, talking salaries is a dealbreaker.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 38
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/23/2012 6:50:44 AM
Very true.

However its still a piss poor attitude to have when people are willing to ditch a spouse over mere financial hardship. Or judge somebody because they "might" be a burden. My sons a financial burden and I haven't ditched him yet... my philosophy won't change concerning my significant other either.


The only thing piss poor is the manner in which you're misconstruing what has been said.

Nobody is ditching anyone. It's a criterion for who we may want to date in the first place. When it comes to choosing someone to date, we have every right to judge.

That said, I have no issue with breaking up with someone who is a financial train wreck. It's no different than any other self destructive lifestyle.

It's best to talk about each other salaries when engaged, Couples should go out and enjoy themselves for crying out loud, talking salaries is a dealbreaker.


Nobody is asking about salaries, they're asking about whether someone is employed and what kind of work they do.

There's no way I'm going to wait until after an engagement before talking about finances.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 39
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:47:41 AM
There's a good approach and a bad approach. During a date if someone asked me how much I make and I haven't even fully known the person yet, I'd be pissed off about it. That's like random someone asking how much money do you have in your bank account.

If someone asked me what do I do for a living? I would NOT be pissed off about it. See the difference? and btw I am a kitchen supervisor that's what I do for a living.

On a first date when getting to know someone for the first time asking about MONEY, unacceptable, but asking about what they do, acceptable
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:35:38 AM
I might ask a woman what job she has on first or second email. But not her income.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 41
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:54:47 PM
Just take the money/job question as a sign that he has all sorts of stereotypes about single moms, and more of these issues will pop up in the future. Some men need to read profiles and not even bother if the woman has children, because they are prejudiced against us and a relationship will not be successful.


You know, I get that you don't like being stereotyped. But stereotyping men as a response is every bit as wrong.

I won't speak for all men, but the reason I ask about a woman's professional situation is simply that I don't want to date someone who is broke. If it turns into a long term relationship, I'd rather not support two people on my income.

Of course, at my age, it's not likely that someone would be just starting their career.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 42
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:14:23 PM

UPDATE*
Well I sent him a message asking, what kinda work does he do? How does he support himself. He just responded with, he has goal, into exercise and health. Never gave a straight answer


well there you have it... he is playing some kinda games.
I guess from his answer you can say his goal is to meet someone who is working because it does not sound like he is and has not accomlished his goals yet... in other words, LOSER...

ok so anyone "normal" is going to be ok with " what do you do for a living "...
his answer says it all.
The guy needs to be working on himself, not dating... because it does not look like he has anything to offer anyone.. he can;t even be direct or be a part of a conversation without bullshyte

~~~ next ! ~~~~
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 43
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:01:09 AM
I only ask what they do for a living, I would never ask how much they make (nor would I tell someone how much I make). I have a good idea how much someone in their profession is likely to earn. From there, I observe how they handle their money.

When a relationship gets to the point that my partner's liabilities will become my own, I'm going to want an honest discussion of our balance sheets. But not until that point.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 44
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:20:19 AM
Unfortunately, some people will judge you on what your occupation is. They may use it to estimate your level of income and determine whether you are worth dating.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 45
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:36:14 AM
I would never answer a question about money before a meet with anyone or would I ask....just inappropriate/rude and doesn't matter to me, at that point.
My financial affairs are my business.
For one thing...If someone asked me where I work....I don't and haven't for a few years....so now what??
Occupation....many throughout my life...is my answer!

Now....You can take that and run with it..all you want.
Weeds out the guys that are only interested in "money"....goes both ways!
I don't ask you to buy my coffee..we meet and see if we mutually are attracted to each other and want to date more.
Some things don't need to be asked right away or if you feel the need to ask...You may assume the wrong thing about people.

Oh...and one more thing...If someone brags about having money on his profile or before a first date or???? Big Red Flag!!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 46
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:26:12 AM
Unfortunately, some people will judge you on what your occupation is. They may use it to estimate your level of income and determine whether you are worth dating.


Like it or not, people are going to judge whether you're worth dating based on lots of different things. Not much you can do to stop them.

As for money, a person's spending habits can be a predictor for how successful a relationship will be. Other things certainly matter more, but money is not insignificant.

And the notion that anyone who asks about jobs or money is looking to freeload off you is ridiculous. It could just be that they're trying to figure out if you're planning to freeload off them.
 Tristle
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 47
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/27/2012 4:07:25 AM
well, if it's an issue with him, I think it's a fair question to tell you the truth. Maybe he was just trying to get a feel for your financial stability and possible motives.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 48
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/27/2012 6:42:17 PM
"Perhaps we have a double standard here."

Ya think!!

I cannot tell you the number of times, but would guess in terms of percentages it is 70%, of the time, women will ask this question first. Or in reference to your profession ask about it in terms of "now what would that earn". Now the women say that's because there are so many broke azz men on here.

BUT, turn that question around, and the guys is prying. hahahaha!!

I get a kick out of the forums, someday I really want to count the number of double standards we actually have!(sarcasm intended)

Now I don't read a lot of guys profiles, but from time to time, when a guy says something interesting in the forums, I'll check what he is about.

Admittedly I see a whole lot more womens profiles. I will say this from my wanderings, MANY MORE women, have a cutesy answer under profession than guys do.

Maybe it is security, but if you put "nurse" I doubt guys will run around to every hospital, doctors office, clinic, senior facility and all the rest looking for you.

But this was fun, so I stopped by to drop my 2 cents in the bucket. It was good for a few laughs at any rate!
 ButterflyMaiden1975
Joined: 5/22/2013
Msg: 49
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/22/2013 12:56:25 PM
It really is none of his business. A man did this to me and I asked him what the problem was. He replied that he is afraid he can't do it on his own. In other words, in need of financial help. I ditched him. You should do the same.

Your income is NOBODY'S business :)

I can see a man asking well down the line ( 6months or more at the earliest). Men who ask quickly are gold-diggers.
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 50
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/22/2013 1:12:47 PM

I had a guy ask me about my job and money status in the second message to me. Im like what? He wanted to know how I supported myself. He's still a stranger. How do you answer something like this. Thats kinda privite until you meet I should think!


The guy wanted to know if he spent his money on you would he get a return on his investment. No biggie.
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