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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?      Home login  
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 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 53
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I usually ask what a man does for a living fairly soon. I don't require a man to support me, just want to be sure he doesn't want me supporting him. This isn't always a good way to determine their lifestyle anyways. Met some men with limited income who I had a great time with and they always took care of their business. Met others who had more income but blew through it and were always begging for a loan.
No crystal ball here, just have to take the time to get to know each other.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 54
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/23/2013 8:53:02 AM
Back when I met people this way, I was reluctant to answer questions about what I did for a living because a straight answer pretty much disclosed that I earn a healthy salary. I don't like to put that information out there right away, I have always wanted a woman to be interested in me and not how much money I make/have. When a woman was overly interested in how much I earned, it set off the caution alarms.

I suspect it's the same or at least similar when the genders are reversed. Eventually a potential partner's financial status is important, but not during the get to know one another stage.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 55
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/23/2013 9:16:09 AM
Every guy I've dated asked what I do for a living. It's an easy topic and most of us need to get money some way just to survive. Only a few have ever asked what my income was. I saw nothing wrong with disclosing it. It's not like I'm suddenly obligated to support them just because they know how much I make. If we're dating for long enough, he'd find out anyways.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 56
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/23/2013 9:26:24 AM
I could see someone asking me what I did for a living, in order to get to know me. honestly, tho, listening to words coming out of my mouth would easily explain if I was living beyond my means or living within them. It helps to have a general idea of who makes what, and you can guess whether someone really should be driving up in a Mercedes Benz or not :)

I'm not afraid to tell people I'm a retired millionaire. The look on their face pretty much reveals whether they expect me to be their sugar daddy, or they are just happy someone my age got to that level. when someone wants to use you, honestly...they don't wait long to begin. you can see them coming, unless you blind yourself by the size of their chest. :) sometimes, the word "victim" seems to really mean, "recepient of their own greed".
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 57
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 6:42:51 AM
That is a standard question that alot of women ask guyas all the time. Women in general have one of the qualifications on thier long list of requirements, economic responsibility from a guy, his lifestyle is affected by his job , like having own car requirement, height etc...
Most guys i know do not care if a woman lives behind a dumpster as long a she is pleasant, clean and attrative.

Alot of women I meet will beam me a smile and ask me alot fo questions about my job after responding so get a little suspicious so i give them a bit of an ambiguous and very down played answer, that way no more big beaming smiles about it and we can talk about something else.

Yes alot of women i met have been more interested on how a guy can support them and buy them stuff, no money, no honey.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 58
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 6:51:20 AM
9/10, they will ask what I do for a living, it seems a standard question for the ones who lack creativity. Out of so many questions you can ask, you stick to questions you consider "safe"? That already puts a damper on the whole thing, along with "what do you do for fun?" I purposely wrote my profile to avoid that stupid question but it still gets asked, so I copy and paste what I already said on my profile.

I never ask what they do for a living, because I don't care about what they do. It doesn't determine anything of importance to me.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 59
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 1:59:25 PM

9/10, they will ask what I do for a living, it seems a standard question for the ones who lack creativity. Out of so many questions you can ask, you stick to questions you consider "safe"? That already puts a damper on the whole thing, along with "what do you do for fun?" I purposely wrote my profile to avoid that stupid question but it still gets asked, so I copy and paste what I already said on my profile.

I never ask what they do for a living, because I don't care about what they do. It doesn't determine anything of importance to me.


They should ask you what your favourite flavour of bowling ball is.
 JeremyD4789
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 60
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 2:58:21 PM
Well you do have "Other" listed as a profession. Seems like a good question to ask to clarify what other means.
And really, it's a pretty common conversation opener. I know when I'm at the bar, whether talking to a male or female, the most common question I get asked first, other than my name, is, "what do you do for a living?"
 WomanInSF
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 61
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:18:09 PM
I get asked what I do for a living all the time. So, I ask them back the same question. I give them a benefit of a doubt that it's just a conversation starter, but if they ask whether I rent or own my home I get turned off instantly.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 62
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:37:06 PM

Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?


To find out which type of person they are/(will) dealing with......Loser,Lazy,Luckless,Lemon......
.OR..Successful,Fruitful,Worthwhile Person.

If I am interested in a man I ask the SAME question in the first 10 minutes of conversation,for the reasons above mentioned. Because after age 40, there is no time to lose in a bad seed person......Here it is where it fits the saying: Better alone than in bad company
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 63
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:44:08 PM
Asking how much a man or woman make is ridiculous but asking what they do for a living is very normal.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 64
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/29/2013 11:17:25 PM
We need the money.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 65
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 2:29:41 AM
9/10, they will ask what I do for a living, it seems a standard question for the ones who lack creativity. Out of so many questions you can ask, you stick to questions you consider "safe"? That already puts a damper on the whole thing.


Cripes, talk about hard to please and highly critical. You seem to really think that people are underneath you.

I get a kick out of how people purposely put "ask me" or "I pay the bills" or "I work" in that profession area.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 66
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 4:10:01 AM
I have not asked what a man does for a living in the "first message" nor have I been asked that question. However,
within a few messages, this question does come up. No big deal. For me, it is more to see if there is something in common, based on occupation. If there is, more to talk about. :)
===
I do think it is silly to put "ask me" or "I have one" or "I pay bills" "Wouldn't you like to know" in the profession area.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 67
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 4:53:58 AM
I think my income is no one's business either, in middle age people do take early retirements, some of us get a pension thru our exes, some women (& men) do get spousal maintenance & yes some people are out on disability, doesn't mean they didn't work thru their adult life...BUT...

Online, sooooo many folks I know meet dozens of people b4 they meet someone that they end up getting a real date with...so easily 9 times out of 10, be honest w/ yourselves, all it amounts to is a coffee/drink meet.

And should a person get lucky enough to get a 2nd date, etc. HOW MANY OUT OF THOSE LEAD TO MARRIAGE??? or even co-habitation?

I wouldn't give up my medical insurance or any $$ due me from my one & only marriage cuz I am too smart for that...so no guy I ever dated had to care about my situation unless he was planning on marriage, which in middle age is silly IMO. I have my stuff (assets & income) & he has his. He can buy me a cup of joe or a drink, maybe spring for something here & there, just like I can cook for him & spring for something here & there.

What is the big deal/hangup? Do people not even TRUST THEMSELVES & THEIR OWN DECISION MAKING PROCESS? I don't date off of POF anyway, but if I did, do I have magical powers that make all of his $$ fly out of his bank account???

If a man is asking me about my $$ I'd assume he is a man-hoor & I'd block & delete. Unless he looks like Brad Pitt & has a penis like John Holmes & is on Forbes 500 wealthiest men, he has to prove himself date/relationship material to women, not the other way around IMO.

The corollary is: some people have a great income & assets but huge debt. Some have little income, but no debt, low bills & plenty of assets. It's the big picture that counts overall. I found in the past the men w/ the modest income/lifestyles were way more generous/loving than the guys w/ beaucoup bucks...and a huge mortgage, 3 car payments, tons of child support/spousal, kids in college, etc.

I like nice things but in a reasonable manner, I have no issue w/ coupons, a good chain retaurant, home cooked meals, matinees, off season cruises etc.



Because there seem to be a LOT of women who are living off of child support payments or disability, or some other unknown source. It scares the hell out of men. They are worried about being taken advantage of.

Because a man doesn't want to be used for a meal ticket any more than you do.

as long as they are not paying that woman's child support, why should they care? & if a person got disibility, then they qualified. Why would that be scary? No one can take advantage of a person unless that person ALLOWS it!

And no one wants to be a free pump-N-dump.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 68
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 6:43:30 AM

They should ask you what your favourite flavour of bowling ball is.


Sorry, I didn't get it.

Men don't seem to understand that we get bombarded with messages so you can only imagine how many times a day we get asked the same question(s). It is not their fault, but the repetition works against them, so the ones who ask other questions stand out.
 floral2
Joined: 7/10/2013
Msg: 69
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 6:57:31 AM
Like others said, asking someone about what they do for a living or what are some of their interests is a common icebreaker. I had plenty of good and interesting conversations that started off with these questions.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 70
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:08:14 AM
Men don't seem to understand that we get bombarded with messages so you can only imagine how many times a day we get asked the same question(s). It is not their fault, but the repetition works against them, so the ones who ask other questions stand out.


Men are often told to ask a question about something that was in her profile on the first email. That's why men might ask questions about her job or one of her interests. For example, if a woman lists "rock music" as one of her interests, he might ask her what are her favorite rock bands.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 71
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:55:34 AM

Men are often told to ask a question about something that was in her profile on the first email. That's possibly why he asked a question about her job or one of her interests. For example, if a woman lists "rock music" as one of her interests, he might ask her what are her favorite rock bands.


I'm not against asking questions about something on the profile. If the profile lists an occupation, you can inquire about it.

There is a difference between "What do you do for a living?" and "I see that you have Academia listed as your occupation , what do you do in academia?".

Which of the two indicates you actually read the profile?

"What do you do for fun?" is another one of those. If she lists an activity on her interests or speaks about doing something on her profile, ask questions about it.

My issue is with overtly general questions that indicate you didn't read anything and probably don't remember anything about me because you were too busy carpet bombing. I get that the the reply rate for men is significantly lower, but a little once over after getting a reply should aide you in continuing the conversation. I've had people ask me the same thing over again after a couple of sentences, like, did you forget who you were speaking to and that you had asked me that already?
 Post_PrepatoryLIFER
Joined: 8/19/2013
Msg: 72
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 10/30/2013 3:08:11 PM
Asking about income before meeting- not a very classy approach and it could easily appear to be financially motivated. If its fear based- not attractive either. Someone already forming the opinion that another is not self-reliant would be some cold calculating formulation and does not promote positivity as who enjoys being seen in a poor light? Totally void of tact regardless of the 'intentions'.

I say if you live off of an income that comfortably supports your Family and you do not need to rely on another for their income- you are self reliant; especially if you have not incurred outstanding debt.

Today, it is poor opinion, that 'success' is often materialistic based and does require incurring debt- monthly payments towards a House, Car, are seen as debt in my eyes and not factual owned property. So when I see profiles of photos of big homes, and multiple cars, motorbikes, ATVs, snow mobiles- I think, that's a lot of debt. Unnecessary debt at that.

Such things do not showcase one's Character; just things that they have that they are proud of? Its a foreign concept to me. *shrugs* I'm just not a person that derives self worth by monetary objects nor do they drive me in daily decision making.

Be yourself and be honest. You don't have to disclose income sources or salary in a first email let alone first meet.

They are indeed decision making factors to discuss as a joint couple working towards a long term committed future/marriage.

If you are self reliant- say so. That's all that needs to be said.
 ~Arianna~
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 73
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 11/2/2013 9:33:04 AM
I would never ask outright what someone does for a living. I phrase it as 'what field of work are you in', therefore, it leaves it open to the gentleman to share something about what he does for 40 hours a week without any pressure to divulge anything specific such as a title.

As to how much income he generates, that holds no importance to me. If we continue to date after meeting, how financially responsible he is will become apparent over time. High income does not always equate to a lot of disposable income if he holds a lot of debt. I may even make less than him yet be able to do more things due to being more fiscally responsible.

Lifestyles & life goals are what I look for. I want to be on the same page as a partner as to how we view the future.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 74
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 11/3/2013 5:46:39 AM
Post Prep

There are woman who ask the same of men as they want to avoid the issues of unexpected anvils or financial liabilities or encumbrances. I have never been troubled with sound careful pre-qualifications of potential dating partners. I have been asked the same questions on more than one occasion.


Today, it is poor opinion, that 'success' is often materialistic based and does require incurring debt- monthly payments towards a House, Car, are seen as debt in my eyes and not factual owned property. So when I see profiles of photos of big homes, and multiple cars, motorbikes, ATVs, snow mobiles- I think, that's a lot of debt. Unnecessary debt at that.


Now that is a valid comment…..then equally is the suggestion or question of employment based on the well published government statistics of only 50% of custodial mothers are employed full time and a corresponding level of poverty. After all why should I assume a significant level of financial liability or monthly requirements in terms of a custodial mother who chooses not to support herself or her children in terms of employment…..just as prudent careful woman like yourself why should she get involved with some guy who has high levels of debt due to ,,,,big homes…ATV’s multiple cars and snow mobiles….they are both relevant considerations. Your debt laden guy with too many toys…or your custodial mother who believes she does not need to be employed.



I say if you live off of an income that comfortably supports your Family and you do not need to rely on another for their income- you are self reliant; especially if you have not incurred outstanding debt.


But if you are working part time….or not working…something 50% of custodial mothers are doing then who is in fact providing the financial resources? So perhaps the level of income is fleeting or not stable. Again valid when looking at both sides as when looking at how long the employment has been held…..or if they are probably just waiting for someone else to shoulder their financial responsibilities.


They are indeed decision making factors to discuss as a joint couple working towards a long term committed future/marriage.


50% of custodial mothers are employed full time….so why would they become employed full time after a second marriage? Come on be serious…..if they are living off society and or someone else they will continue the same attitude when in a long term committed relationship…better to find out before the relationship is clouded by intimacy.

Asking the question right upfront allows or enables you to avoid 50% of the potential problematic women if this is important criteria for you. There are men who had a financial cost or a sever set back extricating themselves from their last relationship. My costs were all the equity from the marriage in the manner of lump sum spousal support as she felt entitled in not having to work once she hit her 40’s……and yet I had custody and she felt as I was employed she need not pay child support as I was primary custodial parent. I have no problem assuming my responsibilities I just shudder at assuming another’s responsibilities’ because she feels she does not like to have to work full time.

It is if a badly handled way of dealing with the question valid. But then as I was raising my children and now assisting in their university costs not like when I was in my early year’s foot loose and free of responsibilities. I once had had it stated clearly in my profile that I was employed full time and paid my own way in life and expected the same of a prospective dating partner and received a few replies from woman who found it objectionable


I would never ask outright what someone does for a living. I phrase it as 'what field of work are you in', therefore, it leaves it open to the gentleman to share something about what he does for 40 hours a week without any pressure to divulge anything specific such as a title.. And yet some woman have it in their profile and I do not see men complaining about that?


Subtle and tactful versus clumsy or blunt…it is doing the same thing. Really how is it different in the result…..weeding out the probable financial liabilities before they become your liability.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 75
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 11/3/2013 6:30:12 AM

If you are self reliant- say so. That's all that needs to be said.


I like this answer. I will use it in the future.

It's somewhat easy to judge approximate income range based on job field or title. As long as I don't have to supplement another person's income, it's all good.

After looking at the pictures of the most powerful women in business, I'd rather date the younger and hotter receptionist.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 76
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 11/3/2013 6:33:49 AM

After looking at the pictures of the most powerful women in business, I'd rather date the younger and hotter receptionist.

An honest man! Most men think the same unless they r a man-hoor or dead from the waist down. And that receptionist would be a hell of a lot more fun in & out of the bedroom if my guess is correct!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 77
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 11/3/2013 7:09:13 AM
An honest man! Most men think the same unless they r a man-hoor or dead from the waist down. And that receptionist would be a hell of a lot more fun in & out of the bedroom if my guess is correct!


Not all professional women are homely and not all receptionists are attractive, these are asinine stereotypes. The notion that all men think alike is equally ignorant.
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