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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 23
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Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
In my opinion, the 'rationalization' of a married person having a FWB to strengthen their marriage, seems more like justification for them getting sex outside of the marriage.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 25
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2012 5:56:01 PM
What do you think?

I don't have to think about it. I know my fiancee would do some serious snipping if I found an fwb on the side.
 MssCrystal
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 26
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:18:58 AM
I believe that if a couple is engaging in sex w/ others outside of a relationship then the relationship itself is not a committed one. If 2 people love each other they do not engage in sex w/ others! Why be in a relationship in the first place if one partner or both is going to sleep with others? If there are elements missing in the relationship then the couple should seek out therapy to resolve it not screw others.
 Samhein
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 27
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Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:49:06 AM

I don't believe you can ever improve a relationship by seeking sexual gratification outside of the main relationship, people might like the excitement and newness in the beginning, but to me it sounds like a recipe for disaster.


Agree. In any couple sex is simply one aspect of communication; it's merely a second-phase kind, deeper and meaningful. It's conversation taken to a higher psychological level. It's not some separate aspect. If you are looking for that aspect, suddenly, outside a relationship you say you are committed to, you're failing at your main relationship.

If your intimacy with your Main is gone, in a way that isn't due to one of you being physically incapable, the relationship is essentially over.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 28
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Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:27:35 AM
It's a quick fix. It might help for a short time but eventually some emotions are going to get in the way.

Does it work for some? I imagine but they are probably very rare.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 29
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:39:45 AM
It is asking for trouble, because you cannot control feelings....someone is going to get attached and the marriage will suffer.

It is better to put the energy required in getting a fwb into making the marriage work properly once more...or just get out of the marriage.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 30
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:00:49 AM
If the spark is gone then it's time to reignite it.
Talking is a good start. Cheating will only complicate things.
You say that being with someone else may FIX a sexual issue within couples?
I beg to differ.
What happen's if your partner develops a disease?
Is the relatioship still about sex, and does that give the able bodied partner a right to indulge in sex outside of the relationship?
There is a fine line between LOVE and SEX.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 31
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:11:24 AM
No it just makes them lazy. why aren't they focused on improving their relationship and putting the spark back into it ? Having friends with benefits is just an easy way out
------------------------------------------------
Exactly. It's laziness on a whole, it's not an improvement it's a disappointment.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 32
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:12:57 AM

I don't have to think about it. I know my fiancee would do some serious snipping if I found an fwb on the side.


LOL I hope if it ever happens, for your sakes, that she was never in the Army

In a relationship, married or otherwise, my gf/wife IS my FWB......
is there REALLY anything more to add?
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 33
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:18:55 AM
OP, you already know couples who are convinced it improved their relationship. And you have a few married friends that find it’s easier to live together happily that way. So what do we think?

I think responses will vary depending on where you ask the question. Outside the door of a swinger’s club you’ll get positive responses. Outside a church door – not so much.

Many monogamists conflate open relationship with boredom, cheating, adultery and divorce, etc. In other words, when you say ‘open relationship’ we see monogamy gone wrong, monogamy that failed in all the ways it can and does. And that makes the matter almost impossible to discuss. It's two different conversations.

(I object to the speaking of Chinese on similar grounds. It reminds me of a bunch of kids making fun of a foreign language.)

Our society is predominantly monogamous. Serially monogamous, at least. Monogamy is the only relationship style that can succeed. All others are repeatedly dismissed as bad, wrong, and harmful. Admittedly, monogamy has its flaws. But at least it’s not Chinese.

I suppose there’s a debate to be had here if you think it’s worth having. I don’t. Now I'm gonna go on with my bad self and let decent people be.
 kenzie01
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 35
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 11:55:01 AM
I think that if it is done openly and honestly it can improve a relationship... I've learned more interesting thing from my FWB that I've added at home and its great... But the key has to be "open and honest communication of all persons involved"
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 36
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2012 11:58:51 AM
I believe even the question is uninformed.
 Samhein
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 37
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Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:23:13 AM

In a relationship, married or otherwise, my gf/wife IS my FWB......


The Cap'n is doing it right :D
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 38
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:55:13 AM
That would be called an open marriage....and Ive seen the whole marriage cave in after they tried that...lol...the two have to be real confident with their ties doin that....
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 39
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:01:44 AM
crazy and utter madness......if the spark is gone, rekindle...if it cant be rekindled, one or both dont want it...so move on.

WTH....friends with benefits is so 80's
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 40
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:03:29 AM
I think it's BS... the beginning of the proverbial END to their family. They made a vow... and should focus on each other to rekindle the love they have for one another and sort through what difficulties have caused the love life to dwindle rather than look for an easy out.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/3/2012 8:18:00 AM
I'm sorry....last I knew an FWB was for people who didn't want to get into relationships. It's for people who don't have time for relationships but would like to have sex in a safe familiar situation instead of picking up strangers for it.

People will call anything an FWB these days to make it sound better.

If you are sleeping with someone while involved it's called plain "cheating", and the only way it's even close to an FWB is if the person you're cheating with is someone you've been friends with for years. It's still cheating though.

To answer your question, I think adding sex to your relationship when you don't have it inside it is a temporary fix that adds the thing that's missing, but in the end I don't think it helps anything. Personally the sex is important to me, so if it's missing I'm not entirely sure why I would stay...
 Creativetomorrows
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 44
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/4/2012 9:35:54 PM
I firmly believe that if you are that happy that you are looking outside your marriage for sex, it is time to just cut ties and go your own way. Someone else stated people stay in marriages for the fact the person they are not happy with are good providers.

I myself couldnt do that. I dont care how much my spouse makes. Or what family members or church or society in general thought of me. If I am not happy in a relationship, and there is no chance to rekindle our spark. I sure wont use that person simply because it is comfortable and I am well provided for. I would rather be living on the streets in a box than use another person just so I am "comfortable and provided for".

Just my opinion, but if you are really that unhappy, you should more than likely just cut ties and move on with your life. Seriously, you may be doing the best thing in the world for your spouse and yourself. He or she may FINALLY be able to find a person that truely cares about him/her instead of using them for your own needs.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 45
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/4/2012 11:45:02 PM
Msg 45
Not to pick on you, per se;

Did it ever cross your mind that this woman you know, "settled" for a man with issues?


he told her that sex was dirty and disgusting and just quit doing it.


Oh now this would be FUNNY if it weren't so damn sad.

The dating pool is well polluted with married men claiming their wives have shut off the sex. Don't tell me about women-and men-who fake a high level of interest in sex in order to secure marriage-I know they are out there, but I wonder sometimes if men and women who find themseves up this particular shit creek, just ignored or rationalized indications of having "issues" with sex,and went ahead and got married.

Yes, this woman succeeded in pulling off something that just enrages a lot of other people. She got to have her cake and eat it too-or she thought she did.

As far as her present health problems and not having had sex for years-are you somehow BLAMING this on her behavior? Are you saying she got a STD from her lover? Otherwise, I'm not sure what your point/purpose was, for the comment about the current state of her health and lack of a sex life.
Lots of times people develop health issues that are unrelated to some perceived cosmic "punishment" for some sort of prior wrongdoing.

I might mention all the men who aren't even 60 yet who have some degree of ED issues from medications,or from prostate problems.,and haven't had sex in years.

But I find that sad-not something to gloat over.

Yes, there are always cases of people who married for the wrong reasons and now are forced by social and/or financial concerns to stay in that marriage. Whether one of the partners uses having an affair-with another human, or a bottle, or drugs, or food, to prop up an empty marriage with some other dubious behavior, I don't think we can presume that this is usual or normal behavior.
Cindy O
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 46
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Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 12:35:08 AM

No way no how. If its to that point that we are more friends than lovers then its time to move on.


What he said!!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 48
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 11:01:53 AM
It was not my intent to imply that YOUR intent was to enrage anybody. But there will be those who are.

Especially if they are not privy to the fact that the woman wanted more from this man than he was willing to give.

I still don't see where this scenario IMPROVED the marriage-it simply kept it from failing completely-or becoming a black slough of unhappiness.

Although it may appear on casual observation that somebody got away with something-on closer inspection, I don't think the woman 'got away with' much-unless she had a pathological self-esteem issue that made her believe having a husband was vital to her validity as a human being.
Cindy O
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 49
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 11:26:57 AM
WOW!!! Really? Improves the relationship? HOW? Lets see, insert distrust into an already rocky relationship, check! The sexual spark is gone? Ok, how about renting some porn or buying a sex swing and communicating on what the needs are! Missing ingredient? Hell, next time I'm cooking and can't find the right spice I guess I should just invite a friend over and have sex over the boiling pot!! WTF? Live together happily? Oh sure!!! I can see that right now!! "Hey babe, could you go sleep on the couch because Mr. FWB is here and you're in the way!!"
I think its horse $hit and if your relationship is at that point you need not be in the relationship anymore!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 51
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 11:32:04 AM
well..it can work..sort of..although i would not say it makes it easier for the couple to live together..quite the contrary..if they are not intimate anymore..its more like roommates and usually they go their seperate ways but stay together only for financial reasons.
 cashleys
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 52
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 4:18:02 PM
I think sex between two married people should be something they honor. If it gets dull-work on it. Usually people that say they can cheat and have sex outside of their relationship do so because they take the easy way out. They don't want the financial ruin, nor loss of friends and each others family units.
Everyone knows that marriage is a long time journey, if you take the most precious intimate closeness and bonding act we have of sex and turn it into a bodily function, that is indeed a shame and a sham.
Quit using others for your selfish desires and work to make the woman or man you are suppose to love your focus.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 53
Do you feel friends with benefits can sometimes improve your main relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2012 4:31:37 PM
I am incredulous that this is a real question..
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