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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > great conversations...a thing of the past?      Home login  
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 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 51
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great conversations...a thing of the past?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I find it virtually impossible to have a substantive, 2-way conversation nowadays.

Either the other person is incapable or unwilling to converse, they have nothing of substance to say, or most likely, they are just sitting there with their eyes glazed over, as they're waiting to monopolize the conversation. Yes, we have a myriad (quantity) of "methods of communication" today, but I would argue that, never in human history has the (quality) of communication been so poor. If I were qualified to diagnose, I would guesstimate that the majority of the American population is borderline Autistic. It's scary.

In an "ideal world" you could have both, however, I would much prefer to have an hour-long, engaging, substantive, 2-way conversation with a woman where there is mutual attraction, than 15 or 20 minutes of mediocre sex. I remember the last time I had sex with a woman. I cannot remember the last time I had a semi-decent conversation (of any length) with a woman.

As far as the whole thing about, "How many ways can a person say the same thing?" Yes, after 20, 30, 40 years together, I imagine that you have heard EVERYTHING that person has to say...........................my issue is............with the yahoos and wing nuts you come across IRL and online that you JUST met, or have known for only months or a couple of years, who have NOTHING worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. It's tedious. D@mn near like trying to pull a car down a beach with a rope.
 oceanstorms
Joined: 4/10/2014
Msg: 52
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 6/29/2014 12:01:53 PM
When I first began online dating seven years ago I used to think if people spoke only one language and couldn’t even master that one…what did it say about them? My answer was not a positive one. I soon learned I needed to change my thinking if I was to continue with online dating. However, the thing is in the online world our profile is the ONLY thing we going for us to make a good impression. In real life we might see, hear, smell, or get ‘good vibes’ from someone and giving them a spelling or grammar test is the farthest thing from our minds.
Although seeing someone put ‘intellectual’ on their profile and seeing spelling and grammar errors in abundance does at first appear to be a bit of a contradiction I think most of us know people in real life who are highly intelligent and yet if we were to give them a spelling and grammar test we might be very surprised.
Now I read profiles with a grain of salt…they are not always representative of anything other than our own interpretations. That being said, I have found over the years many men, maybe women too, are not online to find their intellectual equals…they are here for sex, period. Consequently, they really don’t care what impression they make other than appearing somewhat attractive to whomever they are attempting to attract.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 53
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/6/2014 6:13:09 AM
There are many women here who are lousy communicators,they send messages like "Hi how are you" and expect I suppose a novel length Shakesperian response.I put in my profile that email is not my forte,if a woman is going to judge me by emails that she doesn't even know if i wrote them or not is not for me,once again woman are no better at picking men than men are at picking women...men are deceived through the eyes and women through the ears,both produce the same failures.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 54
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/6/2014 11:35:15 AM
The "stereotype" is that females are superior communicators.

I have not seen any evidence of that here, IRL, or even in any recent workplace.

The women's profiles that I have seen here, are overwhelmingly underwhelming. Can't help but laugh when I see the profiles of so many (+35 year-old) women on POF, that read, "Not here for sex"/"Not here for one night stands", etc. etc. You read the ubiquitous, "Must be able to make ME laugh" profile intro, their one sentence profile, and their 3 "interests": (their "amazing" children, the beach, and having "fun"), and I can easily see how so many men online have little choice but to read this mediocre, sub-par nonsense, and think to themselves, "Aside from sex, (and wanting a hawt guy to play the role of dancing bear/court jester), what the %$&# else could she possibly bring to a relationship?"

The handful of e-mails that I have received, all start AND end with, "Hi" or "Hello".

Women who claim to have, 'Graduate' degrees, and have zero motivation and/or demonstrated ability to write or speak with any level of insight on their 'supposed' field of expertise.

The half dozen or so e-mail volley's that I have had with POF women, have ALL had me referencing something from THEIR profiles..........."Who are your favorite artists?".................."What's the best restaurant you've eaten at lately, and why?" etc. If I'm lucky, they'll answer the question, but you won't get a d@mn thing extra out of them "Picasso." "Delmonico's. It's good." My profile is long as hell (on purpose), and yet not a single woman has ever asked me anything from it. It's like what I would imagine a CIA interrogation to be like. It leaves me as exhausted as trying to pull a car down a beach. It's BRUTAL!
 oceanstorms
Joined: 4/10/2014
Msg: 55
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/7/2014 10:35:46 AM
Profiles that state, "Ask me"....profiles that state, "This it is So hard to write about myself", etc. etc. These days I just accept it and move on. If that's they way they want to portray themselves it's their problem. I've found most men are not good communicators written or verbally. It's just how things are and to complain about it is pointless. I just keep on looking. I know one day I will find someone I adore without reserve and that's good enough for me:)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/7/2014 2:54:10 PM
There are many women here who are lousy communicators,they send messages like "Hi how are you" and expect I suppose a novel length Shakesperian response.


I've seen women's comments about the two necessary requirements in order for her to even consider responding to a message: pictures that will pass the physical beauty test and a profile that's worthy enough to win a literary award, for starters. Once that's out of the way, and the dating phase starts, the next phase on the agenda is the nonsense phase,which is sending and receiving mindless, useless texts about 20 times day that say nothing in 15 words or less-the "howzitgoin", whazup", "havnfunyet". If a person breaks the chain by not immediately replying, all hell breaks lose with the standard question: "Don't you like me anymore? If you did, you would've responded to my (all important) text within 2 minutes, instead of what you did, which was not responding for an entire 10 minutes. What am I suppose to do in that 10 minutes while waiting for your response? You threw off my entire day, and I will not tolerate that again."
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 57
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/8/2014 12:27:31 PM
It's an old thread but I'll give you my $.02. Most people in general (in my case men) are not well read at all and sound like talking points when you have a conversation with them. I'm sure everyone has experienced this, they are even high educated college degreed people, but can't have a conversation outside how is the weather, small talk or what they do for a living. They have no passions except to work at a particular job, have a certain car or house and look the same as everyone else.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 58
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/8/2014 1:42:22 PM

i was just wondering if anyone else is having trouble finding an intelligent man to have a great conversation with?


No, I just look in the mirror and the problem is solved.
 CoralReefs
Joined: 5/31/2014
Msg: 59
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/8/2014 2:16:04 PM
Most people it seems, are subpar communicators. I'm learning this over time and it's very disheartening. Even worse, I think, is the primary root cause - the lack of basic, selfless curiosity and interest.

Fair or not, I'm employing a new screening tool: how long does it take before she asks about my siblings? The most recent answer to this question was "not even within the first 3 dates". Yet by the time I cancelled the fourth, I had learned every minute detail of her sister's childhood, husbands, boyfriends, jobs and pets. I was even sent a photo of the sister for comparison purposes which, naturally, was flattering to my date.

I've learned that it's astonishingly simple to steer a conversation in such a way that the other party seems more than happy to drone on and on, repetitiously and with barely enough time to figure out a dessert choice. When I find somebody equally skilled at extracting talk, then I'll know I'm on to something.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 60
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/8/2014 6:42:19 PM
Profiles that state, "Ask me"....profiles that state, "This it is So hard to write about myself", etc. etc. These days I just accept it and move on. If that's they way they want to portray themselves it's their problem. I've found most men are not good communicators written or verbally. It's just how things are and to complain about it is pointless. I just keep on looking. I know one day I will find someone I adore without reserve and that's good enough for me:)


Where it says "men" above, substitute "women", I can only shake my head and easily believe it applies to both sexes

The school teacher who's 15 line profile had NO, NO punctuation
 oceanstorms
Joined: 4/10/2014
Msg: 61
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/9/2014 8:33:51 AM
Yes I believe it is true for both. The irony is that our (over 45) generation are the ones who actually were taught spelling and grammar in school and didn't grow up with texting...and yet the vast majority appear to be only semi-literate! Yet the majority of adults I know do nothing but complain about the youth of today not knowing how to spell LOL. I wonder if they can spell hypocrite LOL.
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 62
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/9/2014 8:11:05 PM
"The school teacher who's 15 line profile had NO, NO punctuation"

LOL

this clown is pointing out someone else's language faults?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 63
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/27/2014 3:25:52 PM
"Most people it seems, are subpar communicators. I'm learning this over time and it's very disheartening. Even worse, I think, is the primary root cause - the lack of basic, selfless curiosity and interest."

^^^^^
I think CoralReefs has struck PLATINUM with his assessment. I know he has with ME.

The PEFECT word is, "disheartening", and I honestly cannot remember the last time a date, potential date, or even a random woman that I did not know, asked me anything that seemed to be out of, "selfless curiosity and/or interest."

Anyone who speaks with me for 10 minutes, will learn that I am into photography, yet NEVER in my adult life, has a woman (that I did not already know), asked me anything, even remotely along the lines of, "How did you become interested in photography?", "Who is your favorite photographer?", or "What do you shoot and why?"

I have talked to a couple of single guys that I work with about this, and, for the most part, their experiences are consistent with the majority of what's contained in this thread.

Trying to have a substantive, 2-way conversation nowadays is BRUTAL.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 64
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/27/2014 4:08:35 PM
oceanstorms related:
When I first began online dating seven years ago I used to think if people spoke only one language and couldn’t even master that one…what did it say about them? My answer was not a positive one. I soon learned I needed to change my thinking if I was to continue with online dating. However, the thing is in the online world our profile is the ONLY thing we going for us to make a good impression. In real life we might see, hear, smell, or get ‘good vibes’ from someone and giving them a spelling or grammar test is the farthest thing from our minds.
Although seeing someone put ‘intellectual’ on their profile and seeing spelling and grammar errors in abundance does at first appear to be a bit of a contradiction I think most of us know people in real life who are highly intelligent and yet if we were to give them a spelling and grammar test we might be very surprised.
Now I read profiles with a grain of salt…they are not always representative of anything other than our own interpretations. That being said, I have found over the years many men, maybe women too, are not online to find their intellectual equals…they are here for sex, period. Consequently, they really don’t care what impression they make other than appearing somewhat attractive to whomever they are attempting to attract.


this very thought, more or less, has been on my mind of late. It is for this reason that I have the type of profile I have. A photo and one or two line "about me" section makes this site, and dozens of others just like it, no more than a meat market; little different from the red light districts here in the US or the streets of Amsterdam.
If you want a communicator find someone who knows how to communicate and had demonstrated that ability. But don't be surprised if the communicator knows what he or she wants, or needs.

Communication is just the ability to pass on information. It can be a strictly one way affair. On the other hand, I desire a conversationalist, someone with whom I can share two way communication.

TK
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 65
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/28/2014 6:41:52 AM
Great conversation can be difficult when the other party is being constantly interrupted by their cell phone.

Some people are surface talkers with no depth and others can have deep conversation. Unfortunately, I've experienced more surface than depth.

Welcome to the short attention span 21st century.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 66
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/28/2014 8:03:08 PM
@Becky

I agree with the earlier poster, you do NOT need, "10 topics".

If you sincerely want to know how to be interesting, read Dale Carnegie's, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

It really is ALL about, "taking a sincere interest in the OTHER person."

Read more (news, biographies, politics, business, non-fiction). MY experience is that women who are well-read, often know, "a little, about a lot of things", and thus, they are often able to converse on a wide range of topics.

"You're an electrical engineer? You must really be good at math. What made you choose electrical engineering as opposed to, say, civil or mechanical engineering?" "What was the most difficult engineering-related class you took in college?" "Is there a difference between an electrical engineer and an electronics engineer, and if so, what is it?"

"You collect rare stamps/rocks/coins/baseball cards/pens/watches etc.? How did you get into that?" "What's the most valuable/interesting/rare stamp that you have?" "Aside from status, are their reasons that someone would pay $7000 for an Omega, when they can get a Timex for $100?" "If you hit the Lotto tomorrow, what would be your, "Holy Grail" watch, and why?"

"You are into antiques? You must love flea markets and garage sales, what's the coolest thing you've found at a flea market?" "I'm not familiar with flea markets, are there any really good ones around here?"

"You're a cyclist? I don't know anything about cycling. Rookie question, but exactly what are some of the differences between a $200 bicycle you get at a chain store versus a $3,000 bicycle?" "What's your take on Lance Armstrong, do you think he deserves the accolades and awards that he achieved, even though he was using PED's?" "Do you ride competitively or for recreation?"

"You're into photography? How did you get into that? "I've heard that the camera really doesn't make a difference, is that true? If not, then why do some camera's cost $100 and some cost $5,000? What does the $5,000 camera do that the $100 doesn't?" "All my photos come out crappy, what are 2 or 3 tips that would help most non-photographers to take better photos?"

But, THAT is only HALF of it. The other half is...................You GOTTA' sincerely be interested in hearing the answer (unless you're really good at faking sincerity..................but that's far too advanced for today's lesson).

Asking questions is a sign of interest. Not asking them (is usually) a sign of disinterest.

Nothing against YOU personally Becky, but it concerns me that so few women "get" this. I can already envision POF's "Best & Brightest" coming out to state that, "Well, NikonGuy, maybe a woman isn't asking you anything because she's not interested in YOU." Bravo! Wow. You've all e-hurt my feelings. I'm about to use some sarcasm (I have to announce it, otherwise it kinda' flies over the smart aleck's heads').............How dare a woman send me an e-mail on POF (when my profile is the length of a Russian novel), that reads, "Hi." What kind of impression is she hoping to make?

"Well, NikonGuy I betcha' wouldn't care, IF she was HAWT."

"You'd be WRONG (again)! But, thanks for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you out back. Drive safely."

I've had this conversation with enough single AND married men, to know that a lot of women don't do this (ask probing, non-relationship oriented questions), because, in MY opinion, they have been socialized to expect to BE pursued, and since too many men are too eager, thirsty, and easy; too many women do NOT "have" to extend ANY effort to obtain male company, and therefore they DON'T (especially for as long as they retain their looks, charm, and personality). I think as women get older, they very often, then have to work harder (assuming that they want male attention/companionship), and they're not at all used to it (working to obtain male attention).
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 67
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/28/2014 8:55:13 PM

Some people are surface talkers with no depth and others can have deep conversation. Unfortunately, I've experienced more surface than depth.


First thing, it seems nearly a page of this thread was deleted/removed. My original comment is gone, and the two gentlemen who listed 10 topics, their posts are gone.

2nd. What I had observed, is a couple of recent posts by men, which indicated some women they dated "had no depth" and couldn't hold a deep conversation. This was a man's perspective.

I asked a question. I just wanted to see examples, from these posters, or any man, as to what topics they would typically like to discuss with women when dating. I asked them to list 10.

I was not saying I needed 10 topics to date. My question only pertained to this thread.
 CoralReefs
Joined: 5/31/2014
Msg: 68
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/29/2014 9:02:55 AM

I've had this conversation with enough single AND married men, to know that a lot of women don't do this (ask probing, non-relationship oriented questions


Agreed. This has been my experience. I don't expect a lot of depth from initial conversations, but a demonstration of some level of curiosity is always appreciated. It's just not always forthcoming.
 sactownromantic
Joined: 4/4/2014
Msg: 69
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/29/2014 10:23:07 AM
Most people would rather have a relationship with their smartphone, my last girlfriend would check her Facebook app every 15 minutes. It's kind of hard to have a conversation when women are constantly looking at their smartphones.

I can talk about a wide range of topics, my favorite is politics but nobody likes to go there.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 70
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/29/2014 11:35:23 AM
I think knowing how to talk in public (forget even having conversations)
is a lost art. People don't know how to get someone's attention. Instead of
saying "hello, hi, excuse me" they just start talking, even if it's to your back.
Drives me crazy when I'm working and people will do that or just walk up and say
"travel?" "fiction?". I honestly will ignore anyone talking on their phone,
talking behind my back, or my personal fave...those who just stare until
I notice them.

Conversations are something else entirely. Hard to find someone interested
in talking about something other than themselves or someone who can't stop
making love to their phone.

I don't know why this is, maybe people just don't interact with others as often
anymore?

I can talk a little about a lot of things, and a lot about some things. I just haven't
found many people I'm actually interested in talking to.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 71
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/29/2014 4:02:59 PM


this clown is pointing out someone else's language faults?


Excuse me, sentences start with a capital letter the last time I checked, question mark is questionable at best
language skills not so much either
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 72
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/29/2014 5:49:36 PM
^^^^^ And sentences end with a period. Dude, quit while you're behind.



I can talk a little about a lot of things, and a lot about somofe things. I just haven't
found many people I'm actually interested in talking to.



This describes my conversation style. Because I don't know everything, it can be interesting if the other person can go beyond scratching the surface of a topic I'm not versed in. Randomness is always welcome.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 73
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/30/2014 9:37:37 AM
I've observed that people that are so anal about proper grammar or sentence structure are the most boring people on Earth. Get excited about things that matter. This is a thread of POF, it's not like it's a grant paper to the NIH.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 74
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 7/30/2014 1:40:40 PM

Hard to find someone interested in talking about something other than themselves (...) I can talk a little about a lot of things, and a lot about some things. I just haven't found many people I'm actually interested in talking to.


I wonder if that's really the crux of it all, summed up right there. We've been told for years how "unique and interesting" everyone (like us) is, we've bought into it...we all still think we can talk about interesting things - yet when we look at those around us, much as THEY might find themselves "unique and interesting", WE don't find them so. Sort of a narcissistic feedback cycle?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 75
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/24/2014 7:34:05 PM
I have watched three documentaries on prostitution. One was about 12 years ago, on HBO, titled, "Hookers at the Point" (about hookers in the Hunt's Point section of the Bronx). I think the other was on A&E about 5 years ago. And, one was about the women working at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, also about 5 years ago.

What I found most interesting was/is...........................

In interviewing the hookers, A DAMN LOT of them said that the men, "just wanted someone to talk to" and/or "someone to listen to them".

Pretty damned sad..................to think that a lot of these guys are married, living with, dating, fcvking, ....................whatever.............................women that, for whatever reasons, they feel, they can't talk to, and/or who don't hear these men the way they want to be heard. Especially disappointing, when you consider that the hooker is only pretending to listen (and yet, for a lot of these men, the hooker pretending to listen, trumps their wife, girlfriend, s/o, etc).

Strangers, semi-strangers, co-workers, and all manner of people (except for attractive, age appropriate women) walk up to me all the time, and just start talking...........................mostly about nothing.

My sister says it's because I look people in the eye and I appear to be a good listener.

In general, women are more communicative AND more so than men, tend to have a social network of girlfriends who they can "unburden" themselves with, and to.

My experience has been that most men (over the age of 30), don't have 2 real 'friends' on the planet (especially if you do not count the woman that they're sleeping with). And, most men will only bond over sports, their job, a hobby, or politics. I have never met a guy in my entire life that could hold a conversation about interpersonal relationships, even if his life depended on it.

I have only met one woman (who wasn't a relative) in my entire life, that I could say I truly "enjoyed" talking to, and who I could really "unburden" myself to.

I guess my point is........................women often have their girlfriends to "unburden" themselves to.

If a hetero man is extremely fortunate, he can unburden himself with his s/o, however, if I were a betting man, I would say that most men either have to, "keep their own counsel" and the few with the discretionary funds, can hire a 'professional'.

I love sex as much as the next man, but give me a woman who is a great and active listener and, who I enjoy talking to, and that's wifey material right there. There are millions of women in America who can perform well enough in bed................do the "Hungarian Basket Trick", a "Dirty Sanchez", oral, anal, etc. etc. It's all a 'dime a dozen'; but a woman who will willingly give of her time and undivided attention, actively listen, ask pertinent, detailed questions, and offer you thoughtful insight, is truly "one in a billion".

I believe that there are millions and millions of lonely people in America who don't have a soul to talk to, or who will listen to them. Hell, I know what near strangers in the workplace have told ME. People whose last names I didn't even know, but who, for whatever reason, felt that they could put their burdens in my mind vise, and I would crush them. People who very often had 'significant others'.

I don't care how pretty you are, how many sex positions you know, how much money you make, how hard you work out........................if I do not REALLY enjoy conversing WITH you, I cannot see being in a relationship with you.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > great conversations...a thing of the past?