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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion Tell Mate?      Home login  
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 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 84
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion TPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Women's choice to have an abortion should equal automatically her choice to tell people or not

It's not about going thru with it -- it's about Telling them. If it's anyone you were seeing on any level at all and/or have been friends with (ie not some stranger for a one-night porkfest), by default, it should be the standard / right thing to do to Tell them.

Imagine a BF finding out that his gal had 3 abortions over the years with him. WTF! It's about as important as Telling them whether you're on the pill, have fertility issues, or anything of that nature.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 85
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Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/18/2014 2:24:32 PM

Imagine a BF finding out that his gal had 3 abortions over the years with him. WTF! It's about as important as Telling them whether you're on the pill, have fertility issues, or anything of that nature.



As I understand the OP, this was about telling a current b/f about abortions that you may have had before KNOWING him, not abortions that you had WHILE with him...
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 86
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion Tell Mate?
Posted: 11/18/2014 6:26:56 PM

Unless an abortion results in a woman becoming sterile, it doesn't need to be disclosed. Even then, the woman is only obligated to tell the man she can't have children, not WHY.


Agreed. Pretty much none of my business (if she chooses to tell me that's her choice of course).
Unless, as maleman999 said, it resulted in her unable to have children and she thinks/knows I want children, then of course I think it would be appropriate to tell me she can't (not necessarily why as he said, but to let me go find someone who can if that's what I want).
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 87
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/19/2014 10:52:25 PM

As I understand the OP, this was about telling a current b/f about abortions that you may have had before KNOWING him, not abortions that you had WHILE with him...


Okay... so a woman Should always tell the guy they're with they had one, correct?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 88
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Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/20/2014 4:05:50 AM

Okay... so a woman Should always tell the guy they're with they had one, correct?


Unless there's a good reason otherwise...I would do so,myself...I can't speak for "all women"...

By that I mean that he's NOT an abuser that she's trying to get away from, that their relationship is solid,etc. Ideally, for ME, if I'm with a man in a relationship and should I accidentally get pregnant, that would be a decision that we would discuss, and hopefully, agree on....
In fact that is something that I usually discuss with a partner somewhere in the beginning of a relationship...
As in along the lines of what are your beliefs, are you looking to have children, etc.

But let me be perfectly CLEAR when I say that if I got pregnant at THIS particular age and stage of my Life and my partner did NOT want me to get an abortion...I would have one any way just because of my age and health situation...I'm NOT interested in starting to raise a child at this point in my Life and physically, really shouldn't for other reasons...
But again, this WOULD be made VERY clear at the beginning with any man that I become involved with...

Ultimately, and unfortunately for men, it IS the woman's decision as SHE is the one who will be carrying it, changing her entire lifestyle, giving birth, etc.....

Also, unfortunately, there ARE some women who will use that as a way to hurt a man, etc., but that,sadly is the way it is...I suggest that you KNOW who you sleep with and be careful about birth control if you don't want to find yourself in that particular situation....
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 89
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/20/2014 6:11:24 AM

Well, then, somebody has compromised her constitutionally-protected right to privacy and you should question that source's motive in breaking that and informing you without her permission or knowledge, not the fact that she chose it.


There is no actual constitutionally-protected right to privacy, it's an open question. There is a right against self-incrimination, which provides protection for the privacy of personal information.


My ex’s best friend had an abortion when she was 17. She’s on her second marriage now. I recall my ex (before she was an ex) asked her if she told her then boyfriend about the abortion. She hasn’t told anyone-not the first or second husband or any guys she dated in between.


If you want to keep a secret, you shouldn't tell ANYONE about it.

It's poor judgement to reveal anything to anyone you want to keep a secret. I think it's even more poor judgement to tell your friends but not your husband. However I don't think the husband has a "right" to know about what happened when she was 17.

The situation indicates the woman you are talking about has a lack of trust in all men no matter how intimate their relationship. I say this because she tells her female friend / friends but not her husband.

IMO either keep it a real secret, or it you feel you need to tell your friends, you should be able to also tell your SO.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 90
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Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/20/2014 7:48:34 PM
If I was in a relationship that was getting to the point of marriage and I found out through other means that she had an abortion and didn't tell me, then what would really hurt is the thought that she didn't trust me with that information. To me, a relationship without absolute trust is doomed to failure.

Does she have a "right" to hide that information from me? Absolutely. And I have the right to terminate a relationship if I feel like I am not trusted.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 91
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/20/2014 8:03:43 PM
I would. How he reacts to something like that would tell me volumes about our compatibility.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 92
Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion T
Posted: 11/20/2014 8:29:50 PM

I would. How he reacts to something like that would tell me volumes about our compatibility.


Wouldn't particularly bother me either way. While I'm a believer that people should practice other forms of BC before it gets that far, it's not 100% perfect and 'accidents' do happen, and I'd respect her choice.

Of course, as to what Dee said, if we were *in* a relationship I would expect that it'd be something we'd talk about first, while I'm not particularly looking for kids at this point I'd feel it respectful to include me in the decision, although I'd respect her choice not too even then. If she didn't tell me, while I'd respect the decision I'd feel she didn't trust me enough and maybe question the relationship.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Should A Woman Who Had an Abortion Tell Mate?