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 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 27
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Really? She got proof, which was zip.


Well PutYouOnBlast,
To remind you and answer your above question, he had a "tight" month, borrowed money from the o.p. and covertly sent a gift internationally to his ex that he misses and texts daily. Sending a package to another country ain't cheap and the o.p. most likely paid for it. Quite the insult. Perhaps you don't mind being treated like dirt, but it seems the o.p. isn't having such a great time with it.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 28
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History
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:23:06 PM
I think if someone is messaging an ex on a daily basis they're not over them. He needs to move on and be considerate of how his new partner feels. He isn't.
I think he isn't as serious about you as you are about him.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 29
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:42:55 PM
Good lord if I had a dime for every thread here about "I checked their phone" I'D BE RICH!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that backfired on her, as it proved nothing really other than he was messaging her. BUT, he did secretly send a book internationally that the OP paid for..........

Yeah the OP is a sneak but the guy is no better for doing that

OP cut your loses here and move on.......like someone else said, if he's saying "end it if you want" then he don't care anyway........so why should you??????????
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 30
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:44:01 PM

Don't pay attention to the cheaters here who act soooo offended that you looked at his phone. [. . .] . You found what you needed to know. How about you? Are you honestly cool with that?


Whoo-hoo! She found out that he sent her a book!


Sending a package to another country ain't cheap and the o.p. most likely paid for it.


For all you know, the ex could have sent him the money to send the book.
 bjack77
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 33
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:00:55 PM
You do realize that in some areas you can be prosecuted for reading someone's mail/messages/texts/etc right? If I was him, I would have you arrested and be done with you. That's horrible.

He has to fight for you??
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 34
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:16:12 PM

You do realize that in some areas you can be prosecuted for reading someone's mail/messages/texts/etc right? If I was him, I would have you arrested and be done with you. That's horrible


I know I would not wait for her to decide to move along I would move her along for messing with my privacy.



He has to fight for you??


That is why the movie with the sparkly douche bag vampire is so popular with the ladies.
Most seem to want to live without thinking and have someone save them from their mistakes......that way there is no repercussions to their actions.

These are some of the reasons I am and choose to remain single.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 35
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:25:27 PM
Oh to be a fly on the wall, or have the OP's boyfriend here. Soooo many making assumptions based on one person's POV.

She said they've been together 10 months and things "were and have been good".

Then she said "however I have these issues" not we I. We don't know if we're talking Scotland and England or England and China as for what country he is from.

"I go through his phone frequently" of course she can't say anything cause the jig would be up right there which she clarified by saying "I felt awful reading that but obviously I can't say anything as then he'll know I've read through his messages"

So what's worse, the fact that she was worried about his ex, so she checked it, she knew nothing was going on but she STILL kept reading the messages.

Then she gets in a disagreement about a comment on twitter? If it was a mutual friend, why is she trying to drag him into it, worse it was about her and her BF's relationship! The friend could have said anything, from something petty to harsh we don't know.

Yes all the ladies could be right, he could be a sh1t. He could also be involved with a drama queen, and would like her to "get over it" and stop the drama!

I've read dozens of threads where someone, man or woman says their SO, is being clingy or drama ridden.

When you are NOT a drama person, the person your with is and you like or love them, you just want the drama to end. But they keep going with it, add a little jealousy like we have here with the ex, in another country, what usually happens is you say "get over it". Then when it's on your last nerve you say "end it if you want"

Now we don't know if what the OP says is right, or what I just described is going on.

What we do know is she joined this place 2 weeks ago, says shes single and is looking to hang out with a guy, she apparently check his message on HIS phone as much as he does. Oh and I wonder if he knows she has this profile on here, I think we already know the answer to that!

Sorry, they should just break up and move on, this has no place to go but down.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 36
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:26:44 PM
This beef roast is done, and OP you're a sneak. Time to cut your losses and move on. If he not respecting what you're saying, time to move on.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 37
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:33:47 PM

For all you know, the ex could have sent him the money to send the book.


Regardless, if he's hitting the O.P. up for money at the same time he's sending things to the ex, it looks bad.

A sign of a true narcissist is hanging on to ex's and not caring if it makes the current partner uncomfortable. Interesting who sides with the boyfriend in this thread.
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 38
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:50:30 PM

OP is asking for respect from her bf and she's bloody well justified in throwing hissy fits bout

Clearly, she is NOT assertive enough to stand up to her boyfriend and let him know that she dislikes what he is doing, hence, sneaking around. Don't you think that she needs to ASK her boyfriend for respect, instead of whining about it on a forum? What good will it do her doing that here???

As for the hissy fit, she needs to put on her Big Girl Panties and get with the program. She admits that the convo is innocent, meaning there is nothing incriminating. How was this cheating? If she had been the kind of person that her boyfriend could confide in, he would actually be communicating with her instead of someone else. Factor in the fact that she is ******** about someone who is in another country, and you have a complete recipe for disaster.
 MssCrystal
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 39
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/3/2012 10:58:15 PM
She has brought up the issue with him and he becomes irritated LOL! Him chatting up and doing who knows what with other women online is cheating!! She's justified and yes I'd **** too if my bf was chatting up other women online and not focusing on me. Yep she needs to get the Big Girl Panties on and DUMP HIM! That's what a woman with a brain and self respect would sure do!
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 40
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My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 7:20:01 AM
DUMP HIM. You aren't ready to be in a relationship. You know that this relationship is unhealthy why continue it? You need to get yourself in a place where you don't need constant reassurance.

If you love him the way you say you do you'll cut him loose. He deserves a healthy relationship where he is trusted and that is not something you can give him.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 41
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 7:33:24 AM
How dare you look through his phone! It's quite clear that you do not trust him.
He say's that YOU need to get over 'issues'??? Sorry, but he is the one that need's to get over issues.
He is putting in 5% towards this relationship, you are contributing 95%. Let him go and don't waste your time on someone who texts his ex every day!!!
His ex is his number 1 and it will always be that way until the cycle is broken.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 42
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 2:11:14 PM
I find it hilarious that if a guy wants to stay friends with his ex's women on here come in hordes saying retarded crap like "dump him because he still talks to his ex."

Yet us guys are supposed to be totally okay with women that have ex's as "best friends" who talk to each other all the time and hang out and stuff.

Hypocrites much ?

If anything this boyfriend should dump her SPECTACULARLY for being such a crappy cowardly human being that she has to resort to going behind his back and going through his texts. His texts are frankly none of her business and neither is his phone. It's not about hiding anything either since he clearly had nothing to hide it's about RESPECT.

Just as you shouldn't go sneaking into your bf/gf's email without their permission you should leave their phones and texts alone as well !

Clearly people have no concept of trust. If you truly trust someone you don't even need to FEEL like you have to snoop. And snooping just makes you a coward anyway

If i ever found out someone i was dating went through my private things without my permission they would be dumped on the spot.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 43
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 3:20:33 PM
^^^Try that rant with private investigators on the job everywhere everyday because some people are really good liars, especially cheaters. I'm sure they've got stats that would convince anyone of the legitimacy of snooping. The O.P.'s boyfriend is clearly stringing her along. And at this point she is so confused by everything she doesn't know if she should stay or if she should go. Thats what abusers and azzholes do....they lie and confuse their partners. If he didn't have this emotional affair going on behind her back, she wouldn't need to snoop. Which came first einstein?

Anyone who thinks texting the ex behind her back EVERYDAY is ok, has serious moral compass issues.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 44
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 6:59:26 PM
^^^^^Where did she say he was texting behind her back? She knew that he keeps in contact: she didn't know what was said.

She found out that he sent a book to her! No protestations of love, right? No sex talk, right?

A. Book.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 45
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 8:02:10 PM

OP: When I do bring up the issue, he gets irritated at me and says they're just friends and I need to get over it.


First point: You knew he was messaging her everyday, he admitted it, the ex lives in a different country so there's no chance of a secret fling on a rainy night, but you still felt a need to confirm it by snooping on his phone. Why?

Second point: Your statement " I have been with my boyfriend for ten months things were and have been good, however,..."
Did he just start messaging his ex? If this has been going the whole ten months or even a few months, why is this an issue now, especially when you got to the point of snooping on his phone? Since it bothers you, why didn't you give him an ultimatum the first time you knew it was going on? He's not going to slow down if he knows you're wishy washy about it.

Snooping on a partner's phone is the ultimate sign of mistrust. Without trust, there's no relationship. However, with that said, I do take your side on an issue when you found a message saying: "he tells her he misses her and will come visit her soon and she says the same." You already know it's over, so I don't know what you were looking for by posting this.
 AbstractCool
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 46
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My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/4/2012 8:48:03 PM
This should not even be a question. Women have the worst judgement of men.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 47
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 8:23:47 AM
Goldentyga117.....There is nothing wrong with remaining friends with your ex. Lot's of people still remain friends with their ex.
To text your ex EVERYDAY when you are in a new relationship is not normal, and to hide it from your s/o is even worse.
Sure OP was wrong by going through her s/o's phone, it's rude and over stepping the mark.
WE don't know why the ex moved overseas and WE don't know when or if she will come back.
Is OP the one to keep him company on those lonely night's until is ex returns???
I agree that a person's phone is PERSONAL and it gave me the shi*s when an now ex of mine questioned me over a text msg I received.
Just because the text showed a male name I got interigated!!!
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 48
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 9:06:55 AM

he tells her he misses her and will come visit her soon and she says the same.


But when I have my issues, his answer is I just need to get over it. We had a massive row this morning and he ignored me the whole day at work - I tried to talk to him but he was not very interested. Just said - he wants to be in this relationship but I need to make a decision if I want to and I need to get over my issues.


Dump him, he is not committed to you, I'll bet he will say that he is going home to visit family one day and, by the way, you're not invited...

Him not willing to talk over issues and say that you need to get over it, is very controlling, my way or the highway...

Good grief! You work at the same place? Never get your honey where you make your money!
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 49
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 9:20:46 AM
I never have and never will believe that men and women can be friends.Friendship turning into something more happens all the time.While I don't believe you have to spit at and scratch at your ex when you see them,hanging out and acting like you are buddies is a load of bull.They are keeping each other in their back pocket as a back up plan.

You can bet good money that your boyfriend and his ex are not over each other emotionally.
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 50
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 9:32:55 AM
You been dating this guy for 10 mo's been on a date site for a few weeks, profile says your single(i think it said that) and you are wondering if your boyfriend whom you "truly Love" is cheating? Wow, did you create this profile only to be on the forum or are you doing preety much the same as him, talking emailing, but really not seeing each other cause you are out of state.
Please explain cause this is really silly to me
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 51
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 9:47:50 AM

He is a very loving boyfriend but only when it suits him


Yeah, real rocking. Going behind his back on his phone....can't you just feel the love?

You know, when 2 people stop tyrusting each other, its the beginning of the end. I didnt read the whole OP post, I stopped at going on the phone behind his back. VERY bad, even if he deserves it. So if he doesnt.......................
Op, flush him. For your sake, for his sakes, for GOD' sake. Its not gonna last real long anyhow, especially i you dont talk to him.
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 52
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 10:53:51 AM
You need to seriously ask yourself why you still want to be in a relationship with a man that 1) Disrespects you 2) Doesn't support you or your feelings 3) Won't stand beside you
It's pretty obvious that he has some issues but who is the worse culprit here? You for letting him treat you this way or him for doing it? Just a little food for thought. My Mother always told me that we teach people how to treat us. You have showed this man that it is ok to treat you this way and you have accepted it and obviously believe that you don't deserve any better. You already know what the answer is now just get up the courage to do it. He has made it crystal clear that your feelings are not significant and that he has no intention to change. So the real question is... Will you do what is right for you or put up with being mistreated for another 10 months, year, 5 years?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 53
My boyfriend constantly talks to his ex and doesn't support me, Should I dump him???
Posted: 3/5/2012 11:04:24 AM

him and his ex message eachother on a daily basis and I really cannot cope with this anymore. She does not live in the same country as us so that's one relief but I can't stand this constant contact they have.

If he wants to keep in contact with his, then tell him to continue as you pack and leave. You should have put the brake on that immediately.

He never seems to fight for me - just says, I have to deal with it and end it if I want.

End it.

It pains me to end it, but is it the right thing to do?

In my opinion, yes. End it and make the contact with the ex non-negotiable.
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