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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Am I asking too much?      Home login  
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 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 27
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Am I asking too much?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
^^Gee Irish what a beautiful lady you are! And no, me don't swing that way, just wanted to state the obvious......sometimes I will never figure out why some of you folks aren't paired up!

OT: Yes, we do want to know that our date values relationships because we expect them to share in our lives if all goes well. However, respect and knowing where to draw the line is critical to successful relationships of all kinds!
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 28
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 8:52:54 PM
op
addressing your question, i have something on my profile about my family. the point of it is that i want someone to know that my family is important to me. i have met a few guys that don't have good relationships with their grown children or parents, or siblings and usually i get the vibe that their negativity about their families could spill over to my family. some are happy if their children (grown) never have contact with them. so, in a way i guess i am trying to weed those types out. i think i go on to say that i would expect respect from them regarding my involvement with my family and i would likewise respect them and their family.

but, i am not tied in a knot to my family. clear boundaries exist and i have a need for the very same things they share with their spouses.
so, maybe it doesn't always mean a negative when you read it.

regarding the phone thing. if that happened to me i would probably try to figure out if it was an emergency, or an isolated incident. if i liked the guy i would probably say something about it and how it bothers me. then see what he says.

using phones inappropriately is rampant.. i work in an urgent care facility and people will be on their phones while i am trying to register them. i just speak louder and interrupt them and their conversations (partially because i am timed on how quickly i complete the registration) and partly because i want to be as rude as they are.
if i could, i would probably just sit there waiting and looking at them sending the message that nothing is going to happen til i have your attention.

on a dating issue, i would probably say look, if you don't have time for this date, i think i will just head on out of here.....

kaylee
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 30
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/8/2012 9:07:56 PM

What does seem to be a problem with some dates I have been on is the fact that I am still in contact with my ex


Yeah whats with that!! My second wife (and last) and I still get along. We don't have kids together be we are still business partners in real estate and there is no sense in this economy to sell. She also picks my kid up from school when I am working (my son has known her since he was three) and I have no reason to tear them apart.
When I was dating, women got all freaked out by it.
Glad my current GF doesn't have trust issues. Then again, thats why she is my GF.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 31
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:32:09 PM

I see these lines in almost all women's profiles in my age group: "My family and friends come first," "I like to spend time with friends and family," or something to that effect. MY question: Is this code for "I'm not really serious about dating

Yes, according to the military code explanation, this would fall under orange code which means that you are in danger and you are aware of a potential threat.

Now, if she has in her profile a picture of herself kissing a chihuahua or shih tzu, that would be a red code. That woman doesn't need a man. You have evaluated the situation, and if there is a threat, you prepare to fight or run. (Of course, fight the beast).
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 32
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/9/2012 9:56:30 PM

I see these lines in almost all women's profiles in my age group: "My family and friends come first," "I like to spend time with friends and family," or something to that effect. MY question: Is this code for "I'm not really serious about dating or meeting a man since I won't stay off the phone to my family and friends long enough to have a conversation or date?" Enlighten me please, ladies.

A lot of men do the same thing, only they are more specific. As in "God comes first in my life, then my country, then my family." So if one is lucky (?) enough to meet one of them, you will always know where you come on his list - maybe a good, solid, fourth place.

If I had a dollar for every one of those I've seen, I could spend the next 10 years on a pay site.
 CissyLuv
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 33
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 7:05:52 AM
I see it profiles of men too and I like when I see that friends and family are important to them. It means they have stable lives and they know they are blessed. It is the person who says he isn't close to his family and has no friends to hang out with that I will run from. Being rude is being rude....liking your friends and family shows you are capable of having loving relationships. Why read anything else into it? Unless it is an emergency, someone shouldn't even answer his/her cell phone while being with someone else. It is RUDE and another topic for discuss :)
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 34
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 8:26:57 AM
When it comes to having relationships- first off expessing what you would like-
or what you need from someone you are dating is important and perhaps some understanding. Question is how about her including you with the freinds and family?
What about your family and freinds that you have as well... certainly sometimes a small time apart can create a sense of appreciation for the time shared together.
That would be how I would wish it to be.
 ReadMeAPoem
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 35
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:41:11 PM
I do say something like, "I am crazy about my kids and grandkids and love spending time with them - I would expect someone in the same situation to feel the same way." I would not want to waste my time on a man who would expect me to drop everything for him, just as I would respect, heck, admire a man with that kind of devotion to his own family. It is different from having kids you are raising - my kids ARE my friends and I choose to spend time with them because we enjoy each other's company. I would love to find a man who would want to welcome me into his family and want to be welcomed into mine.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 36
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:49:33 PM
I've known guys who dated women with children (or vice versa) who resented their responsibilities to their children. I take it as a heads up that this will be a factor.

Personally, I wouldn't want to date a man who didn't make his responsibilities to his children or family a priority. I briefly dated a guy who would dump his non-custodial daughter over at her grandparents' home on Christmas so he could spend the day with whatever woman he was dating at the time. This admission to me (said without noticeable regret) told me he didn't care very much about his daughter. I quickly found out he was immature and self-centered and not relationship material.

People have different ideas about how to balance family and their intimate relationships. If one is considering something long term, it's best to get this out in the open early.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 37
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 3:08:53 PM

I think it's code for if you are needy don't bug me


I agree with this ^^^ comment and I feel the same way. In our mid 50's, we are not going to become joined at the hip with a new love interest. Most of our lives are too full with other people, our careers and commitments. There are exceptions to every rule but the average 50-something has a busy and full life (especially if we have adult children).

 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 38
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 3:57:48 PM

I do say something like, "I am crazy about my kids and grandkids and love spending time with them

There was another similar thread (I can't find it anymore), where the grandma was concerned that her partner wouldn't want to be involved with the grandkids. Since she was not sure about his commitment she wouldn't even allow him to park in her driveway. Some people go to great lengths if they feel strong about a particular issue.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 39
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/10/2012 8:33:50 PM
It means that you will always be second--or perhaps third--in her life.

There, that was simple, eh?

(Maybe fourth.)
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 40
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:56:15 PM
Family and friends come first means just that...you're the low man on the totem pole. If you have plans and the family calls to come over to do something, your plans might change.
Spend time with friends and family means that you'll be spending a lot of time with them. So, you like to go out and do stuff? Don't plan on it.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 41
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/11/2012 6:17:56 PM
Here is a bit of a man's profile. It's actually quite long, but this is the beginning of it. He gets into much more detail as well. This is sooo not someone I could ever live with!


God is number one in my life.
I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the USA.

I'm a United States Army Veteran.
I do not follow any man.
I respect all and fear none.
I am totally debt free.
I do not smoke or do drugs.
I'm a Republican and a NRA Life Member
 daltexjack
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 42
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:10:24 PM
@1388SmartBlonde: I'm stealing your line...."empty-nested" indeed! I don't, as a general rule, read men's profiles. Therefore, I'm less than familiar with what men say. And, I agree with most of the other folks: "Family and friends come first" no matter what, IS red flag. Family and friends should be a top priority, not a leash.

Phone addiction, on the other hand, I still find to be unacceptably rude...and to use my favorite line from Lonesome Dove: "I won't tolerate it."
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 43
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 3/18/2012 1:15:41 PM

daltexjack

With that pic you will not have to worry too much about the women who only want to put you on low priority in their lives anyway. Try one out in the light, clear up close and smiling. So much more appealing. I agree about the texting and taking calls when they are meeting you. It would be a dealbreaker for me and I would be gone.

To each his own. I like his pic, it's real. And it shows he really does have a job, which quite a few lie about. I've seen more than enough photos of 'happy smiling faces' that look like ads for dentistry. There's nothing whatsoever appealing about them for me.

As for texting and calls, the only acceptable reason would be having one's children call, depending on their ages. And that should be made clear in the beginning. It's easy enough to set a cell to vibrate only, and choose not to answer any other calls.
 californianerd
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 44
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/2/2012 6:07:55 PM
Friends and family should come before someone you have just met.
But, at some point, aren't they also friends and/or family?
Logically, I don't see the need to write something in your profile like that UNLESS you are less interested in people outside of friends and family than most people, since it is expected for people to care more about friends and family than the person they just met. I see that statement as a potential red flag.

Michael
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 45
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/3/2012 5:58:00 AM
I see this in a lot of men's profiles too. Of course friends/family are important to us and we spend time with them. When someone chooses to put this in their profile I tend to think maybe they haven't achieved balance in their lives.
I think its a given that we make time for family/friends/work/etc. Why state the obvious unless it's an issue?
When I read that someone's pet is number one and comes first I know it's going to be an issue and I just keep looking.
 SEH55
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 46
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/4/2012 11:54:25 AM
Here is yet another example of people making 'Life' much more complicated than it really is. 1. If a woman does not respond to your initial 'hello' - she's not interested. 2. If she puts you on her 'favorites list' vs actually taking a moment to ever write a proper greeting - she's not interested...period. 3.If she puts herself on your 'meet me' page rather than (once again) takes a moment to say hello - she's not interested. 4. If someone is telling you she would like to meet and you are truely being flexible and yet you can't get her to commit - she's not interested. In other words, you need to get over it dude cuz she simply isn't interested.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 47
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:31:23 PM

2. If she puts you on her 'favorites list' vs actually taking a moment to ever write a proper greeting - she's not interested...period.

Not necessarily true. I have a lot of favorites that I never contact. Sometimes I like their profile, something they say on the forums, a collection of interests that appeal to me, and at one point it was anyone who could actually use proper grammar and spell. A lot of them are the wrong age, in the wong part of the country, in the wrong country. It doesn't make them less interesting. But since nearly all of them live elsewhere and have mail settings that exclude me, if they want to know why I favorited them they have to contact me first to ask. Very few do so.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 48
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/5/2012 4:31:51 AM

2. If she puts you on her 'favorites list' vs actually taking a moment to ever write a proper greeting - she's not interested...period.

Completely off this threads topic but
Obviously you have no idea how tough it is for some people to make that first contact. Lot of older people on POF after a failed marriage etc and terrified of more rejection. Many women in our age group have not gotten to the point they are comfortable being the pursuee (spelling Grin).
Clicking the favorites button is a easy way of "hello I am interested" versus sending a message and the rejection that can come with that.
Been there done that, thought of myself as confident and bulletproof, the "Stood up" thread may say different. LOL
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 49
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:32:41 PM
When I see, "My kids come first" it means to me he only wants a woman for amusement but she will never be a priority in his life. Most likely the same way he treated the mother of his children.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 50
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/13/2012 11:24:15 AM
I totally get the family/kids being of utmost importance in someones life,but in a relationship,especially a new endeavor,
the climb up the totem pole of significance can be a real challenge and a struggle at times.
Everyone wants to know where they fit in,in the grand scheme of things,and if it's more towards the bottom rung than the top....time to move on!
'Cause there's a pretty good chance it probably won't get any better,anytime soon!

Trying to be the main priority in someone's life at our age,who's set in their pecking order ways,changing them would be like trying to do a root canal with a toothpick .....it probably ain't going to happen!
Bottom line,everyone wants to mean something to somebody....so to what degree are we willing to accept/settle for?

Of course you can always use the "no kids" search filter,but in a small populated area,the choices can be slim to none...
 latvian75
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 51
Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/15/2012 3:52:47 PM
i can absolutely say, that all you have said here is correct, and if and when i am ever out with someone for a date, whether it was a romantic meal, or even just a walk, or a coffee....i would never insult my date, by constantly txt'ing or answering the phone, my phone would always be on silent, and if it was a call or message, that i was expecting, i would explain this to my date.........i find that in doing that, you are showing consideration to your date, and you will be showing them that they have your undevided attention........it is after all, only manners, and respect, as thats what you would expect yourself........:)
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 52
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Am I asking too much?
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:29:06 PM
I love my children & my boyfriend loves his & grandchildren, but we make sute that there is couple time ddeperate from family or we would not love each other as imdividuals. ;) & yes using phone on datr is rude.
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