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 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 51
The Madonna/Whore SyndromePage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Familiarity and the "same old cow" gets boring


Yes there seems to be a common affiction with becoming dissatisfied with what you have and the things that you don't have appearing to be so much more desirable. This applies to things for more people than it does to persons - hence that old pearl of wisdom " the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence " which could be applicable to cows
 blueberryfields
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 52
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 7:10:31 AM
I don't know about all that..but i know for myself orgasm is a self thing..I know that being married and pleasing my man goes hand and hand with pleasing myself also..its a combination of what we can do for each other..if your not getting pleased then there is an issue and that needs to be addressed..i think but once and this is just me , that i have had sex...with a stranger or someone i didnt love...(old fashion ), and i still had an orgasm , so i don't think it has anything to do with love or not love...hope this helped.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 53
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 7:25:00 AM
I've never taken a Psychology class but I'm sure the 'Madonna/Whore Syndrome' would be covered early in the first semester. Heck it could be Chapter 1 for as basic and non-complex it is.

It's not at all about boredom with the familiar. It's not exactly even about love versus sex and where they meet although in part. It's born of a repressed attitude toward sex often in upbringing where either consciously or subconsciously the man views sex as "dirty". When in love with a woman where he respects his partner, he feels disrespectful to the one he loves. A random/casual/anonymouse encounter or even in a new relationship where those emotions/ties aren't yet formed strongly then he's more comfortable being "dirty" (as he views it on some level) to his partner.

I don't recall exactly where I read that but it's such a basic syndrome I could have read it on the back of a box of Wheaties.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 54
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 8:40:05 AM
Perfectly said, ITech. I think the syndrome needs a new name really, to get it away from it's Victorian roots.

Part of what I was trying to get to about it earlier, is that the naming of a thing like this, can actually get in the way of dealing with it sometimes, rather than helping. Especially when the name for it has so much "baggage."

These days, where almost every damn thing gets "published" online one way and another, people apply names like "Madonna/Whore" to people that it doesn't belong on. Besides, the original "excuse" for the M/W concept, was the existence of an overwhelmingly controlling world-view concept of sexual pleasure being taboo, which hasn't existed for a very long time.
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 55
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:01:29 AM
Well, I lived with a woman once who asked me what a perfect sexual encounter would look like for me. I responded with meeting a beautiful, sexy woman, a perfect stranger, having a day or night with her and never seeing her again.

This is why I posted the thread.

My sex life with this woman was a disaster, but toward the end of it I happened to meet a woman who was running away from her husband, she was an erotic dancer and wondering what to do, where to go, etc. so we ended up at a hotel.

I made love with her until the sun came up, hadn't done that in a long time, and it was the most fun and the most perfect sex I'd had in a long, long time with a woman... we didn't even know eachother but responded just perfectly as if we'd done it 1,000 times. And I got my wish, never saw her again... dropped her off at a friend of hers......went back for her, but she was gone.

That was odd.......:-)
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 56
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:01:40 AM
Well, I lived with a woman once who asked me what a perfect sexual encounter would look like for me. I responded with meeting a beautiful, sexy woman, a perfect stranger, having a day or night with her and never seeing her again.

This is why I posted the thread.

My sex life with this woman was a disaster, but toward the end of it I happened to meet a woman who was running away from her husband, she was an erotic dancer and wondering what to do, where to go, etc. so we ended up at a hotel.

I made love with her until the sun came up, hadn't done that in a long time, and it was the most fun and the most perfect sex I'd had in a long, long time with a woman... we didn't even know eachother but responded just perfectly as if we'd done it 1,000 times. And I got my wish, never saw her again... dropped her off at a friend of hers......went back for her, but she was gone.

That was odd.......:-)
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 57
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:15:50 AM
Perfectly said, ITech. I think the syndrome needs a new name really, to get it away from it's Victorian roots


It certainly needs a new name to distance itself from the persona portrayed by the POP star Madonna. A character that I think was well mirrored in her role in the 1997 movie Evita. When I first saw this thread I did not bother to look it up on Wiki but that is what immediately came to my mind.

I guess some of us are more in tune with the lives of celebrities that push the boundries of social acceptability than we are of psychology 101 ( it wasn't part of my curriculum ) - at least some of us find it more interesting.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 58
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:36:46 AM

I think the syndrome needs a new name really, to get it away from it's Victorian roots


I'm curious.......who/what would you use in place of "Madonna" in this day and age to get the correlation to "pure" ???
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 59
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:12:27 AM
The phenomena still exists & I thinks it's crazy. For someone that I am in love with, I want to be both

splitting sex & love is exhausting
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 60
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 11:58:41 AM
who/what would you use in place of "Madonna" in this day and age to get the correlation to "pure"


You could try The Virgin Mary or simply Virgin - isn't that what Madonna was referring to in this context . So they could rename it the Virgin/Whore syndrome or complex. Although Madonna did sort of have that covered in her song "Like a Virgin".
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 61
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:21:03 PM
really I can cook and clean for myself,
personally at my age, and, in my present situation (my kids off to school)
I am looking for a woman who loves fun,and sex as much as I do
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 62
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:30:22 AM
I don't really want or need everything all wrapped up in one woman.

I guess I have a serious case of madonna/whore syndrome. :-)

My ideal is to have a proper lady at home who is affectionate and loving, but only occasional sex, and then have someone else on the side who is very, very nasty.

And never the twain shall meet..........
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:01:18 AM
I don't think anything is a bad thing so long as everyone knows what's going on and has the same option. I'm all about fairness.

If you don't settle down and date women who are also not looking to settle down I'm sure you can set this up with a little effort. The "woman at home" thing isn't really realistic since most women who don't want to settle down aren't about to move in, but otherwise, why not?
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 64
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:52:01 AM
I like having a woman around at home, watch TV, have dinner, etc. and will probably invite a roomate in. The problem is, they get territorial, the post-menopausal ones can be a little odd, sometimes like being around a guy with tits, too much testosterone, sometimes just sexless but nice companions, which is what I prefer.

Other ones are busy, busy and just want sex and that's the kind I like to pay a visit to a few times a week.

I don't like the split especially, but given up on finding normalcy as it was defined when I was growing up. There is no normalcy anymore, so why not just do what you want?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 65
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 11:03:43 AM
I have a problem with the way some of the women here are responding to the word whore.

Sciencetreker, in msg 46 on pg 2:

My woman is my private whore. It's just one of the million things I love about her. She encourages my fantasies. This complete intimacy is what fuels our relationship..

I see nothing wrong with this post. I LIKE THIS POST. I would steal those words, and use them to describe what I am seeking in a relationship.

And yet, in msg 50 on pg 2, MsMicki comes back with:

If you feel the need to consider your woman's behavior as whorish.......then you have the M/W syndrome more than you realize.....


And then in msg 56, pg 3, verygreeneyez agrees with that position (condemning the use of the word whore), but yet she goes on to say:

I'm all for being a lady in public, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom.


We seem to have encountered one of THOSE situations. Another word that can only be used by members of the same sect, much like the dreaded “N” word. Only women can use the “W” word, it is forbidden to men?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 66
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 12:37:38 PM
Obviously you can call yourself whatever you want.......and this is my personal opinion....

I just don't see why anyone feels the need to label a woman as a "whore" to describe a woman that is overtly sexual with her man.
How can you differentiate between the negative labeling of another woman as a "whore" when she sleeps with your man or numerous men or charges for sex.....and the label you give yourself as a whore?
Does calling yourself a whore in the bedroom somehow fulfill your fantasy of being a "bad girl"???


I'll stick with the "lady in the street, freak in the sheets" saying......as I would never consider the positive sexuality I have to be associated with anything negative or demeaning.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 67
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 1:51:52 PM
^^^^^^^^^^Now there is something we agree on! And I wrote something very similar to you and figured,screw it,stay open minded instead....but really,

'Slut' and 'Whore' should just be eradicated from the English language.

They're straight up disrespectful words to describe women and men who want to have sex with me better not call me or consider me either.

Might as well call me a C u n T....and see what happens.


Only women can use the “W” word, it is forbidden to men?


There's no way to use that word respectfully,sorry.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 68
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:37:12 PM
Hmmm.......didn't realize I was in a fluster......I thought I was in a discussion!!
(printed words are notorious for not relaying intent)

And I am truly curious or I wouldn't have wrote my statements as questions........
isn't that why we are here........to see where others are coming from???

My opinion I have explained.....I was only asking for you to explain your opinion.....
if you don't care to, that there is no need for you to get in a "fluster"

And as you can see, I'm not the only one that questions why a woman would label herself with what is normally considered a derogatory name.....
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 69
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 4:37:14 PM
mary-jane63, what if a person doesn't WANT the "whole package"? I don't eat in the toilet and poop there, too. I cook in my kitchen, eat in my dining room, and pee in my toilet.

I don't see any difference in wanting to do similar with women, one kind for one thing, another kind for another thing.

Life is so much easier when you can have different people for different purposes. When its all in one and all-consuming and all-purpose, who can sustain that? Who would want to?
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 70
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/11/2012 6:37:05 PM
mary-jane1963, never try too hard for what you really don't want.

I am no longer burdened with that wish or hope and do wish you luck with the male equivalent of that, though.

That might work for couples with kids but if the kids are gone and grown, why bother?
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 71
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/12/2012 3:47:58 AM

What if a person doesn't WANT the "whole package"?
I don't eat in the toilet and poop there, too.

I don't see any difference in wanting to do similar with women, one kind for one thing, another kind for another thing.


LOL....very crude, but you just described exactly how some men see sex and love dysfunctionally.

That is the exact analogy that would come from someone with a Madonna/Whore Complex.And it has to do with objectifying women into two separate categories because they "don't want the whole package".I don't think you can say, after reading this message,that you don't have this issue.

OWN IT and live it if you must.But don't think it's a healthy attitude towards women or sex.
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 72
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The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:07:10 AM


I am not sure it does always work for couples with kids - hence (one of the reasons for) the high incidences of infidelity, where man lives his double life with wife at home/lover on the side.


I agree
and there is also "reverse" infidelity where unwitting and trusting fathers are caring for offspring that is not linked to them by DNA. not many men or women want to talk about it.
A man finding he's lied to half a lifetime while supporting everyone at home?

In some hospitals that have samples of the fathers blood They secretly do DNA tests the result : 30% of recorded fathers on the birth certificate are not the DNA father.

Its by trust that the fathers name is put on the birth certificate not by tests.
So now whats worse ? the guy screws around or the woman who screwed around once and makes another man think he's the father?
for his whole life then if a split does happen he later loses not only a partner but the child rejects him seeking the "real father"
Oh what a mess! worse than "Days of our lives" reality imitates tacky art!
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 73
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:51:38 AM
hearton64, gee, whiz, something you don't quite agree with and...surprise, surprise...it is crude and unhealthy!

I probably DO have this issue since I don't poop in my kitchen or eat at my toilet... or do you feel that eating and pooping in the same place is the "whole package", too?

Not in my house!

I DO own it! But thanks for the lame and unsolicited advice, anyway!

There is NO reason, outside of raising children, to have to endure an all-purpose relationship with one person or for me to inflict myself a their be-all person, either. Once we raise our kids, we can do what the hell we want.

I love many things and many people and don't feel sexual about them, that can include a woman. I can also have sex with a woman I don't love......no brainer.......for me, they are two separate things, there's nothing dysfunctional about that unless you contend that EVERY man and woman here or anywhere has ONLY had sex with people they were deeply in love with .... or else they are dysfunctional..........

I think you are stuck on some ideal, but not adjusted to realities and to me, that is the essence of being dysfunctional.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 74
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/12/2012 12:45:12 PM
I meant the analogy between women and sh*t was crude.

gee, whiz, something you don't quite agree with and...surprise, surprise it's lame and unsolicited advice, anyway!

You can 'eat' whomever and whatever you want in your house,but when you make a thread and ask for opinions,you are always going to get different takes on things and they won't always be in agreeance with your "ideals".

Deal with it without being a d*ck...ok?


I love many things and many people and don't feel sexual about them, that can include a woman. I can also have sex with a woman I don't love......no brainer.......for me, they are two separate things, there's nothing dysfunctional about that unless you contend that EVERY man and woman here or anywhere has ONLY had sex with people they were deeply in love with .... or else they are dysfunctional..........


Only if they can easily compartmentalize love and sex, do I feel that way.And it's just my OPINION....and I don't have to apologize for it.Nor do I have to support it or live it or pretend it's cool with me EVER.


I think you are stuck on some ideal, but not adjusted to realities and to me, that is the essence of being dysfunctional.


What are the realities? That people are forgetting how to have actual relationships that have meaning beyond sex? Oh ok.Yeah then...I have ideals and I don't see any point in having casual sex if I have making love as an option.

I think you are stuck on some high horse you can't ride without justifying your actions by trying to blame shift your issues onto me.Just because I see a point to being in love with someone while I have sex with them,doesn't make me dysfunctional in the least.

Whatever.....you asked about what a Madonna/Whore Syndrome was and you claim it's not about you and I realize it's ALL about you.

Just do women who want more than instant gratification a favor and STAY the hell outta thier beds.
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 75
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/12/2012 3:19:35 PM
Jeez, hearton64, don't burst a blood vessel there, hon.

I am capable of loving and have sex with one woman, been there and done that.

Capable of friends with women, got a soul sister who agreed with me that we'd never have sex and spoil what we had, 20 years now.

Capable of affection and fun with a woman, may not be interested sexually, etc.

AND could be very sexually compatible with a woman I neither like nor love but very good with in bed.

All varieties........... but what I PREFER is what I described ... just not sure why I prefer that, but it makes sense to me in so many ways. Sex is a big game-changer in a relationship and a wild card........for anything long-term and to have any stability, I don't like it in the equation. It's just sex.

So for me, it makes sense if I love a woman for it not to be sexual and be able to have a lifelong commitment and share a home as partners while I get sex elsewhere..........it works better for me to have a companion that way........and probably ideal for her to not be very sexual or have a very low level of need, etc..........

anyway, you want to tie love and sex in a knot and keep it knotted, but........so what? Who cares except for you?
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