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 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 51
without warningPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Most, but not all, of the replies here have reaffirmed my opinion of people in general and I was not disappointed. Thank you.

Contrary to the general consensus here, I am not writing about me and only about generalities. I know some will not believe that, so whatever. And unlike some, I prefer to discuss a topic and not make personal attacks. But again, whatever.

And most of the people here are wrong--most men are not stupid (and many, many women truly believe they are) and there is not always warning signs and there are not always reasons given. And there are times that the reasons given are lame. That is grasping at straw to justify a persons actions (be it man or woman).
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 52
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History
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:10:34 AM

And most of the people here are wrong


 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 53
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:28:23 AM
this goes both ways....lick ur wounds and keep moving.
 ker-ree
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 54
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:55:33 AM

There really are people, both men and women, who give no warning whatsoever. They aren't quite sociopaths,


This is highly unusual behavior, particularly in a marriage. It is much, much more likely that signs (even warnings ) were given went unnoticed or unheeded.
 1in20000
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 55
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 12:21:00 PM
oh my I think its an epidemic

It happened to me this year. Oh frienddoug you're not alone

I fell for a real adorable and precious women from POF on Feb 13th, 2011. That day before Valentines is when I drove 80 miles away to meet a woman that I got along with over the phone and through writing. When I met her I was hooked and she told me she liked me too. The relationship was going great for nine months ever other weekend with no complaints by each of us, then that horrible nightmare came into my email at home when I asked her a day before if anything was wrong?. I couldn't believe what she said to me by email. I felt like I was pushed off a moving train on Dec 20th, 2012.

Her Quote to me by email:

I heard that the worst time to break up with somebody is during the holidays and since you ask me if anything was wrong I felt I should just go ahead and come right in and tell you the truth, since I can't lie anymore. "I don't really love you. I am sorry I lied,and I take all the blame. I was just filling a need and now I want you to grow up and move on". I don't want to be friends because I don't want you to fall for me again" Do not call me.

I tried to write, called and left messages on her answer machine and emails, then finally the final blow occurred when she threaten me with going to the authorities with harassment charges. Fine its over, who needs to date a lier anyways!

Oh my God-That was heartless. I been played a fool and I been used by someone who I thought was my friend. You would think communication would be the key to a successful relationship online, but what if your dating a lier and is just wasting your time!!.
Mind Games right down to your heart! Now that is cruel!

1 in 20,000
 ChillinChill
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 56
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 12:46:31 PM
I don't think people should have to "justify their actions" if they have simply lost interest in someone. Isn't that enough?

I broke up with my boyfriend and he haunted me, stalked me and harassed me for a REASON. He wanted to know why. I told him. I didn't want him anymore. I would think that is ENOUGH.

The reason was I wasn't attracted to him anymore. I didn't want to be with him. I lost respect for him. He was letting himself go and he wasn't the man I had fallen in love with.

He became all self conscious and wanted reassurance all the time. I didn't have the energy to do it for him. He kept accusing me of being with others and insulting my integrity because he was jealous.

He wanted MORE, more of an explanation.. and every time I tried to give him MORE of an explanation we kept re-hashing the same old shyt. It was exhausting.

I wasn't his therapist I was his long term girl friend and I was done with him. He had issues that I thought I could get past but he continuously got in his own way and it just wasn't attractive to me anymore. He became pathetic and pitiful. I can't be with a man that I feel is pathetic.

This guy took it to an extreme with me. He makes fake profiles to contact me over and over. He posted all kinds of stuff about me online. He blew up my phone with crazy text messages. He couldn't let go. He even started posting crazy twitter messages about me that were not true. I find it sad to realize what he thinks, his view is twisted and distorted to support his own bruised ego. He couldn't handle the break up.

He had to over dramatize the break up when it could have been simple and civil and
OVER.

To what end? I still felt the same way and I don't want or desire him. He had changed was going through some financial problems, problems with his children, problems with his estranged wife (separated), problems with gambling. I chose to leave him which was a valid decision and deep down he absolutely KNEW WHY!

A better question for the OP maybe WHY do you need to have more of an explanation than that that woman is not interested in you anymore. Why ask WHY? Let her go.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 57
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History
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 12:59:26 PM

There is no such thing as "blind sided".....Like what was said, there are always situations in the past that if this does happen, it wouldn't come as a surprise...I don't buy the "blind sided" comment at all!

And since it hasn't happened to you or anyone you know at all well, that means it doesn't happen?

I sure as hell wasn't blindsided by my first husband - it's obvious when someone doesn't want to be married, period, and keeps moving in with other women.

The next one, yup, I definitely was blindsided. Great home life, we worked together very well in a kind of family business, great sex life, both of us wanted at least a couple kids, made a lot of plans for the future. And most of the plans were his, not mine, although I had no problem with any of them. No mismatches or arguments of any kind. Then one day we're having lunch in town, and he tells me "You'll make a great wife for someone else, but I've decided I don't want to get married."

No red flags, nothing to see coming. But you know what's even more strange? It's been over 40 years since then and we're still on good terms - but he still has no idea why he decided to break it off, and I believe him.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 58
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:12:33 PM

And most of the people here are wrong--most men are not stupid (and many, many women truly believe they are

^^^prime example of not hearing what people were saying!!
 1in20000
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 59
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:12:40 PM
Hi chillinChill,
The topic is about "without warning" It seems from reading your post that you had arguements with your boy friend prior to breaking up with him...
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 60
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:17:14 PM
1in20000

I asked her a day before if anything was wrong?.

sounds like you weren't blindsided either...or you wouldn't have been asking...

vvvMr. Riptide...that's what we're here for...lol
 1in20000
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 61
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:40:50 PM
when I asked that, she replied that there was nothing wrong and wanted to know why I asked her. I said that I thought she has been very quiet and she shakes her head indicating a no. Or was that yet another Lie that I was too blind to see.
 azulle
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 62
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:43:16 PM
Female Connection couldn't have said it better...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 63
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 1:52:36 PM

sounds like you weren't blindsided either...or you wouldn't have been asking...


Spot on!


Or was that yet another Lie that I was too blind to see.


Only you can truly answer that, but from what you have said, it sounds as if you were in denial.

You weren't blindsided.
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 64
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:30:02 PM
Which part of what you quoted (and took out of context) is a prime example?


^^^prime example of not hearing what people were saying!!


It's hard not to hear when you stand next to a woman you don't even know and she tells her daughter "Don't worry, he's just a man and not very bright." And when I looked at her, not believing what I just heard, she just smiled a cheesy smile.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 65
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:51:36 PM
"for no good reason" - huh? there's always a reason. I guess you'd have to say it's the partner's job to know the reasons. The human imagination is a many splendored thing. Imagining there is nothing wrong or that someone is your friend or is in love with you is irresponsible, like escapist romantic litterature. Life isn't complicated or mysterious if you have the guts to face up to it.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 66
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:59:04 PM

It's hard not to hear when you stand next to a woman you don't even know and she tells her daughter "Don't worry, he's just a man and not very bright." And when I looked at her, not believing what I just heard, she just smiled a cheesy smile.


If I based what SOME men say about women to what ALL men think, I would have become a nun long ago.

So a woman made an unflattering remark about you or another man: I have had loads of men (strangers and men whom I know) make unflattering remarks about me and other women based on nothing but the fact that we are female.

Let's try: B****, c***, dumb blonde, stupid woman, weaker sex, illogical, irrational, gold-digger, conniving . . . the list goes on and on.

Don't judge all women on what one--or even a few--said. I certainly don't judge all men by what quite a few have said.
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 67
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 4:06:29 PM
sweetness-one wrote:


Everything that any person, male or female, does...has a reason behind it.


and


Just because one might not care for a particular reason, rest assured, the reason is still very much there behind the action.


A friend of my brother did major reno's on his ladies home. Once the work was all done, he was issued his walking papers.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 68
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 6:43:02 PM
frienddoug- Men are just as often the culprit of this sort of behavior as women are.
Honestly though, I've never had it happen because I pay attention.
I can tell you that for myself, I don't expect a man to read my mind. If there is something missing I say so.
I think most women do.
It's easier to play victim/clueless than it is to be honest and admit that you didn't try hard enough.
For the guys-women are not the puzzles you make us out to be.
Pay attention- Listen when we talk, care about what we have to say and how we feel, make an effort to let us know that we matter, it's not that complicated, I promise.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 69
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:59:37 AM
You answered your own question; these men do anything and everything for them. They are being used.

Love needs to be symbiotic; and many men are very wimpy these days and are like the womans slave. Women are a lot like men and they cheat just as much.

Many women love the money a guy likes a heck of a lot more than the guy. It's called using someone.

People should not live together so quick, or get serious so quick. So many are getting played but you teach people how to treat you.

Instead of worrying about how the woman can do this, I'd be more worried about choosing a better woman. It takes two to tango.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 70
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:09:21 AM

Many women love the money a guy likes a heck of a lot more than the guy


Say what?

I THINK that you meant to say that many women like the money a guy has more than they like the guy.

This is quite misogynistic. First, most men don't have enough money for women to like them for only that reason.

Second, it would me like me saying that many men like to have sex with a woman more than they like having a relationship with her and will use her for sex.

That is as unflattering to men as your statement is about MANY women.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 71
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:31:56 AM
OP... You come across as a guy who has been hard done by and really have it in for women.
Do you not think that women have been there and done that?
How many women support their men?
I'm sorry to have to tell you this but a lot more men these day's rely on the woman to get them through the basics of life.
If you feel wounded then go to a woman and she will sought you out.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:14:59 PM

I am not writing about me and only about generalities.


And most of the people here are wrong--...
there is not always warning signs and there are not always reasons given. And there are times that the reasons given are lame.

Really? REALLY? You are what-a fly on the wall observing other people's relationships so you KNOW exactly what went on? You can't go by one of the "combatants" assessment of the situation-if they were ignoring warning signs or simply believed that despite those signs, nothing was going to happen,OF COURSE that person is going to SAY that the breakup was "without warning".

Like I said, unless you were present and privy to every moment of someone else's relationship, you can't KNOW that a breakup occurred "without warning".

But hey, if it gives you some kind of comfort to rationalize that the woman who "blindsided" her partner was performing a long-planned revenge-by-proxy, for some past hurt inflicted by some other man, go ahead. I can tell you that this rationalization will not help your learning process...are you,-or whoever!- by chance having REPEATED experiences of being blindsided by supposedly vengeful women, don't you sometimes wonder why that keeps happening?
Cindy O
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 73
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 3:29:40 PM
I agree with most posters to a degree. Although to say there is always anything is very untrue. For the most part I'd say most are genuine when they enter into a relationship with someone. Are they genuine through the entire relationship? Probably not. At some points your hot and at others your cold and at some points one may realize it's not going to work and someone may string someone else along.

Like the example if your brother getting walking papers after house work was done. How long did she watch him do renovations on her house knowing the relationship was over?

I think to one degree or another we have all been on both sides of this coin. I can speak for myself only when I say as soon as I knew my relationships were over I let them know. I didn't just string them along and then break it off only when it was convenient for me.

I have witnessed both men and women do what I think your talking about op. So this is me trying to decipher what your saying.
 whatiam789
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 74
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:21:42 PM
I have just come from a broken relationship. We had both had a few drinks and said things that we didn't mean. I apologized but I was told I had 2 weeks to get out. He went on as though I was the one that walked out. No time did he beg me to stay or talk things out. He kept saying he stilled loved me and wanted to carry on the relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend. He did have adrinking problem where as I only drank occassionally, but he was very caring and thoughtful in his own way but very stubborn and very rarely wrong and I loved him.
I was just getting over the hurt and humiliation and thinking well maybe we could start again and as I had not been on here for a long time I got a email from fish saying if I wanted to stay a reg member I needed to use the site. I signed in and being curious looked at his profile and there it was in black and white, 4 weeks after I moved out and he was looking for a new partner. Bang heart broken again. Yes I tackled him and has said he is unavailable and has completely changed his profile but to me it is very ambiguous. I am still seeing hin but my trust and love for him has dimminished and yet if I decide to end it all he will be asking WHY?
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 75
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:44:35 PM
What I asked was:


Were they hurt by a man/men in their past and feel righteous in the same thing to another human being?


Which ladyc4 misinterpreted as:


if it gives you some kind of comfort to rationalize that the woman who "blindsided" her partner was performing a long-planned revenge-by-proxy, for some past hurt inflicted by some other man
and
blindsided by supposedly vengeful women


If you want to make an argument intepret what was written correctly please. Really. Really.
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