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 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 63
without warningPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

sounds like you weren't blindsided either...or you wouldn't have been asking...


Spot on!


Or was that yet another Lie that I was too blind to see.


Only you can truly answer that, but from what you have said, it sounds as if you were in denial.

You weren't blindsided.
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 64
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:30:02 PM
Which part of what you quoted (and took out of context) is a prime example?


^^^prime example of not hearing what people were saying!!


It's hard not to hear when you stand next to a woman you don't even know and she tells her daughter "Don't worry, he's just a man and not very bright." And when I looked at her, not believing what I just heard, she just smiled a cheesy smile.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 65
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:51:36 PM
"for no good reason" - huh? there's always a reason. I guess you'd have to say it's the partner's job to know the reasons. The human imagination is a many splendored thing. Imagining there is nothing wrong or that someone is your friend or is in love with you is irresponsible, like escapist romantic litterature. Life isn't complicated or mysterious if you have the guts to face up to it.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 66
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 3:59:04 PM

It's hard not to hear when you stand next to a woman you don't even know and she tells her daughter "Don't worry, he's just a man and not very bright." And when I looked at her, not believing what I just heard, she just smiled a cheesy smile.


If I based what SOME men say about women to what ALL men think, I would have become a nun long ago.

So a woman made an unflattering remark about you or another man: I have had loads of men (strangers and men whom I know) make unflattering remarks about me and other women based on nothing but the fact that we are female.

Let's try: B****, c***, dumb blonde, stupid woman, weaker sex, illogical, irrational, gold-digger, conniving . . . the list goes on and on.

Don't judge all women on what one--or even a few--said. I certainly don't judge all men by what quite a few have said.
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 67
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 4:06:29 PM
sweetness-one wrote:


Everything that any person, male or female, does...has a reason behind it.


and


Just because one might not care for a particular reason, rest assured, the reason is still very much there behind the action.


A friend of my brother did major reno's on his ladies home. Once the work was all done, he was issued his walking papers.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 68
without warning
Posted: 3/9/2012 6:43:02 PM
frienddoug- Men are just as often the culprit of this sort of behavior as women are.
Honestly though, I've never had it happen because I pay attention.
I can tell you that for myself, I don't expect a man to read my mind. If there is something missing I say so.
I think most women do.
It's easier to play victim/clueless than it is to be honest and admit that you didn't try hard enough.
For the guys-women are not the puzzles you make us out to be.
Pay attention- Listen when we talk, care about what we have to say and how we feel, make an effort to let us know that we matter, it's not that complicated, I promise.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 69
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:59:37 AM
You answered your own question; these men do anything and everything for them. They are being used.

Love needs to be symbiotic; and many men are very wimpy these days and are like the womans slave. Women are a lot like men and they cheat just as much.

Many women love the money a guy likes a heck of a lot more than the guy. It's called using someone.

People should not live together so quick, or get serious so quick. So many are getting played but you teach people how to treat you.

Instead of worrying about how the woman can do this, I'd be more worried about choosing a better woman. It takes two to tango.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 70
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:09:21 AM

Many women love the money a guy likes a heck of a lot more than the guy


Say what?

I THINK that you meant to say that many women like the money a guy has more than they like the guy.

This is quite misogynistic. First, most men don't have enough money for women to like them for only that reason.

Second, it would me like me saying that many men like to have sex with a woman more than they like having a relationship with her and will use her for sex.

That is as unflattering to men as your statement is about MANY women.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 71
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:31:56 AM
OP... You come across as a guy who has been hard done by and really have it in for women.
Do you not think that women have been there and done that?
How many women support their men?
I'm sorry to have to tell you this but a lot more men these day's rely on the woman to get them through the basics of life.
If you feel wounded then go to a woman and she will sought you out.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:14:59 PM

I am not writing about me and only about generalities.


And most of the people here are wrong--...
there is not always warning signs and there are not always reasons given. And there are times that the reasons given are lame.

Really? REALLY? You are what-a fly on the wall observing other people's relationships so you KNOW exactly what went on? You can't go by one of the "combatants" assessment of the situation-if they were ignoring warning signs or simply believed that despite those signs, nothing was going to happen,OF COURSE that person is going to SAY that the breakup was "without warning".

Like I said, unless you were present and privy to every moment of someone else's relationship, you can't KNOW that a breakup occurred "without warning".

But hey, if it gives you some kind of comfort to rationalize that the woman who "blindsided" her partner was performing a long-planned revenge-by-proxy, for some past hurt inflicted by some other man, go ahead. I can tell you that this rationalization will not help your learning process...are you,-or whoever!- by chance having REPEATED experiences of being blindsided by supposedly vengeful women, don't you sometimes wonder why that keeps happening?
Cindy O
 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 73
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 3:29:40 PM
I agree with most posters to a degree. Although to say there is always anything is very untrue. For the most part I'd say most are genuine when they enter into a relationship with someone. Are they genuine through the entire relationship? Probably not. At some points your hot and at others your cold and at some points one may realize it's not going to work and someone may string someone else along.

Like the example if your brother getting walking papers after house work was done. How long did she watch him do renovations on her house knowing the relationship was over?

I think to one degree or another we have all been on both sides of this coin. I can speak for myself only when I say as soon as I knew my relationships were over I let them know. I didn't just string them along and then break it off only when it was convenient for me.

I have witnessed both men and women do what I think your talking about op. So this is me trying to decipher what your saying.
 whatiam789
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 74
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:21:42 PM
I have just come from a broken relationship. We had both had a few drinks and said things that we didn't mean. I apologized but I was told I had 2 weeks to get out. He went on as though I was the one that walked out. No time did he beg me to stay or talk things out. He kept saying he stilled loved me and wanted to carry on the relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend. He did have adrinking problem where as I only drank occassionally, but he was very caring and thoughtful in his own way but very stubborn and very rarely wrong and I loved him.
I was just getting over the hurt and humiliation and thinking well maybe we could start again and as I had not been on here for a long time I got a email from fish saying if I wanted to stay a reg member I needed to use the site. I signed in and being curious looked at his profile and there it was in black and white, 4 weeks after I moved out and he was looking for a new partner. Bang heart broken again. Yes I tackled him and has said he is unavailable and has completely changed his profile but to me it is very ambiguous. I am still seeing hin but my trust and love for him has dimminished and yet if I decide to end it all he will be asking WHY?
 frienddoug
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 75
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:44:35 PM
What I asked was:


Were they hurt by a man/men in their past and feel righteous in the same thing to another human being?


Which ladyc4 misinterpreted as:


if it gives you some kind of comfort to rationalize that the woman who "blindsided" her partner was performing a long-planned revenge-by-proxy, for some past hurt inflicted by some other man
and
blindsided by supposedly vengeful women


If you want to make an argument intepret what was written correctly please. Really. Really.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 76
without warning
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:02:53 PM
Perhaps Cindy was responding to these blanket statements made by you:


Then without warning, for no good reason—sometimes no reason at all—the men are told to get out of their lives completely.

It's bad enough that these men are hurt and confused emotionally but it's also financially as well; and these women have absolutely no remorse for what they've done.

How can these women justify their actions?


You weren’t there: you don’t know what happened.

Or this:


And most of the people here are wrong--most men are not stupid (and many, many women truly believe they are) and there is not always warning signs and there are not always reasons given. And there are times that the reasons given are lame. That is grasping at straw to justify a persons actions (be it man or woman).


You have NO idea if “many” woman think men are stupid.

If these incidents didn’t happen to you, you don’t know if there were no warning signs. If you didn’t hear the excuses and weren’t involved in the relationship, you don’t know if the reasons are lame.


A friend of my brother did major reno's on his ladies home. Once the work was all done, he was issued his walking papers.


You don’t know if there were something else going on. You KNOW what the men in the relationships told you. And not only that, I KNOW that men in relationships are clueless not because they weren’t given warning signs, but because they chose to ignore them.

It wasn't a matter of what you asked but what you said.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 77
without warning
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:18:37 AM
I was responding to this passage in the OT

How can these women justify their actions? Were they hurt by a man/men in their past and feel righteous in the same thing to another human being?


The other part I have a concern with is the word/concept "justify"...are relationships now some kind of legal action or some proposed course of action that requires "justification"?

Since this friend of a friend was emotionally injured by a woman, are you now going to justify being an angry, suspicious dater because you are "justified" in that? Wow- this could wind up with more (figuratively speaking) deaths than the TV show "Justified".

Let me interpret something else here.
This is not the first time I've heard about a guy getting dumped after doing some kind of remodeling/renovations, and I've heard of guys who gave ladies their" walking papers" as soon as some issue or crisis in the guys' life was resolved. While I don't mean to "blame the victims"- a relationship of pragmatism or convenience does give off warning signs.
A simple solution is-do not put a lot of money and/or effort into some task or project that will benefit a relationship partner but leave you at risk of being left twisting in the wind. I'm not speaking of refusing some support/assistance in a crisis or emergency!-but house renovations on a house that belongs solely to the other person? Or a woman sinking major cash into rescuing a bf from legal action related to unpaid child support? Love doesn't bankrupt or demand service without recompense or reciprocation.

Speaking specifically to the example given by the OP...it sounds more to me like a case of a person who has learned to use "love" as a means of manipulation, not someone who feels justified in their behavior becuse of being "hurt" in a previous relationship.


Is that what you REALLY want to hear, OP? That this woman intentionally used this "friend of a friend" because she's a conniving b*tch? That's entirely possible, but I still say that the parasitic nature of this relationship would have given some evidence.

So, if this thread is REALLY about some woman who "used" a man to accomplish some agenda of her own, why bring up all this about what "justification" MIGHT have been behind it?
Cindy O
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 78
without warning
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:21:10 AM
Women are liberated now and men are way, way behind. They've got us duped.
 MikeVincere
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 79
without warning
Posted: 3/15/2012 6:17:21 PM
Its the ambition and drive to where your going in life that turns the partner on, when you put that aside and you put your partner first, you tend to suffocate them in many ways. What I’ve seen was that when people put others on the pedestal before their own ambitions, it doesn't work. Its when we continue to keep putting ourselves and ambitions forward before our mate that it continues into something that lasts longer. when we put others first before our own ambitions, we tend to suffocate them. You might ask how do we suffocate them? some examples are:

1) always texting them and not giving them time to miss you,
2) always wondering where they are rather than focus on yourself and what you need to do to get ahead.
3) asking when will they be home, what are they doing etc.
4) interrogating them with questions because you "love" them so much

Basically if you bring it all down, you are thinking about them too much and acting on it. You need to give them space to miss your company. You always need to keep your ambitions and hobbies (doing what you love) first before anything or anyone, because it increases your value to yourself and others, makes your times scarce, the other person doesn’t feel your dependency, and if the relationship doesn’t work out, you still are closer to your ambitions than the other person who just broke up after a 5-10-15 year relationship and doesn’t know what to do. This goes both ways, for men and women, we both need to do this.
 Sasyecats
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 80
without warning
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:20:21 PM
Wow, how strange.. I've heard the exact same but in reverse.

There are as many reasons as there are people to why they do what they do.
Some want something new.
Some are just bored.
Some hate the way they are treated but never speak up.
Some are so supportive they forget themselves.
Some didn't know what they wanted in the first place.
Some thought it was just what they were suppose to do.
Some pretend not to care so it's easier to move on.
The list goes on and on...

People want what they want and then they don't.

Sooo how do these PEOPLE justify their actions?
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 81
view profile
History
without warning
Posted: 3/16/2012 12:41:05 PM

Sooo how do these PEOPLE justify their actions?

They don't, can't, or won't bother trying.
 One_Can_Dream
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 82
without warning
Posted: 3/16/2012 12:46:54 PM
There are always warning sign but in some cases a guy this caring is sometime to gullable to see it. I take this from personal experience.
 shygirl413
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 83
without warning
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:54:12 PM
There is always a warning poeple just pretend not to see it.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 84
without warning
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:28:56 PM
We only control our own choices and actions.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 85
view profile
History
without warning
Posted: 3/16/2012 6:39:05 PM

We only control our own choices and actions.

In my universe, the only thing people actually control is their reaction to choices made by others, choices that impact them personally.
 justtosee75
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 86
without warning
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:05:07 PM
I really beleive this to be true anymore, from the dating over the years has brought me it seems to be a fact. Being unavailible most of the time interest the other person even more, man or woman. Have you ever meet a man/woman you really liked in the beginning but they never seem to have their own life? it became about you 99% of the time, which is flattering, but annoying at the same time. You start not to miss that person, and when that happends the butterflies you once felt leave. Plus if you are in a relationship with a person with ADHD its very hard to keep thier interest, if it's a relationship you really want to try and work out youwith them you will have a work at it all the time. But being a mystery really helps, if you as a woman or man find yourself CO-Dependent in a realtionship its time to stay busy in your own life, trust me it helps make a balance in a heathy relationship...
 Right_Bayou
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 87
without warning
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:47:30 PM
lol @ "for no good reason"...

THE REASON, I'm 99.9% sure of... in ANY situation like this.... is because the guy has his head up his butt. He just didn't pay attention to anything but the leaving!! I LAUGH when I hear guys say "Yeah, just one day she up and left... said she wasn't happy... I didn't have a clue"....... Yeah.... cause your head was up your butt!!!



omg... laughing so hard here. Now I can go and read the responses and laugh some more!! Thanks!!
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