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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 77
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I like how women complain about being bombarded by douchebags and yet a nice guy like me hasn't had any responses and I have left like 15 thoughtful messages. *shrugs*

You are looking at this as an "either/or" situation and it is not an "either/or" situation.
When a woman speaks of being bombarded by douchebags-she's usually speaking of men who send sexually explict/propositioning emails, inappropriate pictures, etc. There are also emails from guys that she just doesn't think would be a match-these guys don't fall into d-bag category but if there is no sense of potential for a match why should she respond favorably?
I don't personally have much trouble along those lines but I've been in communication with a lot of women who get some pretty sleazy offers and suggestions. I've looked and looked, and for the life of me I cannot locate the headline that designates PoF as a "free online whorehouse"? Maybe only guys get the home page that says this? (Btw this is intended as mild sarcasm,lol)

The fact that a guy sends an email that ISN'T grapically sleazy and presumptous doesn't give him some kind of bonus points that over-ride a womans' sense that the man isn't her type/wouldn't be a good match.

I don't know if this what the quoted poster meant-maybe he is saying that he sent messages to 15 different women-I hope he's not saying he keeps emailing one particular woman who has not responded to him.

But the deal here is not just a matter of any guy who doesn't send sexually explicit emails being entitled to responses just because some other men ARE d-bags. It's a matter of thoughtful(or humorous) email and a feeling on the part of the woman that there is potential for a good match, and that is about SO MUCH MORE than just NOT being a d-bag. Attraction, interests in common, same age range, geographic proximity( for many people), seeming to be from the same general educational/socioeconomic background, factors like being in agreement on pets, kids, smoking, similarity of residential situation and preferences, there are a TON of things that factor in-it's about way more than just sending thoughtful/respectful emails. It's just not that black&white,
Cindy O
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 80
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:43:37 AM
This thread brings up some interesting questions.
I get that there are losers in here, like anywhere humans congregate but is it actually so bad that hordes of pushy, controlling freaks would be the only kind of responses you'd get? I don't want to blame the victim or anything but is it possible the OP is maybe exaggerating just a tad about how soon these monsters started to become rude?

For example, I haven't been back in here that long but I have noticed a huge difference in the online dating experience now as compared to 2004, for example. The number of promising chats that fizzle inexplicably into a total silent treatment is rather disturbing. The profiles that seem to describe you perfectly, as if they'd made it up after reading what you were looking for but don't even bother to respond to a greeting are odd too. A guy can get the impression that POF is filled with paid actors who hang out to string pathetic losers along. Maybe this might be a contributing factor to guys wanting to get the "bullshit" out of the way and go out on a date?

I'm here to meet women to date. Not to type at anonymous strangers who present themselves however they see fit on the internet endlessly. I'm a real man, hopefully I'm chatting with a real woman, the sooner we meet up, the sooner we can get on with living our lives, maybe even together? Ooooo, what a concept.

Having said all this, anyone trying to push you into anything you don't feel comfortable with is totally ridiculous. I think a bunch of folks really need to sit down and honestly figure out what it is that they want before making up a profile and spreading more drama in the world.


In fact, one particular gent bombarded me with about 6 messages in the space of a half hour. I hadn't even finished putting up my full profile. He told me I was beautiful before I'd even put up photos, and then commented each time I added a new picture, all without a single response from me. He also sent me numerous chat requests - I ended up disabling the chat feature because he did my nut in. Then I figured out how to block him!


This kind of comment sounds frightening and tragic to be sure but I have to wonder, could it have all been completely avoided with a simple "no thanks" earlier on in the scenario? So many stories like this seem totally avoidable by simply not trying to avoid situations to begin with. Put on your big girl panties and say "thanks for writing but I don't date fat, old guys who say things like "neked" in their opening remarks". Of course tact and diplomacy would work much better but even harshness is infinitely more compassionate than ignoring someone and hoping they will "just go away".

For those genuine psycho nutjobs harassing folks in here, the block feature is your first line of defence. Make sure you report these people, if they get their profiles deleted often enough, they'll eventually find another site to troll for willing victims...won't they? If not, well cleverness and imagination have all sorts of wonderful value to them.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 81
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:07:41 AM
Ad Homonym,

You make some good points, like about "No Thanks"

However, I do want to point out that the block feature on chatting does not seem to work for every person on here. That is to say it works for me with some people and not with others. There is a man on here who has been bugging me for about a month now every time he sees that I am logged in, even though I have told him numerous times I am not interested and don't wish to continue our conversations. I finally used the word "harrassment" with him yesterday, told him I was going to report him. Then I reported him. If I could have print-screened the conversation yesterday it would have been strong evidence regarding what I am saying. He feels that I do not have a right to stop talking with him until I have answered all of his questions about why I am not interested, to his satisfaction. I can imagine how he (a professional in his 50s) treated his ex-wife and it makes my skin crawl quite frankly! However, even in reporting someone, I gather that POF only acts if there has been numerous complaints about someone.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:06:12 PM
When you first send a message to someone, advise them of your dating philosophy, that you like to speak to someone for an hour or so before you meet them. Also that if you spend an hour on the phone and don't feel comfortable, you will advise him and not meet with him in person. That will chase off people who are needy and demanding, as a rule.

If you are always getting these types of communications from men, you must be doing something to attract them.

Is your photo blatantly sexy? Are your comments too inviting sexually?

Set your limits up front and others will have to fit into them.

Judith
 BIGMRJD
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 84
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 7/7/2012 5:21:19 AM
OTTERPLAY, I understand there are alot of crazy men seeking power,control and sex on these web sites. However, there are a few good men, like myself, who want to talk a litttle on line and meet face to face over drinks or lunch in a casual setting. TALK IS CHEAP BEHIND A PC.However when talking in person, one can see the facial expressions, body language and reactions to a certain conversation. its just like a blind date so whats the diference. ?the only way to find out a person is telling the truth about themselves in a profile, is to meet face to face. asking for information and numbers right away isnt my style. thats completely crazy. i have the problem of not owning a vehicle right now. women want to be picked up and brought home.they feel its okay for a man to do all the driving but not the woman . i love driving just cant afford a vehicle at the moment.peace,god bless to all.
 Wapikicoli
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 85
view profile
History
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 10/29/2012 11:15:06 PM
Ive been on this site for a couple years now...I stop by now and then because honestly ive not found a man of quality that i'm attracted too..but to get back to what you posted, I deal with this alot..those that are interested come right out the gate asking my bra size, all tall i am...even to the point of asking if i "shave"...WTH?? They want my cell number and are very pushy about meeting..thus why ive not dated much from this site..Although i havent had much luck, I did meet a very nice man and dated for 4 months and it ended nicely and we're still friends...but the majority are what you are describing....I have no answer for you other than I feel you...i just ignore them when they start with that crap....
 CelebrianFairie
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 87
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:12:21 PM
hey i get it all the time too. a lot of the time they tend to play a sort of reverse psychology thing and get mad when you dont give in. it all comes down to whether YOU are comfortable giveing out your personal information.dont do it because some guy gives you a guilt trip or talks you into it.i wont even bother with people who start that with me anymore.if they cant be patient and show a little respect towards you, delete, block and talk to someone else! theres plenty of fish in the sea! the right one wont force an issue like this on you! and that goes for both sexes. peace out!
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 88
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/3/2012 3:17:55 AM
otterplay, you have very quickly singled out one of the main reasons why I stopped online dating. This creepy, instant sense of entitlement, like we're all free hookers, and the men throw a nasty fit if they dont get their free poontang ASAP. Yeah, yeah, not ALL the guys are like this. I never want to generalize, but there was enough verbal abuse and pressure to make me realize that there was *more* of this online than not. Online dating just seems to attract this sort of thing, like we're all here for fast, easy sex. It sort of marginalizes the people who actually enjoy getting to know someone and WANT to get to know them..men and women alike. We're not all speeding along at 100 mph into the next bed.

I've found much better luck with things like meetup.com. I had a lovely Halloween evening with someone I met thru a hiking group that was pressure free, and enjoyable for us both..and we're planning to meet again this weekend. This way, the "old fashioned" way, you meet face to face, you deal with a real person, not an online persona.


To put it simply, I'm worth more than the bitter, rage filled and entitled crap I found online, this site being one of the worse. Get back into "real life" and meet people face to face.

My opinions about this should not be construed to mean that I hate men, etc etc...far from it. I love men, and just simply want to meet the ones who aren't going to assault me verbally within 5 minutes, or race home to compulsively check their profile to see who else is online..ugh.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 89
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/3/2012 3:18:30 AM

This kind of comment sounds frightening and tragic to be sure but I have to wonder, could it have all been completely avoided with a simple "no thanks" earlier on in the scenario?
With a reasonable person it probably could have... But how much "earlier in the scenario" could it be if there were 6 messages in a space of 30 minutes?? Surely waiting until a person finished setting up their profile before harrassing them for a response is reasonable?
 RobRoy1950
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 8:33:57 AM
What makes me mad is I send One Message to ask how she is and would you like to chat and instead of mailing me to say no thank you just not responding---THEY BLOCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right away. Makes you feel like "what the hell did I do ?? Like I invaded there privacy or offended them in some way. What CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 93
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:52:11 AM
I '' - honestly don't experience that at all - in fact quite the opposite.

I don't put a photo up - if people want to view my pics - they must contact me, develop and establish some repore - as I'm seeking someone very very special - I'm not interested in dateing the miriods of - wannna beees.

Coffee dating is like a huge jar of lollies.- A sample here - a sample there - Eww not really - so onwards onto the NEXT.

Way too much running around, those ones running around, sleeping here and there - getting a bad name for them selves, and being a player - whilst risking themselves being abused. Dont Kiss too many frogs, you may croak.

Know what you want - and ask for only that !! narrow your search.

We reap what we sow, in this dating scene - sow what you intend to reap.

Don't sow pretty little pansy seeds, if you seek to grow an oak tree.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 94
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:50:37 AM
Sorry cashleys, I think if a woman started telling me stuff like that out of the blue I would assume she just felt really entitled to have men approach her and grovel. And no, I wouldn't be interested , either.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 95
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:10:56 PM
It really doesn't matter what they want. Remember that you are in control and you can always say no and block them.

Many lose their minds with anger if someone rejects them or tells them to slow down and their isnt' much you can do about it. Block them and move on. It does suck but that's what I do.
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 96
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:16:48 AM
Tell me about it OP! I've had a number of those in the last couple of weeks, one guy getting very abusive telling me to grow up and eventually telling me I had no business being on this website and to get the eff off here. I told them, so do you go up to a woman in a bar and say "Hi gorgeous, how are you, my name is blah blah, how is your weekend, what it happening, can I have your phone number and lets go for coffee" and think he's going to get anywhere?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 97
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 11:19:22 AM
I have been thru this before too. I have rules...

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme, but if they really like you, if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.

Last but not least...there is block/report button for a reason. Hope this helps you.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 98
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 12:39:34 PM

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme,


Yes, I do. I would pass. It's difficult to believe a solid, deep, fulfilling, lasting realtionship can develop from such a suspicious and tension-filled beginning.


if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand


I am on the up and up, and I am a decent human, therefore, I do not wish to be treated like a serial killer.


and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.


Well, then, what happened to all these "good ones"?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 99
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:50:43 PM
Travelious guy....or what ever your name is...

I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...plus I am in the process of moving to another state


I am careful....there are a lot of nuts out there. The last one I dated from here, had 38 guns and had a temper... it took several months to show. You don't need 38 guns to shoot a deer and some geese a year.

I am fun, but I am honest, and I will tell you the reasons I am careful....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 100
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:55:12 PM
I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...


Then how were they "good ones" if you didn't like their behavior?

And you just confirmed what I surmised before, ......no solid, deep, fulfilling relationship grew out of the suspicious, tension-filled beginnings.


....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.


I'm not interested in jumping through anyone's hoops, and I don't think too many people are interested in jumping through hoops to prove themselves. And I don't make people jump through hoops. I listen, observe, and analyze, and I treat people like normal human beings until they show me I need to do otherwise.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 101
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:00:34 AM
YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 102
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 11:14:57 AM

YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...


I did read on.
In your first post, you said the "good ones" understood what you were doing for safety and went along with it. Then you said you didn't like their behaviors. So how were they "good ones" in the end? And if they weren't really "good ones", then you just made that assumption in the beginning because they were the ones that were willing to go along with your extreme methods.
The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 104
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:48:07 AM
Messages #126-9

It is entirely possible for someone to be a "good one", yet not be a "match" for a longterm relationship. There are lots of men out there that I wouldn't date or become involved with, and they are perfectly good, decent,upstanding citizen type of men. But there just isn't a mutual chemistry, or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.

"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact. The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-it's to avoid the rare but terrifying(or even deadly) experience of getting caught up with a stalker, thief, rapist,or killer. Or abusive/control freak men( which can also turn pretty ugly).
I think everyone needs to practice a certain degree of caution in MANY aspects of having encounters with strangers, whether it's dating, or having someone come to your home because you have advertised something for sale,making sure that any service technicians ARE who they say they are...
Just because one decides that a person is not a match for dating, relationship, or even just friendship after a time,, doesn't mean that he or she is not a good person.
Cindy O
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 105
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:05:43 AM
"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact.


Reread her first post again.
SHE was the one who stated that some of us might think her methods to be extreme, and I simply agreed with her on that point.



The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-


Unless someone is just looking to pass the time of day on their dates, the results they are looking for are what they have stated in their profile.


or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


Well, then I have to wonder why so many women keep complaining that they cannot find a "good one", if there are so many "good ones" around that they can be tossed aside without a second thought.

And speaking of "control freaks", she says she doen't give out her number but gets theirs and makes sure she blocks hers when she calls, she only goes to places she already knows filled with a lot of people and "pre-warns" friends she will be there, doesn't give out personal email, and she doesn't get into a car with them for a month.
If that's not a control freak, I don't know what is. She is trying to be in control of every detail.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 107
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:52:21 PM
why block her number? What, she doesn't want guys she met on a dating site to ask her out? We seem like we still have a very immature approach to phone numbers, like it's a guarantee of a relationship, like how it was back in 4th grade.

She seems more like someone that's paranoid than someone that's cautious. If you're hiding your phone number, what else are you hiding? A husband? You're trying to scam guys? What are you afraid of?

At some point, we need to grow up. Don't give out your address, meet only in well lit public, but not overcrowded places, make sure there's always someone that knows where you are... And leave the paranoia at home.

The guy was right, she's trying to control everything, there's more to the story than we know about.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 109
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:35:12 PM
Right, let's all get paranoid about our safety and nobody trade phone numbers with each other. I'm sure that'll get us far.

A phone number is just that, a phone number. What am I gonna do with your cell phone number, call you?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:40:25 AM
Umm-
It's not that difficult for even the average Joe or Jane to get a LOT of information about someone just from entering a landline phone # into certain search engines( and no it's not obscure engines only known to the unsavory elements of cyberspace.

Just because a woman-or a man for that matter!- posts a profile on a dating site, does not mean that they are REQUIRED to date anyone who approaches them, or give out a lot of personal identifying information. And I think it is up to each individual to decide what precautions are appropriate. If you don't LIKE someone's dating protocols, then just go find someone whose protocols you DO like. You are not going to give correction to levelheaded, emotionally stable adults.
I think a lot of the anger DOES stem from desperation/frustration...because,as some of we women have already stated, most of what's been mentioned here is standard "internet dating safety" information.
I think some people believe that posting a profile on a dating website means that the person is "anxious to date" and will freely hand over all kinds of info, and jump! when anybody says "frog!"
If someone is being overly demanding and pushy, cease contact. If you don't like someone's safety practices, then find someone else to contact. Since most of this complaint seems to be women complaining about demanding men, or men who call safety practices "controlling", I suspect that what may be in play is a (so I hear) fairly common perception that PoF is a "hook-up site". Yes, there are some here to just "hook up", and I wouldn't doubt that there are some here selling their "wares". But that is NOT the designation, there ARE sites that even ADVERTISE on TV as "for hooking up"-if a man wants quick gratification then perhaps he would be better served to patronize those sites and stick with PoF for "real" dating with people who have enough self-esteem to look out for themselves.
Cindy O
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