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 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 88
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
otterplay, you have very quickly singled out one of the main reasons why I stopped online dating. This creepy, instant sense of entitlement, like we're all free hookers, and the men throw a nasty fit if they dont get their free poontang ASAP. Yeah, yeah, not ALL the guys are like this. I never want to generalize, but there was enough verbal abuse and pressure to make me realize that there was *more* of this online than not. Online dating just seems to attract this sort of thing, like we're all here for fast, easy sex. It sort of marginalizes the people who actually enjoy getting to know someone and WANT to get to know them..men and women alike. We're not all speeding along at 100 mph into the next bed.

I've found much better luck with things like meetup.com. I had a lovely Halloween evening with someone I met thru a hiking group that was pressure free, and enjoyable for us both..and we're planning to meet again this weekend. This way, the "old fashioned" way, you meet face to face, you deal with a real person, not an online persona.


To put it simply, I'm worth more than the bitter, rage filled and entitled crap I found online, this site being one of the worse. Get back into "real life" and meet people face to face.

My opinions about this should not be construed to mean that I hate men, etc etc...far from it. I love men, and just simply want to meet the ones who aren't going to assault me verbally within 5 minutes, or race home to compulsively check their profile to see who else is online..ugh.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 89
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/3/2012 3:18:30 AM

This kind of comment sounds frightening and tragic to be sure but I have to wonder, could it have all been completely avoided with a simple "no thanks" earlier on in the scenario?
With a reasonable person it probably could have... But how much "earlier in the scenario" could it be if there were 6 messages in a space of 30 minutes?? Surely waiting until a person finished setting up their profile before harrassing them for a response is reasonable?
 RobRoy1950
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 8:33:57 AM
What makes me mad is I send One Message to ask how she is and would you like to chat and instead of mailing me to say no thank you just not responding---THEY BLOCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right away. Makes you feel like "what the hell did I do ?? Like I invaded there privacy or offended them in some way. What CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 91
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 12:57:11 PM

Wondering how others deal with these online bullies?


One thing to remember about "online bullies"......... They're....... ONLINE. That is, they're not in your house, and most likely not even in your neighborhood. All you need do is break down what a bully really is: An immature, insecure little baby boy, who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He's too young, too ignorant, and/or too immature to have learned manners yet, let alone any real social skills. When you realize these things, and understand what a bully really is, it becomes clear that they would be completely wrong for you in the first place, and you have dodged a bullet by avoiding them.

Finally, you have to deal with them from time to time, in order to weed them out. It's the way of things.
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 92
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 11:40:41 PM
Its crazy isnt' it! I have a good technique, I call it my business woman's mode.
I usually start explaining why women have much more serious issues to worry about than guys, how we have to more careful, that they don't randomly walk up to a woman at a store and say those things.. etc etc.
Trust me they don't bother you much again when they get a huge message of all the WHY I WON"T messages.
It kind of reverse scarying them off. LOL
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 93
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:52:11 AM
I '' - honestly don't experience that at all - in fact quite the opposite.

I don't put a photo up - if people want to view my pics - they must contact me, develop and establish some repore - as I'm seeking someone very very special - I'm not interested in dateing the miriods of - wannna beees.

Coffee dating is like a huge jar of lollies.- A sample here - a sample there - Eww not really - so onwards onto the NEXT.

Way too much running around, those ones running around, sleeping here and there - getting a bad name for them selves, and being a player - whilst risking themselves being abused. Dont Kiss too many frogs, you may croak.

Know what you want - and ask for only that !! narrow your search.

We reap what we sow, in this dating scene - sow what you intend to reap.

Don't sow pretty little pansy seeds, if you seek to grow an oak tree.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 94
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:50:37 AM
Sorry cashleys, I think if a woman started telling me stuff like that out of the blue I would assume she just felt really entitled to have men approach her and grovel. And no, I wouldn't be interested , either.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 95
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:10:56 PM
It really doesn't matter what they want. Remember that you are in control and you can always say no and block them.

Many lose their minds with anger if someone rejects them or tells them to slow down and their isnt' much you can do about it. Block them and move on. It does suck but that's what I do.
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 96
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:16:48 AM
Tell me about it OP! I've had a number of those in the last couple of weeks, one guy getting very abusive telling me to grow up and eventually telling me I had no business being on this website and to get the eff off here. I told them, so do you go up to a woman in a bar and say "Hi gorgeous, how are you, my name is blah blah, how is your weekend, what it happening, can I have your phone number and lets go for coffee" and think he's going to get anywhere?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 97
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 11:19:22 AM
I have been thru this before too. I have rules...

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme, but if they really like you, if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.

Last but not least...there is block/report button for a reason. Hope this helps you.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 98
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 12:39:34 PM

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme,


Yes, I do. I would pass. It's difficult to believe a solid, deep, fulfilling, lasting realtionship can develop from such a suspicious and tension-filled beginning.


if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand


I am on the up and up, and I am a decent human, therefore, I do not wish to be treated like a serial killer.


and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.


Well, then, what happened to all these "good ones"?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 99
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:50:43 PM
Travelious guy....or what ever your name is...

I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...plus I am in the process of moving to another state


I am careful....there are a lot of nuts out there. The last one I dated from here, had 38 guns and had a temper... it took several months to show. You don't need 38 guns to shoot a deer and some geese a year.

I am fun, but I am honest, and I will tell you the reasons I am careful....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 100
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:55:12 PM
I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...


Then how were they "good ones" if you didn't like their behavior?

And you just confirmed what I surmised before, ......no solid, deep, fulfilling relationship grew out of the suspicious, tension-filled beginnings.


....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.


I'm not interested in jumping through anyone's hoops, and I don't think too many people are interested in jumping through hoops to prove themselves. And I don't make people jump through hoops. I listen, observe, and analyze, and I treat people like normal human beings until they show me I need to do otherwise.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 101
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:00:34 AM
YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 102
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 11:14:57 AM

YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...


I did read on.
In your first post, you said the "good ones" understood what you were doing for safety and went along with it. Then you said you didn't like their behaviors. So how were they "good ones" in the end? And if they weren't really "good ones", then you just made that assumption in the beginning because they were the ones that were willing to go along with your extreme methods.
The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 104
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:48:07 AM
Messages #126-9

It is entirely possible for someone to be a "good one", yet not be a "match" for a longterm relationship. There are lots of men out there that I wouldn't date or become involved with, and they are perfectly good, decent,upstanding citizen type of men. But there just isn't a mutual chemistry, or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.

"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact. The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-it's to avoid the rare but terrifying(or even deadly) experience of getting caught up with a stalker, thief, rapist,or killer. Or abusive/control freak men( which can also turn pretty ugly).
I think everyone needs to practice a certain degree of caution in MANY aspects of having encounters with strangers, whether it's dating, or having someone come to your home because you have advertised something for sale,making sure that any service technicians ARE who they say they are...
Just because one decides that a person is not a match for dating, relationship, or even just friendship after a time,, doesn't mean that he or she is not a good person.
Cindy O
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 105
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:05:43 AM
"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact.


Reread her first post again.
SHE was the one who stated that some of us might think her methods to be extreme, and I simply agreed with her on that point.



The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-


Unless someone is just looking to pass the time of day on their dates, the results they are looking for are what they have stated in their profile.


or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


Well, then I have to wonder why so many women keep complaining that they cannot find a "good one", if there are so many "good ones" around that they can be tossed aside without a second thought.

And speaking of "control freaks", she says she doen't give out her number but gets theirs and makes sure she blocks hers when she calls, she only goes to places she already knows filled with a lot of people and "pre-warns" friends she will be there, doesn't give out personal email, and she doesn't get into a car with them for a month.
If that's not a control freak, I don't know what is. She is trying to be in control of every detail.
 Peppy00
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 106
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:33:31 PM
^No she's not, she's taking sensible precautions when meeting a stranger. I phone the guy and I block my number before calling. I only go to places filled with people (as opposed to an empty parking lot, for example) and I have ''pre-warned'' a friend, especially when I first started to date from the internet.
She's not trying to control the man she's about to meet; she's ensuring her safety. I'm not sure why you are so angry about this. Its common sense.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 107
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:52:21 PM
why block her number? What, she doesn't want guys she met on a dating site to ask her out? We seem like we still have a very immature approach to phone numbers, like it's a guarantee of a relationship, like how it was back in 4th grade.

She seems more like someone that's paranoid than someone that's cautious. If you're hiding your phone number, what else are you hiding? A husband? You're trying to scam guys? What are you afraid of?

At some point, we need to grow up. Don't give out your address, meet only in well lit public, but not overcrowded places, make sure there's always someone that knows where you are... And leave the paranoia at home.

The guy was right, she's trying to control everything, there's more to the story than we know about.
 Peppy00
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 108
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:57:46 PM
I don't want strangers to have my cell phone number or my home phone numbers. And if you think women or men are paranoid for wanting to try to ensure their own safety, than you don't read the papers or even posts from here.
You and the other poster's lack of empathy is sort of scary in its own way.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 109
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:35:12 PM
Right, let's all get paranoid about our safety and nobody trade phone numbers with each other. I'm sure that'll get us far.

A phone number is just that, a phone number. What am I gonna do with your cell phone number, call you?
 coronagranny
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 110
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:46:03 PM
I just posted a post , I think, the bottom line is I am glad I am not the only one with this problem.
 coronagranny
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 111
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:49:58 PM
I wish there was a "like" button, I like that comment... what are you going to do with your cell phone number.. call you? ^5 on that, good one..
 TheOverThinker
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 112
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 4:27:42 PM
I feel a lot of them are on here out of desperation and that if they see any decent girl, they would bombard her. I hate getting flooded with emails from guys who likely just want a quick lay, which is why when I initially joined, my photos are off. Having no profile pictures help soooo much. Compared to how I was on , the amount of messages I receive here is like 1/10th of it. :) Just ignore the emails that demand for you. It's a red flag already.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:40:25 AM
Umm-
It's not that difficult for even the average Joe or Jane to get a LOT of information about someone just from entering a landline phone # into certain search engines( and no it's not obscure engines only known to the unsavory elements of cyberspace.

Just because a woman-or a man for that matter!- posts a profile on a dating site, does not mean that they are REQUIRED to date anyone who approaches them, or give out a lot of personal identifying information. And I think it is up to each individual to decide what precautions are appropriate. If you don't LIKE someone's dating protocols, then just go find someone whose protocols you DO like. You are not going to give correction to levelheaded, emotionally stable adults.
I think a lot of the anger DOES stem from desperation/frustration...because,as some of we women have already stated, most of what's been mentioned here is standard "internet dating safety" information.
I think some people believe that posting a profile on a dating website means that the person is "anxious to date" and will freely hand over all kinds of info, and jump! when anybody says "frog!"
If someone is being overly demanding and pushy, cease contact. If you don't like someone's safety practices, then find someone else to contact. Since most of this complaint seems to be women complaining about demanding men, or men who call safety practices "controlling", I suspect that what may be in play is a (so I hear) fairly common perception that PoF is a "hook-up site". Yes, there are some here to just "hook up", and I wouldn't doubt that there are some here selling their "wares". But that is NOT the designation, there ARE sites that even ADVERTISE on TV as "for hooking up"-if a man wants quick gratification then perhaps he would be better served to patronize those sites and stick with PoF for "real" dating with people who have enough self-esteem to look out for themselves.
Cindy O
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