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 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 96
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Tell me about it OP! I've had a number of those in the last couple of weeks, one guy getting very abusive telling me to grow up and eventually telling me I had no business being on this website and to get the eff off here. I told them, so do you go up to a woman in a bar and say "Hi gorgeous, how are you, my name is blah blah, how is your weekend, what it happening, can I have your phone number and lets go for coffee" and think he's going to get anywhere?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 97
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 11:19:22 AM
I have been thru this before too. I have rules...

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme, but if they really like you, if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.

Last but not least...there is block/report button for a reason. Hope this helps you.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 98
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 12:39:34 PM

1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.

2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)

3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.

4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.

Some of you may think this extreme,


Yes, I do. I would pass. It's difficult to believe a solid, deep, fulfilling, lasting realtionship can develop from such a suspicious and tension-filled beginning.


if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand


I am on the up and up, and I am a decent human, therefore, I do not wish to be treated like a serial killer.


and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.


Well, then, what happened to all these "good ones"?
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 99
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:50:43 PM
Travelious guy....or what ever your name is...

I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...plus I am in the process of moving to another state


I am careful....there are a lot of nuts out there. The last one I dated from here, had 38 guns and had a temper... it took several months to show. You don't need 38 guns to shoot a deer and some geese a year.

I am fun, but I am honest, and I will tell you the reasons I am careful....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 100
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:55:12 PM
I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...


Then how were they "good ones" if you didn't like their behavior?

And you just confirmed what I surmised before, ......no solid, deep, fulfilling relationship grew out of the suspicious, tension-filled beginnings.


....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said.


I'm not interested in jumping through anyone's hoops, and I don't think too many people are interested in jumping through hoops to prove themselves. And I don't make people jump through hoops. I listen, observe, and analyze, and I treat people like normal human beings until they show me I need to do otherwise.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 101
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:00:34 AM
YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 102
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/15/2012 11:14:57 AM

YOu didn't read on.....

I gave an example....one guy was a 'hunter' w/ 38 guns. ...but his true temper issues showed as we were dating longer....didn't like that.

No one is being asked to jump thru hoops, but I am going to make sure you are who you claim to be. I think most woman would agree on here...


I did read on.
In your first post, you said the "good ones" understood what you were doing for safety and went along with it. Then you said you didn't like their behaviors. So how were they "good ones" in the end? And if they weren't really "good ones", then you just made that assumption in the beginning because they were the ones that were willing to go along with your extreme methods.
The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 104
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 10:48:07 AM
Messages #126-9

It is entirely possible for someone to be a "good one", yet not be a "match" for a longterm relationship. There are lots of men out there that I wouldn't date or become involved with, and they are perfectly good, decent,upstanding citizen type of men. But there just isn't a mutual chemistry, or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


The bottom line is, you picked these guys, you did things your extreme way, and in the end your results weren't any better than those for people who use less extreme methods of dating.

"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact. The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-it's to avoid the rare but terrifying(or even deadly) experience of getting caught up with a stalker, thief, rapist,or killer. Or abusive/control freak men( which can also turn pretty ugly).
I think everyone needs to practice a certain degree of caution in MANY aspects of having encounters with strangers, whether it's dating, or having someone come to your home because you have advertised something for sale,making sure that any service technicians ARE who they say they are...
Just because one decides that a person is not a match for dating, relationship, or even just friendship after a time,, doesn't mean that he or she is not a good person.
Cindy O
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 105
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 11:05:43 AM
"Extreme?" Sorry, dude, but her behavior is prety much right out of ANY book, website, blog about safely dating from online contact.


Reread her first post again.
SHE was the one who stated that some of us might think her methods to be extreme, and I simply agreed with her on that point.



The point isn't to obtain certain "results"-


Unless someone is just looking to pass the time of day on their dates, the results they are looking for are what they have stated in their profile.


or perhaps there is a behavior or attitude that I dislike. But that doesn't mean those men are not"good ones",generally speaking.


Well, then I have to wonder why so many women keep complaining that they cannot find a "good one", if there are so many "good ones" around that they can be tossed aside without a second thought.

And speaking of "control freaks", she says she doen't give out her number but gets theirs and makes sure she blocks hers when she calls, she only goes to places she already knows filled with a lot of people and "pre-warns" friends she will be there, doesn't give out personal email, and she doesn't get into a car with them for a month.
If that's not a control freak, I don't know what is. She is trying to be in control of every detail.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 107
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 2:52:21 PM
why block her number? What, she doesn't want guys she met on a dating site to ask her out? We seem like we still have a very immature approach to phone numbers, like it's a guarantee of a relationship, like how it was back in 4th grade.

She seems more like someone that's paranoid than someone that's cautious. If you're hiding your phone number, what else are you hiding? A husband? You're trying to scam guys? What are you afraid of?

At some point, we need to grow up. Don't give out your address, meet only in well lit public, but not overcrowded places, make sure there's always someone that knows where you are... And leave the paranoia at home.

The guy was right, she's trying to control everything, there's more to the story than we know about.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 109
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:35:12 PM
Right, let's all get paranoid about our safety and nobody trade phone numbers with each other. I'm sure that'll get us far.

A phone number is just that, a phone number. What am I gonna do with your cell phone number, call you?
 coronagranny
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 110
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:46:03 PM
I just posted a post , I think, the bottom line is I am glad I am not the only one with this problem.
 coronagranny
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 111
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 3:49:58 PM
I wish there was a "like" button, I like that comment... what are you going to do with your cell phone number.. call you? ^5 on that, good one..
 TheOverThinker
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 112
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/16/2012 4:27:42 PM
I feel a lot of them are on here out of desperation and that if they see any decent girl, they would bombard her. I hate getting flooded with emails from guys who likely just want a quick lay, which is why when I initially joined, my photos are off. Having no profile pictures help soooo much. Compared to how I was on , the amount of messages I receive here is like 1/10th of it. :) Just ignore the emails that demand for you. It's a red flag already.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/19/2012 10:40:25 AM
Umm-
It's not that difficult for even the average Joe or Jane to get a LOT of information about someone just from entering a landline phone # into certain search engines( and no it's not obscure engines only known to the unsavory elements of cyberspace.

Just because a woman-or a man for that matter!- posts a profile on a dating site, does not mean that they are REQUIRED to date anyone who approaches them, or give out a lot of personal identifying information. And I think it is up to each individual to decide what precautions are appropriate. If you don't LIKE someone's dating protocols, then just go find someone whose protocols you DO like. You are not going to give correction to levelheaded, emotionally stable adults.
I think a lot of the anger DOES stem from desperation/frustration...because,as some of we women have already stated, most of what's been mentioned here is standard "internet dating safety" information.
I think some people believe that posting a profile on a dating website means that the person is "anxious to date" and will freely hand over all kinds of info, and jump! when anybody says "frog!"
If someone is being overly demanding and pushy, cease contact. If you don't like someone's safety practices, then find someone else to contact. Since most of this complaint seems to be women complaining about demanding men, or men who call safety practices "controlling", I suspect that what may be in play is a (so I hear) fairly common perception that PoF is a "hook-up site". Yes, there are some here to just "hook up", and I wouldn't doubt that there are some here selling their "wares". But that is NOT the designation, there ARE sites that even ADVERTISE on TV as "for hooking up"-if a man wants quick gratification then perhaps he would be better served to patronize those sites and stick with PoF for "real" dating with people who have enough self-esteem to look out for themselves.
Cindy O
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