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 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 151
Way Too MuchPage 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
and yes,,this was my experience once and all the thoughts i had ,,,,why isn't she answering when i know she has that phone next to her every minute of the day?????????????


Hmm, well, for me, I could be in a meeting for work, or I could be (as I was several months back) up balanced on the roof with a bucket of mortar rebuilding the top few courses of brick (and re-capping w/ concrete) the top of my chimney, or cleaning out the gutters, or the phone could quite simply be in the house on the charger while I'm outside mowing the lawn in the summer, or have a friend with his 24" chainsaw cutting the base of tree in my yard while I'm keeping a rope taught to help it fall in the right direction as the 1000+lb 22" dia (at the base) cherry tree comes crashing down in the yard... or, I could just simply have left the phone on the charger and be out mowing the lawn and can't hear it anyways. Or in simpler terms, *I COULD BE BUSY* doing something else, and I'm not your "Pavlov's dog" that jumps every time you "ring the bell".


she MUST be ignoring me it is the only logical conclusion,,,so,,why are you ignoring me? and i call again......see


And if you kept calling and calling, I would think they were friggen obsessive/possessive crazy and no matter how much I thought they were normal and liked them prior, they'd quickly go on the 'I'm tossing this one back in the pond' list. That's just quite simply really friggen annoying.

My rule of thumb is, you call and leave a message if they don't answer. Its their job to call back - if they do, it's all good, if they don't then they don't. Maybe try tomorrow. I have a life too, and mine goes on whether they answer or not, and if they never call back then I guess it wasn't meant to be - no great loss, life goes on. I think the OP was perfectly fine in her judgement - too much, too fast, which is NOT a good sign for the future, it is a sign of some big insecurity issues.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 152
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:00:39 PM
I've been following this thread with interest but mostly in awe at the over-justification for fear mongering, as other posters have stated. The thread started as an annoyance at frequent calls after no indication that previous communication had been in any way threatening and, indeed, the OP was herself a previous frequent communicator by her own admission later on in the thread. There was no mention of messages being left that were threatening and no mention of messages being left at all until that was questioned. The annoyance turned to fear suddenly when others had expressed their own experiences with people who caused legitimate fear by either comments or actions by dates gone wrong.

She didn't have time for him because she wasn't totally enthused with him and was stringing him along by continuing to communicate. She gave him feedback by email instead of simply picking up the phone to begin with and saying she was no longer interested.


However, its the very facing of those fears that dissipates them and frees us from fear.


Her biggest fear was in facing her own discomfort at picking up the phone to state she was no longer interested. This whole thread took a huge twist out of embarrassment at not doing the adult thing in the first place and being called on it.


She gave him feedback by email when she said she didn't want contact anymore, so hopefully he can learn from his mistake. If he was potentially harmful, however, she's maybe just saved herself.


No, hopefully, she can learn from her mistake and get help for her unresolved trauma caused by her girlfriend's demise at the hands of a person who was a real threat. She has no business dipping her feet in the dating pond if her reactions are still so over the top if she, in fact, was fearful of this man, rather than simply annoyed. Otherwise she'll see danger lurking behind any attention that any man shows her.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 153
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:34:00 PM
So the beat goes on...

I think most women approach dating with a certain concern for their safety. The 24 hour news cycle we live with, never reports on "woman had a nice date tonight, and is thrilled she went!", it's always the negative that drives the headlines.

As for guys on here, there is no way to measure the approach of the majority as to what they see acceptable, what they know is not, or even if they understand the subtle unspoken rules, of how this works.

Of course here in the forums, it's no different than the 24 hour news cycle. Few read the testimonial pages, fewer still post happy stories. Why would they? There was one recently about a woman who had met a man and had a "beautiful date", she encouraged others to participate in the joys of dates they had, had. The thread didn't run more than a page and a half, and STILL, many posted negative comments, despite her wish they didn't.

Now what has all this clap trap I just posted to do with the OP?

Dating, while approaching the process with fear, is to me, not a recipe for success. I don't damn the OP for having her fears, I just think this medium is hard enough on the ego, to bring extra baggage to the party seems a trial for both her and anyone she dates!

I wonder if she dated others, and they simply abided the unspoken rule of, well this isn't going anywhere, I'll just walk away. This one didn't, maybe he was "scary", we don't know, we don't know him or the OP. Perhaps he was just more persistent, than the others? That doesn't make him "scary", it may make him annoying or a pain in the azz, but nothing I read seemed to indicate he was doind anything but trying to get another date, after being put on hold for 2 weeks.

It would seem to me, dating with one foot out the door, due to fear would negate the appeal of trying to meet people online. The very nature of online involves meeting total strangers, how could one with a major fear issue, ever be comfortable in these circumstances?

So I go back to my original premise of the OP should stick to dating IRL. Yes it can be harder to meet people that way, yes there will be less of a selection than online meeting provides. The alternative for the OP, though is to have her fear button pushed everytime a stranger asks her for a date.


VVVV Your experience aside, this was a case of 3 calls in 24 hours. Trying to make all men look crazy, which seems to be your goal on these forums, just skews the issue. Anyone reading your posting history, can plainly see, you've never met ONE single good man. VVVVVVVV
 otterplay
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 154
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:40:47 PM
Same happened here, I talked with an interested party once. He said I could call him back when I wanted. He called up to 10 times a day on different phones, including private, for each subsequent day. I sent him one email asking him to stop, now. He got one more email in before I blocked him which I deleted without being read.

Any intelligent being knows not to hound a stranger with massive stalker harassing calls. Anyone who does it is very ill. Very.bv
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 155
view profile
History
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:24:51 PM
OP...I've found some clues and options for ya:

Your profile states:

"4. I am wise, grounded and practical with strong goals and a perfect credit score.";
"6. I am loyal, trustworthy and honest. Don't ask if you don't want to hear the truth...";
"9. I'm very courageous and I have moxie.";
and
"10. Lastly, I'm freaking hot! "

So, this guy is in high pursuit since you're "hot" (see #10 above). You are "courageous" and have "moxie" (see # 9 above) but have not used either to tell him the "truth" (see #6 above).

If all else fails treat him like an annoying creditor and never answer his calls. Which has me wondering...getting PERFECT (850 right?) credit is almost impossible. What is your secret ?

While your at it, see what you can find out about this guy with your "credit" connections...you might be surprised to find a criminal record or two. ;-0

Good luck !
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 156
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/24/2012 6:16:50 PM
Wow
talk about OTT and things getting out of hand-now we have people leaping to other threads and psychoanalyzing other posters?

Look-this is what I think. And I've personally had the experience where one meets someone or maybe has a date or 2-but there are constraints on time, or distance, temporarily incompatible schedules-so the "courtship" (so to speak) moves to the telephone...but the person that one was initially interested in overdoes the phone yakking and "wears out their welcome"...or stuff comes out in the conversations that make it apparent that compatibility will end up being an issue. Now-in my situation, I managed to dial the thing down and end it without tears, recriminations or bloodshed.

But I didn't have the experience of having a friend murdered because of a guy not accepting a loss of interest. My biggest problem/fear is that I hate to hurt someone...but I also am not going to stifle my own loss of interest and PRETEND feelings that I don't really have.

To me, the situation the OP has outlined sounds very much like a case of the man in question "wearing out his welcome". Now-she may have tried hard to maintain an interest in the guy,but at the end of the day, she just did not want to keep the thing going.
We none of us have any way of knowing the content and nature of the phone conversations and messages,so how can we judge the OP to be in the wrong for being concerned?
Cindy O
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 157
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History
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:21:46 AM
Watts, I agree. She told him to call her and did not answer the call. I think she is being too hard on him. If however, she answered the call and clarified that he is calling too much and he continued, then she should set limits on him. I had a friend that did that and I just set limits.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 158
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/26/2012 4:38:35 PM
Same happened here, I talked with an interested party once. He said I could call him back when I wanted. He called up to 10 times a day on different phones, including private, for each subsequent day. I sent him one email asking him to stop, now. He got one more email in before I blocked him which I deleted without being read.

Any intelligent being knows not to hound a stranger with massive stalker harassing calls. Anyone who does it is very ill. Very.bv

No, otter, your experience is nothing like OP's.
She told him to call. They talked every day for weeks (i.e. OP continued to give the guy the impression she was interested and he should keep calling)
OP did not mention the man harrassed her or was threatening in any way.
This man did not call 10 times/day. He called a few times in a day because SHE DIDN"T ANSWER after 2 wks of talking every day. He had no reason to think there was anything going on except he missed her.
OP did NOT say this man called multiple times EVERY DAY over those 2 weeks.
OP did not block him or give any indication she didn't want him to contact her UNTIL about page 3 of this thread when she sent him an email.
If I remember correctly the man sent one email reply of the type 'oh, sorry, I was worried because you didnt answer. I'll stop'

No, otter, your situation is not like OPs at all. Your guy actually harrassed and gave reason to be annoyed and maybe afraid. OPs guy was just annoying TO HER. There are many women who would not find a few calls in ONE day when they didn't connect on the first call or two.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 159
view profile
History
Way Too Much
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:13:54 PM
^^^^^
I said the same thing in msg.119 in which I also provided a link to Otter's thread. I also said her situation was more extreme than this one.

Oh nevermind. Otter is gone now. She will return under a new name.
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