Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 30
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Ok, that is believable.......Then I guess if that is her feelings and obviously you nor I know that for sure, there still comes a day when they BOTH have to be mature and rectify this situation
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 31
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:01:23 PM
@ msg #31. Perhaps she did like some women do, and decided to raise the child on her own. Who knows what her deal is in this situation.

We can only base our opinion off of what was provided by the OP.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 32
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:07:03 PM
Can't argue with you on that Rush, there is the only one side that is heard....Would be interesting to hear both sides to really understand more, even though emails like these forums are very shaky as far as ever knowing what is going on
 amore01
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 34
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:23:05 PM
use protection from now on to avoid these situations
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 35
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:30:11 PM

Really? On a 50-50 chance that MY resources could help another man's child? There is a reason for my anti-single mothers stance, and it's not about preconceptions of their situations, like they assume. I just don't care about anyone's else's kid, and will not lose a single cent over one. I'd be suing her for anything I bought if it wasn't, and making things harder for her in the end. So best to cut that off at the past.


How about using YOUR resources to help out YOUR friend and worry about their child's paternity after? You said this was a FWB situation. Either you are not truly a friend, or you are incredibly cheap and selfish. I get the feeling it is all of the above.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 36
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:31:40 PM
spot4username

You are the typical selfish male who doesnt like using protection and now may be you are paying the price. I think the girl knows that the baby is not yours more than likely. Getting the DNA done may scare her off and it is pricey for sure. Many men are like you and could have children around that you do not know or care to know.
I would go nowhere near a man who wont use protection. She is also remiss but then may have wanted a baby anyway. Mother instinct is very strong even sub consciously.
I feel for the poor babies and the taxpayer that typically foots the bill for their education etc, very often. Read my lips

NO BALLOON NO PARTY!!!!!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 37
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:33:52 PM
OP - the child is born.



go get a blood test.


its that simple man.


she may have slept with 2 men - heck, she may have slept with 20 men.


all you know is that YOU slept with and and gave her some baby batter and a baby has been born...



go take the test and quit acting irresponsibly...

don't wait for ""HER"" to pin you down to take the test...


afterall - how u gonna feel if VTECTurbo Jr is YOURS ???



quit texting, pick up the fone and call her up and set up a time to get tested...


I don't wanna see you on Maury...
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
History
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:36:37 PM
VTEC, I love the fact that you don't date single mothers, but you seem quite happy to create them.

AND the fact that there's a 50/50 chance that YOUR baby is not being taken care of by its father.

Justify!
 fullbug03044
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 39
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 5:51:17 PM
Jesus Christ, the gene pool needs more chlorine.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 40
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:03:38 PM
she's the one that slept with 2 guys, and she's the one with the kid.


You're the one who slept with a woman who slept with 2 guys without protection. :)

How about stepping up and being the responsible one and make the test happen!?
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 41
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:17:20 PM
I do agree with the test, get it done and it is not only responsible but it gives you finality as far as the baby is yours or it is not....OP, if you do it, let us know....And like someone else posted, the main thing in this whole story is the importance of a human being, the baby!!...An innocent person above both the woman and the man!
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 42
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:24:34 PM
she realized you were a butthead, had the other guy tested, knows for sure it is yours, but is secretly hoping she can make it without you in her life.

like the rest said... it's not too bad until 5 years old, when you're struggling to get school supplies, she'll start thinking that she needs your money no matter how big of a dyck you are...

hence, my recent acquisition of my son's father's address...

get the test done.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 43
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:35:45 PM
Hey, if the OP goes on Maury, can I go on Maury at the same time and throw a chair at him??

I'm with dogslife- the OP better be proactive NOW-and find out if it is or isn't his child,because if Mamma puts his name on the birth certificate and then needs to apply for any kind of government assistance-the OP will be required to pay CS-and the burden of proving that he's NOT the father will fall on him. At least that's how it works here in MI.

I can sort of understand that perhaps the woman has chosen to raise the child alone and avoid the child support issues. While the OP comes across as a genuine piece of work, there are cases where a mother seeking assistance/child support has been harrassed, threatened,even harmed.

As for you-Mr. OP-young man, your animosity towards single mothers is freakin' ridiculous...it's you, and other men of your ilk, that help create those single mothers. I swear, I think we may have to go back to women refusing to have sex outside of marriage in order to control all these raging penises dragging their hapless owners around.
Even though I am well past having to worry about single motherhood, I have to say that it's the awareness that the dating scene seems to contain a lot of men with the OPs juvenile attitude, that makes me go over dating opportunities with a fine-tooth comb, lest it turn out to be an older model of the OP.
OP-no you haven't done enough. You need to establish whether or not this is your child-before the woman decides to SAY you are the father and put that on the child's birth certificate. If it IS your child, fer gawds sake be a REAL man, and take some responsibility for that childs' well-being.
Cindy O
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 44
view profile
History
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:45:54 PM
I made it clear I wasnt helping with the prenancy or anything,since I could be helping another man's kid and that does not work for me.


If I were you I will have a DNA test if the unborn child is mine or not ... Most women really knows who the father is even they are phucking 2 men ,it has something to do with their PERIOD when it stop and the last time they have sex with either man .
Long time ago a friend told me that her unborn child is not her husband's child it is from her married lover, at that time DNA test is not known yet.We relay when baby born who s/he resemblance.. Well. the baby resemble the lover when he was growing up but the husband did not notice it,(not sure about this??) what is good about being Asian we look alike ,dark skin slante eyes,broad nose and black hair..
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 45
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 8:29:54 PM

spot4username

You are the typical selfish male who doesnt like using protection and now may be you are paying the price. I think the girl knows that the baby is not yours more than likely. Getting the DNA done may scare her off and it is pricey for sure. Many men are like you and could have children around that you do not know or care to know.
I would go nowhere near a man who wont use protection. She is also remiss but then may have wanted a baby anyway. Mother instinct is very strong even sub consciously.
I feel for the poor babies and the taxpayer that typically foots the bill for their education etc, very often. Read my lips

NO BALLOON NO PARTY!!!!!


Are you talking to me?

I am not a man.

I admonished the OP for being such a cad.

Methinks you are confused.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 46
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:18:50 AM
Start shopping for a good lawyer! It does not matter who the father might be because you did not have a say in it's conception. It was her choice to have the child and if you do not want to be a father you should have zero obligations. No reproduction rights. No obligations. It does not sound like you gonna back down to some emotional manipulation but it's really dumb to make a deposit and hope it will bounce.
 katty1981
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 47
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:34:12 AM
no you have done enough.... don't bother contacting her again. Sometimes a child is better off without there father/mother as there complete tossers!
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 48
view profile
History
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:34:55 AM

Start shopping for a good lawyer! It does not matter who the father might be because you did not have a say in it's conception. It was her choice to have the child and if you do not want to be a father you should have zero obligations. No reproduction rights. No obligations. It does not sound like you gonna back down to some emotional manipulation.


You have got to be one of the most heartless people in existence.

There is a child involved here.

The OP CHOSE not to use birth control. He had a say in its conception when he choose not to use a condom. He made his choice.

It's not the child's fault that the OP didn't use a condom. Why should the child have to suffer for it? It says a lot about the kind of person you are that you would suggest that he make his own child suffer for his lack of foresight.

Please don't ever have children. That you view the rights and needs of children so callously says a lot about the kind of father you would be.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 49
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:51:09 AM
You have got to be one of the most heartless people in existence.

Legal system does not listen to emotions. Please shed a tear for all the fathers whos children got taken away before judging me. You do not know me. Do not assume you do.


The OP CHOSE not to use birth control. He had a say in its conception when he choose not to use a condom. He made his choice.

It's not the child's fault that the OP didn't use a condom. Why should the child have to suffer for it? It says a lot about the kind of person you are that you would suggest that he make his own child suffer for his lack of foresight.

Who has final say if the child is born or aborted? A man? haha. She made that choice without even knowing who is the inseminator, never mind if a child will have an actual father.
Birth control is responsibility of both and we don't know the whole story.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 50
view profile
History
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 7:12:11 AM
Please shed a tear for all the fathers whos children got taken away before judging me.


If you were suggesting that he find a lawyer to ensure that his rights as a father are protected, then this statement would have bearing. That is not what you suggested. You told him to find a lawyer to enable him to abandon his own child.


Who has final say if the child is born or aborted? A man? haha.


The woman should have the final say because this is HER body. I empathize with the men who are frustrated that they lose total control over the situation once conception occurs, but it doesn't change the fact that biology has made women the bearers of children.

Is it fair that men don't get a say in the decision to abort or not abort? No.

However, it's also not fair that women are the ones that have to go through pregnancy and childbirth and have to accept all of the medical and physical risks associated with these events and with abortion.

Let me know when YOU are the one who gets stretchmarks and have to shove something the size of a watermelon out your body. Tearing is a common occurrence with childbirth unless the doctor makes an incision. Did you know that? Doesn't the idea of tears and incisions occurring in a very sensitive part of your body sound like fun to you? I could go on, but I can assure you that pregnancy and childbirth is no walk in the park.

As long as women are the ones who carry and bear the children, they are the ones who should get the final say. Until men become the gender that gets pregnant, they should focus their efforts on prevention.

If they don't want to become fathers, use condoms regularly, consider getting a vasectomy and pressure the powers to be for more birth control options for men. You mentioned a bc pill for men elsewhere in the forums. Why not focus your energy on making that a reality? As a woman, you would have my complete support in that endeavour.

Your arguments neglect the fact that ALL birth control methods have failure rates. Just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean she did it on purpose. Using a condom in addition to whatever bc method she is using is an excellent way to significantly reduce the likelihood of an unplanned pregnancy.

Whom is at fault for the pregnancy is irrelevant at this point as there is an innocent child at stake here. Once conception occurs, it no longer matters who did what to whom. It's about the child, the one true innocent in all of this and his/her needs.


Birth control is responsibility of both and we don't know the whole story.


You're correct. It is the responsibility of both parties. The OP neglected his responsibility and didn't use a condom.

Given that we only have the OP's side and that he is being villified over what HE has told us, it's unlikely that hearing her side is going to alter people's opinions on this particular case.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 51
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 7:38:13 AM
If you were suggesting that he find a lawyer to ensure that his rights as a father are protected, then this statement would have bearing. That is not what you suggested. You told him to find a lawyer to enable him to abandon his own child.
Unwilling inseminator is not a father. He should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.


The woman should have the final say because this is HER body. I empathize with the men who are frustrated that they lose total control over the situation once conception occurs, but it doesn't change the fact that biology has made women the bearers of children.

And that's fine but if she chose to have a child without a father she should shoulder full responsibility.
oh and not to split hairs but empathizing denotes actual feeling of empathy. 'Sympathize' would be a better choice of words.


You mentioned a bc pill for men

It is in testing stage and unfortunately I'm not a pharmacist.


Your arguments neglect the fact that ALL birth control methods have failure rates.

Vaginal sex has it's risks. Yes. But there are other forms.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:13:15 AM
Let me speak plainly-very plainly-here.

I grew up in a time when bc methods were limited and accessing them could be complicated. And you couldn't just waltz into Walmart and buy condoms or other OTC birth control out of the "family planning" aisle.

Here's the deal.
We have now achieved sufficient numbers of humans on the planet that it's no longer imperative for males to impregnate as many females as possible. Instead of charging around shooting into as many holes as one can find, one might want to be more conservative. One might want to NOT depend on a random female fwbs' word about having conception preventative in place. One might want to stop and think about
whether one is willing to help care for and raise a baby that pops out of that hole one is preparing to stick one's unwrapped d*ck into.

If stopping to consider the ramifications is too much trouble, then unfortunately one accepts the inherent risk of conceiving a child. The only way to totally avoid that risk is to control one's desire for sexual gratificaton. Here's a newsflash-science has never proven that having sex is a NEED.

If one can find partners willing to paticipate in a form of sexual interaction that doesn't carry the risk of conception, or one is willing to PAY for sexual gratification in a clearly defined transaction, more power to you.
But the bottom line, gentlemen, is this;

If you cannot deal with the idea of responsibility to an infant human that might come popping out of that hole you wanna stick your d*ck in, then perhaps you should refrain from continuing on that course of action.

Cindy O
 search1965
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 53
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:20:13 AM

It does not matter who the father might be because you did not have a say in it's conception.


WTF?!

He could have SAID, "No, I will not eject my semen into your vagina."

He HAD a say.


It was her choice to have the child and if you do not want to be a father you should have zero obligations.


Says who? Society and the law disagree with you.


No reproduction rights. No obligations.


You always have the right not to have sex. In any event, due to biological realities, your flip response does not work.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:24:09 AM
OMG, I can't believe there are still men who think this way in this day and age!

"Unwilling inseminator"??? How ridiculous. Sorry, but that only happens if you're raped, and you better have a photo of the gun she's got next to your head.

Unless you're a complete moron, you know that when you put sperm into a vagina, there is a chance that a baby can be made. Just because you're biologically wired to bang everything that walks by you and proudly scatter your seed all over the earth doesn't mean you don't have the ability to think and act responsibly and make choices so you can choose not to act on your urges. Just because a woman spreads her legs doesn't obligate you to dive in between them. You can say no, sparky. You really can!

It's time to stop whining about how innocent and victimized you men are. A woman doesn't get pregnant unless you put something in there. If you don't want to make a baby, then YOU act like a man and MAKE SURE you don't. Don't come back whining later on and say "She said she couldn't get pregnant!" YOU are the one who makes her pregnant, YOU make sure she doesn't get pregnant. If you're grown-up enough to make a baby, you're grown-up enough to take action to make sure you don't make one, little buckaroo.

Enough with the victim mentality already, sheesh.

BTW, I gave my sons this same lecture, and they didn't make babies until they were ready :)
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 55
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:25:35 AM
How pathetic and sad of someone to suggest that a man should not have any responsibilities over a child he could have possibly HELPED to create (due to him not using protection) because it was the woman's decision to have the baby. It was apparently OP decision as well (say if the child is his) because any dummy would know to lock up the goods if that individual has no plans on becoming a parent.

Neither one of them used protection, and when a man & a woman f**k without the use of protection here comes the results.

I'm fed up with the moronic thinking of some men, with their nasty and cold hearted suggestions in cases like these.

Said girl made her bed, and she is now lying in it. If the tests come back, and prove OP is the father, he made his bed as well. Two wrongs don't make a right.


Unwilling inseminator is not a father. He should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.


This is an utterly disgusting way of thinking.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >