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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > So, she had a kid, have I done enough?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 51
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If you were suggesting that he find a lawyer to ensure that his rights as a father are protected, then this statement would have bearing. That is not what you suggested. You told him to find a lawyer to enable him to abandon his own child.
Unwilling inseminator is not a father. He should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.


The woman should have the final say because this is HER body. I empathize with the men who are frustrated that they lose total control over the situation once conception occurs, but it doesn't change the fact that biology has made women the bearers of children.

And that's fine but if she chose to have a child without a father she should shoulder full responsibility.
oh and not to split hairs but empathizing denotes actual feeling of empathy. 'Sympathize' would be a better choice of words.


You mentioned a bc pill for men

It is in testing stage and unfortunately I'm not a pharmacist.


Your arguments neglect the fact that ALL birth control methods have failure rates.

Vaginal sex has it's risks. Yes. But there are other forms.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:13:15 AM
Let me speak plainly-very plainly-here.

I grew up in a time when bc methods were limited and accessing them could be complicated. And you couldn't just waltz into Walmart and buy condoms or other OTC birth control out of the "family planning" aisle.

Here's the deal.
We have now achieved sufficient numbers of humans on the planet that it's no longer imperative for males to impregnate as many females as possible. Instead of charging around shooting into as many holes as one can find, one might want to be more conservative. One might want to NOT depend on a random female fwbs' word about having conception preventative in place. One might want to stop and think about
whether one is willing to help care for and raise a baby that pops out of that hole one is preparing to stick one's unwrapped d*ck into.

If stopping to consider the ramifications is too much trouble, then unfortunately one accepts the inherent risk of conceiving a child. The only way to totally avoid that risk is to control one's desire for sexual gratificaton. Here's a newsflash-science has never proven that having sex is a NEED.

If one can find partners willing to paticipate in a form of sexual interaction that doesn't carry the risk of conception, or one is willing to PAY for sexual gratification in a clearly defined transaction, more power to you.
But the bottom line, gentlemen, is this;

If you cannot deal with the idea of responsibility to an infant human that might come popping out of that hole you wanna stick your d*ck in, then perhaps you should refrain from continuing on that course of action.

Cindy O
 search1965
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 53
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:20:13 AM

It does not matter who the father might be because you did not have a say in it's conception.


WTF?!

He could have SAID, "No, I will not eject my semen into your vagina."

He HAD a say.


It was her choice to have the child and if you do not want to be a father you should have zero obligations.


Says who? Society and the law disagree with you.


No reproduction rights. No obligations.


You always have the right not to have sex. In any event, due to biological realities, your flip response does not work.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 54
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:24:09 AM
OMG, I can't believe there are still men who think this way in this day and age!

"Unwilling inseminator"??? How ridiculous. Sorry, but that only happens if you're raped, and you better have a photo of the gun she's got next to your head.

Unless you're a complete moron, you know that when you put sperm into a vagina, there is a chance that a baby can be made. Just because you're biologically wired to bang everything that walks by you and proudly scatter your seed all over the earth doesn't mean you don't have the ability to think and act responsibly and make choices so you can choose not to act on your urges. Just because a woman spreads her legs doesn't obligate you to dive in between them. You can say no, sparky. You really can!

It's time to stop whining about how innocent and victimized you men are. A woman doesn't get pregnant unless you put something in there. If you don't want to make a baby, then YOU act like a man and MAKE SURE you don't. Don't come back whining later on and say "She said she couldn't get pregnant!" YOU are the one who makes her pregnant, YOU make sure she doesn't get pregnant. If you're grown-up enough to make a baby, you're grown-up enough to take action to make sure you don't make one, little buckaroo.

Enough with the victim mentality already, sheesh.

BTW, I gave my sons this same lecture, and they didn't make babies until they were ready :)
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 55
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:25:35 AM
How pathetic and sad of someone to suggest that a man should not have any responsibilities over a child he could have possibly HELPED to create (due to him not using protection) because it was the woman's decision to have the baby. It was apparently OP decision as well (say if the child is his) because any dummy would know to lock up the goods if that individual has no plans on becoming a parent.

Neither one of them used protection, and when a man & a woman f**k without the use of protection here comes the results.

I'm fed up with the moronic thinking of some men, with their nasty and cold hearted suggestions in cases like these.

Said girl made her bed, and she is now lying in it. If the tests come back, and prove OP is the father, he made his bed as well. Two wrongs don't make a right.


Unwilling inseminator is not a father. He should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.


This is an utterly disgusting way of thinking.
 IronBelle
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 56
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:27:33 AM
Both parties here are wrong. The girl & the guy ( whoever the guy is ).

And let me guess, the State will be the one supporting the girl and this baby. And however many more she decides to have.

Be it this man, or whoever else did it, it is wrong. And the child suffers . Taxpayers suffer. All for a night of sex. Good God. And multiply this by how many men and women?

Stop doing this. Go get Educated. Do something with yourselves.
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 57
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:36:15 AM
I suppose, OP, that if you are the complete DB you seem to be, the kid might be better off than having his/her life messed up any more because of you. Take your chances and just maybe your problem will go away.

And shame on you.

And why not get a vasectomy before you use any other woman just to get your rocks off and avoid another little oopsy?

However, if you have any ounce of integrity/honour within you, you will man up, get the test done, and, even if there is no relationship with the mother other than being a parenting partner... do your best to be the greatest dad to the kid that you can ever imagine.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 58
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:55:52 AM
Unwilling inseminator is not a father.


He willingly stuck his d!ck in her and ejaculated. Sounds like a willing inseminator to me.


He should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.


What did the child do to deserve being abandoned?


And that's fine but if she chose to have a child without a father she should shoulder full responsibility.


Unfortunately, all too often, this is what happens. She does end up shouldering the full responsiblity with the taxpayers picking up the tab for what she is unable to fully shoulder alone.


It is in testing stage and unfortunately I'm not a pharmacist.


Is there someone I could write to to get this to market faster?

I love the idea of both genders using their own methods of birth control as all of birth control methods have failure rates and two or more bc methods are more effective than one. There would be significantly fewer unwanted pregnancies. As a woman who is fully aware that if my birth control method were to fail, that the bulk of caring for and financially supporting the resulting child would end up being my responsibility, I am entirely in favour of anything that would further minimize the likelihood of an unplanned pregnancy.


Vaginal sex has it's risks. Yes. But there are other forms.


He CHOSE not to use those forms. He CHOSE to have vaginal sex. He made his choice and now has to accept the consquences.
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 59
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 10:09:29 AM
IDK, but it seems to me the OP, now that the shock has worn off, just might be having a change of heart. I truly hope this does continue.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 60
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 11:05:18 AM
I hope the test comes out negative.
I hope the child is not yours.
 CHULO_MALO2010
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 61
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 11:12:36 AM
Two things, either she was lying and maybe just wanted money from you or the kid is not yours and she and the guy are living happily ever after.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 62
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 1:53:59 PM
Did anyone not read? I said she actually called me up a bit after I made the thread. I'm going to test on Tuesday if everything goes as scheduled.

People also seem to have it wrong, I am steadfast in my ways regarding other peoples children, and THAT is why I am the way that I am about this. If this was my actual GF, and there was no question, I would be like any other happy father, or whatever.

By the way, last week, she asked me for my last name (known her for about 1.5 years and she doesnt know) and said she needed it for the test, I didnt give it to her, and yet yesterday when she called, she 'somehow' had everything set up, and ready for us to go? Yeah, when she asked for my name, she wanted to put it on that certificate. I promise had I given it to her, she wouldnt have mentioned a test, and I would have been getting child support notices in the mail.

She was going to try to put me on the hook for this other man's kid.
 IronBelle
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 63
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 1:58:36 PM
They can and will still find you. However, you do not know if it is yours or not. So instead of trying to shake the legal system, give her the name before they come and get it themselves, and find out if it is yours or not? It may very well not be ! But it also might be, you know?

Yeah some of us can read and are pretty smart. I also refuse to read every little statement of yours. I am going by your opening comment, where you basically do not want to take the responsibility to find out if it is yours.

Evading it is only making it worse. And she may have all of you tested. And can. You & this * girl * seem to not be the sharpest tool in Daddy's shed, and some of us hard working smart people keep having to pay ( literally ) to support all these unplanned babies. I get you do not want to pay child support ~ ME either. Especially if the little rug rat is not mine. It is why I have always been safe, on birth control, or said NO. Maybe you should start doing the same thing.

Up to you, but they will find you eventually. It is not hard these days. And if you are certain it is NOT yours, even more of a reason to get the test done.

 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 64
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 2:00:09 PM
Yeah, next time, choose a better class of woman to have unprotected sex with. It's all her fault that you've even had to THINK about any of this.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 65
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 2:08:47 PM
'You all seem to not be the sharpest tool in Daddy's shed, and some of us hard working smart people keep having to pay ( literally ) to support all these unplanned babies.'

Ha. As if I dont.

As a healthy, working, childless male, on no kind of assistance, I am also paying for the **stards that are created. No tax or social security dollar I pay goes to anything that could actually help ME. I HATE shopping the first couple day of the month and seeing these Grub Stub people, with shopping carts full of unnecesary shit, just because they can, which people such myself foot the bill for.
 IronBelle
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 66
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 2:32:12 PM
Amen. So go find out if you are the Daddy, so we do not need to pay for Junior :)

How hard is it, especially claiming you feel the same way? You start this * drama * yet you do not even want to find out? If you are so positive you are not Daddy, I do not get what you are so afraid of. Well, I do. I was in law Enforcement for a long time and dealt with this mentality more than once....good old denial, run & hide process. Then cry when they get subpoena for the drama....lol

Sad. Just down right sad.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 67
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 3:26:37 PM

As a healthy, working, childless male, on no kind of assistance, I am also paying for the **stards that are created. No tax or social security dollar I pay goes to anything that could actually help ME. I HATE shopping the first couple day of the month and seeing these Grub Stub people, with shopping carts full of unnecesary shit, just because they can, which people such myself foot the bill for.


Ironic, a child that could be yours, & a woman you slept with, may very well end up being of those "**stards" shopping at grub stub on the first of the month. So ..um..yeah, you are not any better than those people you are looking down on. (whats grub stub anyways? A walmart type store? A market?)

Anyways......if this woman files for child support on you before you get a test done, the child support dept. will give you the option to take a paternity test before support is enforced. However? I would get that test FAST. If you are the father, you can & will be required to pay back child support, which can add up pretty quickly to a bug lump sum, which could lead to jail time, loss of drivers license, & a nasty court case if you dont or cant pay it. Then, yes, the taxpayers will be supporting YOUR little **stard (your words, not mine), while YOUR child & it's Mother line up at grub stub.

Child support enforcement does not play around. GET TESTED. Hell, do it today. Do it tomorrow morning. dont even wait until Tuesday.

If NOT yours, then at least you KNOW, & you made a valiant attempt to stand by a child that might have been yours.
 Steveo480
Joined: 5/27/2010
Msg: 68
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 3:41:07 PM
You seem to have a problem with single mothers yet its guys like you that keep making them that way. Your a good reason why some should be court ordered to go to the hospital and get neutered.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 69
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 4:05:39 PM
OP ... I think Maury Povich could help ..try writing him
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 70
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 4:15:18 PM
"If this was my actual GF, and there was no question, I would be like any other happy father, or whatever."

This just gets funnier every time you post.

So you'll just knock up any woman that comes along, they aren't even your girlfriend. Just bang 'em, don't use protection, martyr yourself when they show up pregnant, and proudly thump your chest as you announce to the world that single moms should be avoided. Now you're complaining because single moms get public assistance, but you're the one who is making them eligible for public assistance!

Dude, you're a real tool. Maybe you should quit while you're ahead, because the more you keep telling us in here, the more you keep burying yourself.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 71
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 5:26:12 PM
If the mother wants to know who the father is it's up to her to request both men get tested. A cheap blood test will tell if he is not the father. It won't tell if he is the father, for that it takes a DNA test. He is under no obligation to get a test on his own. Speaking of "protection" he can protect himself by sending her a witnessed registered letter offering to be tested at her request and include a deadline for the test. She has to provide a sample from the child. If a woman does not want to conceive there are any number of ways to prevent it. This is not the middle ages. Her womb is her responsibity. Ask any femminist. She was obviously irresponsible in more ways than one. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. Her silence speaks volumes.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 72
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 5:45:01 PM
He could have SAID, "No, I will not eject my semen into your vagina."

She could be lying about his paternity. She could have said she is on bc. She could have had morning after pill. She could have had an abortion. FINAL decision in creation of a child is up to the woman. She made a choice to have the child regardless of his say or any other males in the matter. If he had his say, child probably would not exist.


Says who? Society and the law disagree with you.

That's why he needs a good lawyer.


He willingly stuck his d!ck in her and ejaculated. Sounds like a willing inseminator to me.

I'm not sure if men have psychic powers to order sperm who to impregnate. That would be nice though but we can discuss complexities of male orgasm and ejaculation in sex forum.


What did the child do to deserve being abandoned?

Child does not have a father. Forcing sperm donor to become one is ludicrous.

In simple terms
woman wants a baby and man does not = woman wins
man wants to have a baby and woman does not = woman wins
Why? Just because she is a woman?

How about this scenario. Woman breaks into a sperm bank and impregnates her self. Clams she had sex with male donor. What now? Legal system gonna rape a man again?
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 73
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 5:50:58 PM
^^^ The fact that he may have fathered a child is enough of an obligation to pursue a test.
If he is the father, the longer he puts off the test, the more back support will be piling up.
If the woman is acting strange about the whole thing or dragging her feet, this is when, for the sake of the CHILD, the alleged father needs to be proactive & get a test, STAT.

Both parties were irresponsible, & had adequate options for birth control. Since neither chose to use those options, now someone has to step up for this child. Nobody is telling the OP he should go along with how she wants to run the show, or care for a child that is not his. Simply, to man up, find out IF it is his, & if it is, to be a Father. Dont wait around for her to get sh*t done. Take it into your own hands. And to be a little more careful about uprotected sex. For someone that dislikes single mothers, you would think said person would be more proactive to not have potential "babymama's & little **stards" running around, dontcha think?
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 74
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:00:44 PM

She could be lying about his paternity

Which is why paternity tests exist.


She could have had morning after pill.


Which is why condoms & nonoxynol-9 exists. Relying on someone else to make life decisions with your best interest in mind, is the stupidest thing anybody can do.


She could have had an abortion. FINAL decision in creation of a child is up to the woman.


Which is why it behooves a man greatly to be responsible or his choices at the time of conception, because most people with a 4th grade sex education know that pregnancy occurs in a womans body only, & that by virtue of that fact, they have more post-conception choices than a man does. Not all women WANT to have abortions. Some will, some wont. Which is why men need to be smart about their sex lives, whom they sleep with, & how they protect themselves. Women should too, but since they have the post-conception power, if you dont want kids, dont GIVE that power away.


In simple terms
woman wants a baby and man does not = woman wins
man wants to have a baby and woman does not = woman wins
Why? Just because she is a woman?



Because women gestate & give birth. Men do not. You can not force a woman to have an abortion, nor can you force a woman to give birth. Dont want someone making your life altering decisions for you? Be smart.


How about this scenario. Woman breaks into a sperm bank and impregnates her self. Clams she had sex with male donor. What now? Legal system gonna rape a man again?


Ummm...yeah...i am sure....that that farfecthed idea happens on a daily basis. I was sjust thinking about doing that tomorrow in between grocery shopping & the car-wash.

 Testin101
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 75
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:26:00 PM
This thread is filled with typical female bullshit, accepting absolutly no responsibility and demanding it from others. straight up, Falco-Punch - go to prison for assault for a year, free meals, free gym, free career training. following this simply find judge with like minded ideals on the affirmative action givin towards women recieve pardon. win-win situation. in the end you have a better job, better body ( from all that working out in prison) and if the girl can get over her emotional shit fit following it, she goes to college and 5 years down the line send you a letter thanking you.
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