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 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 26
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when do you just walk away?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You have been playing house with a man who finds you convenient.
 itsavoyage
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 27
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 12:20:10 PM
Thanks everyone. I asked him when we can sit and talk about all this we went out last night and are both nursing delicate heads today so I'm not sure when it will happen.
 ola_3
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 28
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 2:41:33 PM
Onegodfather........
 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 29
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 3:53:41 PM
This is a common occurrence with some men..even though they already have a great relationship with someone ....it seems they just have some trouble when it comes to being with just One women....it's true that he can't control what the woman sent him...but chances are...she sent that picture for a reason....and why would she have his number to begin with? So I'm another one that agree's with OneGodfather....unless you want to be in a relationship with a two-timer (or three-timer or more) I would just have to say bye bye.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 5:37:41 PM
You had an opportunity to text the bare boob lady and passed on it. Now you'll never know what she was doing or why. Shame. This could all have been cleared up one way or another and saved yourself the time and aggrivation. Better luck next time.
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 31
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 6:52:55 PM
Your original post OP describes the relationship in very utilitarian terms, i.e. he fixes your car, you watch his kids, and you get along otherwise, therefore, the quality of this guy's character was not really on your radar. So why are you surprised. You get what you pay for so to speak. But that is assuming you are extrapolating the correct assumption from this text you "discovered."

All we know for certain in this whole affair is that you can't be trusted to not snoop into someone's phone.
 itsavoyage
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 32
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:01:09 PM
Of course they are utilitarian terms I didn't want to write a book there is a lot of history on both our sides. We spend on average 4 days a week together sometimes more sometimes less. Our kids get along and he and i get along I love being in his company and he goes out of his way to see me. Our schedules are crazy between us we have 5 kids.

We had months ago discussed being exclusive and both agreed to not be "shopping around." I have no problem with my partner going through my phone once we are exclusive because I feel that all those hidden things are exactly what comes back and bites ya in the a$$ and ends up killing relationships.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 33
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 9:01:37 PM
He doesn't sound like someone I would date. I would kick him to the curb. Hard.
 itsavoyage
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 34
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/29/2012 5:47:39 PM
Just an update...we talked. It ended.
 cajuncooker
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 35
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:24:49 PM
Well you both have one thing in common you are both on an internet dating website. so there is the first problem one bad act does not deserve another. If he slept with somone else and you found out about it would you do that in retailiation?
I think you should tell him goodbye and break it off. There are many people out there who hold monogomy in high reguard and dont look at others and set boundries with other people when the are exclusive. There is the occasional woman who does flash a guy and send him a picture, but it is how he responds to it that makes the difference.
I would say you two need to just break it off and you find what you want mongomy let him find what he wants a swinger.
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 36
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You are just a friend with benefits (FWB)
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:27:21 PM
This is the typical scenario of FWB. You want more and he just wants to have sex with his friend. FWB never turns into a real relationship because the reason he doesn't want more from you is something about yourself that you cannot change therefore it can never be more. If you are hoping things will change they never will. You will not get a commitment here. This "take is slow" crap is what players say hoping that she won't get to attached because he knows he will dumper her eventually. He is not seriously into you and never will be. Best you break it off.
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 37
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/29/2012 8:01:45 PM
I'm so sorry. I HATE hearing about this crap that some men do.
This is what I think I know about them, which after 50 years, could definetely be more....
But, from what I know, if a guy really likes and wants you, he won't do things like this thus risking you'll leave. It's selfish, hurtful and completely inmature on his part.
I believe it's about as plain and simple as that.
 itsavoyage
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 38
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:51:35 AM
Well you both have one thing in common you are both on an internet dating website.

not sure how to do the box thing. I deleted my account and only rejoined POF when this situation happened specifically so I could come on the forums and get some distanced opinions. I already told him goodbye. Been working on getting over him but it is hard when you see so much potential come to nothing. He told me I am an amazing woman and he just didn't think he could live up to my standards. Whatever. I will go on. I give 110% of myself and deserve a partner who does the same.
 heretomeet1948
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 39
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 7:10:33 AM
Hopefully you take enough time to heal so you're not jaded or too defensive for the next guy. Has to suck knowing you were potentially babysitting his kids when he was out with other women.
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 40
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 7:21:08 AM
I'm glad he didn't dump bs on you on his way out of your life. Believe what he said, he really wasn't up to your standards...at least he owned that.I know this is hard. My best to you ......it does get better.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 41
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:09:43 AM

I quit talking to other guys and deleted my original profile on here because we talked about being exclusive so I felt like that meant we were not going to be looking for other people. We agreed to take thing slowly because we both have kids.

Friends w/ Benefits, while also being a real friend, many times wants monogamy. You're not tied down to flirt, meet new people, etc -- but you don't want to swap fluids with others, and at the same time, yeah, be the #1 "other person" in their life.

I think when you're in that quasi-psuedo-relationship-of-sorts like that, using vague terms like "going slow", but don't want to call it "Dating" -- you're going to run into that. If you took down your profile, you should have had a conversation with him to be on the same page. Maybe part of you knew he wouldn't be oh-so keen on that and that might scare him away.

Either way, you just need to have a talk with him on the subject: Do you want to be a couple or not? If you're spending weekends together, and your kids spend time together, etc., and you're sleeping with him -- what part of "taking it slow" are you referring to? lol You are what you do. And it sounds like you guys really were in a relationship, but due to all the time of the past, didn't lock down the "back door" for other options. That back door to still hang out, flirt, etc with the opposite sex is the only thing remaining as far as "taking it slow" is concerned.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 42
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:17:58 AM
For starter's you had no right to open that text. A person leaving their phone behind at your home does not give you the right to touch it.
Having said that you are where you are and you cannot change the fact that you tampered with his phone.
This look's like a FWB situation. He is using you as a person of convienience and you are using him in the same fashion.
You both agree to have sex and you both agree to give each other favour's. I'm afraid YOU are NOT "The One", however you are "The one to be with until someone better come's along".....Don't hurt yourself by remaining in this relationship.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 43
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:26:44 AM
Yes .....you will go on OP, and will hopefully have learned and taken something away from this experience.

Never, ever give someone 2 precious years of your life if you're not getting what you want and need out of the relationship!

You'll know by the first 6 months if there's potential. If you're both not totally exclusive by then......say good-bye!
If they're still fishing on any dating site....they're still looking!

Forget about worrying about "pushing" a guy/girl by the end of the 1st year. If there has to be "pushing" it's dead and never really lived. Let go, and go on.
If a relationship hasn't progressed to where you both mutually want it to be by 18 months , it never will.
Cut your losses and go.
 BerniesAlive
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 44
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:37:35 AM
Sounds like things were working out.why did you read his text?
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 45
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:06:30 PM
Who's idea was it to take it slow? How slow is slow?

These sorties really need a lot more detail. You already decided somethings going on with that girl, you're just looking for confirmation.

If you want a real opinion, you have to make us understand where you're relationship is exactly as much as you do
 itsavoyage
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 46
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:35:17 PM
Well I think me showing up unannounced and finding her in his bed was pretty clear. At least I understand now that exclusive was me being exclusively an idiot. Made it really easy to walk away.
 usagal66
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 47
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:54:13 PM
I am sorry but I think you should walk....he is still looking and that is all that matters
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 48
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:13:48 PM
I seriously doubt it was the first time that woman sent boob pics. I would terminate with this guy.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 49
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when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:24:18 PM

Well I think me showing up unannounced and finding her in his bed was pretty clear. At least I understand now that exclusive was me being exclusively an idiot. Made it really easy to walk away.


So sorry to hear that.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 50
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:35:33 PM
"Part of being in a realationship is not running away when the going gets tough."

Don't bet your life on that.

Ask him what other lies he is telling and to whom. In 6 years on here no one has ever done that to me because I don't invite it. What did he do? You may not have as much in common as you think.
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