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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 GurugiGets
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 26
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This shit is from 05
 mrbreezeet1
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 27
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:22:20 PM

This shit is from 05

So what, I wanted to make a comment.
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 28
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:56:14 PM
^^^^^^ lol.....It takes about 5 sec...click open ,click close...
 shy2anne
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 29
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:42:12 PM
i agree with most everything "womaninprogess" said. except for the part about the bond. i think you're most likely to bond with someone you see in real life, run in the same circles, shop at the same place, have mutual friends or he/she is a "regular" at your job than someone you view online in carefully posed pictures, a few lines of email or maybe a few phone conversations..but then, i am new to this.
i think it's a good question. and i think both (immediate and delayed) attractions happen.
it seems clear that for the men (here) that immediate physical attraction is key.
i've made some bad choices..always going with someone i wasn't exactly physically attracted to because i didn't want to judge too quickly - and guess what? it didn't work out.
so maybe i will try the immediate attraction thing :) now to figure out just how that is done..lol
 Thomas_Andronicus
Joined: 6/17/2012
Msg: 30
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:15:08 PM
If a man was stranded on a deserted island with any woman, within reason---attraction, sparks, no problem, within a week, tops.
 Destination__Unknown
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 31
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:53:03 AM
Pretty simple to me, if I dont have the thought "i'd hit it" within 1 minute of meeting you im not going to be interested.
end o story.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 32
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:34:33 AM
I usually "fall" for someone's personality and essence rather than looks. However looks to me are important but not in the sense that everyone else on here thinks. For instance, Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise could walk into my living room or bedroom naked and if I'm not 'in like' with their personalities? No go.

Sparks do not need to fly like fireworks for me, but if some guy can make me laugh....just by his comments and demeanor ( not stupid jokes)....than that's an attraction for me. He also needs to be well groomed. Yes, physical attraction is important. I can look at a guy and he may be really nice and funny, but if I find one thing about his body or looks that turns me off than it's a no go.

I've endured dates with guys over time because I've been advised to "give it a chance". Hasn't worked for me and if I don't have an initial "like" feeling from the first date there will not be a second.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 33
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:51:46 AM
I concur with you Albert, but unfortunately..its the way it is..esp. with women...they either feel it or not within 30 seconds of meeting. And like the other poster said, do u really want to be that 'sap' for free dinner & drinks if its not ever going to lead to the bedroom?
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 34
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:55:28 AM

When you meet someone the first time, and you think of going out with him or her, do you need to feel an instant attraction?
Can attraction develop over time, even though you did not feel it at first?



The only relationship I've had which was fairy-tale attraction, lasted barely 3 months. She was cute, but a complete whack job with non-existence moral values. I tried, I really did, but I felt too often like stuffing her in a circus cannon and firing her over the ocean...
So I've come to the conclusion that it's not really necessary for sparks to fly. Hell, it hasnt happenned to me in a VERY long time.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 35
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:57:11 AM

If a man was stranded on a deserted island with any woman, within reason---attraction, sparks, no problem, within a week, tops.


I disagree; there's always the monkeys. Or those tight holes in trees....
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 36
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 6:07:24 AM
This is an old subject using different words. Shallow vs non shallow, personality over looks & now immediate attraction vs not.

Realistically, it doesn't necessarily have to be a fireworks upfront, but you should at least feel inspired to lock lips.

Unrealistic to think some sort of initial physical attraction isn't part of becoming a very good match, whether offline dating or on.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 37
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:41:00 PM
While I do not believe in love at first sight, I believe that if there's no attraction, it's not going to get any better later on. That may be different, if it's someone you work with, or know through a circle of friends and as you get to know that person your feelings for that person may improve. But for my money. Nope. No initial attraction. No date.
 MisssButtons
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 38
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:50:24 PM
And like the other poster said, do u really want to be that 'sap' for free dinner & drinks if its not ever going to lead to the bedroom?


How very romantic. Will remember this next time a guy invites me to dinner. Is that what you guys really think? I will stick to dutch for sure.
 mrbreezeet1
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 39
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 2:29:50 PM

This shit is from 05


So what, I wanted to make a comment.

Actually it is not, the person *Joined: 10/7/2005*
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 40
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History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:16:44 PM
Seems that the women who answered are more into "sparks" and "instant chemistry" than the men.

For me, it's tricky. I agree with Walts, there are behaviors, traits, etc. that I need to see in a woman to determine whether she is for me. My eyes have deceived me many times. Yes, I am attracted to attractive women, however, I believe in the saying, "The more you talk to a person, either the more OR less you will like them over time".

For example, I could see a woman who is ah---ight looking. Normally, would not walk across the room to meet her. Yet, if I see her being particularly kind to a stranger, especially a senior citizen or to someone who can otherwise not do anything for her, I am very likely to want to get to know this woman (who I otherwise would have been ambivalent about).

Yes, I need to have a physical attraction to a woman, however, I do not need "instant chemistry". Maybe the woman is O.K. looking, but has some physical trait that I do not typically care for, yet, once we have spoken over a period of time, I notice that we are on the same wavelength and have common interests and whatnot. I can develop an attraction for her.

I have known, known of, and worked with some very attractive women, who, once I got to know them, were horrible people.

The way I see it, the problem with, "fireworks", "instant chemistry", woo, woo..........................is that ALL of us have experienced that (often multiple times, with multiple people), and yet, here ALL of us are.

I think our eyes often deceive us.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 41
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:32:05 PM
If someone has ever experienced the immediate "wow" effect and felt and instant attraction/connection, it will be very hard to ever get excited about someone who does not stir those same emotions in you. I've had the wow effect happen to me a few times, and nothing less will do for me now. I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't move me.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 42
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:35:42 PM
^^^

NikonGuy007...you have a very cool style and I always enjoy your posts.
The women of my lifetime that I consider the most irresistibly magnetic certainly did not look like supermodels.
To put it in a funny Gilligan's Island way...this is why men overwhelmingly prefer Mary Ann over Ginger!
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 43
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:45:28 PM
Okay, here is the deal... if they are not attractive enough to you that you would kiss them within the first few dates/one-on-one times together (kids call it "hanging out"), within about a month, the chance you will think of them as more than friends in the future is about 1 in 100.

If however, you just see them in a group, class, the hallway... places/environments which are not one-on-one and not comfortable/romantic enough for a kiss to happen, a crush can last for months, even years.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 6:54:18 PM
^^^^^

Thank you Eric. I too enjoy reading your posts, they are very thoughtful. I see you as the POF forum's "voice of reason".
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 45
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 8:54:32 PM
I think there is a difference between physical attraction and chemistry. Physical attraction can be determined very quickly. That's not going to change over time. Unless there are major physical changes to a woman such as weight loss. However I can find a woman to be at least somewhat physically attractive and not have instant chemistry with her because we are virtual strangers. Or because at least one person is a little bit nervous, shy, or guarded at first. Sometimes chemistry can ( not always ) develop over time as 2 people get to know each other better.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 10:05:50 PM
Miss Karma opined:
If someone has ever experienced the immediate "wow" effect and felt and instant attraction/connection, it will be very hard to ever get excited about someone who does not stir those same emotions in you. I've had the wow effect happen to me a few times, and nothing less will do for me now. I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't move me.


Having known several women over the past 40 years that elicited the afore mentioned "WOW" response in me I have to concur that it is quite intoxicating. But at the same time I must admit I only had a relationship with a couple. While none lasted long the moments were intense.

The funny thing is none of these WOW women were Gingers, always Mary Anns. Who knows what the attraction was? None of them looked like each other, differing body types, backgrounds, etc. I wish I knew what was the attractor was in each case. All I knew was that when one was near I knew it and being in her presence was exhilarating. Almost overwhelming.

Like Karma I too would like to experience that again and I would like that WOW experience to last a lifetime. But here is where I diverge from Karma: each of those WOW women were only around for a relatively short time, but the woman whom I married and spent nearly 30 years with was more of a slow simmer rather than an explosion.

So, I wonder, what do I really want?

TK
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 47
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 10:16:29 PM
Just my 2 cents...

I think men will settle more easily on someone that is 'pretty enough', while women are more picky about everything in general.

So...

The gals are more inclined to reject due to lack of 'sparks' while guys aren't.

The only time I've felt a 'spark'??

It had 10% to do with her appearance and 90% due to her personality. She was easy to talk to and fun to be with.

Mary Ann trumps Ginger any day of the week.

Go ahead and leverage your hotness over my paycheck baby. Ain't happening.

Maybe in 20's or 30's...
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 48
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/24/2014 11:48:54 PM
As for the "wow" factor, all I can ask is just how did those work out for you, hmmm? I experienced that factor twice, and neither worked out. Then I decided to settle for a woman who I knew was attracted to me for a long time, got to know her better, decided that she was attracted enough and that we had more in common that I though, and I got a 16.5 year marriage out of it, and I actually got to experience the feeling of my love for her growing more each passing year we were together. Yes, it still ended badly (she changed or according to her, she "grew" - yeah, right) and she is still the one I suffer over (not that I want her back, but the supposed "fond" or "feel good" memories still bring me to tears, not to mention the horror of the divorce (the faces of my children when we told them still haunts me and always will), but that was still the deepest (get your mind out of the gutter) connection I ever had with woman.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 49
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 3:52:23 AM

As for the "wow" factor, all I can ask is just how did those work out for you, hmmm? I experienced that factor twice, and neither worked out. Then I decided to settle for a woman who I knew was attracted to me for a long time, got to know her better, decided that she was attracted enough and that we had more in common that I though, and I got a 16.5 year marriage out of it, and I actually got to experience the feeling of my love for her growing more each passing year we were together. Yes, it still ended badly (she changed or according to her, she "grew" - yeah, right) and she is still the one I suffer over (not that I want her back, but the supposed "fond" or "feel good" memories still bring me to tears, not to mention the horror of the divorce (the faces of my children when we told them still haunts me and always will), but that was still the deepest (get your mind out of the gutter) connection I ever had with woman.


Well Joe, I went with someone who I had the WOW factor with & it lasted till Death did we part. Maybe your problem was you settled for less than that. It only ended badly, because the Cancer took her way to young.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 50
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 4:55:08 AM
I could never date someone long term that was attracted to me if I found them "attractive enough" - what does that even mean? Do men really want women who are "meh" about them to date them anyway? If someone's planning on dating me cause I am close enough I'll pass. What a waste of everyone's time.

Attraction should be mutual if there's any chance of having a good intimate connection in the long run.

Obviously there should be more than that if you are going for an LTR. People keep saying going for the WOW factor doesn't last - it's not that simple. Of course it doesn't if you don't require any more from someone than that. It's an integral part of an overall package.
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