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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?      Home login  
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 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 51
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I could never date someone long term that was attracted to me if I found them "attractive enough" - what does that even mean?



For me it means as long as I find her at least minimally attractive and if her personality meshes with mine in a compatible way a relationship is possible.... because even though I am a guy it is NOT .... all about looks.

Attraction ranges from no attraction at all to OMG !!!!

Well, if we all held out for " OMG " and didn't " settle " for anything less most of us would remain single FOREVER.

At one point do we decide to be realistic and reasonable ?

For me, as long as I am attracted to a woman I have something to build on because she will become even MORE attractive to me if feelings emerge.
 prepgal
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 52
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 6:12:37 AM

Seems that the women who answered are more into "sparks" and "instant chemistry" than the men.


I guess I must be one of the exceptions. LOL. I have been in relationships when there wasn't instant chemistry. The chemistry became present later after spending more time with him.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 53
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 7:03:42 AM
First form of attraction is simple. Would I want to fvck her? If the answer is no, it's never, ever going to happen. If the answer is yes, then I move forward. At any single point where the answer goes to a no, it's the end of it. It's that simple. I have never, ever compromised that principle, ever.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 54
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 7:27:44 AM

For me it means as long as I find her at least minimally attractive and if her personality meshes with mine in a compatible way a relationship is possible.... because even though I am a guy it is NOT .... all about looks.

Physical attraction isn't all about looks. It's everything combined, walk, talk, mannerisms, personality - but to me they have to be attractive enough inside and out to create butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again.

Attraction ranges from no attraction at all to OMG !!!! Well, if we all held out for " OMG " and didn't " settle " for anything less most of us would remain single FOREVER.

That's totally fine. I'll hold out.

At one point do we decide to be realistic and reasonable ?

For me that is realistic and reasonable. Then again I don't feel like I have to find someone to be happy....so at no point do I feel like this is counter productive. I'm happy anyway. A person I click with only adds to that.

For me, as long as I am attracted to a woman I have something to build on because she will become even MORE attractive to me if feelings emerge.

If your version of attractive is "she'll do" then I don't agree.

First form of attraction is simple. Would I want to fvck her? If the answer is no, it's never, ever going to happen. If the answer is yes, then I move forward. At any single point where the answer goes to a no, it's the end of it. It's that simple. I have never, ever compromised that principle, ever.

Well said, exactly.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 55
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 7:41:04 AM

Physical attraction isn't all about looks.


Yes it is , that's why it's called PHYSICAL attraction.


but to me they have to be attractive enough inside and out to create butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again.


You just used the words " attractive enough " ... so you DO understand .


Attraction ranges from no attraction at all to OMG !!!! Well, if we all held out for " OMG " and didn't " settle " for anything less most of us would remain single FOREVER.
That's totally fine. I'll hold out.


If you can land an OMG then hats off to you but most of us can't .



For me, as long as I am attracted to a woman I have something to build on because she will become even MORE attractive to me if feelings emerge.



If your version of attractive is "she'll do" then I don't agree.


No, it is not " she'll do " , attractive enough is a STARTING POINT that hopefully leads to " butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again." , which is how I've always done it . Sorry if you don't understand that, perhaps I don't explain it very well.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 56
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 7:59:28 AM
^^^^^^^^
You brought a knife to a gun fight dude.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 57
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 8:43:50 AM

Yes it is , that's why it's called PHYSICAL attraction.

I'm a literal person, I don't suggest anything other than what I say - how someone sounds is physical, and to me, matters - but isn't visual, and isn't "looks". To me attraction encompasses more than just looks. To you it may be different.

You just used the words " attractive enough " ... so you DO understand .

Looks like we're seeing this sentence in different ways. I assume you mean "not great but it'll do". I meant a level of attraction that makes me react a certain way. I hate dating. If a guy makes me want to actually date, that's something.

If you can land an OMG then hats off to you but most of us can't .

So most people are dating someone they kind of like but would second guess if they saws someone better? How nice for those you bother with.

It only has to be OMG for me - it isn't always something anyone else has to think is the hottest thing, just me. I don't date anyone who isn't an OMG. Why would I? And if none are, then single is fine for me.

No, it is not " she'll do " , attractive enough is a STARTING POINT that hopefully leads to " butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again." , which is how I've always done it . Sorry if you don't understand that, perhaps I don't explain it very well.

Yeah we are misunderstanding each other on this. No worries.
 imokurok77
Joined: 6/2/2014
Msg: 58
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 8:59:55 AM
I don't suggest anything other than what I say - how someone sounds is physical, and to me, matters - but isn't visual, and isn't "looks". To me attraction encompasses more than just looks. To you it may be different.


I can relate to that. I love the way certain men sound, I am very much drawn to certain men's energy - which is not related to 'looks' at all.

I dated someone I was crazy about for a couple years. When we first communicated (met via OLD) I didn't know what he looked like, as he had a 'no picture' profile. I really was drawn to his use of the written word. Upon our first minute of meeting, I will admit that my initial reaction was 'ok, so he's not ... gorgeous' but within a couple/few hours (it ended up being a lunch date that lasted well past supper) of being in his company, talking to him, I was completely in the 'OMG' space. More attracted on a very physical level than I can recall ever being before.

And from that day forward, I ALWAYS thought 'wow, he's so d*mn gorgeous'.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 9:36:31 AM
Is it possible to have those magical sparks and instant chemistry for more than one person within the same time frame, or are people wired and programmed to feel those sparks only once? There are cases where people have said they're in a public place or party, they are somehow drawn to look across the room and see someone looking at them at the same time, and it's instant love-love at first sight. Is it possible for either of those people to have the same reaction a week or a month or 6 months later in the same circumstance, but with a different person?
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 60
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 9:38:43 AM
As far as personalty goes, I won't waste time with anything but a ten. I'm only looking for one.

I have kissed some beautiful women though. I was watching a movie last week staring Uma Thurman, I forget the title... I was thinking to myself, "Why do I get the feeling I know her?" Then it hit me... I dated a woman who was a dead-ringer for her. It doesn't mean anything, it's just fun to think about.

But in reality, as far as looks go, anything from 5-10 will do it for me. Looks won't last forever anyway... and their personality is what you have to live with. Looks don't impress me much.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 61
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 10:32:31 AM

So most people are dating someone they kind of like but would second guess if they saws someone better? How nice for those you bother with.


I was head over heels in love with the last woman I was with but would I classify her PHYSICALLY as an OMG ?
No, because I define an OMG as drop dead gorgeous.

Overall she was an OMG for ME, but in a PHYSICAL SENSE I'm not gonna lie and say " yes , she was physically perfect " just because I was in love with her.

But , I didn't care because I found her attractive ENOUGH , she made my dik HARD, and most importantly I was NUTS about her !

... and I don't " bother " with anyone unless I feel it can lead to anything likewise.

If you still don't get it because you can't relate or whatever, oh well.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 10:51:31 AM
^^^Yeah this is semantics, we are confusing context. I covered that in the end of my last post.

Summary: to me an OMG is what works for me, not everyone. If you mean an OMG as in universal perfection than I agree 98% of us won't find it. But if we only care what's OMG for us (and makes our laundry drop) why would it matter what anyone else thinks?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 63
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 11:39:50 AM

You just used the words " attractive enough " ... so you DO understand .

Looks like we're seeing this sentence in different ways. I assume you mean "not great but it'll do". I meant a level of attraction that makes me react a certain way. I hate dating. If a guy makes me want to actually date, that's something.


I am a shallow pr i ck. I could never ever date someone that will do. Ever. Even when I was in college and we were picking chics at a party, and some guys would sleep with what was available, I could not. If there was not a chic that I liked a lot, even when I was drunk, I would rather leave alone. Because I have gotten away with murder, I have been able to get away with being extra picky, so yes, all the women I've slept with were WOW. Some may have been introverted artsy types, other the fashion model type, while others the athletic type. The only type that I simply cannot stand at all is the Barbie, curvy type.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 1:42:14 PM
OP, I have never felt the all elusive "instant chemistry" that so many people keep chasing after. But I suppose in this society of "instant gratification", if they don't feel it, they just move on. I guess this is why online dating is so popular. If you're not feeling it within your own circle of acquaintances, go online and find thousands of others. I think it's kind of like trying to get to the end of the rainbow to claim the pot of gold.

So yes, you're right, far too many people reject someone because they don't feel a 240V shock the instant they lay eyes upon them. I see the same faces over and over again in the "your matches" that gets emailed to me every week. Same old tired faces looking for that illusion, and won't give the time of day to anyone they don't feel it with in the first sentence.

Such is the futility of online dating. But I give them credit. They keep coming back week in and week out.

"To continue doing the same thing but expecting a different result is the true definition of insanity."
~Albert Einstein
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 65
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 2:00:32 PM
I don't know of this "instant gratification" society of which you speak.
I think that's just a catch phrase that has caught on started by someone
who lacked the motivation or the intelligence to go after what they want.
Can't do it? Yeah, well in this "instant gratification" society things come
to those who wait for others to do it.

I've felt that instant chemistry. Doesn't mean I immediately fall in love
or want to have a relationship with the person. It means I like them and
I can see myself with them. Of course, after talking for a while, it's possible
for the chemistry to fail. But I do like that feeling of being giddy with the
prospect of new possibilities.

I don't need the instant chemistry or the sparks when I first meet someone,
but I do need to feel the possibility, and I do need to feel like I can kiss them
and feel good about it.

The problem with the forums and fishes is too many people take out their
frustrations and rejections on other forumites and that hardly makes them
attractive to anyone. So in a sense, yeah fishes can be pretty futile.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 2:25:03 PM
^^^Actually, "the society of instant gratification" (I believe) was coined by Malcom Forbes in talking about investing for the future. FAR from "waiting for someone else to do things". Pretty far off the mark there. However, if your definition of "feeling chemistry" is being able to envision yourself kissing someone and feeling good about it, then in that case, I feel that kind of instant chemistry all the time.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 67
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 2:37:32 PM
^^^I don't know about that...lots of definitions, lots of people use it,
but in the context of "society" I don't see it. Yeah...maybe in investing...
who the heck expects instant gratification in that?

It's still overused and in most cases I think it's used as an excuse or a
reason to explain away failures or lack of motivation....so not far off the
mark when used here...in this format...on these forums.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 68
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/25/2014 10:42:56 PM

if your definition of "feeling chemistry" is being able to envision yourself kissing someone and feeling good about it, then in that case, I feel that kind of instant chemistry all the time.

And now the person just has to feel the same in return. If they don't then they don't - no fault of theirs. Just like if you don't see it happening - then, you don't.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 69
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 4:16:05 AM
It is much more usual for me to feel hate, disgust or indifference at first sight. I believe in those.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 70
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 7:07:01 AM

It's still overused and in most cases I think it's used as an excuse or a
reason to explain away failures or lack of motivation....so not far off the
mark when used here...in this format...on these forums.


It's not always an excuse or sour grapes. Based on what I have read on the forums and profiles. Plus conversations I had with some people. There are a fair amount of people that expect instant chemistry or sparks or whatever you want to call it on the first date / meeting. Or there won't be another date.

While other people ( like myself ) think that sometimes chemistry can ( not always ) develop over time as 2 people get to know each other better. Provided that there is at least some physical attraction and no clear dealbreakers. I rarely felt instant chemistry on a first date / meeting. Often because of the reasons I mentioned in an previous post.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 71
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 7:25:55 AM
^^^So true South City. There are a lot of cases where two people have a first meet, one person thinks things are going well and expects to see the other person again, and that other person flakes. And often people use the excuse "I just didn't feel it", even though otherwise, the date went well. I wonder it "feeling it" means expectations of fireworks, singing angels and instant love within two minutes, and if those things aren't there, the date is considered as a failure.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 72
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 8:23:46 AM
They say the damsel in distress increases a man's attraction to her.

Plan some risky life saving element to your date and watch the sparks fly!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 73
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 7:27:58 PM

Physical attraction isn't all about looks. It's everything combined, walk, talk, mannerisms, personality - but to me they have to be attractive enough inside and out to create butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again.


This, 100% Describes it perfectly. Two examples: one guy I had instant attraction with within minutes after meeting in person was a former model. Obviously, he was ridiculously handsome, but if he had turned out to be an arrogant jerk, it would have just been a one-time meeting. But during our meeting (which was really supposed to only be a NSA hookup), we just had such great chemistry as if we had known each other for years. He was super nervous, and he was modest, not at all arrogant, and just a sweetheart. I loved his voice, the way he talked, his personality, and yes of course his looks as well, but after our first meeting, if he turned into a troll I would still have been crazy about him. THe combination of being off the charts handsome combined with crazy attraction and chemistry is probably something I'll never find again.


The second example is a guy that I met on POF, he was OK looking on his pics, and because he was very nice and respectful and lived close by, I agreed to meet him. I was very "meh" about him until I met him in person - then I had the WOW effect immediately. He was WAY better looking than his pics, and he had a super hot, deep voice, and a cool Boston accent. I loved how he talked and how non-pushy he was. It all happened in the first five minutes of meeting him.

Even though both cases did not turn into anything longer than several months, I would still not want to miss the experience. Circumstances ended the first one, and the second one, I'm not sure what his deal was, but until I feel this strongly about someone again, I just lose interest very quickly.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 74
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/1/2014 11:40:14 AM
I think every possible scenario has happened to me. I have been in relationships with an initial spark. I have been in relationships without an initial spark. The spark came a little bit later. I had first dates with an initial spark that was gone by the next 1-2 dates. I had first dates without an initial spark. I went out on a few more dates with the same person and the spark still wasn't there. I had first dates when it was obvious there would never be a spark. Thus needless to say, there wasn't another date.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/1/2014 1:50:46 PM
Well, after reading one profile after another, I see that (it seems) EVERY woman demands instant chemistry. Hence the same old faces week in and week out, for years now. Guess they hadn't felt it yet. Wonder if they might try giving someone a chance past the two second rule?
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