Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 72
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
They say the damsel in distress increases a man's attraction to her.

Plan some risky life saving element to your date and watch the sparks fly!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 73
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 7/26/2014 7:27:58 PM

Physical attraction isn't all about looks. It's everything combined, walk, talk, mannerisms, personality - but to me they have to be attractive enough inside and out to create butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again.


This, 100% Describes it perfectly. Two examples: one guy I had instant attraction with within minutes after meeting in person was a former model. Obviously, he was ridiculously handsome, but if he had turned out to be an arrogant jerk, it would have just been a one-time meeting. But during our meeting (which was really supposed to only be a NSA hookup), we just had such great chemistry as if we had known each other for years. He was super nervous, and he was modest, not at all arrogant, and just a sweetheart. I loved his voice, the way he talked, his personality, and yes of course his looks as well, but after our first meeting, if he turned into a troll I would still have been crazy about him. THe combination of being off the charts handsome combined with crazy attraction and chemistry is probably something I'll never find again.


The second example is a guy that I met on POF, he was OK looking on his pics, and because he was very nice and respectful and lived close by, I agreed to meet him. I was very "meh" about him until I met him in person - then I had the WOW effect immediately. He was WAY better looking than his pics, and he had a super hot, deep voice, and a cool Boston accent. I loved how he talked and how non-pushy he was. It all happened in the first five minutes of meeting him.

Even though both cases did not turn into anything longer than several months, I would still not want to miss the experience. Circumstances ended the first one, and the second one, I'm not sure what his deal was, but until I feel this strongly about someone again, I just lose interest very quickly.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 74
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/1/2014 11:40:14 AM
I think every possible scenario has happened to me. I have been in relationships with an initial spark. I have been in relationships without an initial spark. The spark came a little bit later. I had first dates with an initial spark that was gone by the next 1-2 dates. I had first dates without an initial spark. I went out on a few more dates with the same person and the spark still wasn't there. I had first dates when it was obvious there would never be a spark. Thus needless to say, there wasn't another date.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/1/2014 1:50:46 PM
Well, after reading one profile after another, I see that (it seems) EVERY woman demands instant chemistry. Hence the same old faces week in and week out, for years now. Guess they hadn't felt it yet. Wonder if they might try giving someone a chance past the two second rule?
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 76
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 3:45:22 AM
I agree, the chemistry or attraction has to be there at the getgo. Waiting to see if a person grows on you, usually doesnt work in my experience. Sure there can be other factors that increase the connection or decrease it once you get to know that person.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 7:09:11 AM

Physical attraction isn't all about looks. It's everything combined, walk, talk, mannerisms, personality - but to me they have to be attractive enough inside and out to create butterflies, excitement, the feeling of not wanting to wait to see them again.


Looks will get my attention at first. The other factors will determine if that initial attraction increases or decreases. I do not need huge sparks instantly, but I still need to feel that "certain something" about that person that gets my blood flowing.

I'm more intrigued by the ones where I can't quite figure out what that "certain something" is. I wonder if that is something on a more subconscious level.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 78
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 7:20:29 AM

I agree, the chemistry or attraction has to be there at the getgo.


If instant chemistry and fireworks are required from the get-go, how do you explain the responses in the other thread-Were you friends before you became lovers-where people have known each other for years as an acquaintance or platonic friend, and at some point, decided to become lovers? Or the situation in little hick towns and villages in the middle of nowhere, where people grow up together and everybody know everybody, and people marry a person they've known since the age of 2 or 3? Was there instant chemistry and fireworks between 2 year olds?

Which leads to the question-at what age is the instant chemistry and fireworks the real deal? There are millions of tweens who are totally convinced they feel the instant chemistry and fireworks and true love every time they see pictures and videos of Justin Bieber, just like their mothers who had crushes on the teen idols of their era. Look at the all of the people who thought they found true love and their soul mate for life when in high school, and couldn't imagine a life without their high school sweetheart-only to have it fizzle out a few short years later.

Then there all of the people here and on other dating sites who, at some point, had the instant chemistry and fireworks, but are now divorced and single and looking for that again-and again and again in some cases. How important was it when it led to failure?
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 79
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 8:22:48 AM
I think.... people always seem to get confused with the word "chemistry" ...when in all logic it means "attraction".
Why in the world would anyone continue to date or marry someone they are not attracted to?
Everyone "should" have that to begin with...in order for you to be open to grow and fall in love...imo.
I challenge the ones arguing the point...to pick the next person that they have no attraction to and date...silly eh?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 8:54:55 AM
^^^"I think.... people always seem to get confused with the word "chemistry" ...when in all logic it means "attraction".

I agree, but a lot of women like to use the term "chemistry" because it sounds more mysterious and deeper than saying they're looking for someone who is physically attractive. A lot of women pounce on guys who say they want a woman who is physically attractive and accuse them of being shallow and just after sex, and guys should only look at a woman's inner beauty and nothing else. Yet, in a lot of these women's profiles, they have a list of physical requirements a guy must have-must be at least 6 feet tall, must have an athletic body, etc., along with all of the other stuff on their shopping list. That's why people know in a nanosecond of meeting someone in a first meet if they're interested in further dating.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 81
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 9:27:16 AM
I agree, but a lot of women like to use the term "chemistry" because it sounds more mysterious and deeper than saying they're looking for someone who is physically attractive

Don't put words in my mouth now....I am not going to begrudge anyone if their preferences are "hot 6 feet tall men that are 20 years younger"...if you or anyone else needs certain.. "physical" attributes to feel attraction...so what? Why would I want to argue with them...? LOL...I know a few dreamers too....
Oh...and I will add if it needs to be said....Many(not all) people that meet all the "physical" attributes or what most of us would call...the beautiful people....really have f'd up minds and a poor outlook on life...imo.

Attraction is attraction for different people....I only worry about myself and what I like but NO one is going to tell me....I should date someone I am not attracted to.
That's the crux of most of the back and forth on here....We all need to be attracted to someone...It's not necessarily about the "looks"...it could be mannerisms...how he works...accents...humour...kindness....outlook on life...how he/she treats others..BUT..
It also.. needs to be reciprocated....so I have to meet his requirements too....before it goes any furthur.
It takes 2 to Tango...like it or not!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 82
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 9:33:38 AM
Everyone s different, what I like and how I react is for me only. There are no "set" ways to whether you need to find attraction right away or later. Everyone reacts differently. I guess what I am saying is we all need to be ourselves and if we truly are, then that is the way it should be and we will be reacting the way we want to, no one else.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 83
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 10:26:52 AM

I think.... people always seem to get confused with the word "chemistry" ...when in all logic it means "attraction".


Possible. But I don't think chemistry and attraction always mean the same things. I can find a woman to be at least somewhat physically attractive and not have instant chemistry with her because of various reasons that I mentioned before. I have heard people say things like "he or she was a good match on paper. Smart, good looking, polite etc. But there was no spark or click". For many people, I think chemistry can based a vibe or an intangible gut feeling.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/17/2014 10:51:59 AM

If instant chemistry and fireworks are required from the get-go, how do you explain the responses in the other thread-Were you friends before you became lovers-where people have known each other for years as an acquaintance or platonic friend, and at some point, decided to become lovers? Or the situation in little hick towns and villages in the middle of nowhere, where people grow up together and everybody know everybody, and people marry a person they've known since the age of 2 or 3? Was there instant chemistry and fireworks between 2 year olds?

A. In that other thread I believe the consensus was that platonic friends with attraction that never existed usually didn't become romantic partners.
B. At 2 or 3 naturally there is no sexual chemistry - it would in fact develop later once hormones kicked in but be different and perhaps hard to realize if you've known them since you were very young. There are also a lot of cases where people may date and marry despite having no attraction and settling for less for many reasons - lack of options, what they've been taught, etc.

Which leads to the question-at what age is the instant chemistry and fireworks the real deal? There are millions of tweens who are totally convinced they feel the instant chemistry and fireworks and true love every time they see pictures and videos of Justin Bieber, just like their mothers who had crushes on the teen idols of their era. Look at the all of the people who thought they found true love and their soul mate for life when in high school, and couldn't imagine a life without their high school sweetheart-only to have it fizzle out a few short years later.

Attraction doesn't dismiss common sense. When you're young you go by attraction and use much less common sense - and unfortunately may marry or procreate with someone who has little else to offer due to not having no ability to predict consequences. As far as Justin Beiber is concerned - you can find someone really attractive in pictures and have no interest in them when you meet them in person - I've done it.

Then there all of the people here and on other dating sites who, at some point, had the instant chemistry and fireworks, but are now divorced and single and looking for that again-and again and again in some cases. How important was it when it led to failure?

Depends on how much they looked for more than JUST instant fireworks - if they didn't then when the initial flame leveled off there wasn't anything else to sustain it. If they require attraction but won't consider someone who doesn't have anything else to offer, then they won't deal with as many failed relationships. I won't use the word chemistry as that's to me something that's determined as you get to know someone.

a lot of women like to use the term "chemistry" because it sounds more mysterious and deeper than saying they're looking for someone who is physically attractive.

Really? I don't know a lot of women who use that word in place of attraction. I know I don't. I have to be attracted or it's a no-go. Period. I would guess the other person would want the same.

A lot of women pounce on guys who say they want a woman who is physically attractive and accuse them of being shallow and just after sex, and guys should only look at a woman's inner beauty and nothing else.

I don't. People should want to look at someone they are going to be around a lot for years to come, sometimes naked.
Yet, in a lot of these women's profiles, they have a list of physical requirements a guy must have-must be at least 6 feet tall, must have an athletic body, etc., along with all of the other stuff on their shopping list. That's why people know in a nanosecond of meeting someone in a first meet if they're interested in further dating.

A lot of times this is two different groups of women. I like what I like - and won't consider anything I don't as dating material. I also won't consider someone who's not attracted to me mutually an option for dating. If I'm into him and he's not into me - I don't expect him to just date me anyway. That's ridiculous.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 85
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/19/2014 6:30:30 AM

I don't think chemistry and attraction always mean the same things.


Agreed. I may not have chemistry with a man because of reasons that have nothing to do with looks. Ranging from a man being a jerk to not having that much in common with him.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 86
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/19/2014 11:03:26 PM
There are a lot of guys I've gone on first dates with that I was attracted to, but I had no chemistry with them. Meaning besides looking good, they did nothing for me. Chemistry is when you click with someone that you are also attracted to. I need both, but chemistry probably more than good looks.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 87
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 9:57:46 AM

There are a lot of guys I've gone on first dates with that I was attracted to, but I had no chemistry with them. Meaning besides looking good, they did nothing for me. Chemistry is when you click with someone that you are also attracted to. I need both, but chemistry probably more than good looks.

I have had many one-n-done's with men who were, by most accounts, handsome to outright gorgeous and yet, there was no chemistry whatsoever. The most chemically attracted I have ever been to someone was a man sooooooooo not my "normal type" it was odd. It goes much deeper than the outer shell they walk around in for me.

~OT~ I have to have the sparks. Once you know they're out there ~ I can't see not wanting that. But some people don't agree with chemistry being valuable at all, hence? A lid for every pot.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 88
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:22:14 AM
Attraction must be present for anything else to happen. People don't need to lust after them passionately, but they aren't going to continue if they see a person as 'ugly' in whatever sense of the word you want to use it - physical appearance or behaviors or whatever.

What gets frustrating is the assumption that 'chemistry' can be discovered as quickly and immediately as physical attraction, when it really cannot. Chemistry by definition is the interaction of two personalities together - and in the first meet dates and such there often is little to no interaction whatsoever - if you're sitting across a table or a bar stool just extending the online 'interview' questions, there's very little interaction dynamic happening.

This is a side effect of online dating, and the result of too many people not being truthful in their online advertising. It's created the first 'meet' date, which is a safe and tame and boring way to meet people - but it avoids the risk of getting involved with a phony or investing too much time or money.

Getting first dates that are more exciting and interactive and interesting can help test that 'chemistry' sooner, but it involves a degree of risk and trust in a stranger. Far too many people just judge 'chemistry' from first impressions only and stay with that choice no matter what - because it's safe.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 89
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 3:00:39 PM
I have had many one-n-done's with men who were, by most accounts, handsome to outright gorgeous and yet, there was no chemistry whatsoever. The most chemically attracted I have ever been to someone was a man sooooooooo not my "normal type" it was odd. It goes much deeper than the outer shell they walk around in for me.

~OT~ I have to have the sparks. Once you know they're out there ~ I can't see not wanting that. But some people don't agree with chemistry being valuable at all, hence? A lid for every pot.


I think chemistry is important in a relationship. However lack of chemistry on the 1st date isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for me. I had relationships when the chemistry or sparks came a little bit later.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 90
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 5:30:49 PM
Apart from general appearance, I have found first impressions to be quite inaccurate, usually -incomplete at best.
I have had sparks fly only to end up thinking "What in the hell were you thinking?".
I have also had no sparks initially and ended up with all sorts of sparks -even in the physical attraction department.
There is much more to a person than you can see immediately.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 91
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 5:55:07 PM
This is why I always bring jumper cables and a car battery with me on first meets-to make sure there's the spark.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 92
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 8:04:46 PM
Sparklers, perhaps?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/25/2014 11:28:42 PM
I am not particularly religious however, I was over a relative's house recently, and she was playing a download of a church sermon. At some point, the preacher said something along the lines of...................

"What if (your) Superman, comes, but he's dressed as Jimmy Olsen or Lex Luthor or Perry White?"

"What if (your) Superwoman comes, but she's dressed as Lois Lane?"

Obviously, the point was............"What if THE BEST person for you, the person who has the character traits, the similar values, the person who will happily wipe your @$$, when you are incapable of wiping it yourself, the person who you do NOT have to ask, to come stand with you in your darkest hour, because they will WANT to be there.........will INSIST on it, what if that person is attractive, but not, WOW! You can stand to look at them, but, they're not HAWT! What if (your) Superman is 2 inches shorter than you? What if (your) Superwoman is 30 lbs overweight? What then?

For ME, I would feel like THE billion dollar fool, if I let (my) Superwoman walk away, just because she was dressed as Lois Lane.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/26/2014 6:09:09 PM
If you aren't mutually attracted that's not rejection, that's lack of attraction.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 95
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/30/2014 2:32:54 PM
singlegirl; until you meet you don't KNOW if there is attraction; you know the idea of htem but the real them is different. Sometimes it can be the same as the talking before; sometimes the in person is totally different vibe.

Until you meet you need to be careful how much you are into the IDEA of them; because the reality is always going to be slightly different (sometimes wildly LOL). You only know part until you have all the pieces and the vibe in place. And if the vibe is different; it is not necessarily a bad thing; it just means not romantic; that isn't rejection; it is a missing component of something that needs to be there if two people are going to click with any chance of it continuing more than a date of two.

And until you meet; neither of you know HOW that piece is goign to be. The sooner you meet the sooner you will know what kind of talk you should be having; it is way worse if you drag out the time before meeting if the vibe is different than one or both of you expect.

Best of luck :)
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/30/2014 5:15:16 PM

Question, i started chatting with a guy for days and we had that strong feelings toward the other, like we know each other really well. But the problem i have not meet him. And now he wants to meet up. Will you meet him and see if there a spark or not to see each other as you might get rejected.



If you don't ever meet, you'll never know. What do you have to lose?
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?