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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?      Home login  
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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 87
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

There are a lot of guys I've gone on first dates with that I was attracted to, but I had no chemistry with them. Meaning besides looking good, they did nothing for me. Chemistry is when you click with someone that you are also attracted to. I need both, but chemistry probably more than good looks.

I have had many one-n-done's with men who were, by most accounts, handsome to outright gorgeous and yet, there was no chemistry whatsoever. The most chemically attracted I have ever been to someone was a man sooooooooo not my "normal type" it was odd. It goes much deeper than the outer shell they walk around in for me.

~OT~ I have to have the sparks. Once you know they're out there ~ I can't see not wanting that. But some people don't agree with chemistry being valuable at all, hence? A lid for every pot.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 88
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:22:14 AM
Attraction must be present for anything else to happen. People don't need to lust after them passionately, but they aren't going to continue if they see a person as 'ugly' in whatever sense of the word you want to use it - physical appearance or behaviors or whatever.

What gets frustrating is the assumption that 'chemistry' can be discovered as quickly and immediately as physical attraction, when it really cannot. Chemistry by definition is the interaction of two personalities together - and in the first meet dates and such there often is little to no interaction whatsoever - if you're sitting across a table or a bar stool just extending the online 'interview' questions, there's very little interaction dynamic happening.

This is a side effect of online dating, and the result of too many people not being truthful in their online advertising. It's created the first 'meet' date, which is a safe and tame and boring way to meet people - but it avoids the risk of getting involved with a phony or investing too much time or money.

Getting first dates that are more exciting and interactive and interesting can help test that 'chemistry' sooner, but it involves a degree of risk and trust in a stranger. Far too many people just judge 'chemistry' from first impressions only and stay with that choice no matter what - because it's safe.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 89
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 3:00:39 PM
I have had many one-n-done's with men who were, by most accounts, handsome to outright gorgeous and yet, there was no chemistry whatsoever. The most chemically attracted I have ever been to someone was a man sooooooooo not my "normal type" it was odd. It goes much deeper than the outer shell they walk around in for me.

~OT~ I have to have the sparks. Once you know they're out there ~ I can't see not wanting that. But some people don't agree with chemistry being valuable at all, hence? A lid for every pot.


I think chemistry is important in a relationship. However lack of chemistry on the 1st date isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for me. I had relationships when the chemistry or sparks came a little bit later.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 90
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 5:30:49 PM
Apart from general appearance, I have found first impressions to be quite inaccurate, usually -incomplete at best.
I have had sparks fly only to end up thinking "What in the hell were you thinking?".
I have also had no sparks initially and ended up with all sorts of sparks -even in the physical attraction department.
There is much more to a person than you can see immediately.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 91
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 5:55:07 PM
This is why I always bring jumper cables and a car battery with me on first meets-to make sure there's the spark.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 92
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/20/2014 8:04:46 PM
Sparklers, perhaps?
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 93
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History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/25/2014 11:28:42 PM
I am not particularly religious however, I was over a relative's house recently, and she was playing a download of a church sermon. At some point, the preacher said something along the lines of...................

"What if (your) Superman, comes, but he's dressed as Jimmy Olsen or Lex Luthor or Perry White?"

"What if (your) Superwoman comes, but she's dressed as Lois Lane?"

Obviously, the point was............"What if THE BEST person for you, the person who has the character traits, the similar values, the person who will happily wipe your @$$, when you are incapable of wiping it yourself, the person who you do NOT have to ask, to come stand with you in your darkest hour, because they will WANT to be there.........will INSIST on it, what if that person is attractive, but not, WOW! You can stand to look at them, but, they're not HAWT! What if (your) Superman is 2 inches shorter than you? What if (your) Superwoman is 30 lbs overweight? What then?

For ME, I would feel like THE billion dollar fool, if I let (my) Superwoman walk away, just because she was dressed as Lois Lane.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/26/2014 6:09:09 PM
If you aren't mutually attracted that's not rejection, that's lack of attraction.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 95
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/30/2014 2:32:54 PM
singlegirl; until you meet you don't KNOW if there is attraction; you know the idea of htem but the real them is different. Sometimes it can be the same as the talking before; sometimes the in person is totally different vibe.

Until you meet you need to be careful how much you are into the IDEA of them; because the reality is always going to be slightly different (sometimes wildly LOL). You only know part until you have all the pieces and the vibe in place. And if the vibe is different; it is not necessarily a bad thing; it just means not romantic; that isn't rejection; it is a missing component of something that needs to be there if two people are going to click with any chance of it continuing more than a date of two.

And until you meet; neither of you know HOW that piece is goign to be. The sooner you meet the sooner you will know what kind of talk you should be having; it is way worse if you drag out the time before meeting if the vibe is different than one or both of you expect.

Best of luck :)
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 96
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History
Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 8/30/2014 5:15:16 PM

Question, i started chatting with a guy for days and we had that strong feelings toward the other, like we know each other really well. But the problem i have not meet him. And now he wants to meet up. Will you meet him and see if there a spark or not to see each other as you might get rejected.



If you don't ever meet, you'll never know. What do you have to lose?
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?