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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?      Home login  
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 bullie62
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 66
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Who the fook wants to walk around Toronto for six fookin' hours?!?! Seriously dood...

If you were truly into this woman, you'd find a way to make it work. You're obviously not that into her... so cut your losses and hers and mosey, er hike on down the road.... for six fookin' hours.


*shakes head*



bullie~
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 67
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/22/2012 5:03:39 PM
If this was a long term partner, then I'd call you a jerk.

However, since it's a short a short term relationship, then your obligation is to be honest and respectful to this woman. That's all you can do. Be sensitive to her feelings. You are not compativle so be civil and end it.
 cashleys
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 68
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:36:42 AM
It is not selfish, you are just getting to know each other and that is an important part of what makes you happy. I would want to know more about the walking. She probably isn't going to tell you.
It is not selfish, I would tell her that you like her but want to date others because you are not sure she is the one.
I have had guys I know have particular things they want, If I know I am not able to do those things, I don't waste their time. It is the right thing to do. Caring about someone is letting them go sometimes.
 imacipher
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 69
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 9:49:50 AM
So many problems could be avoided if people would or could-only be honest with Themselves. Hey-if, *physical ability" is of major import to you & another individual is not-up to that criteria? Well. it only makes- Good Common Sense to be-upfront about that &, certainly, not apologetic; it's not a personal thing against Anyone-it's, just, Who U Are, Right? Hell, *grins*, actually, if I were her; I'd be, the One, telling u that "It's not going to work...!" *smiles*
I am not athletic in my enjoyments, approaches, or major functions but, I am "cerebral"[ highly imaginative & creative]. This would translate, in terms of using, hiking [as an example]-my "brain", as opposed to my body, needs to take that 6 mile-plus hike on a regular basis. If someone is not up to my own intellectual prowess; I will be bored, beyond tears, within the hour. Truth told from the start, never bites back later...
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 70
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:15:15 AM

look at what happens when someone says being physically active is important to them and having a partner to share it with is important: all kinds of attacks on the OP's character. People are afraid of being honest about it because they will be attacked and told they are shallow and not worthy of love, cold, too rigid, selfish, etc.


I don't think anyone is attacking the OP because having a physical capable partner is important to him. What I am criticizing him for is his lack of disclosing this 'passion' in his profile, while coming across as an average Joe who doesn't have much, if any, interest in physical activities. Had he proclaimed in his profile that he loves to take 6 hours walks through Toronto and really enjoys spending his off time climbing and hiking in the mountains, no one would have a problem with that. In fact, it would be the woman that we would find fault with for because she probably knew that she could not be able to keep up with him physically and he was looking for someone who could do these activities.

But I do know for myself, that it was incredibly difficult to finally admit to myself that I could no longer do the the strenuous physical activities I use to enjoy so much once I became ill. I was sure I could overcome this condition if I tried hard enough and get back to where I use to be. After 6 yrs with it, I have learned my limitations and no longer beat myself up for not being the person I once was. I can't help it, it's just a medical condition that I acquired. Maybe she keeps hoping she, too, will get back to where she once was.

While everyone certainly has the right to want a partner that can share things that are important to them, I question why he never mentions these things initially. Don't you find that a bit suspect? I do. And he really doesn't look like a prime physical specimen, especially if he's smoking and drinking regularly. Besides, he is looking for someone to hang out with and NOT a long term relationship. So, tell the woman you're not a match and move on and let her do the same. She obviously is looking for a more serious commitment than you are willing to give. Find an athletic woman to do activities with and have a blast.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 71
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:43:33 AM

Who the fook wants to walk around Toronto for six fookin' hours?!?! Seriously dood...

If you were truly into this woman, you'd find a way to make it work. You're obviously not that into her... so cut your losses and hers and mosey, er hike on down the road.... for six fookin' hours.
whats funny is, I live in Toronto and I wouldn't walk around for 6 hours, 2 or 3 hours max downtown, St.Lawrence market and the entertainment district I can see but for six hours? hell no. Go up to the Muskoka's, Huntsville , heck Niagara on the lake/Niagara Falls.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 72
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:03:56 PM
Not sure this is a matter of right or wrong - but more about what your priorities are ?

I can totally relate to this particular issue, as I'm a long distance walker/hiker myself, and I especially love being able to share that with my favorite person !

I just recently met someone from here, who was nice enough, and pleasant company. We met at a hiking trail, and off we went. After only a mile, I could see he was slowin' down, and not doing well. We rested.

We made it back to the parking lot - eventually. But he admitted to long term foot issues , that are not going away.

I decided not to see him again - as regular physicality of this kind is something important to me to be able to share.

I don't believe in needing to do EVERYthing together however.

And it's different if you're in a long term relationship with someone first, and they become unable to do certain things AFTER you've become attached. Then - I would consider other paths .
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 73
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:33:00 PM
^^^^^^egowitch, in your profile you DID say it was important for the man you meet to be physically active. You specified that was something that you wanted in a partner. The OP didn't and, if hiking and walking are such a big deal to him, he should have done so.
 burlygirl
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 74
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:12:23 AM
Been in same situation as you!! I ;eft him because if i know the seriousness of his injuries the first day i met him and he was totally honest with me i would not have chased and started a relationship. Bottom line i did resent him and that wasnt fair on me or him. you have to be true to yourself i call that self less i am glad we broke up as me and him will both find a partner better suited and not have resentment thats not love
 matt6678
Joined: 3/16/2011
Msg: 75
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/24/2012 6:54:41 PM
I don't think your being selfish by letting this one go. What would be selfish,and even cruel would be to string her along. If you need someone that can keep up then it's time for you to move on to someone that can.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 76
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:20:58 PM

Who the fook wants to walk around Toronto for six fookin' hours?!?! Seriously dood...


My my, have you got a foul mouth on you. Wanna make out?
 garethZenn
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 77
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:30:20 AM
if you want to go for a six hour walk then go for it, she doesn't have to go along with you.

you are being incredibly selfish to expect your partner to join you on every endevour you take up.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 78
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/25/2012 8:15:14 PM

you are being incredibly selfish to expect your partner to join you on every endevour you take up


This is why he is doing the right thing. This is not his 'partner' and he shouldn't continue the relationshiop any further to the 'partner' stage.
 DryHump
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 79
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/25/2012 11:08:57 PM
Doesn't everyone want to go on six hour walks through the city? I mean, seriously, who in their right mind doesn't want to walk or hike for at least a minimum of 4.5 hours per day? Most of the women I know can't get enough of walking and climbing. When I'm not hiking, walking, or climbing, I stand around and talk about hiking and walking. The girls I hang out with could listen to me talk about walking for hours... when we're not actually walking and talking, but I prefer silence on my walks. The best is to discuss the finer points of walking while doing something totally different - like hiking. Chatting on the phone about walking after a long hike is almost as good as writing essays about my climbing experiences.

Dump her and find someone who's not a total gimp! You deserve better.
 CptIronJack
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 80
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:09:42 AM
"""I will resent her for not being able to do the physical stuff that I enjoy."""

I think your right, move along
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 81
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:21:23 AM

Doesn't everyone want to go on six hour walks through the city? I mean, seriously, who in their right mind doesn't want to walk or hike for at least a minimum of 4.5 hours per day? Most of the women I know can't get enough of walking and climbing. When I'm not hiking, walking, or climbing, I stand around and talk about hiking and walking. The girls I hang out with could listen to me talk about walking for hours... when we're not actually walking and talking, but I prefer silence on my walks. The best is to discuss the finer points of walking while doing something totally different - like hiking. Chatting on the phone about walking after a long hike is almost as good as writing essays about my climbing experiences.


So you walk the walk and talk the talk huh? Although if your not taking a hike, you might be walking away from something that will be talked about for years.
Nice, was funny lol.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 82
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 6:35:34 AM
"why so many selfish people these days?"

hmm, I detect a trend this morning. We might trace selfishness back to the ME generation, and those within it raising kids to become Yuppies, and those kids teaching their kids, and so on the ripples go thru the generations. I remember growing up in the 1980's listening to parents talk about how "my kid's going to have all the toys my old man couldn't afford" and thinking, "you know why you have your money now? b/c you didn't have it growing up".
 Soul_mate_Wanted47
Joined: 2/7/2017
Msg: 83
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 7:40:22 AM
Well, I wonder how the poster faired in life since this was a thread from March 2012 :)
 PlutoLover68
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 84
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 8:32:01 AM
Wow Foxy100, feeling a little selfish? You bumped not 1, but 3 old threads about it.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 85
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 9:24:30 AM
Pluto, check her history, she's all about bumping old threads for some reason
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 86
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Am I being selfish or am I right to troll this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 9:34:36 AM
^^^ It's a troll with (at least) two profiles: ScorpVenus1 and F0xy100.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 87
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 9:34:42 AM
^^^ Butter
And each and all are to do with being selfish lol

^^^Sun
I thought I was going crazy...there is two. lol
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 88
Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 10:15:14 AM
So, there IS at least one downside to no mods

Hmmm....still worth it to have no mods IMO
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 89
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 10:47:00 AM
Old thread with OP long gone, but anyway, a selfish man thing, you've got to be kidding. He was open about what he wants in a relationship, and she lied, so I guess typical lying woman thing, right. This has nothing what-so-ever to do with now-a-days or your age or anything other than two people meeting and one of them lying out their kazoo and you needing to bash men. Boring
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 90
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Am I being selfish or am i right to feel this way?
Posted: 2/23/2017 11:56:33 AM

i want to go for a 6 hour walk through the streets of toronto and she is coming up with excuses not to do it 9 she had done short jaunts in the past then complained of being in pain).

Well, most people aren't going to be up for doing that, anyway. IF one really looks forward to something close to that...

She had a slight limp when I met her and she told me it was nothing serious. Over the last few months it became apparent it was serious enough to keep her from long walks, absolutely no hikes on uneven terrain, can't do the climbing. Hip and knee issues, surgeries, physio, painkillers. Dr House without the cane.

... then yeah, this is an issue looking ahead. Is it a Deal Breaker in and of itself? Not necessarily. And it's not any more "selfish" than wanting someone who's of a certain look, compatibility, etc. It's just Emotionally taken as a "cheap shot" because it's something negative upon Herself too that she can't really do anything about -- when it's really not a cheap shot. My bet is, the relationship was "OK", as the "otherwise we get along" -- kind of tells the tale. I think if OP was dating a Very compatible, Real pretty gal who had a slight limp and had to tend to it over time, he wouldn't see it as a deal-breaker -- just one of the trade-ins... and him liking the physical activity being more like going out with guys to the sports bar.
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