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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What is the point of stating "friends first" in a profile????      Home login  
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 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 126
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
^^^Yeah, what Mr. Pig said.
I don't get this whole friends first nimcompoopery either.
I have to like you to go out with you....or frankly to even talk to you, unless
we're in a work related environment. I don't go on dates with my friends and
I don't make out with my friends. So yeah, going out as friends means I can
smooch someone else....hahahahaha!

 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 127
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/24/2017 7:13:31 AM
It really is stupid. Throwing that in there is extracting a crucial element to the excitement and allure of dating - the not knowing.

They're essentially saying "I've got the night all mapped out for us.....no touching, no flirting, just an evaluation process".


Yeah, f*ck off. Next.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 128
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 1:20:35 AM

Its simply boundary setting

Hate to break it to ya -- but No, no it's not.

and giving an option not to proceed if you don't think you will be compatible or if the other persons profile may not be what it seems on first meetings.

This is not a good nor sensible avenue. It's what someone without foresight or dating experience would think, without using Common Sense. Everyone from players to wholesome Annie may pull this card -- and it's flaws are Easily seen, and playing this game is Quite Laughable. :) And it's not restricted to Online -- one can get the same thing pulled on them when meeting someone new IRL and exchanging contact info.

way to keep your options open

That's exactly why people use the canned gimmick and be blind to it's foolishness... because they want to play their options. :)

So how is it foolish? Because it doesn't make sense. What does "friends first" mean? It means you're going to be *JUST* friends -- at first. Yes, JUST friends. Otherwise you wouldn't follow with "at first". Duh. Okay, cool.

Here's the problem though -- you're exposing the contradiction, hence, playing games: You're picking them up / getting picked up with More Than Friends intentions. You're just agreeing to Role Play as "just friends". You are role-playing because otherwise, it'd be like talking-to/meeting-up with a friend's GF, your sister, etc. You're Not. THOSE are Just friends (platonic). Ones with Dating Potential that you're rolling with -- are not Just Friends (not just platonic). You're just Complicating sh!t and putting yourself in the same boat as those who want to have their cake & eat it too. :)

There's ZERO need to Define things as "friends first" if all your intention is, is to have a low-key get-together/meet-up with someone of dating potential... and to then determine if you click well enough for a substantive Date. Hellooo: That's about the most common route of online dating as a whole! All you have to put out there is that you like to start things off low-key when meeting someone. If one can't do that and feels they must stick to "friends first" -- they're showing their cards that they're into game-playing. If one wants to apply said "friends first" for more than just initial meet-up -- then they've got even worse issues and don't want to call it like it is: They want to go out with no-strings and define it open-ended and hazy for as long as they wish, but still get dates out of it. Options, as you say. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 129
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 6:16:08 AM
I wonder if there are ladies who put "Friends first" as a way of declaring, "We won't be in bed by the third date"?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 130
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 7:32:55 AM
I think this disclaimer can another way of women saying "I won't have sex on the first or second date".
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 131
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 7:57:42 AM
It certainly pertains to sex, no matter what the number is.

However, there is another type of woman who will do this. The shit tester who is hoping the guy will defy her "friends first" claim and make a move, anyway, proving he's not a pansy.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 132
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 12:27:00 PM
Mustang guy, what is it with you guys and this 3rd date thing? And then someone mentioned a monetary amount spent that's supposed to trigger sex, LOL? I had a guy mention the 3 date thing. That's bad on 2 counts. If a woman wanted to have sex on date 1 or 2, she may think this statement means she should wait for date 3. It may also indicate the guy has no interest beyond sex, so if you wanted something more, you may not get it. I had never heard of this 3 date thing until I joined POF. I can't imagine a worse turnoff than to be told that. I have no timeline for sex, it depends on the guy and the relationship. I don't want one imposed on me. If a guy wants to make a big deal over it being date 4, 5 or 6, he's an @ss, unless he specifically states he just wants a sexual relationship, and I have yet to see anyone do that. That would be fine, state just sex. Men don't want to be used or scammed, neither do women.

I hope these friends first guys aren't expecting sex. I've read numerous profiles of women and have not seen friends first mentioned, not to say they don't also state that. I have seen many men state that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 133
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 2:51:51 PM
the third date rule is as old as the hills, except now I guess its the 5 date rule :)

https://www.glamour.com/story/the-5-date-rule-is-not-the-new

but maybe its an American thing from the flapper era and fastforwarded during the Sexual Revolution:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/11213609/Sex-We-really-need-to-talk-about-the-three-date-rule.html

or its Tom Leykis:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/28/dating-myths-debunked_n_1307997.html

however it came about...some men and women look to date in order to get laid. They found themselves, they went out and got what they want in life, now they want a lover to share it with. Some others are looking to get laid in order to make up for a big hole in their lives, b/c they HAVEN'T figured out who they are and therefore haven't gotten all the material things in life to use as tools to live the life they want. And some people want to date b/c they can't stand their own company, so they might as well have someone else's.

everyone has to decide where they stand on the 3 date, or 5 date, or whatever rule. But if one is looking for more than company or a cuddle, it helps to have goals. Like being in sales...take as many customers to free lunch as you want, but when should you stop? when you haven't made the sale. when should that time limit to make the sale be? Hopefully sooner than 5 years, right? I mean, think about how many people write in here about someone jerking them around...how long should a woman give sex before she hears, "I love you"? don't we think there's a time limit on that, too?

some people can afford to waste time, and others..choose not to. i'm not saying one is better than the other. some people are analytical, and dating for them has a purpose. The clearer their purpose, the faster they discover if dating is working or not working for them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 134
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 5:32:47 PM

I think this disclaimer can another way of women saying "I won't have sex on the first or second date".

Yeah, but it'd be jumping the gun to assume that it just means that. It's not a universal phrase for that. It has a Variety of meanings behind it. It's vague and contradictory. You're Not just-friends at first, due to the "at first" -- therefore the contradiction. Therefore, the gal can give a meaning to it on-the-fly depending how she likes the guy.

From 1st and 2nd hand experience, I've seen handfuls of definitions of it. One will want to Stick to the phrase because it Also implies Just Friends -- which means they can say "That's what I originally wanted all along," even though if she isn't interested in the guy -- well, you never got to even establish a friendship. This nonsense is put into play for a reason for Most (innocent Annie to vivacious Veronica) -- take the pressure off me, I can do what I want and define things how I want on-the-fly. :)

I've had gals who made out with me in broad daylight in public after the light dinner+drinks of the date -- to a gal keeping a distance but in-touch and wanting to be Basically just-friends (but free dinners in exchange for formal short kiss; similar to Arlo's situation in his thread; wanting to being wanted)... to just taking it slower than one may expect... or just being friends while chatting (no commitment!) before ya meet. There's Zero universal definition of it. It "fits" ALL scenarios. :)
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 135
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 6:38:32 PM
Speaking of disclaimers ...

People who don't go on dates or can't get dates should put disclaimers on all their comments where they are dispensing dating advice.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 136
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/25/2017 7:44:16 PM
LOL I can honestly say, I scoffed at any man who told me there was a 3 date rule.
and then I told him, "Yah good luck with that"!
Never heard of such silly nonsense until I began OLD.

Dating / sex rules............Pfffft.
In case anyone was wondering, I do what I want, with who I want, .................When I want.............I own it.

"friends first"................first for what? Friends get to be first in line, .........for the potty at the gas station when we're on a bike run!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 137
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 6:23:28 AM
"People who don't go on dates or can't get dates should put disclaimers on all their comments where they are dispensing dating advice."

>>>its true, experience can help a lot. But by definition, a lot of experience comes from...people who make a lot of mistakes in dating, lol. We've all noticed posters who have gone on dates, who's advice we all said was way off base :) Thus, experience isn't always automatically going to make people knowledgable, or there'd be no one here asking questions about the date they just had. sometimes being able to see something without being too close to it, gets the ego out of the way. We got to the moon, without being able to talk to anyone who had gone to the moon before. We did it by making intelligent observation, and having smart people making smart deductions.

:)

we all have our own goalposts. After a certain amount of dating, women will have "the talk" about "where do you think this relationship is going?". Nothing wrong with that. I think its better than a person who is vague about "friends first" b/c they really don't know what they're looking for, but figure they'll "know it when they see it". That can lead to flakiness. The person more interested, doesn't know where things are going b/c the less interested person has no clue, and frustration ensues. Back at university I dated a female friend who told me from the get-go, she didn't date friends...but then changed her mind b/c she had needs.

not surprisingly, a relationship that began with rule-breaking...didn't go well. there are people who believe, "if its meant to be, it won't require work". They obviously haven't planted a vegetable garden :) Life isn't always easy, but having a plan can help. Of course, there are times where we "get lucky", something just falls right into our laps.

again, i'm not saying the 3rd date rule is a hard and fast (pun intended) rule...i'd have given up on half my relationships if I had followed it. Maybe I would have avoided some of the flaky ones if I did. But there are people who follow it, and if you wish to avoid them, fine..now you know they exist, and you can look for them and avoid them. Human nature being what it is...if we meet a good looking person, we're going to throw our rules right out the window :) Guys who claim to only wait for the 3 dates, will wait longer (and have come here complaining about it). Women who are upset by a hottie who lives the 3 date rule...won't be so quick to dump him unless there's another guy out there to date.

we break our rules all the time...which is why we have relationships we complain about. Those are the ones we decided were worth stepping out of our comfort zone for.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 138
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 6:44:29 AM

I think its better than a person who is vague about "friends first" b/c they really don't know what they're looking for, but figure they'll "know it when they see it". That can lead to flakiness.


Yes, and when the man chooses to walk away when eventually presented with ''I think you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends" crap after wasting time and money, a woman may very well guilt trip him with "OMG!! Women don't owe you sex!!" while failing to realize men don't owe them friendship, either.

Then again, the dumbass man could have avoided it all to begin with.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 139
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 2:34:31 PM

After a certain amount of dating, women will have "the talk" about "where do you think this relationship is going?". Nothing wrong with that. I think its better than a person who is vague about "friends first" b/c they really don't know what they're looking for, but figure they'll "know it when they see it". That can lead to flakiness.

Those two concepts are comparing apples & trucks; conceptually different. The first is reasonable, to cut thru the "fuzziness" where you're not a declared item, but you've been starting to see each other for a while. It's just a matter of not being thrown out too quickly ("Easy doll! This is just our 3rd date!").

The "friends first" thing -- it's stuck to by some because it ALLOWS flakiness. I don't have to be into you but I can still see you. I can be in whatever haze I want and define it how I want, retroactively. It's a great tool to use on folks -- of those who buy into it.

a woman may very well guilt trip him with "OMG!! Women don't owe you sex!!" while failing to realize men don't owe them friendship, either.

Same can be said with a gal who didn't pull the "let's just be friends" after a few dates or more, but during initial chatting says "I want to be [just] friends, first." A rejection of that notion isn't about give-me-sex-now that some gals may assume and try to guilt-trip a guy on. It's about the gal not-being-that-into-you -- and/or playing games, whatever the reason behind it.

When one says "I want to be friends, first" -- some actually mean it as literal as it could be, which some people don't realize. It literally means "I want to establish a friendship first, Before the Possibility of Dating You." Otherwise, there would be no "first". First before what? Dating you. Unless it's an Arranged Dating Scenario where the decision's been made that they Will date you No Matter What -- dating is Just a possibility After establishing a just-friendship (good luck with that).

Much of the time, it's out of nostalgia, remembering their best relationships were with guys who they were friends with at work/school/social-circle, and they want to "re-enact" that, but don't realize that the cat's out of the bag if you're meeting them on a dating site. If they actually want to follow-thru on it literally, they're either not that into you and/or they have some real emotional issues and your chances are still pretty slim, especially if she's a social person (you're just a rebound effect giving more-than-friends attention).

But Many don't mean it literally or close to, yet use the line. They don't want to establish a friendship with you first before anything more. It's an option if they don't Like you in that way, or to be able to call it that if they're "meh" and have other/better dating options. They don't want you to get the # of the waitress that serves you both. Many will want you to pay, but not call it a date -- or some will think splitting it (if she's got a good job) -- makes it all Kosher, yet kissing is OK, but since you didn't pay for the whole thing, it's not a date, thus, we're just friends (huh?).

They mine as well be saying "I want to be pen-pals initially," because everyone else is saying it, yet, don't mean what it says.

Bob: What do you mean by that when you put that up on your profile?
Sally: Oh, you know, to talk a lot before getting serious. That's what everyone means.
Bob: No, not everyone. Some gals want to just pen-pal forever and not hang out in person unless they start feeling that-way later.
Sally: OH, not everyone. That's weird. It just means I'm not going to have sex with you before we email/text/chat a lot.
Bob: But what about Jim? You talked a lot, he followed through, you guys went out on dates --
Sally: NO, they weren't dates...
Bob: Okay, fine, you went out together 1-on-1 many times, talked everyday, and what happened? Nothing. You made out with him that one time...
Sally: Yeah, but I was drunk that one time.
Bob: ... Okay, but you ended up dating some other dude and still kept him on the line for a while before he finally wised up!
Sally: Look, we were just pen-pals. I TOLD him. I may date someone else, but I'm not dating him! He has nothing to complain about.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 140
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 5:32:26 PM
If men don't want to spend money in a relationship that's not going to flourish, then #1. Don't spend too much on dating in the beginning. #2. Enjoy your date, then you won't feel so much that you wasted your time and money. If a guys total focus is on sex, then that's his fault. If the woman isn't making you feel good on dates leading up to sex on your dates, then you've not chosen wisely.

Mustang guy, I can't relate to the bad women you all speak of. The way I was raised, my parent's relationship came first. They taught us to always respect your partner, date or married spouse. I don't think kids get taught that enough about how to treat each other in a relationship.

I never had time to wonder about a marriage proposal. Both guys proposed pretty fast, within a year of dating. If they didn't, I don't know what I would do, maybe bring up the subject. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's part of letting someone know how you feel if a lot of time has gone by, and not letting them be mind readers. Not all guys are led by their gfs to get motivated to get married.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 141
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 8:35:12 PM
Friends first feels like the foundation of a good relationship.
Some rush into a relationship without a solid foundation.
I personally know if a person can be more than a friend...so why string alone a man just to say...
I would rather be just friends. Most ppl dating have enough friends.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 142
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/26/2017 9:07:16 PM
I think what many people fail to realize is, *so* many people do their damnedest with strategizing, analyzing, and preparing in an effort to better their chances at landing themselves in a good relationship, yet it very often ends up falling flat.

Yes, everyone has their own standards, which they are entitled to, but trying to manipulate things to work to your advantage with actual relationships? Probably not a good idea.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 7:03:31 AM
"If men don't want to spend money on a relationship that's not going to flourish"

>>>it is a little odd to think that we don't buy our male friends dinner, so why buy female friends dinner, everyone should be treated equally. But I agree, if we're spending money in order to impress a woman out of her clothes, then we're doing the same thing as putting money down on a roulette wheel--we're gambling on an outcome. Better we try to let our personality affect the outcome.

I am not surprised some people don't relate to the bad women we speak of. When one is average in looks, one isn't going to attract the attractive women who have it all together--those women are chasing the attractive men. The attractive women who don't have it all together, are (excuse the pun)up for grabs. They are the ones using their attractiveness to get out of acting like mature adults. to them, average guys DO have something they're looking for.

As far as the importance of sex in a relationship is, GENERALLY SPEAKING, as we get older, its less of a primary focus. Many younger people want to be accepted, and sex is an easy way to get a superficial form of acceptance. We may focus more on "is he sexy?" than "is he going to become an MIT grad?"...b/c its easier to look at someone and figure out they're hot and would give us status if we could land them, than to look at a person's work, listen to them speak, and realize they're going to be a science rock star or the next big thing in charity business or some other achievement that has more to do with brains and personality than a firm fanny.

at one age, a good date took place in a bar--what does that require of a partner? At a later age, we're looking for a good partner to help us in raising kids. later we reach an age where we've figured out what makes us what we are, and we aren't trying to be the coolest kid anymore.

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 144
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 12:37:37 PM

If men don't want to spend money in a relationship that's not going to flourish, then #1. Don't spend too much on dating in the beginning. #2. Enjoy your date, then you won't feel so much that you wasted your time and money.

LOL - You're saying "If men don't want to spend money on a gal where nothing's going to flourish, (1) Spend money anyway, just not too much, and (2) Enjoy it anyway, you'll like it! Seriously, I'm not taking you out of context at all. But hey, I actually do appreciate your honesty. :)

If a guys total focus is on sex, then that's his fault.

Totally disagree. This has nothing to do with the "friends first" gimmick, but to your statement: Rightfully having no sympathy for someone doesn't = the other person doing no wrong. That's a human emotional fallacy that's rarely ever brought up in life lessons. If he's too focused on crossing that sexual line with a gal (everyone at least thinks about it when they are attracted) -- it doesn't at all imply he's f-ing with her when she's Not chasing romanticism either and wants to be "friends first" -- which many times Can be taken that way (again, the gimmick has on-the-fly + retroactive meanings by the person). One playing the "friends first" game isn't in retaliation to anything, and being too focused on sex doesn't mean the guy is f-ing with them.

The faults are when you're not being clear & honest about what you want. Making a statement that's untrue. If two people do that out of the gates -- they're both at fault Independently to whatever degree.

Friends first feels like the foundation of a good relationship.

By happenstance in reality, it can. But you can't rehearse it - which is ridiculous. :) You're NOT just friends if you preemptively stage it that way like some try... that is NOT a good foundation.

Some rush into a relationship without a solid foundation.

Yeah, but role-playing this "just friends at first" thing is Not the antidote to merely avoid rushing into a relationship. You merely take things low-key / casual at first. You don't have to go to being platonic -- as if you do, they can get your gal-pal's # if you don't set him up with her -- because after all, you're Just friends. And yes, you're Just friends. Otherwise there'd be no "at first" at the end of "friends".

I personally know if a person can be more than a friend...so why string alone a man just to say...
I would rather be just friends. Most ppl dating have enough friends.

Exactly, hot stuff! :) Why string along a guy where you merely Could be more than just a friend -- but Don't right now -- and just say you want to be just friends? Why go thru the role-playing of dates-but-not-dates (where many gals will still want their "friend" to pick up the bill more often than not) -- when all you want is to be just friends?

If you like them as more than just a friend (actual attraction) -- don't be just a friend, but take it and convey it low-key as almost everyone else does when they want to ensure avoiding relationship-rush complications.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 145
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 7:45:05 PM

I never had time to wonder about a marriage proposal. Both guys proposed pretty fast, within a year of dating.



If they didn't, I don't know what I would do,


Perhaps NOT marry someone you were only going to divorce later?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 146
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 8:42:02 PM
If a guy can't enjoy dates which may be a movie he's at or food he's eating, then maybe he is too focused on sex. That sounds like an awful life to have to be with a woman and spend so much time together doing whatever when all you're interested is that small amount of time having sex.

Mustang, I am more than 10 years your senior, and the pig, and over 20 years older than NG. Things were different for my time with the way I was raised. I never saw these $100 dinner dates. I've always done casual things that cost little to nothing, and then when I was younger we would entertain men at our family home, like having them over for a big Sunday dinner. So there's your reciprocating. Today, I have men over for dinner and treat men like we did in the old days where women tend to cater to them. Really, it's a great deal and I wouldn't mind if it was the other way around with taking someone out once a week and then having them cater to me all the time. You guys don't know what you're missing.

It's nothing new that people tend to be with someone of the same attractiveness. That's life. I wouldn't expect to be with someone who was more attractive or more fit than I was, and I really wouldn't want to be.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 147
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 6:00:30 AM
I agree, a fellow should plan a date that he's going to enjoy...which may become an issue if the lady he's meeting is a bit dull. Or if he's focused too much on "dessert". Its probably the best way to enjoy dating and not get so wrapped up in whether we get laid or not, is just to enjoy hanging out with good company. But then that gets us back to having a profile with a lot of restrictions on it, just so we can find someone who won't be terribly boorish or boring or having nothing in common on a date. We pick a date theme that interests us, then find a lady who would be interested in that (a trip to a science museum, for instance), or we go with...hey, let's go out for a drink.

Speaking of drink, I guess that's where members of this forum get their $100 dates. They are combining an expensive dinner and a movie or a concert in the same evening. Not having children probably allows one to be out for so long :) I don't drink, so my dates don't either, and the cost per plate rarely exceeded $20 (and probably helped account for not benefitting from looser morals :) ). Also, I tended to pick out the restaurant, and knew of the good ones in town, rather than the pretentions ones.

I didn't have people over initially, since I lived out in the boonies, women were only coming over to take advantage of no roomates (ie, alone to have sex). But I was at university so there was low cost events, there's casinos nearby with the same, i'm enough of a nerd to go to off-the-beaten track events rather than joining the crowd at the Rolling Stone concert. Not everyone does that, or lives in an area of the country that offers events in this genre.

it is nice being with someone outside your league...if you aren't jealous or envious by nature. If you can enjoy things while you have them, and are comfortable with the fact they won't last forever, then its nice to step outside your lane, as the kids say today. like when your corporation takes you one night to the suite at the game, rather than sit you in the seats you normally can afford. but for many, being in a situation you aren't used to, is uncomfortable, and its better for them to stay in their league, in their lane, and there's nothing wrong with that either. relationships shouldn't be uncomfortable to the individual.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 148
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 6:07:40 AM
Amazingly, some people will put "stuff" on their profile because they believe that's what someone will find attractive.


That is what profiles are about aren't they??????
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 149
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 12:59:31 PM

If a guy can't enjoy dates which may be a movie he's at or food he's eating, then maybe he is too focused on sex.

I don't think that's it at all. As a guy who is "Yes, guilty" of not wanting to be datING the girl, where the main draw is to have a roll in the Hey-Hey-Hey -- you'll enjoy the dates just fine and have fun. You don't expect to pork them in the bathroom in the middle of the date -- it's just at the end where instead of thinking about the kiss, you think about inserting the pork sword. ;) You have fun, you like Them -- etc. The key is not to lead them on, being all Romantic about them, and instead ensuring you leave that out of the equation. Heck, even if you Are really into them you don't want to do that, to come on too strong.

So the processes are the same. You're just going to set things up to be convenient to go back to your place (but isn't every date like that no matter how much ya like them?). I remember in college I had every date the same. I'd take them to Applebees, then I'd "off hand" throw out the idea to grab some ice cream as we'd get the bill... which was located at the top floor of a big movie rental building. We sit down to have ice cream, and there's movies on the wall and I go "Hey, I love [that movie]! I haven't seen it in so long, let's watch it!" -- and I lived about 2 blocks from the place. Every date got to at least 2nd base before the plot would even thicken in the movie. :)

I never saw these $100 dinner dates. I've always done casual things that cost little to nothing, and then when I was younger we would entertain men at our family home, like having them over for a big Sunday dinner.

You don't need $100 dinner dates. You had expensive dates back in your day -- and you have chill dates nowadays too. You'd entertain men at your family home? (Insert imagination here) Regardless, I'd never want to go to a gal's family Sunday dinner or to my parents' -- unless she was a new Girlfriend, not a mere date. And that's not not a new invented concept from 1998 not to do that, either. :) Your idea has no nostalgia copyright. (Nostalgia's for nostrils, quit picking your nose! ;))

Today, I have men over for dinner and treat men like we did in the old days where women tend to cater to them.

Yes, exactly! "Girl, do what you're supposed to! Come over to my place and watch Leave it to Beaver & Chill!" ;)

It's nothing new that people tend to be with someone of the same attractiveness. That's life. I wouldn't expect to be with someone who was more attractive or more fit than I was, and I really wouldn't want to be.

Yeah, I think that's many people's motives -- but many people view themselves differently than what they are. Studies show that people are both self-critical and humble about their looks -- but also think they're better looking than they are. Add in sexual attraction into the mix and experiences of the various people matching up with their peers -- and Many people unknowingly believe they deserve someone on a bit higher scale than they "deserve". But yeah, I think your POV is a good one to have, at least. Keeps it from getting out of hand or potentially out of hand.

Which comes back to online dating -- it's a 2.5:1 ratio among the populated ages, tho in your doable age-range it's not quite as tilted. A gal like you isn't going to drop the ball on a guy who's really cute VS a guy who's merely "decent looking" -- if both write you around the same time and picturelessly jive with you just fine & the same. I wouldn't expect it any different -- certainly not a complaint. But online, most gals can more easily get a better pick of the litter than IRL or what they objectively "deserve". Of course, with that, she'll also run into more "he just wanted to netflix & chill" -- thus gals getting more frustrated, because, news-flash Sally -- those guys are on the highest-end scale of what you could possibly ever get, at your fingertips... they could "do better" in looks. But given the tilted girl to guy ratio with tons o dudes -- what she thinks she "deserves" becomes higher. To be fair, some gals realize this, and realize a date with Hot Karl very well could be just for casual dates/fun -- but since he's hot, why not? :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 8:20:00 PM
the "pork sword"? is that how they make a pork chop? My mom used to use apple sauce and cinnamon.

there are women who are DTF, and the goal is to learn how to read the cues and clues, then there's no reason to lie or lead on. You're two adults doing adult things.

as for people thinking they are better looking than they are...if that's when they are sober, I can only imagine how that goes up on Friday at 1am :)
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