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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What is the point of stating "friends first" in a profile????      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 144
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

If men don't want to spend money in a relationship that's not going to flourish, then #1. Don't spend too much on dating in the beginning. #2. Enjoy your date, then you won't feel so much that you wasted your time and money.

LOL - You're saying "If men don't want to spend money on a gal where nothing's going to flourish, (1) Spend money anyway, just not too much, and (2) Enjoy it anyway, you'll like it! Seriously, I'm not taking you out of context at all. But hey, I actually do appreciate your honesty. :)

If a guys total focus is on sex, then that's his fault.

Totally disagree. This has nothing to do with the "friends first" gimmick, but to your statement: Rightfully having no sympathy for someone doesn't = the other person doing no wrong. That's a human emotional fallacy that's rarely ever brought up in life lessons. If he's too focused on crossing that sexual line with a gal (everyone at least thinks about it when they are attracted) -- it doesn't at all imply he's f-ing with her when she's Not chasing romanticism either and wants to be "friends first" -- which many times Can be taken that way (again, the gimmick has on-the-fly + retroactive meanings by the person). One playing the "friends first" game isn't in retaliation to anything, and being too focused on sex doesn't mean the guy is f-ing with them.

The faults are when you're not being clear & honest about what you want. Making a statement that's untrue. If two people do that out of the gates -- they're both at fault Independently to whatever degree.

Friends first feels like the foundation of a good relationship.

By happenstance in reality, it can. But you can't rehearse it - which is ridiculous. :) You're NOT just friends if you preemptively stage it that way like some try... that is NOT a good foundation.

Some rush into a relationship without a solid foundation.

Yeah, but role-playing this "just friends at first" thing is Not the antidote to merely avoid rushing into a relationship. You merely take things low-key / casual at first. You don't have to go to being platonic -- as if you do, they can get your gal-pal's # if you don't set him up with her -- because after all, you're Just friends. And yes, you're Just friends. Otherwise there'd be no "at first" at the end of "friends".

I personally know if a person can be more than a friend...so why string alone a man just to say...
I would rather be just friends. Most ppl dating have enough friends.

Exactly, hot stuff! :) Why string along a guy where you merely Could be more than just a friend -- but Don't right now -- and just say you want to be just friends? Why go thru the role-playing of dates-but-not-dates (where many gals will still want their "friend" to pick up the bill more often than not) -- when all you want is to be just friends?

If you like them as more than just a friend (actual attraction) -- don't be just a friend, but take it and convey it low-key as almost everyone else does when they want to ensure avoiding relationship-rush complications.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 145
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 7:45:05 PM

I never had time to wonder about a marriage proposal. Both guys proposed pretty fast, within a year of dating.



If they didn't, I don't know what I would do,


Perhaps NOT marry someone you were only going to divorce later?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 146
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/27/2017 8:42:02 PM
If a guy can't enjoy dates which may be a movie he's at or food he's eating, then maybe he is too focused on sex. That sounds like an awful life to have to be with a woman and spend so much time together doing whatever when all you're interested is that small amount of time having sex.

Mustang, I am more than 10 years your senior, and the pig, and over 20 years older than NG. Things were different for my time with the way I was raised. I never saw these $100 dinner dates. I've always done casual things that cost little to nothing, and then when I was younger we would entertain men at our family home, like having them over for a big Sunday dinner. So there's your reciprocating. Today, I have men over for dinner and treat men like we did in the old days where women tend to cater to them. Really, it's a great deal and I wouldn't mind if it was the other way around with taking someone out once a week and then having them cater to me all the time. You guys don't know what you're missing.

It's nothing new that people tend to be with someone of the same attractiveness. That's life. I wouldn't expect to be with someone who was more attractive or more fit than I was, and I really wouldn't want to be.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 147
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 6:00:30 AM
I agree, a fellow should plan a date that he's going to enjoy...which may become an issue if the lady he's meeting is a bit dull. Or if he's focused too much on "dessert". Its probably the best way to enjoy dating and not get so wrapped up in whether we get laid or not, is just to enjoy hanging out with good company. But then that gets us back to having a profile with a lot of restrictions on it, just so we can find someone who won't be terribly boorish or boring or having nothing in common on a date. We pick a date theme that interests us, then find a lady who would be interested in that (a trip to a science museum, for instance), or we go with...hey, let's go out for a drink.

Speaking of drink, I guess that's where members of this forum get their $100 dates. They are combining an expensive dinner and a movie or a concert in the same evening. Not having children probably allows one to be out for so long :) I don't drink, so my dates don't either, and the cost per plate rarely exceeded $20 (and probably helped account for not benefitting from looser morals :) ). Also, I tended to pick out the restaurant, and knew of the good ones in town, rather than the pretentions ones.

I didn't have people over initially, since I lived out in the boonies, women were only coming over to take advantage of no roomates (ie, alone to have sex). But I was at university so there was low cost events, there's casinos nearby with the same, i'm enough of a nerd to go to off-the-beaten track events rather than joining the crowd at the Rolling Stone concert. Not everyone does that, or lives in an area of the country that offers events in this genre.

it is nice being with someone outside your league...if you aren't jealous or envious by nature. If you can enjoy things while you have them, and are comfortable with the fact they won't last forever, then its nice to step outside your lane, as the kids say today. like when your corporation takes you one night to the suite at the game, rather than sit you in the seats you normally can afford. but for many, being in a situation you aren't used to, is uncomfortable, and its better for them to stay in their league, in their lane, and there's nothing wrong with that either. relationships shouldn't be uncomfortable to the individual.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 148
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 6:07:40 AM
Amazingly, some people will put "stuff" on their profile because they believe that's what someone will find attractive.


That is what profiles are about aren't they??????
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 149
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 12:59:31 PM

If a guy can't enjoy dates which may be a movie he's at or food he's eating, then maybe he is too focused on sex.

I don't think that's it at all. As a guy who is "Yes, guilty" of not wanting to be datING the girl, where the main draw is to have a roll in the Hey-Hey-Hey -- you'll enjoy the dates just fine and have fun. You don't expect to pork them in the bathroom in the middle of the date -- it's just at the end where instead of thinking about the kiss, you think about inserting the pork sword. ;) You have fun, you like Them -- etc. The key is not to lead them on, being all Romantic about them, and instead ensuring you leave that out of the equation. Heck, even if you Are really into them you don't want to do that, to come on too strong.

So the processes are the same. You're just going to set things up to be convenient to go back to your place (but isn't every date like that no matter how much ya like them?). I remember in college I had every date the same. I'd take them to Applebees, then I'd "off hand" throw out the idea to grab some ice cream as we'd get the bill... which was located at the top floor of a big movie rental building. We sit down to have ice cream, and there's movies on the wall and I go "Hey, I love [that movie]! I haven't seen it in so long, let's watch it!" -- and I lived about 2 blocks from the place. Every date got to at least 2nd base before the plot would even thicken in the movie. :)

I never saw these $100 dinner dates. I've always done casual things that cost little to nothing, and then when I was younger we would entertain men at our family home, like having them over for a big Sunday dinner.

You don't need $100 dinner dates. You had expensive dates back in your day -- and you have chill dates nowadays too. You'd entertain men at your family home? (Insert imagination here) Regardless, I'd never want to go to a gal's family Sunday dinner or to my parents' -- unless she was a new Girlfriend, not a mere date. And that's not not a new invented concept from 1998 not to do that, either. :) Your idea has no nostalgia copyright. (Nostalgia's for nostrils, quit picking your nose! ;))

Today, I have men over for dinner and treat men like we did in the old days where women tend to cater to them.

Yes, exactly! "Girl, do what you're supposed to! Come over to my place and watch Leave it to Beaver & Chill!" ;)

It's nothing new that people tend to be with someone of the same attractiveness. That's life. I wouldn't expect to be with someone who was more attractive or more fit than I was, and I really wouldn't want to be.

Yeah, I think that's many people's motives -- but many people view themselves differently than what they are. Studies show that people are both self-critical and humble about their looks -- but also think they're better looking than they are. Add in sexual attraction into the mix and experiences of the various people matching up with their peers -- and Many people unknowingly believe they deserve someone on a bit higher scale than they "deserve". But yeah, I think your POV is a good one to have, at least. Keeps it from getting out of hand or potentially out of hand.

Which comes back to online dating -- it's a 2.5:1 ratio among the populated ages, tho in your doable age-range it's not quite as tilted. A gal like you isn't going to drop the ball on a guy who's really cute VS a guy who's merely "decent looking" -- if both write you around the same time and picturelessly jive with you just fine & the same. I wouldn't expect it any different -- certainly not a complaint. But online, most gals can more easily get a better pick of the litter than IRL or what they objectively "deserve". Of course, with that, she'll also run into more "he just wanted to netflix & chill" -- thus gals getting more frustrated, because, news-flash Sally -- those guys are on the highest-end scale of what you could possibly ever get, at your fingertips... they could "do better" in looks. But given the tilted girl to guy ratio with tons o dudes -- what she thinks she "deserves" becomes higher. To be fair, some gals realize this, and realize a date with Hot Karl very well could be just for casual dates/fun -- but since he's hot, why not? :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/28/2017 8:20:00 PM
the "pork sword"? is that how they make a pork chop? My mom used to use apple sauce and cinnamon.

there are women who are DTF, and the goal is to learn how to read the cues and clues, then there's no reason to lie or lead on. You're two adults doing adult things.

as for people thinking they are better looking than they are...if that's when they are sober, I can only imagine how that goes up on Friday at 1am :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 151
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/29/2017 1:08:33 PM

the "pork sword"? is that how they make a pork chop?

That's how a Girl makes a pork chop....

My mom used to use apple sauce and cinnamon.

She's kinky! ;)

there are women who are DTF, and the goal is to learn how to read the cues and clues, then there's no reason to lie or lead on. You're two adults doing adult things.

Most people (women included) are DTF, it's just a matter of their comfort-zone + level of attraction (which makes plays a role in their comfort-zone, too). Very very few single gals have a "must be going steady before getting sexual" mindset. Even ones who see that ideal, many aren't going to follow thru much of the time when they're solidly attracted to the guy who doesn't come around every day + he plays his cards right. Even if the guy Is very game to become an item, he won't want to wait until then with her before cooking his pork chop in her oven (which usually takes 5-6 weeks minimum if they didn't know each other before).

My point was -- when a Reasonable guy is game to go out on dates with a gal that he's not that into (ie not wanting to become an item) -- he's not going to force any sexual conquest... and the initial dates themselves are going to be basically the same as if he Was really into her. He's just not going to want More from her than going out. If he Is that into a gal, he's going to not punt the ball if she seems to like him but doesn't take things swift on the physical front beyond kissing. And if he isn't that into a gal, he is going to punt the ball if she doesn't roll swiftly... and if she does roll swiftly, he'll still punt away after several times (or keep her as a back-burner option as long as it's potentially feasible).

as for people thinking they are better looking than they are...if that's when they are sober, I can only imagine how that goes up on Friday at 1am :)

I think when one drinks a lot, they actually don't think too much about how "hot I am". I think it becomes more animalistic and just having more balls -- to approach ones that are hotter than they (or NOT hotter than they, but more balls not to care if their peers go "Huh?").
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 152
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/29/2017 2:56:34 PM
Walt, I don't lie in my profile. If a guy wants to lie to get sex that's one thing because he doesn't care if he's found out or that means he won't be compatible with someone, but for those that care about compatibility, they really shouldn't lie.

NG, men are so funny. They think we don't want sex and that perhaps that 3 a.m. rush to hook up with a woman is just on the man's side, lol. Women let men think a lot of things☺

I can only speak for myself, but faced with two men of differing attractiveness, I am going to go with whoever I have more compatibility with. For argument's sake, if both men were compatible with me and one was more attractive, I would speak with both and see who I related to more. I am looking for a long-term relationship, so compatibility is very important to me.

A lot of profiles of men I see, they will go down 30 years in age under them for what they find acceptable. I don't see that with the women and that is a difference. I personally don't want to be looking at a baby face. I also want the compatibility that will come more so, by choosing someone around the same age as me and experience level in life.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 153
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 5:41:07 AM

Walt, I don't lie in my profile. If a guy wants to lie to get sex that's one thing because he doesn't care if he's found out or that means he won't be compatible with someone, but for those that care about compatibility, they really shouldn't lie


Reading many of your replies, a person could come to believe that you believe all men are trying to do is get some yum yums from women??????? Am I wrong?????

You are constantly going on about people writing good profiles so that their initial emails are answered. Well, basically, you are telling people to try and get their foot in the door. I am suggesting writing "friends first" will resonate with certain females, those that have the same "belief". Which, by default, will result in getting a few more replies to their initial emails.

Now, you may call it lying yet, some will say they are doing a pretty good job while swimming in these waters.

Yep, it definitely isn't easy swimming upstream all day.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 154
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 11:16:49 AM

I also want the compatibility that will come more so, by choosing someone around the same age as me and experience level in life.


Isn't that what you already did with all your "ex" relationships?

How'd that work out?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 155
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 1:06:11 PM

If a guy wants to lie to get sex that's one thing because he doesn't care if he's found out or that means he won't be compatible with someone, but for those that care about compatibility, they really shouldn't lie.

I agree with you on big WTF lies, yeah. And I agree if you're on vacation or just looking for a pump-n-go that she may be game for too -- sure, you can lie that you're a doctor, tons of $$, friends with some famous people, etc -- because that's of no matter in a quick fling. But to start Dating a gal -- yeah, it's going to come back to bite you.

HOWEVER, you can get away with lying, which is why people do it (and other people over-do it and shoot themselves in the foot). Online, it's much more stringent for a gal to write you and be willing to meet up. A natural stricter filter comes into play without thinking about it for many, even for many who claim that's not true for them. :) On the opposite end of the spectrum, a gal's going to have a lot more leeway of a guy within her social/work circle that she's gotten to know some.

Take a gal who's 5'3", she doesn't wear big heels or anything... she wants a guy who's 5'9" or higher, preferably 5'10" - 6'0". Take a guy who's 5'7", but lies and says he's 5'9". He's a cute guy. She meets him. She notices he's not quite as tall as she'd like, but, he Is taller than she.... or she doesn't really notice as posture and shoe type can make a difference from many people's perspectives. They hit it off -- and on date #3, no, big chance she's Not going to run because in convo she asks / he admits that he's a little under 5'9" that he put on there. Oh, and he'll occasionally have a cig when out with his buds, but put No Way on smoking. Stuff like that, yes, you can get away with, without hassle. :)

NG, men are so funny. They think we don't want sex and that perhaps that 3 a.m. rush to hook up with a woman is just on the man's side, lol. Women let men think a lot of things

Well, I think women help perpetuate that notion, though too. It's not the guys' own ideas - lol. Gals Push for it to be seen that way. Gals are more quickly subject to criticism than guys are when it comes to having rolls in the Hey-Hey-Hey. And many gals can be the First ones to Sneer at other gals in social arenas who "look" like they sleep around to keep the concept of "having fun now and again" out the window for gals. And other gals will push the idea that the guy has to "earn" getting into the bedroom with a gal, etc -- as if she's way out of his league being a girl Or a gal's only sex drive is "thanking" a guy for being a gentleman - lol.
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 10/3/2017
Msg: 156
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 6:26:08 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

HOWEVER, you can get away with lying



77-year-old tried to strangle 23-year-old Plenty of Fish date: Cops


Alan Richard Schmitt bet on the adage that there’s no fool like an old fool. The 77-year-old geriatric gigolo is accused of strangling his online date during their first meeting in Newport News, Va. The digital duo had met on Plenty of Fish but Schmitt failed to mention he was, uh, 77 years old.

The woman put the kibosh on carnal capers when she realized Schmitt’s true age. He did persuade her to accompany him to a mall, WAVY reported.

The old smoothie bought $400 in clothes for the 23-year-old woman and she said that, yes, they could at least be friends. But that apparently wasn’t enough for Schmitt who allegedly wanted the items back and is accused of trying to strangle the younger woman.

She said she’d turned down Schmitt when she realized he was older than she thought, but he’d persuaded her to accompany him to a mall — and things went wrong from there, WAVY.com reported. He allegedly even wanted the shirt off her back. Literally.

According to the criminal complaint, “she told him he could not have the shirt back,” and then he allegedly “grabbed her around the neck… he then threw her to the ground.”

Schmitt then reportedly tried to choke the terrified woman who said he tore her necklaces off, leaving them in pieces, according to police.

The elderly lothario claimed he just wanted the clothes back when the odd couple began arguing and she “pushed him in his face.”

He has been charged with felony strangling of another causing wounds or injury.

http://cnews.canoe.com/CNEWS/Crime/2017/10/30/22761806.html
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 157
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 7:28:32 PM
Walt, the guys in the Forum are teaching me that most men are in it for the sex and sometimes only the sex. If you have a decent profile and send out a decent message, then you can chalk up the lack of replies due to the women and not the person's profile or messages.

Fullmoonpaininthebutt 🌚, if it wasn't for compatibility with interests, my 15-year marriage may have been over the first year.

NG, yeah, girls may want to make it look like they're not a ho, because men can be judgemental and think that. There was a guy posting here about how his girlfriend in the past had a lot of sex with a lot of different men and it concerned him. Yes, people do try to get away with lying and then think something about them will endear the person they are meeting to them. Some may consider it a white lie, but that depends on how important height is to them. I see a lot of men lying about their age which is obvious and then some men write in their profile that it's a mystery their age that is stated is wrong and they are really older. Funny how that happens, lol. I guess they got called out on it enough that they decided to fess up.

Forever, that's a funny story! I guess she learned nothing in life is free, lol.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 158
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 10/30/2017 8:07:48 PM

77-year-old tried to strangle 23-year-old Plenty of Fish date: Cops

You can still get away with (some levels of) lying. :) Lying doesn't require you going from 25 to 77 and lying implicitly by not stating you want to kill a girl in your profile when you do. :)

Walt, the guys in the Forum are teaching me that most men are in it for the sex and sometimes only the sex.

Virtually all men & women are in it for sexual relations, and sometimes pretty much just the sex. More men than women on the latter, of course, due to heavier cultural backlash if doing so for gals.

my 15-year marriage may have been over the first year

Well, you should have met your one true angel on POF then! :)

NG, yeah, girls may want to make it look like they're not a ho, because men can be judgemental and think that.

It's not a men thing. Men who the gal rejects -- or men who are taken and are jealous of other guys getting fresh action, yeah. But women are very very much carry heavy blame on other women for that. If anything, it carries the heavier workload. Many guys would love it if girls felt freer to pork around! It's women who prevent that for the most part.

There was a guy posting here about how his girlfriend in the past had a lot of sex with a lot of different men and it concerned him.

You don't think it concerns girls when they're with a guy who banged 100 chicks? :)

Yes, people do try to get away with lying and then think something about them will endear the person they are meeting to them.

And they can "get away with it", too...

Some may consider it a white lie, but that depends on how important height is to them.

True. My point is, one's perspective when looking thru the online lens -- there are many things that carry a Heavier weight than the lens of different scenarios IRL. They're going to meet them IRL, so if a gal is overly stringent on a certain attribute, and he's not the polar opposite of her said taste -- and how he fits Statistically shouldn't be much of a problem, it Is wise to roll with it anyway. It's an assessment that can make things in a guy (or gal's) favor.

Height's an example of this because if the guy's still clearly taller than she, he has a good posture, shoes to make most of his height to compensate slightly compared to heels she may wear -- guess what? Many aren't going to notice much... and even ones who kinda do, their Experience is going to be different than a Numbers Game online.

I see a lot of men lying about their age which is obvious and then some men write in their profile that it's a mystery their age that is stated is wrong and they are really older.

Yeah, happens with gals, too. I think they thought they could switch it back, but couldn't -- lol. Anyway, back to my point: It's based on something we've seen on TV or IRL with a couple, laughing about when they met. It's when the gal says "OMG, if you told me that before we went out on our 1st date, we never would have happened." Again, it's within reason. It's when they Can be OK with it, but are in uber-stringent mode. Online profiling does that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 159
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/1/2017 9:07:14 AM
To me, a human who is DTF is looking to get laid, a woman stating "friends first" is looking for a specific person to have romance, and hopefully sex, with. A DTF women may just be the type putting cleavage and ass shots on their profile like its an auction going on--here's what I'm selling, please make an offer that is reasonable. Considering the hullaballo made over the "Third date sex rule", i'll argue that it isn't "very very few single gals have a must be going steady before sex mindset". Of course, that observation depends upon the types of women we individually observe...are we looking in a church or a meatmarket bar?

If women were as horny every day as they feel during the full moon, there'd be fewer need for dating websites :) They wouldn't worry about being called hoes, since a lot of that comes from women enforcing social circles, and if all women were horny at the same rate as men, they wouldn't feel a need to label, and rhetorically speaking, are men labeling the women who sleep with them hoes...or the women who sleep with someone else instead? :) Historically, we as a society might have thought a woman "gives it up too easily" b/c we just couldn't believe she had anything else to offer besides an object to marry. but that sentiment has changed...right? :)

if a human thinks they can give sex to win love, I believe they are incorrect. If a human gives sex in order to get sex in return, then good for them. If a human only wants sex inside a relationship and they choose wisely...also good for them.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 160
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/1/2017 9:42:23 AM

are we looking in a church or a meatmarket bar?


Some of the least "virtuous" people are in churches. They just go to greater lengths to keep a tight lid on their escapades.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 161
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/2/2017 6:15:55 AM
true, pig, but I was referring to observing what strangers do in front of us, rather than knowing what they think or knowing them well enough to know the actions they do behind closed doors :)

meanwhile, back at the ranch:

"The study, based on a survey of over 2000 heterosexual couples, found that women initiated nearly 70% of all divorces. Yet there was no significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by women and men in non-marriage relationships.
How to explain? I find that these data are consistent with what I and others have seen clinically. When men and women seek couples therapy and then subsequently divorce; or, when either partner seeks individual therapy about a marriage conflict that ends in divorce, it’s often the woman who expresses more overt conflict and dissatisfaction about the state of the marriage. On the other hand, the man is more likely to report feeling troubled by his wife’s dissatisfaction, but pretty much “OK” with the way things are; he's content to just lope along as time passes."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201508/women-initiate-divorce-much-more-men-heres-why

was that a polite way to say, men are happy if they're getting laid, but women miss the romance and feeling of connection? :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 162
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/2/2017 1:20:36 PM

was that a polite way to say, men are happy if they're getting laid, but women miss the romance and feeling of connection? :)

I wouldn't say that exactly, but I think it's something kinda like that. If we're going by trends, I think many women tend to want to get married as a big sense of fulfillment, where guys tend to have to go with it to "settle" down, and, yeah, can't be single forever. Guys tend to say "Yeah, it's what I have to do," after going out forever, as the gals are "marry me or else" at a certain point as they're the driving force behind it all... kids, house, etc -- the concept the gals are excited about as a sense of success. Many guys don't look at being single (as long as there's active dating) as a bad thing. For girls, that's more often temporary when on the rebound. At the end of the day, to settle down is "what a girl's supposed to do".

Then fast forward after they've been married for a while and reality sets in. The glitz & glamor To be married in and of itself is gone. From the beginning, to a guy it's "what we gotta do". To the gal, it wasn't that -- but they realize that it's not like the movies & Xmas cards (where the guy kinda knew that going in). Hence, not surprising the person in the classic girl's role in a common blah or crappy relationship is going to want out -- it's more of a shock to them, than to the guy. Much more after kids are raised enough. But prior to kids raised, when having kids and the "glamor" of "being married" in and of itself is now Zero to her (as it always was for the guy) -- if fights become the norm and such and she's realizing it's a bad relationship (but getting married made it good, back then) -- a sense of protection for "My" kids in it probably weighs more heavily on the gal... the underlying purpose of her getting married in the first place, and to have That and ditch the relationship.

SUMMARY: I would expect a person who wanted to get married and being married in and of itself had high value to them -- would be the first one to want to consider a breakup/divorce after things set in and things weren't working out.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 163
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/2/2017 4:31:46 PM
"I think many women want to get married, as a bit sense of fulfillment"

>>I always hated the expression, "make an honest woman out of her", but....there are probably a few ladies who grew up with "happy ever after" princess stories meaning, they were happy b/c they were married. Rather than, say, they were happy b/c they were independently financially secure, or had an occupation that satisfied...and were also, married or not married.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 164
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/2/2017 6:52:08 PM
Marriage signified commitment, and it meant both parties were officially off the market. If you were having kids, you wanted that solidified by marrying. Sometimes I think the more overboard the wedding was with what a person could not afford to spend, the faster they got divorced, and I think we all know a lot of those couples.

When I see women being congratulated for getting engaged, I think WhyTF should they be congratulated? I think they should be congratulated when they have the courage to get divorced.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 165
What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/2/2017 7:18:26 PM
http://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

There are times, I simply just shake my head.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 166
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/3/2017 2:09:10 AM

Marriage signified commitment, and it meant both parties were officially off the market.

Then I never cheated on my GF. PHEW! She told me I was off the market, but I told her, "Babe, that's only official if we're married! So I didn't officially cheat on ya when porking both girls in our bed! I think the stain on the left side of the bed was yours, though. I think." ;)

Sometimes I think the more overboard the wedding was with what a person could not afford to spend, the faster they got divorced, and I think we all know a lot of those couples.

Yeah, I could see a definite uptick on that. The more one is in love with being married in and of itself [insert person here to marry], the greater chance they'll be disappointed when settling in. My previous point on who's-more-ancy-to-get-out, here's an analogy:

I want to go to a place down south for a Month -- some retreat. I've been ga-ga about it, but it's the feeling of going. GF doesn't really want to so much -- next year, next year. I keep lobbying her for it, and she then agrees. It's not like she'd hate it, but, well, she's more level-headed about what these retreats are like and for Some reason I'm Ga-Ga about the idea of these retreats that I've never been on, but everyone's been on one. I've seen them in the movies and it warms my heart. So we go down bringing everything... and well, it's how she thought it was, and not what I thought. It was great at first, but then suddenly -- it's actually down-to-earth and not exciting. To be here for a month? Whole month? I could easily be more ancy to leave where she's more in a position to leave at a good time, make the most of it, etc. I'm more Disappointed than she.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 167
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/3/2017 12:17:19 PM
LIR, those are interesting statistics. One that I've heard before is that second and third marriages have a worse chance of survival. It could be that people are so set in their ways and they haven't grown together from when they were younger, but I would have also thought that they stood a better chance because people are older and presumably wiser and know what they want.

NG, I can make something official for you, LOL. That would be that you are horrible if that is a true scenario with the bringing women into your bed. I don't know if you wanted to get married or not, but if you don't, then you would have to consider your girlfriend to be in a committed relationship with you without the paperwork, unless your relationship was considered to be a non-committed one.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 168
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What is the point of stating friends first in a profile????
Posted: 11/3/2017 12:50:48 PM

That would be that you are horrible if that is a true scenario with the bringing women into your bed.

It would officially be horrible, yes. That was my point. I had a friend who'd cheat on his GF who practically lived at his place. His justification was they weren't married, and played the God + Law card. LOL. "That's NOT the point, you idiot!" ;) I tried telling him that the marriage is that you Won't Leave by contract, God, family overseeing, etc -- not to "make you a couple". You damn well better have been Officially a Couple for some time before tying a knot that you'll be together Forever.

I don't know if you wanted to get married or not, but if you don't, then you would have to consider your girlfriend to be in a committed relationship with you without the paperwork, unless your relationship was considered to be a non-committed one.

I understand. That's why, no paperwork required for 100% cheating just the same. There's just no Legal consequences. And in the God part -- well, I don't think God would be like "Welllll, you're not married. It's just a sex before marriage thing like you did with your GF, so I guess I have to shake my head in that way. [Assuming God shakes his head at sex before marriage among two mature adults when Officially GF/BF]" :)

My point is: Unofficially together -- is more like you're dating, have been dating, but nothing's been solidified yet, announced, proclaimed, established, etc. There certainly can be that, don't get me wrong. But it certainly doesn't take marriage or an Engagement (no paperwork there either) -- to make things clearly Official between the two... where cheating can just the same be a "social felony".
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