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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is "taking things slow" really necessary after the age of 45???      Home login  
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 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 41
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't understand what this "thing" is that people need to take slow.
You can know someone for years and still not really know them.
People you've known and trusted for years can let you down or cheat
on you. There are no guarantees.

If I find someone I'm interested in, I'm not really interested in taking
too much too slow. I'm not sure what I'd be waiting for? At this point
in my life, I'm more into taking chances than I was earlier in life, mostly
because I'm almost 60.

I'm more open to relationships and watching them develop while I'm
in them, not watching from the outside hoping they turn into something
lasting.

Maybe if I had 30 or more years and several chances at do overs I'd feel
differently.

Yeppers, I'm a rebel!
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 42
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:58:39 PM
I'm with browneyesboo on this one I am 55 why the heck would I want to take things slow. Last year I even asked a man out something I have never done before
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 43
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/27/2012 1:00:46 PM
They say..... as we get toward the end of our lives we regret not what we have done.... but what we have NOT done!!!!

Life is short!!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 44
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/27/2012 1:16:15 PM
"It" is probably sex, and the idea behind "taking it slow" is that a woman is somehow exchanging something of more value when having sex than is a man. They don't want to feel they "gave it up" for nothing, as it appears that men are commonly prone to do.

Of course, its all hogwash based on presumptions of a difference between men and women in their thinking about sex. While, as with women, some men will have sex with anyone and it will mean nothing, most men are particular about with whom they crawl into bed, and carefully weight the emotional, physical and financial risks of granting a woman such power over them and their lives.

"Taking it slow" is a strategy, but as Boo says, its not like there is a lot of time left to waste on going slowly. I say go carefully, whatever speed you progress at......
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 45
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:00:31 AM
BrownEyesBoo:


I'm more open to relationships and watching them develop while I'm
in them, not watching from the outside hoping they turn into something
lasting.

abelian:


I wish I’d have said that.


Yes, Boo often has that effect on me as well. She has a real gift for expressing herself, clearly and succinctly.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 46
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:18:24 PM
This thread is nothing more than another rehash of the three date rule, etc. For me, I want to get to know someone -well - before I get to know her. While I may put an unrealistic amount of importance on the physical intimacy aspect of any future relationship, and it is a subject that will be explored exhaustively, somehow I've never been able to separate sex from the relationship. For a love interest, separating one from the other, is like dark chocolate with no taste.
If that requires a time commitment, then so be it. I believe it will be time well spent.

TK
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 47
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/29/2012 5:23:54 AM
To me, one of the truly wonderful things about being in this age group is the sense of liberty I have about management of my own life. With all of my experiences, both good and bad, I feel quite free to conduct myself however I feel, without the need to worry about the thoughts of people around me to any great extent. The pressure to conform is pretty well gone.

Consequently, I act in relationships as I feel I want to, whether its taking it slow or going full speed ahead. Its all about the feelings happening at the time. I am neither afraid to pursue my feelings, nor am I uncertain of my judgments. If things do trend towards the negative, I know I can manage them back to the positive. I fear not the future because I know that I am the one creating it.

Enjoy life. Its steadily running out!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 48
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:16:54 AM
^^^...Yes, and who wants to spend much of what's left in heartache and regret?
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 49
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:40:37 PM

Au contraire, I've found that the indecisiveness and tentative approach to a relationship causes the heartache to last much longer. Nothing is 'determined' and a fuzzy insecurity sets in.

Not declaring your love for someone does not mean you care for them any less. you are just shielding your expressed emotions but they get hurt (or not) all the same. It just means more time staring at the phone wondering to call for a date or not. Wondering what they are doing. Second guessing all types previous words spoken , etc.

When I go for a swim I like to jump right into the lake. I can jump out and move on to something else quicker than the person who spends ten minutes slowly getting into the water.

How true! I act the same - in the relationship and at the lake.
Sometimes, I can stay long time in the water, sometimes after a few strokes, I'll get out and move on.

Now, armed with the knowledge that there may be more people like us, next time I'll go to the beach, I'll be observing very carefully which women jump quickly into the water.


 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 50
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/31/2012 9:43:30 AM
Yes, it's worth taking it slow. Unless you've know that person for a long time, how do you know what you'd be getting yourself into? People are on their best behaviour at first. Also, I think there is something special about feeling you can trust someone in your life and it takes time to build that kind of trust.

If you want a short-term relationship or don't care whether it's going to work out or not, just want to enjoy it for what it is at the time, then go ahead. Bear in mind though that if you don't know the person well, they could be anybody. I used to be more trusting but now I want to know the guy has integrity and that's not so easy to know without spending time with them.
 JDinMN
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 51
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/31/2012 9:46:09 PM
"Haste makes waste" Agreed.

I do like the 4 seasons rule. But wowsers. I wonder if I could even get married after just a year of knowing a person.

It is such a huge commitment to me that I would like to be pretty darn sure. But what do I know? Never been married. I can only imagine that a divorce would be quite possibly the worst thing I could ever go through.

And I've been through some major doo doo in my life.

Really intriqued by the 4 season suggestion though. Planting that seed in my brain to think about.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 52
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/1/2012 12:36:07 AM

I can only imagine that a divorce would be quite possibly the worst thing I could ever go through.


Not even close. My first marriage lasted a couple of years and she decided she didn't want to be tied down. My late wife and I were together for over 28 years. I watched her suffer through 7 years fighting the cancer that finally took her and watched her slowly die over the last 6 weeks we had together. No, divorce wasn't that big of a deal. On the other hand I wouldn't give up the good times I had with my wife, to not have those 7 years of heart ache.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 53
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/3/2012 6:13:04 PM
Well, good rule of thumb-if you can't share your remote, you best not get married.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 54
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/3/2012 6:49:37 PM
I'd like to think that by 45+ you know enough to not have some silly "timeframe" (like the "sex by the 3rd date or its going nowhere" rule ), and know the speed that you are comfortable with, and to find someone who is comfortable with that or can adapt/compromise to their speed if you're really interested (and the same in reverse for the other person). If I were to classify "silly cat and mouse games", I put them under "unrealistic expectations" and "manipulation to get what you want". Seriously, at 45+ I'd hope most of us have outgrown that to a large degree.
 gregdad49
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 55
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/4/2012 1:28:25 AM
Love takes time, but it builds with being friends first.
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 56
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:28:00 AM
I agree with import from uk

Being older makes me hopefully smarter and take a good look before I jump.
 munnymaker2012
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 57
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/4/2012 3:41:05 PM
i like to take things fast ...FAST FAST FAST

LET'S GOooooooooooooo

;)
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 58
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/7/2012 9:37:09 PM
At this age I think it is even more necessary. Sure virginity is long gone, but my heart needs protection even more now. I consider every man like a good book that I want to read from cover to cover, since it's truly a mans mind that attracts me the most. Quality is better than quantity.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 59
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/24/2012 10:39:30 PM
I could not agree with you more. The entire process of forming a relationship takes a great deal of time. I am too old to do the fools rush in thing. I'm true to me first and me says that I won't step into anything just for the sake of stepping.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 60
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/25/2012 11:26:25 AM

TkngLifeSlow11:
Someone mentioned that players pretend. Indeed they do. People can put on a facade for several months, and completely pretend to be what you are looking for (they can mimic what you want to appear perfect for you).


Let me see if I understand what you are saying. You think a man, who is a player, is going to come along and seduce you. He is going to wear a façade, a complete false front, for a period of months. Take you out on many, many dates, spend money on you, spent potentially hundreds of hours in your company, all so that he can get in your pants one time, and then dump you? You REALLY believe this?

Let me ask you a question. Why wouldn’t he just go to a prostitute? Wouldn’t it be much cheaper and easier? Couldn’t he pick out a woman who was ever more desirable than you?

In summation, let me just ask you this – Do you really think what you are sitting on is that valuable and that unique?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 61
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/25/2012 12:43:27 PM

Does being 45 mean that if you're not part of a couple then you don't exist?


Damn! Really??! If I don't exist, then how, pray tell, do I manage to be such a complete and utter pain in the ass? Can you imagine how bad it would be if I had someone to encourage me? Y'all better pray that I continue to believe in taking it at a pace I deem wise and appropriate to the situation at hand.


I'd like to think that by 45+ you know enough to not have some silly "timeframe" (like the "sex by the 3rd date or its going nowhere" rule [/qote]
I don't think it's so much about having set-in-stone benchmarks, but I do believe that many 45+ people of both genders weigh their actions before standing on the accelerator.


You think a man, who is a player, is going to come along and seduce you. He is going to wear a façade, a complete false front, for a period of months. Take you out on many, many dates, spend money on you, spent potentially hundreds of hours in your company, all so that he can get in your pants one time, and then dump you?


ohenryx, while I do absolutely GET where you are coming from, there is a type out there who is very into the "challenge/conquest" aspect of dating. Some of them, I really don't think they KNOW-they just experience a "let-down" and lose interest after "conquering". Others, I'm sure, know exactly what they are doing. Whether it is an intentional "conquest game" or a situation where the guy just loses interest, it can be quite aggravating to those who've perhaps become overly invested too quickly.

However, I think we all need to remind ourselves that this thread was started by a woman, and perhaps she has never encountered a "player" or a "conquest addict". It sounds like she is encountering MEN,who, for whatever reason, are not interested in rushing into a full-bore "serious relationship"-and, sometimes the reason(s) ARE valid in the mans' perspective.
Cindy O
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 62
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:17:56 PM
Let me ask you a question. Why wouldn’t he just go to a prostitute? Wouldn’t it be much cheaper and easier?
-----------
Maybe some men would prefer a normal woman over a prostitute, yuk! And they don't always spend a lot to date one.
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 63
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/26/2012 9:53:50 AM
Wow... since when did taking things slow or not equate to a road leading to marriage??? I guess I am sitting at a perpetual red light, because marriage is not going to happen again. I am more than willing to grow old with my partner, but I will never be called a husband again.

I disagree that it takes a long time to get to know someone. It may take a long time to get someone to open up (which in my mind is when you get to know them) but to those of us that are open from the get go and wear our heart on our sleeves, don't hide behind the truth of who we are..... you will get to know me immediately. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Life is way too short for me to wait around for one to open up "to see" if I like what I am dealing with.
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 64
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 4/27/2012 5:47:50 PM
I guess it really depends on the people dating on the speed they are comfortable with going.
 meetme28269
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 65
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:47:12 AM
Our society has changed since we have been in High school and our societies view on dating has also changed.
Our personal views on dating and expectations have also changed,that is if we are in touch with reality.
I'm not saying you should jump right into the bed,but surely you have learned some life lessons by now.
Most important is to be comfortable with your actions and to strive for happiness.
Life is too short to believe otherwise.
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