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 AUTHOR
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 46
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History
How to deal with a stalkerPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Not like I use my profile for anything but posting here

Then I would just hide it. You'll still be able to post here and your BF will still be able to get your messages. You just won't have to deal with the BS from this guy and others.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 48
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/24/2012 8:41:01 AM

I've had the same thing happen. Mine threatened to have his friends find me and rape me.


That constitutes a threat, which should be reported to the police.
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 53
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:24:17 AM
A stalker wants you to hide and be fearful.

Just stand up and tell them off. Speak directly. "I don't like you go away." not "I don't think we would be a good match."

Call your local police and see what your options are. It takes a good bit of paperwork to get and IP trace and file a complaint, but you need to be proactive not reactive.

I am not sure how POF deals with these problems, but other sites have a report abuse feature. If POF has one use it. Use it every time he contacts you.

Don't hide. My favorite line is, "I love stalkers. No one cares if you kill them."

I had one guy follow me over several dating sites and yahoo. I rarely block people. Better to know where they are then to wonder when they are going to sneak up to.

Kuddos to the little woman who threatened the big guy. I have done that. You would be surprised that all it take is to stand up to someone. They thrive on fear. Take that away and they have nothing.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 58
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:16:17 PM

Posted By: veedub_evo_iii on 3/23/2012 632 AM
Subject: How to deal with a stalker
Message: Ok .. fair enough.

You did sorta encourage his reaction simply by investing any time in him period.


That is a very ignorant comment. You are basically saying, "Well, you kind of asked for it." Ugh.

This is a dating website, and the point is to try to get to KNOW people. Did you even read her post? She chatted with him a bit, got a negative vibe from some things he said, and then pulled the plug. Would it have been any different had she just disappeared? Maybe, maybe not. But she did NOT "encourage" him.

Stalkers of any type do not need encouragement. It is a craziness inside their head, and they need mental health treatment. Celebrities are stalked by people who have never even met them--so what did the celebrity do to "encourage" it? Should women refuse to talk to ANY guy because it might "encourage" stalking?

OP, you did nothing to encourage him and as you said, you did nothing wrong. The problem is all his. good luck and let's hope he goes poof sooner rather than later.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 63
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 12/18/2012 7:49:51 PM
amazing how people go nuts on the internet...I did have one harrass me b4 we met, he seemed very borderline at the end...
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 64
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:00:19 PM
Print out everything he sends you.

Either don't answer or answer with a statement that says Stop contacting me or I am going to the police.

I would not block him just let him keep running so you have more crap.

Call your local police nonemergency number and ask for advice.

Press charges if you can. POF will have to answer that.

Don't hid they thrive on fear.
 Libra488
Joined: 9/12/2014
Msg: 65
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:12:32 PM
I have this problem at the moment, have blocked them but they can still view my profile and continue to do so 3 or 4 times a day, this is creepy. Other sites stop the person viewing your profile as well as stopping them contacting you. I wish POF would do this as well, otherwise will have to leave the site :(
 BeachBikeHike
Joined: 8/15/2014
Msg: 66
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:57:00 PM
Libra488, are you an Upgraded User? Otherwise, you will have no idea if this person views your profile 3-4 times per day.

To report the user who is bothering you, go to his profile, scroll down and click on "Report User" at the bottom.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 67
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/23/2014 5:16:43 PM

Posted by Libra488:
"...I have this problem at the moment, have blocked them but they can still view my profile and continue to do so 3 or 4 times a day, this is creepy. Other sites stop the person viewing your profile as well as stopping them contacting you. I wish POF would do this as well, otherwise will have to leave the site :(..."

Sorry to learn that you will be departing POF after only a two-week visit.
My suggestion is to pay no attention to the people whom you have blocked in the past.
Why even care if they continue to view your profile for whatever reason?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 68
view profile
History
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 10:16:29 AM
Since our OP is still currently active in the forums, I would be interested in an update from her.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 69
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 11:07:36 AM
I would delete my account and go over to Match for a month, then come back to POF. POF is not the only game in town.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 70
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 1:25:43 PM
I dealt with this recently and I kept reporting his profile for profile stalking me, and it was deleted shortly.

It went on for month but it finally ended last week. So now my profile is back to normal with pictures but I keep it hidden so he cannot search for me and I'm not interested in dating at this time. The only way to see me is through the forums.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 71
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 4:44:45 PM
I have had the same situation off and on.

With one particular man after 1 date he sent me a photo of his erect phallus to my phone.
When I informed him that I did not appreciate the the photo he started telling me there was something wrong with me.
I blocked him and he created a new account.
Then he kept phoning me - I would refuse the phone calls and not respond to texts.
He managed to find me on other sites with different profiles.
This continued off and on for years!!!!
Thankfully now he seems to have lost my phone number and the most recent contact - again with a fake profile only lasted a couple of messages.

Thankfully he does not know where I live, nor my full name.
These days I have a 'private' phone which I use for internet dating, Meet Up and other situations where for whatever reason I wish to be a little more cautious.


Stalkers can be super scary.
I know a woman who had had a stalker come into her home, cut the crotch out of all her underwear and spraypaint her walls.
Plus he would phone her in the middle of the night.

Thankfully all that stopped with Police intervention, getting a protective dog, plus she had a man start staying overnight and surprise, surprise... whenever the overnight guest man answered the phone the caller hung up.
But the police were tracing the calls.
This was not via an internet meet. It was someone she thought was a friend.
Even more scary.

My general advice is to stay strong and not let the the 'bad' people win.
If they succeed in scaring you sufficiently that you change your behaviour and the way you live your life.
They win.

Ensure that YOU WIN!!!
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 72
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 5:00:15 PM
Something about online dating sure does feel like it brings out the nut bars. You don't even have to be attractive because I've had 3 (2 thru a paid site and one from here). I guess I was lucky because my POF stalker was following me around in the forums and posting after me. He would support my posts and talk as though we were a couple. He also copied my profile into his. I'd already blocked him and his new profile, but because he was posting I reported him in the violations thread and he got banned. I changed my profile name and hid my profile for about a year. Not a word since.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 73
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 9/28/2014 5:24:25 PM

With one particular man after 1 date he sent me a photo of his erect phallus to my phone.
When I informed him that I did not appreciate the the photo he started telling me there was something wrong with me.
I blocked him and he created a new account.


His phallus? That's a funny word. I've never heard another woman refer to a man's penis as a "phallus" before. I would have simply told him it wasn't big enough.

Oh wait... that belongs in the "negging" thread. My bad.
 Me_Me_Me_Pick_Me
Joined: 9/6/2014
Msg: 74
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/5/2014 7:37:15 PM
I had a stalker before (offline) and basically what I did was get the girl to hate my guts. That way it was her decision to "end it" (in her head) with me. You may have to act like you have some sort of interest in them - which could even be true, as you are trying to figure out how this person's brain works. Some may call it manipulation, but I'd say you're trying to distance yourself from someone who obviously can't handle rejection or take no for an answer.

You have to help empower the stalker to make this decision. If you are the one to decide to end it, their ego will not allow them to tolerate the rejection. They have to reject YOU; which is something you want all along.

Ways you can do this are:

1) Tell them you love them. Then you hate them. Love them. Hate them again. Waffle back and forth like a crazy person.

2) Find out what their interests are. Tell them that those interests are boring to you and you can't understand why anyone would want to partake in that. Similarly find out what they dislike and say you like doing a variation of whatever that is. Ridicule them if you have to.

Good luck!
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 75
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 9:13:12 AM
^^^ozsealady

A man sent you a photo of his 'phallus' and you responded to him! Even my daughters would have the common sense not to respond.

Delete, block.

There are real women with real issues with stalkers. A horrendous situation. Then there are drama queens who seem to provoke more of this unhealthy attention.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 76
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History
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 9:25:21 AM
^^^Me me me

Completely wrong.

Stalker advice 101...every 'expert'

Zero contact. Zero response. Zero attention.

Any attention is wrong. This is why they will act in a bizarre or dramatic or destructive way. Rational thought is not part of the mindset. They seek attention. They will do anything to solicit any type of attention. Rejection or making yourself unattractive has no effect. None. They are not making rational choices.

You are confusing a stalker with an otherwise rational person who just needs 'to get it'. Stakers don't 'get it'.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 77
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 9:33:18 AM
I did use ME-ME-ME's tactic on two gf's.

BUT, it only works on people otherwise rational. People who are merely looking to win over a partner, and that's the reason they keep chasing. When someone chases you irrationally, when their sense of reality is flawed...then you need a different hammer from the toolbox.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 78
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 10:48:56 AM

Something about online dating sure does feel like it brings out the nut bars. You don't even have to be attractive because I've had 3 (2 thru a paid site and one from here). I guess I was lucky because my POF stalker was following me around in the forums and posting after me. He would support my posts and talk as though we were a couple. He also copied my profile into his. I'd already blocked him and his new profile, but because he was posting I reported him in the violations thread and he got banned. I changed my profile name and hid my profile for about a year. Not a word since.


um forumfiend, hate to break it to you, but you are attractive too. :)




On the stalking; it is creepy. Ive had it online and in real life; and once online where he figured out where I lived and also showed up in real life; repeatedly for a year and a half.

When people talk to you like they have been having frequent conversations with you and "know" you; when even after you've gone offline for a while and you have not had a single written word from them in months (or longer of back and forth message while offline); but they talk about how constantly they think about you; what they do to themselves while they are thinking about you; where you are in their head literally in a relationship where in real life you have almost (or actually zero) interaction while you hid?

Not talking to them doesn't stop it; because the majority of the interaction is in their head; not between teh two of you. But escalating it is not something you want to do. Ignore does not make them go away; but at least it doesn't fuel them. I bail on the site frequently; and shut off my phone. Doesn't work but gives me peace of mind for a while anyways.

Hiding doesn't matter; because they save what they have from and on you; and they do make alternate ids. And when you are not hiding; they are there.

And they share how much you "mean" to them.

I wish I knew how to make them go away. I wish I knew how to explain to them that what, to them, is a compliment to me? Is an empty fantasy based on obsession, which has NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with them. It's not a compliment to me. Because it's not me that they are obsessing about; it's the me that they created in their own mind. Stalkers are all about mental control and mental ownership. The "self professed romantic stalkers", have a pseudo relationship. The scary stalkers? Want to own the person for real.

If someone can figure out how to make a person STOP doing that? Please let me know.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 79
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 11:58:59 AM
First thing - Make a new profile, under a different name. But before you put pictures up, set the profile to "hidden."

Otherwise block his attempts to contact you, if you simply block him every time he will get tired of it and move on.

He doesn't know where you live/work/frequent, he can't stalk you if he doesn't know that.

Otherwise plan to meet him and send your boyfriend in to beat his ass. A well executed ass whooping is a great incentive for the recipient to play nice.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 80
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History
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 1:11:37 PM
Seems like there are a lot of suggestions here...I have had one or two stalkers over the years...The LAST thing I would do online OR in real life is engage with them in ANY way...
Aside from that being a bad idea according to the experts I just don't believe in passive/aggressive games, like making someone "hate" me,sounds juvenile frankly, and as for setting the person up to get "beaten up by my boyfriend", yeah, there ARE laws against assault, especially when premeditated and you're more likely to end up in trouble yourself by doing something foolish like that...
As others have already said block, delete and be very careful about giving out info like exact address, routine etc. until you feel that you know somebody well.
It sucks, but that's Life...some people are just twacked and there's NO reasoning with them. Good luck!
 SunnyDazical
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 81
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 1:38:12 PM
Document, contact authorities, document, contact authorities. ...repeat

Protect yourself and your family.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 82
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/6/2014 2:00:26 PM
@Libra488....Are you positive they keep viewing your profile?
I know as a "new" user...I got confused when people that had viewed my profile...in the past, kept showing up on that top viewing line....is that what and where you are seeing this particular person??
I know it is confusing.
If it is.....that simply means he is only logging in....It does not mean he keeps viewing your profile....everytime.

The only way you will know if someone keeps viewing your profile...is if you are a paying upgraded member.
Good Luck!
 Me_Me_Me_Pick_Me
Joined: 9/6/2014
Msg: 83
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 10/7/2014 8:57:06 PM

^^^Me me me

Completely wrong.

Stalker advice 101...every 'expert'

Zero contact. Zero response. Zero attention.

Any attention is wrong. This is why they will act in a bizarre or dramatic or destructive way. Rational thought is not part of the mindset. They seek attention. They will do anything to solicit any type of attention. Rejection or making yourself unattractive has no effect. None. They are not making rational choices.

You are confusing a stalker with an otherwise rational person who just needs 'to get it'. Stakers don't 'get it'.


I'm not confusing anything. I was talking about my situation and it worked. With a stalker there is contact, so you can't control the variable that is them. If said stalker shows up at my work repeatedly looking for me or waiting for me outside of various school locations, I know they are a stalker and telling them to "leave me alone" is not gonna work. The zero contact rule won't work if they have a right to be on the same property as you (college). That is why I chose to handle things the way I did.
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