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 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 26
Life without love/RelationshipsPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I made a post very similar to this years ago (cancelled then came back).

Every once in a while, I go thru my dark moments when I think it will never happen for me and Im destined to be a single parent. Then, I wake up and snap out of my pity party.

Looking on back my last few slumps, they turned around and I ended up having a few great relationships (while they lasted).

You arent alone with thinking this, but, you need to realize you are just in a slump right now and are inclined to feel like it just wont happen for you. It wont last forever. In the meantime, use your temp. slump and put it to good use. Emjoy doing things on your own without the hassel. Take up gardening, loved ones, friends. A new hobby. Before you know it, your mood can change and youll be back to normal and positive thinking.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 27
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:13:17 PM
I made a post very similar to this years ago (cancelled then came back).

Every once in a while, I go thru my dark moments when I think it will never happen for me and Im destined to be a single parent. Then, I wake up and snap out of my pity party.

Looking on back my last few slumps, they turned around and I ended up having a few great relationships (while they lasted).

You arent alone with thinking this, but, you need to realize you are just in a slump right now and are inclined to feel like it just wont happen for you. It wont last forever. In the meantime, use your temp. slump and put it to good use. Emjoy doing things on your own without the hassel. Take up gardening, loved ones, friends. A new hobby. Before you know it, your mood can change and youll be back to normal and positive thinking.


I have been in a life-long slump with occasional breaks. What are the exact time frames on your slumps? I appreciate your insight.


Again, no offense but if that's how you feel then you have low self-esteem and you need to work on that. My friends know I have a wide range of emotions and accept me for who I am. I have ups and downs as they do depending on what the circumstances are in our lives at the time. We call each other crying, laughing and when we're angry with each other. My best friend has hung up on me many times out of frustration with her own life but I still love her today and we think of each other as family. I would never abandon her nor put her down under any circumstances no matter how horrible she behaves toward me.

Measuring your worth by having a mate or not is wrong on so many counts.

You matter to a lot of people just the way you are, no?


As far as my self esteem, you could say it is low, yet I am confident with myself as far as my abilities at work and school. I had up to 30 people working for me at my job, while people who had one or two people working for them were jealous because my job seems so easier than theirs.

I quit drinking, so I don't really talk to my friends like that. I did in the past, but I got tired of hearing myself, and I didn't want to lose a friend. It's not like any of them can help me with my problem.

I suppose I matter to people the way I am, but if it is a relative or something that I haven't seen in a long time, one of the first things they will ask is if I have a girlfriend. They ask me why not. Then they ask "oh, have you tried online dating?" How low does that make me feel?


1. Stop getting angry/upset/annoyed. You said it; we don't know you. Our opinions of you aren't worth jack. When you post in the forums, people are going to give you their opinion and criticisms. This is the nature of forums since the dawn of the Internet.
2. Re-read your responses. You have to understand there is a trend in your postings that people are picking up on. Each one of your answers has a theme. It makes me think that this theme is very much a part of who you are in real life. If this is the case, then you really need to refer back to my original posting.
3. You speak a lot about not having time. Now speaking for myself, I will never date anyone who says they don't have time or they are too busy. We make time for the things that are important in life. Too busy/no time is a weak excuse and it sends the message that this relationship is not that important. If you really and truly don't have time, then it would be best to stay single and not subject someone to potential neglect. Wait until you do have the time to devote to a good relationship. At least make time for the most important person: YOU!


I have three day weekends. I'd have time for a girl. It is a little easier to make time for, if we slept in the same bed, showered together, texted or called each other on our breaks, brought each other lunch, it can be done. Many people with the same schedule as me are doing just fine in their relationships.


I didn't wade through all the crap because the answer is simply: You are and have been alone for a long time for a reason.

Look at the losers paired up out there and ask yourself what the hell is wrong with you.

Are you so damn picky and superficial your standards are supermodels?

Are you a misogynist that women can't stand to be around?

Do you have lousy grooming habits? (bath daily? Use deodorant?)

Are you so freak'n cheap you squeeze a dime till the eagle cries?

Are you so me-oriented that you don't take a moment to considers others feelings?

Have to get your way every single damn time?

Something is turning women off you. Ask good lady friends what you can do to improve yourself to women. Then JUST LISTEN.

You don't appear to be fat, ugly nor does it appear your mother is dressing you funny. But something is wrong if you can't get yourself someone decent over a span of years.

Find it, fix it, forget about it.

The Cowboy


Problem is, you didn't read my posts. I answered all of these questions already. Any female friend who I talk to will tell me that I will make some woman very happy one day and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. The only thing left to fix is for it to happen already. There is the trend in my posts.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 28
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:55:05 PM

I have been in a life-long slump with occasional breaks. What are the exact time frames on your slumps? I appreciate your insight


Do you mean how long they last? Depends on what else is going on in my life...anywhere from a couple weeks to several months, 1 year. Sometimes something will go wrong that is totally unrelated, and that can affect my outlook on other things like dating. So some slumps would last longer, etc.

If you feel you are in a life-long slump, then you will be spending the rest of your life alone, with that negative outlook. Good luck to you.
 lebanonboy5
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:19:26 PM
Don't feel bad...it's not a bad thing to be alone and not have to worry about other peoples feelings( women) and you can keep your hard earned money for yourself and not waste it on women!!....
Now, The best way to enjoy life alone is to stay busy doing things you like....maybe bike riding on the nature trails, reading many books on many subjects.
Also, Hang out with your friends and family more often....you'll never go wrong there!! lol
Go to the movies more and get lots of cool dvd movies that you like to see but never had time for because the girls took your time away from you......So enjoy your freedom to do whatever you want, Whenever you want without taking consideration some woman's feelings!....FREEDOM!!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 30
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:46:26 PM
OP don't give up yet you are only 33!

Get off this site and join meetup dot com. Start meeting real people in the real world and have some fun along the way!

As for your original question - I'm 51 and single now for 7 years. Everyday that passes I enjoy my single life more and more. It may be that I will never have another LTR but I don't think it matters to me any longer. The choice to not have a partner in life is not something you decide over night, it grows on you over the years.

Now get out there and have fun!


Thank you for the kind words, you are awesome. I don't see myself going on any other dating sites though, I tend to see the same women.


So yeah I am saying you aren't alone man, there's lots of guys that are thinking this way because it's the unfortunate reality.. but remember you don't have to give up women all together.. Escorts offer the girlfriend experience for the equivalent price of an average date you would totally pay for yourself... not to mention they're more likely to be more attractive than a woman you would be likely to date

Also, don't let people shame you by telling you that you need to grow up/man up or if you pay for sex you're a loser that can't get laid, the truth is this frustrates the crap out of women because it puts the sexual power ball back in your court... unless this strictly goes against your morals, in reality, escorts are safer than dating because they treat sex like a career... meaning they think of their own safety.. they will most likely be on birth control and demand condom use.. meaning the risk of pregnancy and STD's may actually be less than dating a woman who hides her past or may be lying to try and trap you.


I have been to a brothel legally in Nevada. It was a cool experience, but it was more like a visit to the doctor than it was like a date. I'd prefer to have sex with someone I love, and I could count on one hand how many times I've loved the women that I had sex with. The only other time I love the person I am having sex with is when I rub one out. How is that for all of you who say I don't love myself? I just said I did.


Do you mean how long they last? Depends on what else is going on in my life...anywhere from a couple weeks to several months, 1 year. Sometimes something will go wrong that is totally unrelated, and that can affect my outlook on other things like dating. So some slumps would last longer, etc.

If you feel you are in a life-long slump, then you will be spending the rest of your life alone, with that negative outlook. Good luck to you.


Yeah, I have my ups and downs, but as far as dating, relationships, etc. it has been a life long slump. That was the whole point of my posting this thread. Thank you, I need all the luck I can get.


Op, this is the most depressing stuff I've ever read. You will never be happy. You don't want to be happy. Unhappiness can be a cruel mistress, but you want her nonetheless. Go figure.


No, I don't want unhappiness. I don't wish the way I feel on my worst enemy. I just don't feel like I have much of a choice.


This is quite the pity party. You have an excuse for every possible solution. So throw in the towel, go ahead! Move on from this whine and cheese fest. What kind of woman do you think you will attract with your crappy negative attitude?

You seem to think that everything will be sunshine and lollipops if ONLY you had a woman…and kids….and a nice white pickety life. What happens when you discover a relationship is HARD WORK. You don’t just fall into it, with magical fairies lighting the way to your eternal perfect bliss.

Wake up. Nobody is going to give you your life of happiness, and shooting down every single suggestion of doing something YOURself will keep you on this merry-go-round of self pity for as long as you let it.


Thank you, Captain Obvious. I'm no stranger to hard work. I have done everything anyone could suggest pretty much besides completely give up. That is what I am contemplating doing, hence the thread. I don't want to do that, because I know it won't make me happy, but it might be something that I need to come to terms with. I realize a relationship will not change everything, that is why my last one only lasted 4 months. I was equally lonely in my relationship as I was on my own. I'd rather be miserable and single than miserable and taken. At least when I am single, my name is entered in the lottery of love and happiness.

Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean I am stupid. Some of you are really condescending, which would lead me to believe that you are as miserable as I am, if not more so. Where is the middle finger smiley when I need it?


Dominic we've had some back and forth on the boards in the past, I recall you were a bit argumentative but then we were cool. I think you were maybe a bit reactive, maybe you have a bit of an anger issue or short temper?

I think you need to be more specific at where you fail. Do you go out on first dates with women you meet on this site or other dating sites? Do you get dates from women you meet in "real life".. but none of them go anywhere?

It's quite likely you're caught up in a failure chain of frustration. You can't meet anyone so you feel like a failure, and it shows in your attitude. I'm just wondering if you even get as fr as first dates and then they lose interest because you're projecting negativity and maybe depression.. if so you gotta learn how to fake it til you make it.. you're unhappy because you're alone but if you can shelve all that and come across as positive when you're out with a woman she just might look past all those negatives and see what you have to offer in a relationship.

I've been there on a much smaller, more compressed level. I'm not looking to brag.. (ok maybe I am, a little), but I've never been single more than a few months my entire life since I started dating in high school around 15 and now I'm approaching 50 and I'm currently in a very nice relationship that's 2 months strong and still growing.

But when I'm single for like a week or two I feel the way you do and I have to sort of bury the moodiness and the feeling that I'm never going to meet anyone. Of course that's ridiculous for me to feel that way but hey, it happens so I can relate to you but like I said on a much smaller level.

I suggest you hang in there, keep trying but change your approach and like I said more information is needed, as in do you get first dates that never go anywhere or are you just not getting responses to your messages? I looked at your profile I'd remove the one of the tattoo on your face you look scary as hell and it appears it's not a permanent tattoo because it's not in the other pictures.


Nice to see you friend. The "fake it until I make it" has granted me some success, so you are right on target with that. I can see myself doing this again in the near future. As far as me dating, some of them are just meet and greets, others are one night stands, others never materialize in real life at all.

I have the tattoo pic up because I was Mike Tyson for Halloween. I see a lot of girls on these sites in their cute, slutty Halloween costumes, and I am a sucker for that kind of stuff. It is actually a henna tattoo that my mother did for me, she is a great artist on many different mediums. I have actually got compliments on it from many females. I'd respectfully refuse taking that pic down.

The rest of your advice is welcomed, and is as good as the gospel. If I live to my 50's, I hope I am as cool as you, and I am saying that sincerely, not sarcastically. You are a man's man, and you showed me a lot of character in our past conversations. If anyone one here could be a solid role model, it would be you. Congratulations on your latest relationship, I hope she appreciates you.


At this point Im loving life without men telling me Im not their type and being shallow douches. I enjoy just having sex and not caring and never calling them again its not like they care lmao


I tend to go that route myself from time to time Domo. Perhaps if it happened more frequently, I wouldn't care so much about finding someone long term. I like your costume by the way.


Not so sure I agree with that one but it might be a matter of the wording.

If a guy wades into the dating pool, and he swims around for months or years and has no success at all, maybe he gets no responses to messages, or maybe he does but can't swing that first date, or maybe he gets as far as a first date but then never hears from them again, or perhaps as Dominic has said he finally get one to spend time with him (something less than 4 months) and then she dumps him.. well all those failures are going to start taking a toll on one's confidence level and self esteem.

Then you got a guy like me, who after being married for the better part of 20 years, starts dating (around 6 years ago), and has dozens of first dates, a half a dozen relationships of duration, most of which ended because I wanted out but they were devastated, and well, that guy like me isn't going to be wondering what his problem is and sitting around all depressed and miserable and thinking about giving up.

It's a cycle.. and it can be vicious and downward, or it can be upward and a sort of positive feedback loop of sorts.

It's a lot easier to maintain the upward flow when you've got momentum, it's difficult if not impossible to turn around a downward spiral but you gotta start somewhere.. by identifying some of the problems.


Thanks again for understanding. Funny thing is, I ended my last relationship, and I was the guy who never called after the booty call. You could say I've been on both sides of this, and I don't like either side of it. I just want to end it and have love.


Don't feel bad...it's not a bad thing to be alone and not have to worry about other peoples feelings( women) and you can keep your hard earned money for yourself and not waste it on women!!....
Now, The best way to enjoy life alone is to stay busy doing things you like....maybe bike riding on the nature trails, reading many books on many subjects.
Also, Hang out with your friends and family more often....you'll never go wrong there!! lol
Go to the movies more and get lots of cool dvd movies that you like to see but never had time for because the girls took your time away from you......So enjoy your freedom to do whatever you want, Whenever you want without taking consideration some woman's feelings!....FREEDOM!!


You pretty much described what I already do to cope with this. Freedom is an illusion. What if "whatever I want" requires the company of a female? Everything else, I pretty much do.

To the rest of you, I seldom apologize because I'm typically right all of the time, haha. However, I am sorry that my posts are depressing to you. I don't owe you an apology, but it isn't always about me. Some of you have the best intentions and are sincerely. trying to help. I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate it. Thank you all.

In the meantime, I will take the Honey Badger approach. Honey Badger don't care.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 31
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:28:24 PM
hey Dom....look my friend....self-confidence is what ya lack ..among some other stuff ,but hey,thats o.k. rite now.
i'm thinkin' -take yerself a lil' break from gettin all fouled up with the gals for a bit!
take a deep breath and freekin' stand up and make man noises!
put yer shoulders back and take up some space!
you got it made fer a 33 yr.old guy ..
in my view you'll be fine!... there's a fine line between loneliness and self-pity, decide which it is!
women can sense a inferior presence.... come-on you can do it!
do a little rejecting of your own!
it's easy!..aint nothin' to it a baby can do it!
you'll have 'em runnin' behind you in no time! ....
plz. dont be a hopeless romantic.
hate to say it but yer comin' off a lil whiney.... just sayin'
ya gotta never let 'em see ya sweat!
OMG... thats some good shyt rite there!, i gotta tell other men!


Well, I just got a 4.0 GPA for my fourth consecutive quarter in school, I am pretty happy about that. Not so sure what I will do to celebrate, aside from just sitting here and enjoying being in a better mood. Maybe something will come up.

I have done plenty of rejecting of my own, so I realize a lot of what is happening to me could be karma. You are pretty much right about everything. You hit the nail on the head.

So despite everything else, I am on top of the world right now! Call me bipolar, call me what you want, just don't call me collect! It feels good to win one sometimes!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 32
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:43:57 PM

google: confidence with women!
btw: rejection does not have ramifications, it's merely a choice!


Easy for you to say, you look like a cross between Chuck Norris and the Dos Equis man! That's a compliment, not sarcasm.

Thank you for the kind words sir, I will google that now, while I am in a better mood!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 33
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:04:37 PM

OP: After reading this whole thread and all the responses from others, I've come to the conclusion that no matter what is said here or whatever the advice is given to you, you have accepted defeat. So, I wanted to chime in:

First, a disclaimer:

There is *always* a reason for our personal actions. Your action in this case was to create this thread.

My question is:

What was your reasoning behind creating this thread? Surely you are looking for something, maybe a certain comment from someone? What was your mentality while creating this thread? What were you hoping to get in return, if anything?

I'll ask the same question again, but this time with different words and a different aim for the purpose of properly understanding the question:

If you were so sure that a relationship/woman/love was something you couldn't have while creating your original post, why did you create the thread? What did you hope to gain from creating a thread regarding this personal dilema?

Think hard.


Last week, I got hit really hard with a rejection. I've avoided these kind of hits on account of thinking with my brain or my other brain instead of my heart. I opened my heart to someone, and I got a swift reminder on why I should not. It knocked down my self-esteem like a house of cards.

Truth is, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. However, I am getting to the point where it might be my only option. I needed to vent, and I don't like the thought of going to a therapist or venting to my friends, so here I am.

I'd say, for better or worse, this topic had to be posted. I don't feel I am completely alone. As dismissive of people's advice as I may come off, there is a lot of good information in this thread.

As far as what I accomplished, probably not a whole lot more than anyone else on this forum who posts a thread. A lot of people reached out to me. A couple of cute girls inboxed me and told me some nice stuff. That is a plus.

I am in a good mood right now, so I'm not going to think about anything negative for awhile. I will enjoy winning while it lasts.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 34
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:26:59 AM

Thank you Op, for making me remember exactly why I never want to talk to a certain someone again.

Carry on with your incessant 'yeah but's.. eventually everyone will stop listening.


Yeah, any advice given, I've tried. Didn't work. If there are "yeah but's", realize there are only 24 hours in a day. Thanks for stopping by.


I have read through this entire thread after posting once in it....I come back and I say, there seems to be a common theme going on here with the OP.

He is already in the, I have given up stage. No matter what people have offered in the way of advice ....There is an excuse for it all. I try to understand then why, if he has already tossed in the towel did he come here to ask us for advice? His poor me attitude clearly won't get him a relationship.

I tried posting a nice response earlier but, after reading more ....I have to say, suck it up..pull up your big boy pants and find happiness being on your own. Not everybody in life gets to have that significant other. Some of us have been alone a long time too, but you gotta find the good ...

Be thankful you are healthy and alive...Be happy knowing that you can take care of yourself. And I am taking a quote from zombieland (one of my fave movies) ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS! Life is too short to sit around missing out on things, feeling sorry for ourselves because we are single. So what! Having a relationship is not the be all, end all of the world


For me, that is the end of the world. If you really read my posts, you would have figured that out. At this particular moment, it isn't. I'm actually in a decent mood. The excuses for my advice is that I pretty much taken all of it, and none of it has worked. The advice is like a band-aide on a gunshot wound. Like I said though, I am in a good mood for now. Everything else in life I can work for. This problem, I have to depend on fate, luck, and other things I have no control over, none of that goes my way. It doesn't have to always go my way, but once in awhile, maybe throw me a bone. Would it have made you feel any better, if I pretended to have taken someones advice, and came back and pretended it worked?

The more you all respond to me like this, the more redundant my responses are going to become. Maybe you are trying to read between the lines. Don't. The responses are cut and dry. I have contemplated throwing in the towel, I don't want to. I feel like I have no choice. "Fake it until you make it" is advice that will be taken. Going to another dating site, probably not. Getting a dog? Impossible. Gardening? It will have to wait until I am retired. I'm not going to apologize for not taking advice on account of my work and school schedule.

I could pretend like it doesn't bother me, but it does bother me. A lot of other things that bother people don't bother me. We all only have a threshold for so much B/S in our lives. I have a greater threshold than most, that's how I lasted so long in my job. I can accredit this to much of the success in my life. My threshold for B/S with women and relationships has worn thinner than bible pages. Now, I get this vibe collectively from a lot of people "we cannot help him, he doesn't want to be helped, he just makes excuses". If you comprehend the details of my responses, you might understand better.

So, no. I will not be happy alone. I don't deserve to be alone, unless I choose to be. No matter what any of you say, I know that isn't what I choose. There is no reason for it at this point, period. The longer I go through life like this, the more often I will react the way I am reacting. I didn't choose this. It's just how it happens.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 35
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:16:53 AM

You say your longest was a few months. Why did it end?


I talk about it in more details here:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14869719.aspx


33 is not old.


It is old to not have kids, at least where I live. I am in no position to move away.


In 5 years, if you work on being more social, relaxed, well rounded--travel, experiences out of your comfort zone...I think you'll still be young and have options.
While understanding you don't control this aspect of your life, you can work on yourself and influence this area.
You are busy--maybe church, volunteer, small talk at places you frequent, smile and get smiling pics, etc.
Your text is too hard vs welcoming in your profile, in places.
Form more male and female friendships, too.
They might know people--have social networks to meet the old fashioned way through friends, family, church.
Anyone speaking of quitting--seems like being a control freak .
You don't need to formally quit.
You can recede and start looking, as you feel.
But as long as you have a pulse, you'll be looking.


I don't do church. I am smiling in all of my pics, can't you tell? I do have a lot of female friends, but I don't talk to them a lot outside of work or Facebook. Perhaps you are right about the control freak thing. I feel I need to control it, instead of letting it control me. You are right, I'm sure I'll be looking even when I say I am not.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 36
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:51:53 PM

Maybe you've chosen the wrong people


The right people and the wrong people look exactly the same.


I've looked at your profile and seen nothing wrong, maybe more smiley photos. Overall I tend to agree that you are obsessing over your situation and attmepting to rationalize which has introduced quite a bit of negativity. My adivce would be to loosen up and work more fun into your life. Hard work is a good thing but must be balanced by play time. As they say "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" and girls don't like dull boys very much. Girls want to feel good. Learn how to make girls feel good. If you want to get rich you learn about the stock market. If you want to get laid you learn about the girl market. Getting a wife or girlfriend means getting into the girl market. Good luck.


I don't care about being rich, I care about paying my bills. Girls don't like dudes that mooch either (typically). The stock market isn't the best idea either, investing in gold is probably a better idea, I could be wrong though.

I suppose you are right as far as trying to work more fun into my life, but that requires more money, which requires more work. Besides, there are times where my job doesn't really seem like work. I quit drinking, so I don't hear from a lot of my old friends. I go and do things alone from time to time, it is okay. I used to have parties at my place until things came up missing. These were people I knew, so don't tell me how I am hanging around the wrong kind of people.

Where is this girl market you speak of? If I knew about a girl market, I would have never had a problem. I suppose I made the mistake of thinking that online dating sites were some kind of girl market. Boy, was I wrong. That is the best analogy I have heard yet though, comparing women to the stock market. To succeed in either requires a great deal of luck, which is something I don't have. I must say, it is more original than what anyone else has told me yet.
 Tristle
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 37
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/24/2012 6:47:15 PM
I dont think you ever really throw in the towel. I've been there, but my mojo always comes back around. You seem to be having a bit of a pity party with yourself Dominic. that is pretty unattractive. If you're not having fun, mabye take a break and concentrate on yourself and interests for awhile. You'll come back more attractive and women will see that. God bless
 christics
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 38
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/25/2012 11:07:39 PM
Dominic
Some guys may not have checked out your profile but I have and I see now what may be the problem. It is scary. Your main picture is all black clothing with hands that are fists. Angry looking. You don't say kind things in the poetry. The threats you give if someone passes you up shows your own paranoia and fear based thinking. Change your own self, not others. This is not meant as an attack, just words from an older woman who steers clear of offensive talk from men who say they are looking for love. Be the love you want to find. I have a feeling you are terrified of being open and vulnerable, by the way you hold yourself and your language. You want but you say stay away at the same time.
 JDinMN
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 39
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/26/2012 1:11:04 AM
OP, one of my favorite quotes is, "Expecting life to treat you fair because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian". I don't remember who said it. Too tired/lazy to look it up.

I think a lot of people think being in a relationship is some sort of right and that good realationships just fall out of the sky. It isn't - it is a privilege. And with all privileges and benefits it has to be earned and worked for.

Like most have said here. You first have to be happy with your own company before you can share it with somebody else. Or the unhappiness will bleed through and taint things unnecessarily.

If you truly want to find someone chase after it with as much gusto as you do other aspects in your life. You're in school, right? You wouldn't quit college because some class was tough or you hated the teacher. No, you would knuckle down, study, get an A, and excel at it. If you want an "A" relationship you will have to apply the same strength.

Heck, there are literally 157 million women who don't like me. I'll ask every single one until I find the right one for me. I only want one of them so that leaves 156,999,999 left for you to pick from. Start by finding things you enjoy, use it as a commonality and find a like minded female. She will start as a friend, then become your best friend, then your partner, then if lucky enough your wife. If not, rinse and repeat.

I didn't really want to point out a negative but when you say no time. I call BS on that. If you find somebody who you think something wonderful may come of it then you have to make the time or she really isn't the one. And you may have just rinsed away the one you've been longing for without even knowing it.

For example, why the heck am I up at this hour? I spent the day hanging with a "hopeful" so now I have work to do to catch up on things. Does it suck? Not at all because of the reward of getting to spend the time with her. You must make the time.

You need to adopt the philosphy that somebody on here helped me with. "No excuses." If you want something fight, kick, and scream for it. Do not give up without a fight. Because if you do - I question your desire to really want a relationship.

Remember that it is a lot like outside sales. Every "no" is a unique and individual "no" and they are not conditioned upon each other. They are all new instances. You may go through a hundred "nopes" to get one "yes" or it may be the very next one. Past answers are not really representative of the next one. (Unless there is some woman conspiracy that I've never been told about - in that case both of us are fubared).

So, I guess after all that I just want to say if you want somebody in your life....

- Ask, ask, ask
- Make room for them
- Be the person who deserves the privilege
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 40
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/29/2012 2:29:13 AM
1. Problems with my pictures and my profile? Nothing will change. I don’t care if it comes off threatening or not. Most of the females’ profiles that I come across say “I’m not looking for a hook up or a booty call” or “no playing games” or they specifically want someone taller. My profile is threatening to women? Their profiles are threatening to me. I am entitled to reject women as much as they are entitled to reject me. I have actually gotten a lot of compliments on the poetry as well, sorry you cannot appreciate art.
2. I’m not going to a psychiatrist, a shrink, counseling, Witch Doctor, none of the above.
3. I’m not going to church.
4. I’m not going to any other dating sites.
5. Contrary to the title, a lot of you are right in saying I could never completely give up, because I haven’t. Perhaps I am preparing for the worst possible outcome.
6. I am as happy with myself as anyone else is, I guarantee.
7. The amount of women who have recently contacted me has increased dramatically, perhaps for no apparent reason.
8. I’ve rejected some of these women. Yes, I am entitled to have standards. If I didn’t, would I truly love myself?
9. No matter what I do, someone will complain about it. I choose to do what I want, isn’t that part of loving yourself? The more contradictions and condescending advice I get from the experts, the more I realize I am not really that bad off after all.
10. Lately, I have been in a better mood. Perhaps I should refrain from sharing my problems with strangers or anyone else in the future.
I hope I covered everything.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 41
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/29/2012 1:47:24 PM
The only mistake I've made is trying to find love online, as if that would even work for me.....
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 43
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:51:44 PM

I find when I try too hard it puts pressure on myself. I have learned to let it happen naturally. I have also learned that if things aren't working the way I want maybe I should take a look at myself and see what I can change in myself to improve the situation. One cannot keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. Some people have no ability to look inside. Ask for friends opinions but be sure to not get defense or they will shut down. Let them know you don't want it sugar coated. The truth is more important. Best of wishes.


I have done all of that already. I've done a lot of things different and got the same results.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 44
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 4/1/2012 6:22:29 PM
As far as "me doing me", I have no problem with that. I have to do that for many reasons, not just because of my lack of a love life. I have my share of needy friends that seem to only hit me up if they need a ride or a loan. I have gradually distanced myself from people like that, even if it limits me to spending my weekends completely alone. As far as pets, I have a cat. My schedule would not permit me having a dog. I have gotten my share of criticism for my profile, pics, etc. However, I am not looking to change any of it.
Call it what you want, but it is me being me. There actually has been an increase of women writing to me on here, not really the type I personally want to date, but it would seem like I am doing something right. As far as a vacation by myself, I'll have to hold off for about a year. This year, I owe my family out of state a visit, and that is priority as far as travel goes. After that, a trip by myself will be in the works. My outlook has improved a little since I originally started this thread. I will thank you all for trying to help.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 45
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/25/2012 9:38:06 PM

Love will find you if you slow down and let it.


I have to stay busy, or not finding love will consume me. I learned that by living life, and they told me the same kind of thing in therapy.


Why not give up a few hours of your job and concentrate on being happy.


I don't work overtime much. Work is the main place where I get to interact with the most females. There is really no right or wrong place to meet someone.
 zillion384
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 46
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/26/2012 5:27:04 PM
I gave up also. I have a strong personality and I guess few guys can handle. But, I accept this. What will happen will happen. Let it go. Its not that important.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 47
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:37:35 AM
Ok! Giving my two cents worth here and you will probably see this as a negative post however here goes.

WHY do men take her simple little no, I am not interested in you that way, as a rejection? Why can't you say ok, this is her preference and I respect her choice. I have had men that I was interested in and they were not interested in me the same way. I don't see that as a rejection, I see that as he can't give what is just not there. It's OK, to have others say no to you from time to time, not all personalities are going to join in unison , just because you like her, ask her out and so on.

Why throw in the towel ? Why not say ok, she's not the one, the one is still out there. Time is not your enemy my friend, it is a precious gift that you can utilize to your advantage. Take the time you need to fall? no FIND LOVE. You don't have to be lonely or live alone all the days of your life! Take one day at a time. Keep your head up you're a good looking man, you need to remember that and she will walk into your life.

Hopefully soon.


Because it happens that way EVERY TIME. I take it like rejection because that is what it is. There's rejection and there is not being rejected, there is no in between. Time has been my enemy. Most women my age around me have several kids, and the ones a couple of years older than me have grand kids.


But you're still young, and with your youth there's still hope, or at least time


I'm not young enough and I am not getting any younger. Time's flown by and the right one has not come along. I'll be too old to have kids by the time I find someone.

I'm an only child myself, and my mother wanted grandchildren. No matter how good I do in life, and how proud my mother says she is of me, I'll always feel like I've failed.

I have a decent job, a house, vehicle, I'm in school, I have no criminal record, when I look in the mirror, I think I look good enough, but maybe women don't think so. Women that are already taken seem to notice, probably because a lot of them have settled in life.

I don't have a great deal of time, but I make time. As far as this site, there's no point in me even writing anyone, because they don't respond. The ones who seem to make the first move with me, I'm not attracted to. So, my options are to force myself to be attracted to someone I am not, or just stop trying.

It is difficult for me to think about, so I just stay busy, and it only seems to catch up to me sometimes.


I don't see this as a suggestion for you to give up. After reading your posts, its pretty clear you are "stuck" at this stage. Lemme see if I can rephrase what I think IgorFrankensteen is saying here: You are the only person who can change your world and the way it is ... or isn't. You, and only you, control the happiness and contentment in your life. Yeah, okay... the "complaining to anyone" tag did resemble a dagger... or, at least a pocket knife Complaining & venting is part of the process of moving on... it helps get things outa your system. At some point, however... well... at the very least ... its counter-productive. There's an excuse for everything and anything. Nothing is impossible. Yes. Accept it. Be honest with yourself. Only you have the power. Don't dwell. DO something! Make time. Baby steps, as they say. Somehow. Yes. You do deserve more.


I guess I have too much to get out of my system then. Like another poster said, I can be comfortable, but being happy is entirely different. Until it changes, I'll be stuck at this stage. I've done what I could to change it. I cannot control what women want. Half the time, they don't seem to know what they want.


BTW: Plan your own retirement.


Retiring is for the rich, I'll probably have to work and go to school for the rest of my life.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 48
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:10:44 PM

I think I look good enough, but maybe women don't think so. Women that are already taken seem to notice, probably because a lot of them have settled in life.

I don't have a great deal of time, but I make time. As far as this site, there's no point in me even writing anyone, because they don't respond. The ones who seem to make the first move with me, I'm not attracted to. So, my options are to force myself to be attracted to someone I am not, or just stop trying.


Dude. You are not an ugly looking guy. I've seen guys like you surrounded by babes, or if anything what I call that natural good looking type of girl.

However, you do have huge issues. For starters, you're too negative. Everything about you is negative. You also look upon women in a negative way. Women see that right away and run for the hills. Also your profile sounds like a list of items. YOu need to tell a story about you, why it would be so cool to hang out with you. YOu don't. When you give up, you are done. End of story for you.

When you get rejection, you should use it to learn. Not to dig a deeper hole. You seem to be digging a bigger hole, so you do not have to feel. Also, I think you're way to picky. Accept women for what they are. If they have a kid, accept it, see if you get along. If they smoke, have tattoos, whatever... see if they are things that you are okay with. Draw a lost of your deal breakers, and what areas you would bend. Then go talk to women. Send emails, allow yourself to be rejected. And learn.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 49
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:34:04 PM
Dominic Deville- Rethink your mindset.
Other people can't make you happy, happiness comes from within.
I am single and I am happy because I CHOOSE to be.
I'm not waiting for someone else to make me happy. I am hoping to find someone else who is also happy and we can SHARE our happiness.
When you think that way, you can be happy single or as a couple.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 50
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/27/2012 9:16:35 PM
After getting out of an 8 year relationship at the age of 43 I thought it would be relatively easy to try internet dating and be right back into the swing of things..after all..look at the thousands of profiles available!

Two years later, I have completely stopped dating. Not only was my online experience a disaster (an overabundance of red flag/deal breaker stuff going on), and in real life, very sparse pickins. So I decided to get proactive and stop asking myself "what is wrong with me? "How come I dont have a boyfriend, I'm a really cool person"..or "why doesnt he like me the way I like him?" I got proactive and deleted all of my accounts, and stopped going to singles events. I have slowly adjusted my life to a place of understanding that, for the time being..maybe or maybe not forever..I am going to be alone for quite some time.

I literally just got to this place where it just did not matter anymore. Nothing worked out, no matter how much I smiled, accommodated, tried, no matter how curious and interested I was, how many great conversations I had, no matter how many laughs and creative exchanges I had with men..one of two things would happen. They either wanted to get laid the first night and if they didnt they were gone, or, I liked the guy and he wanted me as a friend only.

So, I got strong, severed ties with the ones who had "friendzoned" me and unplugged from the dating world. I just ended it, quietly but with commitment to just stop trying. I think Igor is on to something when he said something about when you just dont care, you dont have that "nervous vibe" to you.

I genuinely do not care anymore..and I did...a couple years ago...I was very much into meeting new people which was starting to turn me into a basketcase with all the players, herpes, vanishing acts, guys who just wanted me as a buddy and those who wanted to get laid the first night we met..it was starting to really screw with my self esteem.

I recommend baggaereclaim.com. It's a real thump in the head about not settling. And it makes me feel OK about being alone. Hey, i saved myself from STD's by declining several people, and now I am saving my heart.

It's OK to be alone for a while. You've got alot on your plate. This is a phase. Relax, alot of us have been alone for years. You aren't the only one, and it's OK. You never know what might happen tomorrow..love and life is so unpredictable, we can only guess what the universe has in store for us.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 51
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/28/2012 3:01:24 AM
As far as what I write in my profile, it is called humor. No matter what I write on my profile, someone else will tell me to write something different. I can't please everyone, so sometimes I have to do what I like. Before people told me it was too negative. Other people told me it was this, it was that, and so on. I've went every route with my profile, it doesn't seem to make a damn bit of difference.

When I feel I've failed, I cannot pretend to be happy. I'd say I am comfortable at best. Yeah, I seen uglier dudes than me get a lot of women, I see it all of the time. Anything I have said or done to make me come off negative is a direct reflection of my experience. Maybe a positive experience would make me more positive. I cannot pretend like it is all good when it is not. I cannot be completely happy when there's a missing piece. A piece that has somehow been made unattainable by fate, or some other unforeseen force. What ever is causing this is out of my reach.

When women say dumb shit on their profile like "read my profile before writing"; "white guys only"; "black guys only"; "it won't work if you are under 6 foot tall"; "I'm not here for hook-ups" (even though they are); and so on, how exactly am I supposed to perceive them?

If I had no preferences at all myself, maybe I'd meet someone. However, lowering my standards solves nothing either. At this rate, I'll likely reach my 40's and never procreate. Maybe that isn't a big deal to a lot of people, but to me I'll feel that I've failed in life. I suppose all I can do is just stick to the things I am good at, and do my best to make my success outweigh the failure. With that said, I won't have failed as a human being over all, I'll be successful, I'll be comfortable, but I won't be happy, no matter how much I try to convince myself that I am.
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