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 AUTHOR
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 54
Life without love/RelationshipsPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
As far as what I write in my profile, it is called humor. No matter what I write on my profile, someone else will tell me to write something different. I can't please everyone, so sometimes I have to do what I like. Before people told me it was too negative. Other people told me it was this, it was that, and so on. I've went every route with my profile, it doesn't seem to make a damn bit of difference.

When I feel I've failed, I cannot pretend to be happy. I'd say I am comfortable at best. Yeah, I seen uglier dudes than me get a lot of women, I see it all of the time. Anything I have said or done to make me come off negative is a direct reflection of my experience. Maybe a positive experience would make me more positive. I cannot pretend like it is all good when it is not. I cannot be completely happy when there's a missing piece. A piece that has somehow been made unattainable by fate, or some other unforeseen force. What ever is causing this is out of my reach.

When women say dumb shit on their profile like "read my profile before writing"; "white guys only"; "black guys only"; "it won't work if you are under 6 foot tall"; "I'm not here for hook-ups" (even though they are); and so on, how exactly am I supposed to perceive them?

If I had no preferences at all myself, maybe I'd meet someone. However, lowering my standards solves nothing either. At this rate, I'll likely reach my 40's and never procreate. Maybe that isn't a big deal to a lot of people, but to me I'll feel that I've failed in life. I suppose all I can do is just stick to the things I am good at, and do my best to make my success outweigh the failure. With that said, I won't have failed as a human being over all, I'll be successful, I'll be comfortable, but I won't be happy, no matter how much I try to convince myself that I am.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 55
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/28/2012 7:13:33 AM

Maybe a positive experience would make me more positive. I cannot pretend like it is all good when it is not. I cannot be completely happy when there's a missing piece. A piece that has somehow been made unattainable by fate, or some other unforeseen force. What ever is causing this is out of my reach.


Perception is reality. You may think is humor, but to others reading it, is very negative. If you like it, you think is cool, stick to it. But do does everyone that reads it and decides not to connect.

Dude, you need a paradigm shift in your reality. There's a video you need to watch called "The Secret". And it's all about the law of attraction. And it simply states that what "YOU THINK, YOU ATTRACT". And noticed that I said "think" not what you are.

You need to watch this video.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 56
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:13:57 AM

Sorry, OP, but after five months and six pages, even if you did manage to procreate you know you still wouldn’t be happy….there’s always another unattainable goal to obsess over, right?

You sound very bitter, angry, and hateful toward women (which I’m sure you will deny)….on top of your general negative attitude. No woman is gonna lower HER standards and agree to procreate with a miserable man. You should see a doctor of some kind, and not even think about involving another person in your misery until and unless you get a grip. No one is gonna save you; you gotta save yourself.



I'm not wanting to procreate just to be happy. I want to do it to please my mother. I guess it is her own fault for just having me, and I've told her that. At the same time, she worked two jobs to support me as a child, one to pay the bills, the other to pay the babysitter, so I feel I owe her something in return. The only unattainable goal I've ever really had in my life was finding love. I'd only want to procreate on the condition that I'm not single parent. That's more of a gamble, and not so much a guarantee. As far as doctors go, I live in the US, where healthcare is a privilege, not a right. Perhaps when you say that I need to see a doctor, you mean that I need to date a doctor? That's the only logical explanation I can think of from your response.

What people perceive as negative, I perceive as reality. No doctor in the world can undo the forces that made me the way I am and put me in the position that I am in. You have way too much faith in doctors apparently. You probably trust cops and politicians too. Maybe I need to be more like you and trust everyone who presents themselves as an authority figure and then I'll be happy like the rest of you.


You sound very bitter, angry, and hateful toward women (which I’m sure you will deny)….on top of your general negative attitude. No woman is gonna lower HER standards and agree to procreate with a miserable man.


I have a home, vehicle, no criminal record, and probably an 8 out of 10 on my worst day. If a woman has to lower her standards for me, chances are she is worse off than I am, and I would in fact be the one who has to lower their standards. Oh, wait! She only dates doctors too, never mind.

For anyone who cannot handle humor, that's on you. Obviously, you are also on this very same dating site for a reason.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 57
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:16:25 AM

What people perceive as negative, I perceive as reality. No doctor in the world can undo the forces that made me the way I am and put me in the position that I am in.


You have nailed yourself to your own unconscious mind. And because you are not willing to change, to dare explore a different path, you never will. If you want something different in your life, such as romantic love first and foremost YOU have to do something different.

No doctor is going to get you to think different.
No guru, priest, therapist, pastor, mentor will be able to help you.

Until you decide to help yourself.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 58
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 12:45:05 PM

I have friends who have been single longer than a decade=much longer that claim they want to marry
biggest mistake I see is not meeting enough people

also OP your profile is awfull...very much so...
also get better pics---if I was selling house or car online I would get a pro pic--fix everyting up
get nicer looking clothes and a great pic

my last pic on this website I had posted for three months did not get any mail hardly
this pic or similar pro pics I get mail =-lots of it everyday===pics matter-so few people realize this
I see people complaining about online dating and they have shadowy dark awfull looking pics

show up in person to more stuff/go to church or find one with a large singles group
church singles groups are where tons of people show up specifically to get married-
as in it is typically not as much a pick up joint as a bar or other venue

and yea pursue hobbies that keep your life enjoyable-you emit a better vibe that way

the profile you have now emits a very negative vibe
maybe as an experiement have a female friend redo all yoour pics including picking out outfits
and write your paragraph -I"ll bet things turn out better with that idea


I'm not exactly the Dos Equis man, I get it. I think the clothes I am wearing in my pics are fine. Are you with the fashion police or something? I'm not going to be wearing a suit everyday. Church? I'm not religious. Meeting people would be the only reason for me to go.

As far as a female friend redoing my profile, it would depend on the female friend. Actually, I'm embarrassed to admit to people that I even try to use this. It doesn't even work, it's like I am a glutton for punishment. It does keep my ego in check and keep me from getting too big-headed, so it serves that purpose.

As far as attracting women, I attract ones that I'm not attracted to, while the ones I am attracted to are not interested. I don't plan on settling for someone I'm not attracted to. However, there isn't much out there for me to meet anyone. I dislike clubs and church. I'd rather be at work or at school. Most of the profiles I come across on here emit negative vibes, at least in my area. Moving is out of the question.


lmao. There needs to be an IQ and society useful test humans have to pass before they procreate.


I agree, and I assure you that my IQ is higher than your cholesterol.



WTF. No. That is one of THE top worst reasons to have a kid! It's right up there with 'having someone to look after me when I get old'.

Have kids because you love kids, not for someone else, and not to treat them as a future dependency plan..


That is true, I should be doing it more me more than someone else. However, everything in life isn't about me. I pretty much live to help and please others. Another reason I'd have them is because I hated my own childhood, and I'd do everything I could to make theirs better than what mine was. As far as worse reasons to have them, most of the people I know have them because they dislike condoms. Maybe another reason is that I need to do it to prove something to myself. I want stability, something that I never had. At the same time, what's so bad about a person wanting to please their mother? If that makes me some kind of idiot, then you justify my point when I say negativity is reality.



Wow. If I was your mother and you said that to me, I’d slap the piss out of you.
Buy her a condo or something instead.


My mom has a house with my step father. No need for a condo. My mom knows I am right. If she had another child, she'd have had more chances to have grandchildren. She has me, with my irreversible emotional scars that have socially handicapped me. I've taken steps to overcome this handicap, but it goes by unappreciated or unnoticed.


Yes, that’s perfectly logical. Date a doctor.

And it’s much more logical to post the same “I give up, boo hoo,” stuff for five months on a dating site forum rather than go talk to someone who could maybe actually help you. Are you waiting for some desperate woman to take pity on you and offer to carry a child for you… I mean, your mother?


The doctor's idea of helping a person is by drugging them. I've gotten help before, it's made me worse. Now, I will repeat myself, maybe you missed this part. As far as doctors go, I live in the US, where healthcare is a privilege, not a right. Perhaps when you say that I need to see a doctor, you mean that I need to date a doctor? That's the only logical explanation I can think of from your response.



Well, hell…..obnoxious is better than ball-less and melodramatic. At least you don’t sound like Scarlet O’Hara anymore.


I'm no more obnoxious than anyone else here. When people act condescending towards me, don't expect kindness in return. Yes, negativity is reality. It's all around us. If I need a doctor, then so does society.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 59
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 1:43:53 PM

Wanting to please your parents tends to be a natural state, but what you do in order to please them should have a line drawn when it affects other people. Would you go out and kick someone in the face if you thought it would please your mother? No, because it would hurt an innocent third party.

Which is why having kids solely for someone else's benefit, is a bad bad thing.


That makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, people do things that are the equivalent to kicking someone in the face to please their parents. Most racists, homophobes, etc. are the way that they are to please their parents.

I had a lot of negative role models growing up. I know exactly what not to do if I were to father a child. I could be in a coma and do better than my dad. My mom had to be mom and dad. I never wanted to be a single parent because of what my mother went through. I want to find love, and then have a kid. I want the mother of my child to be my soul mate. People tell me that isn't real, yet they have the ****king audacity to say that my perception of reality is negative. Apparently theirs is too, because that type of thing does still happen. So, if those are the conditions that I need to have in order to have a child, and make my mother a grandmother.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 60
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:35:38 PM
Some people are happiest being emotional masochists, they enjoy the attention.

Does it ever stop for them, don't know.
 whitedodge99
Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 61
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:55:52 PM
its really ****ed up how some women on here dont respond to really nice guts like me
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 62
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:20:27 AM

I think your sights are set too high, I bet you are chasin the hot women and the less then hot you ignore, Im curious on why you wont give those women the time of day but expects the hot women to lap you up?


As far as looks, all I ask is that they are prettier than me. That shouldn't be so hard. Similar hobbies, political views, taste in movies, music, foot, etc. are all factors as well. Not to mention, to have ambition to succeed.

Yeah, I'm not aiming too high at all. As far as karma, if anything, I am entitled to good karma. I've already been through enough bullshit. I've done a lot of good and got stepped on. Settling in life doesn't make people happy. I don't even know you, so why do you insult me like this? I'd never tell any of you to lower your standards. That's just ****ed up and out of line.



you do need to get hobbies and throw yourself into them so you seem happy with your life as well
and yes your profile is very mediocre---do better--redo everything
if you were selling your car you would clean it and fix it right???


I have thrown myself into my hobbies. I go shooting every weekend, and i meet more women that are either into guns, or want to try them. My profile is the best profile ever on POF. No need to change that. We can agree to disagree, that's fine.


do you really have nice guts? anyways I know what you mean but I have to ask , do you respond to every nice woman on here even if shes overweight or not attractive?


I actually do respond to them. Even if I know it won't go any further, I treat them the way they treat me. There is no nice way to reject anyone, and some people ignore because they feel talking to them is leading them on. I admit, I often take being ignored as a personal attack. I know I shouldn't, but it is how I feel. I take my time to read their profile, talk about something we may have in common, and put some thought into my words, and I get ignored. You can say how messed up I am for that, but no one made them ignore me. Others have flat out told me that they are not interested in me because I am under 6 foot. So, in conclusion, since you want to be an advocate for the ones we might perceive as undesirable, it does work both ways. According to theses women's profiles, karma got them, because most of them have a far more negative attitude than I do.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 63
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/31/2012 8:11:57 AM

As far as looks, all I ask is that they are prettier than me. That shouldn't be so hard.


That IS asking too much. You should be aiming for women roughly your equal in terms of physical attractiveness---otherwise, you will most likely continue to be ignored.


I admit, I often take being ignored as a personal attack.


That is absurd. Just because you are not someone's type, it doesn't mean they are attacking you. I prefer apples over oranges and will only buy apples. It doesn't mean I am attacking oranges.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 64
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:11:14 PM
women like chocolate
keep a candy bar in your shirt pocket...


Good idea, except for in the summer.


That IS asking too much. You should be aiming for women roughly your equal in terms of physical attractiveness---otherwise, you will most likely continue to be ignored.


Equal attractiveness to me is pretty good looking, I say prettier than me because they are a woman, they are supposed to be pretty.


That is absurd. Just because you are not someone's type, it doesn't mean they are attacking you. I prefer apples over oranges and will only buy apples. It doesn't mean I am attacking oranges.


I didn't say not being someone's type was attacking me. I said being ignored was a personal attack.


I agree w/ Halcyon...and if you feel like you want "better" then you should work on yourself- like attracts like...


I already do. Thanks for sharing.



I am entitled



….the real topic of this thread.


So be it. I know that I am deserving of what I ask for.


Some people are happiest being emotional masochists, they enjoy the attention.

Does it ever stop for them, don't know.


If this website worked for me, I wouldn't still be here talking about this. I've done my part over and over. All people tell me is to lower my standards and/or seek counseling. I've done both, neither has worked. That is why I am on an online dating site in the first place.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 65
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:57:18 PM
Equal attractiveness to me is pretty good looking, I say prettier than me because they are a woman, they are supposed to be pretty.


Equal attractiveness for you is average---and most likely petite, i.e. under 5' 4".


I didn't say not being someone's type was attacking me. I said being ignored was a personal attack.


No response IS a response---it means she is not interested, i.e. she doesn't think you're her type.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 66
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 12:42:04 PM

Equal attractiveness for you is average---and most likely petite, i.e. under 5' 4".


You are entitled to your opinion. Coming from you, it is actually a compliment. So, I'll return the compliment and say you are pretty average yourself :-)

Typically, heavier, below average ones are attracted to me. I'm sure they have their inner beauty, but I am allowed to have preferences like everyone else.


Also, there is nothing wrong with being single and not having children. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Children require a lot of work and effort. However, it is a GREAT thing to be able to feel love. Children are very easy to love.

If you don't really want to be in a relationship: maybe get a cat, take up golf, and hang out with friends.


I have a cat already. I don't golf, but me and my friends go shooting a lot. There is something wrong with me being single and not having kids, because I don't choose that. If I had a choice, I would be married and have children.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 67
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 3:53:57 PM


We all have what we are attracted to... But if you go off of photos posted on an online profile alone you are going to be alone quite a while. Some people do not photograph well. Some of us put up not so flattering photos of ourselves because we are looking for the real thing. I am actually 15-20 lbs lighter than my current photo on here. I contacted my boyfriend over one small comment on his profile "Looks fade.. personality is forever".


I'm not talking 20-30 lbs, I'm talking almost twice my weight. Personality isn't forever either. Obviously people change, that's why divorce rates are so high.


I know I am average.. I am good with that. I have had no trouble getting dates when I am looking. But then again I am not hung up on the superficial.


Well, I admire that. Most people are hung up on the superficial, and many of them still find love.


There is nothing wrong with being childless.


There is nothing wrong with it if you choose it. Many people who reach their 40's and 50's look back with regret, I see it often. If I was going to go through life saying I'm childless because I don't want kids, I'd be kidding myself. I am childless because I cannot find someone to carry my child. I have to find comfort in that, no matter how unpleasant it feels.


My last son almost died and I almost died in childbirth.


I almost died at birth myself.


Would he have liked to have his own. I offered to bow out if that is something he wanted. It would most likely kill me if I had another and he would rather have me. He says if I decide to keep him forever then he will just love my kids as of they were his own.


I respect that, you've both shown unconditional love.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 68
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:01:04 PM
First off, it's not the site working for you, it's you learning how to USE the site I won't go into profile stuff, but your profile does give off an unattractive mindset/attitude. That's just one aspect of using the site, but an important one. Part of being successful is learning about the tool (the site and it's features) that you're using. Anything involves a time investment, there are no "instant" successes. But you have to spend your time wisely, to keep doing the same thing the same way expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. (Not the exact quote.... but close).

Most find someone THEY are interested in and shoot off an intro, whereas most of the time that person may have not a whit of interest in them. This is the reason for all the whining about emails. You have to develop some sense of what type of ladies MAY be interested in you, those are the only ones you should contact. How to do that you have to figure out for yourself, just like the rest of us. I can tell you with certainty that if you treat this like an online shopping catalog for women YOU want, your time would be better spent doing most anything else.

You've already indicated that you're only contacting ladies who are "better" in at least one area, that is a HUGE red flag. Why would a woman more attractive be interested in you, that's what you have to answer for yourself. Sure you can PREFER whatever you want, but you can also continue to NOT get dates.

For the most part, this is something you have to figure out for yourself, just like the rest of us.

If you're not happy when you're not in a relationship, you won't be happy when you're in one. (no extra charge.......haha)
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 69
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:24:35 PM
First off, it's not the site working for you, it's you learning how to USE the site I won't go into profile stuff, but your profile does give off an unattractive mindset/attitude. That's just one aspect of using the site, but an important one. Part of being successful is learning about the tool (the site and it's features) that you're using. Anything involves a time investment, there are no "instant" successes. But you have to spend your time wisely, to keep doing the same thing the same way expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. (Not the exact quote.... but close).


I've made several changes to my profile over the past year and a half, but it doesn't seem to matter.


Most find someone THEY are interested in and shoot off an intro, whereas most of the time that person may have not a whit of interest in them. This is the reason for all the whining about emails. You have to develop some sense of what type of ladies MAY be interested in you, those are the only ones you should contact. How to do that you have to figure out for yourself, just like the rest of us.


When I fit the description of what they claim they are looking for and still get no response, than there is no figuring out. There are no set standards or rules. I could go curse some chick out on an email on a whim and she could fall in love with me. Whereas I could respond to every detail of a woman's profile, demonstrate common interests, and be labeled a creep and not get a response. If it was as cut and dry as you are trying to say it is, I wouldn't be here now. I'd have someone and this conversation wouldn't be taking place.


I can tell you with certainty that if you treat this like an online shopping catalog for women YOU want, your time would be better spent doing most anything else.


I could re-word this and tell this to every woman on this site who has ever rejected me for my height, but I bet it wouldn't fly with them. They would tell me the same thing that I tell all of you on here.


You've already indicated that you're only contacting ladies who are "better" in at least one area, that is a HUGE red flag. Why would a woman more attractive be interested in you, that's what you have to answer for yourself. Sure you can PREFER whatever you want, but you can also continue to NOT get dates.


I've not indicated that I wanted someone better than me. I said that a woman would have to be prettier than me. Maybe you took it different, but in all actuality, it could also mean that I don't want her to look like a man. I don't want her to be bigger than me, (I could deal with taller than me), have facial hair, etc. They actually have to catch my eye. Why date someone you don't prefer? I'd rather not have to think about someone else during sex, that is a form of cheating.


For the most part, this is something you have to figure out for yourself, just like the rest of us.


There is nothing to figure out. I have no control over what might or might not happen.


If you're not happy when you're not in a relationship, you won't be happy when you're in one. (no extra charge.......haha)


Maybe I should charge a dollar for every time a person comes on here and tells me that. I'd have so much money, I could buy love.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 70
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:27:31 PM
Well you seem to have answer for everything that's negative. If you ask for help/advice, and then shoot it all down, you're back where you started. All alone ON your own.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 71
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:29:58 PM

Well you seem to have answer for everything that's negative. If you ask for help/advice, and then shoot it all down, you're back where you started. All alone ON your own.


I didn't ask for help or advice. My answers are not all negative, they are honest. If my honesty is why I am alone, I'm okay with that.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 72
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:41:26 PM

You have an excuse for everything.

Women don’t want men who think, act, and live like victims.

Women want strong men.


I am strong in the sense that I succeed in life despite this handicap. What you are calling excuses are legitimate explanations. If I was weak, I'd settle for one of the ones I don't want, and pretend to be happy. I am strong in the sense that I stick to my principles. If I act like a victim, it is because I am. So yeah, you are right about that, but there is nothing I can do about it that I haven't already done. As far as the items in my profile that a person may perceive as negative, MAYBE THE SHOE FITS!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 73
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 5:25:01 PM
The heading on your profile is terrible, you need to change it! It gives me the impression that you are extremely negative & bitter. No one wants to date someone with a bad attitude! Change it to something positive, anything is better than that! It would be helpful to delete the pic of you eating, & add a few more pics of you.
There is someone for everyone, don't give up hope. You work so any hours, how do you have any time to get out & meet a nice lady when you're working all the time?
Dating a smoker when you don't smoke is major. I couldn't do it. Years ago a smoker tried to kiss me & I gagged, it was awful, & the cigarette smoke smell was coming out of his pores, was on his clothes, I couldn't date him. Don't compromise on something major like that.
I like being alone sometimes, it's better than being in a bad or abusive relationship.
Give yourself more time & don't give up yet. Sometimes it takes years, I've been single for years too.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 74
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 5:27:22 PM

Equal attractiveness for you is average---and most likely petite, i.e. under 5' 4".


You are entitled to your opinion. Coming from you, it is actually a compliment. So, I'll return the compliment and say you are pretty average yourself :-)

Typically, heavier, below average ones are attracted to me. I'm sure they have their inner beauty, but I am allowed to have preferences like everyone else.


I didn't start a thread complaining about being alone, so my appearance is irrelevant. For the record, I am 53 years old, middle-aged, and do consider myself to be pretty average---my partner is pretty average, as well.

My point is that we were both realistic enough to search for mates within our own league. You should try it sometime---you might be pleasantly surprised. I'm not saying you should date women that are obese, but a woman carrying a few extra pounds would not be an unrealistic goal to aim for.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 75
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/1/2012 5:48:17 PM
I didn't start a thread complaining about being alone, so my appearance is irrelevant. For the record, I am 53 years old, middle-aged, and do consider myself to be pretty average---my partner is pretty average, as well.


You seem a little defensive here. I know how old you are, I looked at your profile. I'll admit that you are better looking than a lot of 23 year-olds. Is your partner okay with you thinking he is average, or are you trying to downplay your mild insult towards me? If you are repulsed by me and find me unattractive, go ahead and say it now. It is too late for me to withdraw my compliment. Go ahead and kick me while you perceive me to be down.


My point is that we were both realistic enough to search for mates within our own league. You should try it sometime---you might be pleasantly surprised. I'm not saying you should date women that are obese, but a woman carrying a few extra pounds would not be an unrealistic goal to aim for.


I typically go for women who have some curves. I do search within my league. I'm heterosexual and I look for women. You sound more superficial than I do with your talk of leagues. We are not playing baseball here.


The heading on your profile is terrible, you need to change it! It gives me the impression that you are extremely negative & bitter. No one wants to date someone with a bad attitude! Change it to something positive, anything is better than that! It would be helpful to delete the pic of you eating, & add a few more pics of you.
There is someone for everyone, don't give up hope. You work so any hours, how do you have any time to get out & meet a nice lady when you're working all the time?
Dating a smoker when you don't smoke is major. I couldn't do it. Years ago a smoker tried to kiss me & I gagged, it was awful, & the cigarette smoke smell was coming out of his pores, was on his clothes, I couldn't date him. Don't compromise on something major like that.
I like being alone sometimes, it's better than being in a bad or abusive relationship.
Give yourself more time & don't give up yet. Sometimes it takes years, I've been single for years too.


I agree with almost everything you said. To all of my nay-sayers who think everything I say is negative, this isn't negative. This young lady has brought up some good points. That doesn't mean I won't answer though.

As far as my work schedule, what woman wants to date someone who is unemployed or under employed? I do have weekends off, so it would be realistic for me to have a relationship. Furthermore, a lot of potential partners work at the same job.

I think the pic of me eating is awesome, but perhaps it isn't appropriate for a a dating site. The negative headline does need to change, but when I've had up more positive ones, I've yielded similar, if not identical results. I have a lot of pics, but most of them are with other people in them, and I don't think those are good for dating sites either. I suppose I could work on that when I get around to it, but again, when I did have more pics of myself up, I've yielded the same results.

No, I'd rather not date a smoker, thanks for bringing that up. If my profile reflects differently, I'll change it right now.

*update: I took your advice.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 76
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/2/2012 6:58:35 PM
You seem a little defensive here. I know how old you are, I looked at your profile. I'll admit that you are better looking than a lot of 23 year-olds. Is your partner okay with you thinking he is average, or are you trying to downplay your mild insult towards me? If you are repulsed by me and find me unattractive, go ahead and say it now. It is too late for me to withdraw my compliment. Go ahead and kick me while you perceive me to be down.


You're projecting your own defensiveness onto me when it's clearly you who is the defensive one here. I don't care if I'm average---and my partner doesn't care if he's average. The truth is that the majority of the population is average-looking.

As long as my mate and I make the most out of what we have by keeping ourselves fit and healthy, we are fine with our middle-aged looks---and we are both realistic enough not to chase after people out of our league. You need to learn to do the same.


I typically go for women who have some curves. I do search within my league. I'm heterosexual and I look for women. You sound more superficial than I do with your talk of leagues. We are not playing baseball here.


Leagues do exist---whether people will admit to them or not. There is nothing superficial about it. The other points made about your negativity have already been touched upon by other posters. I decided to focus on appearance, because I think it's where many of your difficulties lie.

All women have some curves, regardless of their weight, yet you judged heavier women negatively--even though you're not exactly thin, yourself. You should be realistic about your own body type and not dismiss these women so readily.

By the way, "superficial" is nothing more than a label you conveniently slap onto other people when you know you don't possess the qualities they're seeking in a mate, e.g. tall, dark, and handsome. If you're not any of those things, the other person must be "superficial" for having those preferences. Calling other people "superficial" is just a defense mechanism you put up to make yourself feel superior.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 77
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:50:09 PM

You're projecting your own defensiveness onto me when it's clearly you who is the defensive one here.


You threw the first stone. You came to me with your insults, and you continue to do so. I'm not thin, but I'm not obese either. I can see my junk, my toes, etc. I don't have an anorexic standard of beauty. Apparently all women don't have curves either. I probably wouldn't call people superficial if they were not superficial.


If you really WANT to be married and have children and you don't feel this way because of subtle pressure from your friends and relatives, I have faith that you will be married and have children especially when you put your mind to it. It's a like taking classes. When you put your mind to your studies, don't you usually get good grades? Good results come about from good effort and knowing your subject matter well. Plus, I honestly believe there are a lot of women who would like to get married and have children. Once you get your confidence up, you will probably have your pick of women.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with temporarily settling for someone who isn't Mr. or Ms. Right (maybe someone who has children and at least has a good heart ) as long as you are upfront and honest about your intentions. You can learn valuable relationship skills from a temporary relationship. Also, since you are expecting someone who is prettier than you to settle for you, even if you meet Ms. Right, it will be hard to believe that this person actually loves you if you haven't experienced yourself being able to love and care for someone who is a tad bit lesser attractive than you. That's Karma. You will always wonder what's wrong with her and why she's settling - instead of realizing that some people are just MORE capable of loving than others. And... if you are lacking relationship skills, Ms. Right probably won't stick around very long.

So, why throw in the towel if that's not what you really want to do. Get your head on straight. Know your value and what you have to offer others. Get some relationship experience. And, spend more time around children - especially if you see your future as being married and having children.


You are a lot more kind than a lot of people on this site. I have spent my share of time around children, we've taken my friend's nephew to the shooting range with us, he's like 11 or 12, and I had a .22 that I let him use. He had a blast.

My friend's daughter is warming up more to me. She is 1 and a half and still cries a lot, but when I do the "Croc-Hunter voice" to her, she mellows out.

As far as temporary relationships, that sounds too much like using someone. I've kinda done that in the past and didn't feel so good about it.

There is someone I've been talking to, and I didn't base my attraction on looks alone. We are both Capricorns, Italian, and own Siamese cats. She's a year younger than me. I'd say we are in about the same shape physically. I'm a bit taller than her, so maybe to all of you hardcore league supporters, she'd be in my league. She does have kids though, and we work opposite shifts. I'll see what happens. She seems like a good catch so far.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 78
Life without love/Relationships
Posted: 9/4/2012 9:17:15 AM

photos posted on an online profile alone you are going to be alone quite a while. Some people do not photograph well. Some of us put up not so flattering photos of ourselves because we are looking for the real thing. I am actually 15-20 lbs lighter than my current photo on here. I contacted my boyfriend over one small comment on his profile "Looks fade.. personality is forever".


Interesting, I thought of that, but I am too insecure to want to try that.

But even if looks don't fade much, meaning some will always look better than average for their age, looks don't matter so much in a long term relationship because we grow to love the person and are no longer aware of their looks.

Far more important than looks is one's attitude. But I believe one's personality will influence how you appear. Surely weight is obviously controlled by your personality absent medical conditions, but facial expressions and laugh lines are also created by your personality.

I agree with others about their being leagues, however they are a lot broader than most think. Meaning near the top or bottom of a league there is quite a range that one can date in. And to me appearance is only one small part of there different leagues.

Many regret things in their past, but hindsight is a terrible way to judge things, because if they had done things differently they have no idea the ramifications of that and how maybe there life would now be far worse.


If I was going to go through life saying I'm childless because I don't want kids, I'd be kidding myself. I am childless because I cannot find someone to carry my child.


IMO one should never date with the goal of having a marriage, or as the OP puts in, someone to carry my baby, which I would find to be a repugnant way to think. MY baby, denotes ownership, CARRY as this is her only purpose in the relationship?

The market is like this also, those who feel like they need to make money usually lose, because they focus too much on a possible gain while losing site of the downside, then when a small lose does show up, they panic because their only goal was to make money, they have no belief in the situation.

I only date because someone is fun and interesting to be with, we can have a good time and do interesting exciting things. If something long term comes of that, I wouldn't fight it, but if noting comes of if I had a great time on the ride, and would look forward to the next one. And truth be told, I often like being by myself for long periods of time.
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